Solitary Toss of Tenderness

I don’t love you anymore, please let me go

On Wednesday, Jiang Wang unexpectedly applied for leave on Friday at the hospital, which astonished all of her colleagues. In their eyes, Jiang Wang was like a workaholic, a female Superman. During her years at the hospital, she had never taken a day off or left early. If any colleague needed to switch shifts occasionally, they could count on Jiang Wang without any problem. She seemed like someone who had no life outside of work.

During their off-duty time, some nurses who had been working together for years couldn’t help but gossip. Seizing the opportunity while Jiang Wang was taking a lunch break in her office, one of the nurses pretended not to care and asked, “Dr. Jiang, are you not feeling well? You’re taking leave on Friday? Or is it…?”

Jiang Wang had little appetite, but she quickly had a few bites of her boxed lunch and was about to tidy up to take it outside. Upon hearing the question, her hand paused for a moment, and she slightly narrowed her eyes, remaining silent for a while.

The nurse could only see her long eyelashes, like small fans, covering her eyes, concealing any emotions she might be showing. Her face remained calm and without ripples. Seeing her silent response for a long time, the nurse couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy, thinking that she might have been too nosy and asked something she shouldn’t have. While hesitating whether to give herself a way out, Jiang Wang exhaled lightly, stood up, and as she walked out, she casually replied to the nurse, “No, it’s probably more like going on a date.”

She gradually walked out of the office, getting farther away, and her voice was too soft, so the nurse couldn’t hear clearly what she said last, almost like murmuring to herself, “For the last time…”

The nurse’s hand trembled as she held the boxed lunch, nearly choking on her own saliva. It was as if she had heard some earth-shattering news! In that moment, she couldn’t eat anymore and hurriedly ran to other offices while carrying the lunch box.

So, for the rest of the afternoon, the hospital was abuzz with the news that the hospital’s first “cold beauty” had found her significant other.

The next day, as soon as Jiang Wang arrived at work, she inexplicably received numerous resentful and puzzled looks from male doctors. At the same time, everyone keenly noticed the appearance of a simple, unassuming platinum ring on Jiang Wang’s ring finger.

On Thursday night, after finishing her surgery and getting off work, it was already past 8 pm. Jiang Wang washed her hands and stood in silence by the window beside the washbasin. She gazed up at the same night sky that she and Xu Baihan had once watched side by side more than ten years ago, filled with stars. Gently, she touched the window frame with her hand. After a long while, she seemed to have made up her mind. She reached for her phone on the office desk, unlocked the screen, and pressed the familiar number one key at a time.

Xu Baihan didn’t keep Jiang Wang waiting for long. The call was quickly answered, and from the other end, Xu Baihan’s voice, filled with pleasantly surprised tenderness, called out, “Yun Bo?”

Jiang Wang gazed at the distant and serene darkness, softly responding with an “Mhm.” After that, they both fell into silence, neither speaking a word. They could hear each other’s slightly hurried breathing, as if it were clear, right beside their ears, yet distant, as if coming from afar.

After a while, Jiang Wang spoke up to explain her purpose, “Do you have time tomorrow? I’m taking a day off, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to accompany me for a little outing?” She paused for a moment and added with a tinge of melancholy, “It’s been so many years since I arrived in Linzhou, and I still haven’t properly explored this place…”

Xu Baihan was overjoyed a moment ago due to Jiang Wang’s invitation, ready to eagerly accept, but upon hearing Jiang Wang’s last sentence, her heart ached. Unconsciously, she tightened her grip on the wheelchair’s handles. After some hesitation, she mustered the courage to promise Jiang Wang, “Yun Bo, if you’d like, I can accompany you and explore every corner of this city.”

However, from the other end of the phone, all Xu Baihan heard was Jiang Wang’s faint “Hehe,” and she couldn’t discern the meaning behind it – was it mockery, regret, or something else? She could only hold the phone tightly and silently plead with Jiang Wang in her heart, “Yun Bo, please trust me one more time…”

Early the next morning, before dawn, Xu Baihan was already up and unusually nervous as she started to dress up. Xia Xia, the nanny who usually took care of Xu Baihan, teased her while tidying her hair, “Miss, do you have a very important and special date today? You seem quite focused on your appearance…”

Over the years, due to her leg condition and the absence of someone who truly cared for her, Xu Baihan had long stopped paying much attention to her appearance and attire. Usually, she prioritized convenience and comfort. Today, however, she completely deviated from her usual self, trying on outfit after outfit and redoing her makeup multiple times.

When Xia Xia expressed her curiosity, Xu Baihan didn’t provide an answer, but her smile was filled with tenderness. Her slightly blushing face made Xia Xia understand instantly, and she couldn’t help feeling delighted. Speaking cheerfully, she said, “Miss, I will do everything in my power to assist you.”

Xu Baihan playfully glared at Xia Xia through the mirror, a mix of shyness and annoyance in her gaze.

At 9:45 AM, still fifteen minutes away from the agreed-upon time with Jiang Wang, Xu Baihan left the house and sat at the entrance of the Xu family mansion, waiting for Jiang Wang. Xu Baihan was worried, so Xu Baitao also followed her outside, standing by her side.

At 9:55 AM, Jiang Wang arrived at the Xu family mansion five minutes early. Seeing Jiang Wang’s car approaching her slowly, getting closer to her, Xu Baihan’s heart almost jumped out of her chest. Unable to contain herself, she wheeled her chair around and took a few steps outside.

The car came to a steady stop at the entrance. A long, slender leg appeared before Xu Baihan’s eyes, followed by the face that had haunted her dreams—the one and only Jiang Wang. Beautifully sculpted, with delicate features and a captivating aura, she exuded an enchanting charm.

Today, Jiang Wang’s appearance was different from their previous encounters. She wore a pair of black overalls, a simple white shirt with rolled-up sleeves, and black Martin boots. Her posture was elegant, and amidst her beauty, there was a hint of alluring charisma, reminiscent of the person who had captivated Xu Baihan years ago, making it hard for her to take her eyes off.

Jiang Wang approached Xu Baihan, her tightly pursed lips finally showing a trace of a smile when she saw her. Her tone was lively, something Xu Baihan had never heard after their reunion, “You look beautiful today, Baihan…”

In that moment, Xu Baihan felt as if she had heard the sound of her withered heart rejuvenating. She was shocked, delighted, and embarrassed, and a crimson flush spread from her cheeks to the roots of her ears.

Jiang Wang noticed Xu Baitao standing behind Xu Baihan, frowning and glaring at him. She averted her gaze and lowered her head, asking Xu Baihan, “Can we start now?”

Xu Baihan nodded in agreement.

Jiang Wang naturally walked behind Xu Baihan, gently pushing the wheelchair towards the car parked outside. Upon reaching the front of the car, Jiang Wang circled to the front door and opened it. Then, she returned to Xu Baihan, lowered her head, and with a faint smile on her lips, she said, “It’s time to put my years of training to the test.”

Before Xu Baihan could fully comprehend her mesmerizing smile, she felt a gentle lift as Jiang Wang carried her, like a princess, and placed her tenderly in the back seat of the car. Xu Baihan caught a faint, familiar fragrance from Jiang Wang, reminiscent of the delicate scent she had longed for years ago. Even after she had been seated in the car for a while, she still found herself immersed in that long-lost embrace, unable to break free.

After closing the door and folding the wheelchair to put it in the trunk, Jiang Wang finally noticed Xu Baitao, who had been anxiously following them.

The faint smile on her face had disappeared, replaced by a cold and expressionless look. Her voice turned chilly as she informed Xu Baitao, “After today, everything will come to an end.” With that said, she reached for the driver’s door to open it.

Xu Baitao’s heart tightened, and he quickly reached out to stop Jiang Wang’s action, anxiously asking, “What are you trying to do? What do you want to do to my sister?”

Jiang Wang looked at Xu Baitao, her face showing evident mockery. “What can I do? Just fulfilling your wishes,” she coldly retorted, glaring at Xu Baitao.

Xu Baitao’s expression stiffened, and he turned his face away, looking at Xu Baihan inside the car, still with a faint happy smile. His heart gradually grew colder as he grasped Jiang Wang’s hand, feeling his strength fading away. After a while, he whispered, “Then, I entrust her to you.”

Jiang Wang’s thin lips nearly turned into a straight line. She didn’t respond to Xu Baitao, simply pulled open the car door in silence, started the car, and swiftly left in front of Xu Baitao’s eyes, leaving behind a trail of dust.

Inside the car, Xu Baihan finally snapped out of her sweet and joyous trance, becoming somewhat uneasy about Jiang Wang’s sudden change. She couldn’t pay attention to the scenery outside the window, biting her lip lightly and watching Jiang Wang’s handsome figure in front of her, struggling to speak several times but hesitating.

From the car’s interior mirror, Jiang Wang observed Xu Baihan’s various struggles and inner turmoil without missing a single detail. After a while, she tactfully spoke with an unusually gentle tone, “Don’t ask now. The answer will be revealed when today comes to an end.”

Hearing this, Xu Baihan became even more anxious. Her voice carried a hint of nervousness and hesitation as she called out to Jiang Wang, “Yun Bo…”

Jiang Wang smiled faintly, but she changed the subject, saying, “I will plan today’s itinerary. Do you have any objections?” It was the familiar dominance of Jiang Wang that Xu Baihan knew all too well.

Xu Baihan replied with a light smile and a warm voice, “Of course not.”

Eventually, the car pulled into the parking lot of a movie theater. Jiang Wang opened the door and once again bent down to gently lift Xu Baihan in her arms. This time, Xu Baihan finally held Jiang Wang’s slender body tightly in her thundering heart, feeling the real presence and fulfillment in that embrace. In that moment, Xu Baihan nearly shed tears of emotion.

Whispering with a tender and playful tone in Xu Baihan’s ear, Jiang Wang teased, “Baihan, if you don’t let go, I might not be able to hold on…”

In an instant, Xu Baihan went from tears to laughter, her face blushing with embarrassment.

At the ticket counter of the movie theater, when it was their turn, Jiang Wang handed the tickets to the attendant and slightly bent down, asking Xu Baihan with a gentle tone, “Shall we leave the wheelchair outside?”

Xu Baihan was momentarily taken aback, not quite grasping the meaning behind her words. However, due to Jiang Wang’s exceptionally tender tone, she instinctively nodded. The next moment, as if weightless, she fell into Jiang Wang’s warm embrace, carrying a faint fragrance.

A synchronized exclamation of “ah” came from behind them. Xu Baihan could almost feel the astonished gazes burning on her, and her face turned red with heat.

Jiang Wang’s strong arms enveloped her body as Xu Baihan listened to Jiang Wang’s slightly hurried yet reassuring heartbeat. Feeling Jiang Wang’s composed and steady steps, Xu Baihan closed her eyes, hoping that this path could stretch on endlessly.

With a teasing tone, Jiang Wang’s voice rang above her head, “If it were before, you would have definitely exclaimed and asked me to put you down. It seems you’ve become a bit bolder now.”

Xu Baihan opened her eyes, lifting her head to gaze up at Jiang Wang, her eyebrows curved, and she revealed an extremely gentle and contented smile. “I just wish this path could be a bit longer, ideally without an end.”

Jiang Wang’s footsteps slightly paused, then she chuckled lightly, replying with a smile, “That won’t do. I might end up exhausted.”

Amused, Xu Baihan playfully bumped her head against Jiang Wang’s chest.

The movie started, and surprisingly, it was an animated film, a Disney movie. Xu Baihan couldn’t help but blush as she watched. Perhaps it was because of her and Jiang Wang’s connection, coupled with her vivid imagination as a Chinese literature student, she felt that there were subtle hints of romance between the queen and the princess. When their eyes met, it felt as if sparks of love were crackling in the air.

As Elsa sang “Let It Go,” Xu Baihan felt a sinking sensation in her chest, but then suddenly, she felt enlightened. Listening to the liberating and heartfelt words of “Let It Go,” she almost couldn’t resist singing along with Elsa.

Towards the end of the movie, when Elsa kissed Anna with a true love’s kiss1, Xu Baihan couldn’t help but turn her head to look at Jiang Wang. Jiang Wang seemed to sense her gaze and also glanced back, giving her a knowing smile. She extended her warm hand, and they held each other’s soft hands, their fingers interlocked.

Xu Baihan held Jiang Wang’s hand tightly, and she couldn’t help but smile, her eyebrows curved in happiness.

After the movie ended, Jiang Wang calmly lifted Xu Baihan in her arms as before, but this time, she lowered her head and teasingly smiled. Taking a cue from the movie’s theme, she changed their address and jokingly said, “Big sister, things might get a little chaotic now, so you better hold on tight to me.”

Xu Baihan blushed with a smile, hugging Jiang Wang tightly and resting her face against Jiang Wang’s chest, right above the hidden heart area of her shirt collar. She gently placed a kiss there and said, “Will my true love’s kiss be enough to melt you?”

Jiang Wang’s steps faltered slightly, and after a while, Xu Baihan heard her reply in a soft tone, “Don’t cause trouble, or I might just throw you out…”

Xu Baihan was undaunted, only smiling in response.

Leaving the movie theater, Jiang Wang carried Xu Baihan to the car and leaned down to help her fasten her seatbelt. This time, Jiang Wang took the position of the driver. She turned the car around and left the bustling city, heading towards the outskirts.

The enjoyable moments they shared gradually eased Xu Baihan’s earlier uneasiness, and she mustered the courage to ask Jiang Wang, “Where are we heading to?”

Jiang Wang glanced at her with a slightly mischievous smile and said, “You’ll find out when we get there. I want you to experience this anxious anticipation.”

Xu Baihan looked at Jiang Wang fondly, amused by her confident demeanor, and smiled in agreement.

Finally, the car stopped at a green grassy lawn in the outskirts, not far from the boundless blue sea. Many people were already sitting on the lawn for a picnic.

Jiang Wang found a spot under the shade of a large tree, spread out a picnic cloth, and sat down. She held Xu Baihan close to her, leaning against the tree trunk, and helped her adjust to a comfortable position. She lightly explained, “It’s my first time here, and I didn’t expect it to be this nice.”

Xu Baihan nodded in agreement.

Jiang Wang asked Xu Baihan, “Are you hungry?”

Xu Baihan nodded and smiled, “A little bit.” In reality, she could tell that Jiang Wang seemed eager to show her something, so she played along.

As expected, Jiang Wang took out a large box of food containers from the big backpack, along with drinks, napkins, and various small snacks.

Jiang Wang placed the food container in the middle and asked Xu Baihan, “Guess what’s inside?”

Xu Baihan chuckled and thought for a moment before answering, “Sushi?”

Unexpectedly, Jiang Wang frowned for a moment and sighed, saying, “Oh, I didn’t expect you to be so clever.” With that, she opened the box, revealing beautifully arranged various types of sushi.

Xu Baihan couldn’t help but ask, “Did you make these?”

Jiang Wang pursed her lips and smiled lightly, causing Xu Baihan to quickly change her words, “Where did you buy these? They seem really good.”

Jiang Wang picked up the chopsticks, picked out Xu Baihan’s favorite crab roe sushi, and brought it to her lips. She watched as Xu Baihan took a bite, then said with a hint of dissatisfaction, “I didn’t expect you to have such little confidence in me. A little doubt, and you waver.”

Xu Baihan smiled and complimented, “It’s delicious.”

So, with a satisfied smile on her lips, Jiang Wang reached out and picked another piece, passing it to Xu Baihan’s lips…

After the meal, Jiang Wang leaned against Xu Baihan’s side as they watched the sparkling sea in the distance. They observed the grass swaying in the breeze, bending and rising in waves. They also noticed the children playing around their parents.

Xu Baihan gathered her courage and rested her head on Jiang Wang’s shoulder.

To her surprise, Jiang Wang didn’t resist at all. She even lifted her shoulder slightly to make Xu Baihan more comfortable.

After a while, Jiang Wang suddenly spoke and asked Xu Baihan, “Baihan, how about we paint here this afternoon? We can exchange the paintings as gifts. You can give me the one you paint, and I’ll give you mine. What do you think?”

Xu Baihan was slightly taken aback but immediately got an idea as she looked at the couple taking wedding photos. She quickly agreed to the suggestion.

So, just like old times, they sat back to back and started painting.

Before they began, Jiang Wang teased, “No peeking over to see what I’m painting.”

Xu Baihan playfully bumped Jiang Wang’s back with her shoulder and retorted with a smile, “You’re the one who does that. You always sneak glances.”

Jiang Wang laughed and said, “Well, I’m not peeking at the painting; I’m peeking at you, is that okay?”

Xu Baihan thought for a moment and said, “Well, I’ll allow you to turn around and take a peek today…”

Jiang Wang smiled softly and remained silent.

However, as dusk approached, Jiang Wang finished her painting before Xu Baihan. She stood up, quietly collected her artwork, and didn’t show it to Xu Baihan. Instead, she said she would give it to her when she dropped her off later in the evening.

Xu Baihan’s painting depicted two girls in wedding dresses dancing on thin ice, and she named it “Courage.”

Jiang Wang looked at the painting for a long, long time, but in the end, she said nothing. She simply embraced Xu Baihan and helped her into the car.

Xu Baihan didn’t notice the faint glimmer of tears in Jiang Wang’s eyes, which appeared and disappeared in an instant.

On the way back to the city, Jiang Wang suddenly spoke in a soft tone, “Do you know, Baihan, everything I did for you today was how I envisioned my future life when I was fifteen.”

She continued, “I imagined that after a busy day at work, in my leisure time, I would take you to watch movies, show affection without hesitation, have picnics in the countryside, sing and draw in the gentle breeze. If we had enough time, we could travel together, go hiking, go boating, visit famous mountains and rivers, and explore every corner of this world… Everything, absolutely everything, would involve you. You would be a part of it all.”

Xu Baihan felt a pang of sadness and warmth in her heart, and her nose began to feel sour. She turned her head, quietly gazing at Jiang Wang, waiting for her to continue.

However, throughout the rest of the journey, Jiang Wang remained silent and never spoke again…

Jiang Wang drove the car straight back home, taking Xu Baihan with her.

At first, Xu Baihan looked at the closed door of Jiang Wang’s house, watched as Jiang Wang inserted the key and slowly opened the door, feeling infinite nervousness and anticipation… She thought she might be able to unlock Jiang Wang’s heart, have a chance to understand everything about Jiang Wang that she couldn’t be a part of in these years.

However, as the door opened, her heart sank to the bottom…

She saw two pairs of couple’s slippers placed in the hallway. One pair clearly belonged to a man.

She didn’t dare to ask more, telling herself that she might be overthinking things. So, with an anxious silence, she followed Jiang Wang inside.

As they moved through the space, Xu Baihan slowly saw the photos displayed on the TV wall in the living room.

There were pictures of Jiang Wang holding hands with Li Liwen, traveling together, working together, and even kissing…

In an instant, Xu Baihan couldn’t hold the glass of water Jiang Wang handed to her, and it spilled all over the floor. Trembling, she turned to Jiang Wang and asked, “You and Dr. Li…”

Jiang Wang remained silent for a moment, wiped the water from the floor, and then sat on the opposite sofa facing Xu Baihan. She looked at Xu Baihan for a while before finally saying, “Dr. Li and I have been in a relationship for a long time, and we are planning to get engaged.” As she spoke, she lightly turned the ring on her ring finger.

At that moment, Xu Baihan noticed the ring, and in an instant, she felt like she had been pierced by a thousand arrows.

She couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed, she couldn’t believe she had been blind all along…

Jiang Wang took a deep breath and looked directly at Xu Baihan, speaking earnestly, “Baihan, everything I did with you today was a vision I had when I was fifteen, about my future life. I thank you for fulfilling the dream I had at fifteen and making me understand that it was nothing more than that. I no longer feel regretful or attached.

Now, at twenty-seven, when I met Li Liwen, I slowly realized that I have new aspirations for the future. I’ve never had a complete family in my life, but now I want one. I want a man I can rely on, a shelter from the storms, and a lovely child. I want to give her the warmth of a family that I never had. I want to watch her grow up, get married, and start her own family.”

Xu Baihan gripped the wheelchair’s handrails, trembling slightly. She felt like she had fallen from heaven to hell in an instant. She panicked and asked Jiang Wang, “Yun Bo, what’s wrong with you? Weren’t we happy today? Please don’t do this, Yun Bo, give me another chance, please, Yun Bo…”

Jiang Wang saw Xu Baihan trembling, her lips quivering, tears streaming down her face, and her makeup smudged. However, she still closed her eyes, composed herself, and continued piercing Xu Baihan’s heart coldly, “Don’t call me Yun Bo anymore. Call me Jiang Wang, from now on, I’m just Jiang Wang. Yun Bo died in the past. I’ve let go of everything from the past, and you don’t need to feel guilty or indebted anymore. We don’t need to talk about love and hate anymore. What I want, you can’t give, and what you want, I can’t give either… Let’s not entangle ourselves anymore.”

In an instant, Xu Baihan turned her body and frantically spun her wheelchair, desperately interrupting Jiang Wang, shouting, “Don’t say it anymore, don’t say it anymore, take me back… I want to go back!”

But Jiang Wang was persistent, firmly holding onto Xu Baihan’s wheelchair, not allowing her to escape, determined to break down the last defense in Xu Baihan’s heart. She said, “So, Xu Baihan, go and heal your legs, live your own life, enjoy your own life, and let us be clear of each other.”

She saw Xu Baihan, in self-denial, covering her ears, biting her lip, and fiercely saying, “Xu Baihan, please don’t try to bind me with your legs, with guilt. Don’t let your family look at me with the eyes of a criminal! I don’t love you anymore, I want to move on to a new life, please leave me alone!”