Solitary Toss of Tenderness

However, if there are “ifs,” I still want to love you.

Xu Baitao bent over, clutching his lower body, and struggled to look towards Jiang Wang. He saw Jiang Wang taking step by step towards the sea. The water gradually rose above her knees. She reached out to hold onto the floating wheelchair, as if all her strength had left her. Embracing the wheelchair, she slumped down. The water, in an instant, didn’t go beyond her body. It was truly a reckless posture…

Xu Baitao gritted his teeth and stood up straight. His eyes turned red as he ran towards Jiang Wang. With one foot sinking deep and the other shallow into the sandy beach, he used all his strength to grab Jiang Wang’s arm. Ignoring Jiang Wang’s struggles, he dragged her through the water, struggling to pull her to the beach. Through gritted teeth, he angrily berated, “What are you pretending to show now? Do you suddenly realize you love her? What were you doing all this time?”

Jiang Wang was choked by the sea water, glaring at Xu Baitao with fury, coughing relentlessly and unable to speak.

Xu Baitao clenched his fists, feeling both pain and exhaustion. Seeing Jiang Wang’s near lifeless state, he couldn’t contain his anger. He reached out and slapped Jiang Wang’s arm forcefully, interrogating her with anger, “Madwoman, Yun Bo, you’re damn crazy. Why? You’d rather die with her than live well with her. You insist on my sister sacrificing herself to prove to you that she truly loves you?!”

Finally, Jiang Wang managed to catch her breath after coughing. Using one hand to support herself, she struggled to sit up. In a hoarse voice, she growled at Xu Baitao, “You don’t understand anything, you know nothing!”

At the corner of her cheek, she didn’t know when it was cut, there was blood slowly seeping out, and tears were falling from the corner of her eyes, mingling with the blood, dropping together, like her heart…

Xu Baitao knew nothing, unaware of her struggles, her sadness, her reluctance, her despair, her grievances… he knew nothing…

Xu Baitao, you fool, she’s just hoping that from now on, you’ll live well, even better. That sentence Xu Baitao said to her, about a life without her involvement from now on, she hopes you’ll be happy. Isn’t that what she wants to tell Xu Baitao?

She admits that she once doubted Xu Baitao, doubted whether he loved her as much as she imagined. She blamed herself, blamed her own overthinking, wishful thinking. And she even resented Xu Baitao, resented his betrayal, resented his abandonment.

Her cheek, at some point, had been cut, blood slowly oozing out. Tears were also trickling down from the corner of her eyes, mingling with the blood, falling together, just like her heart…

Xu Baitao didn’t know anything, unaware of her struggles, her sadness, her reluctance, her despair, her grievances… He knew nothing…

Xu Baihan, she’s foolish, and she doesn’t know anything either… How could she be so naive? Xu Baihan, you fool…

She only wished that from now on, Xu Baihan could live well, even better. When Xu Baihan told her that there would be no one else in her life from now on, she hoped she could be happy. After all, wasn’t that what she wanted to say to her?

She admitted that she had doubted Xu Baihan before, doubted that she didn’t love her as much as she had imagined. She had blamed herself too, for her infatuation and wishful thinking. She had even resented Xu Baihan, resenting her betrayal, resenting her abandonment.

However, in the many years after being rescued, she had been continuously harboring hatred towards Xu Baihan, just like the way she loved Xu Baihan. She would wake up in the middle of the night, reminiscing with laughter or tears, and her thoughts were always about her. Regardless of the form it took, whether it was love or hatred, Xu Baihan was the meaning that sustained her throughout. How could she ever bear to drive Xu Baihan to her death?

Yet, she understood Xu Baihan too well, just as she understood herself too well. Xu Baihan was gentle, kind, soft-hearted, willing to sacrifice herself and never willing to mistreat others. On the other hand, she was selfish, cold, domineering, dark-hearted, ready to harm others before letting them harm her. She understood Xu Baihan’s struggles, yet she couldn’t forgive her, she feared that one day she would lose to Xu Baihan’s struggles. She, understanding but unable to empathize, only added to the torment.

She was a stubborn lunatic. She had once believed that Xu Baihan could be her perfect redemption, and she had demanded so much from Xu Baihan. But dreams would eventually fade. After their reunion, she saw Xu Baihan’s tears, witnessed her physical and emotional exhaustion, saw her suffering. Finally, her conscience awoke, realizing that this treatment towards Xu Baihan wasn’t fair.

She was confident that she loved Xu Baihan the most, yet she wasn’t the most suitable person for Xu Baihan. Xu Baihan had promised her a beautiful dream, and what she had given Xu Baihan was a nightmare that was difficult to wake up from even after twelve years. So, she thought, let her bring an end to this nightmare that Xu Baihan had endured. With the dawn, the dream would fade, and everything would be forgotten. She and Xu Baihan could start a new life in a new reality.

However, Xu Baihan, how could you be so naive?

Jiang Wang staggered to her feet, swaying, and once again walked towards the sea. She said, “You don’t know anything, don’t know… I don’t know either. Your sister is a fool, such a fool…”

Xu Baitao reached out and grabbed Jiang Wang, giving her a hard shove. Jiang Wang had no strength left to resist and suddenly fell backward onto the beach. “Right, we don’t know anything, don’t know anything at all. Anyway, in this whole damn world, you’re the one who’s most wronged…”

In the distance, a loud crash and clattering sound suddenly rang out. Xu Baitao quickly stood up and looked towards the road on the beach…

Faintly, Jiang Wang seemed to hear Xu Baihan calling out to her, “Yun Bo… Yun Bo…” carried by the sea breeze. She closed her eyes, thinking it was an illusion, and softly comforted Xu Baihan in her heart, “Baihan, I’m sorry, I’m so tired. Just wait a little longer, I’ll come to be with you…”

However, the voice seemed to grow more urgent, each sound more resonant than the last…

Exhaustedly, Jiang Wang couldn’t help but open her eyes and saw Xu Baitao rushing towards the road, shouting in panic, “Sister, what are you doing? Go back…”

Jiang Wang felt disoriented and sluggish, taking a moment to fully comprehend what Xu Baitao was saying. She struggled to sit up, her gaze following the direction Xu Baitao was running in. That face, the one that haunted her dreams, suddenly appeared in her pupils – Xu Baihan was sitting in a car, gripping the window and leaning out halfway, attempting to exit the vehicle.

Seeing Jiang Wang finally sit up, Xu Baihan halted her struggles, a mixture of tears and laughter escaping her as she desperately called out to Jiang Wang, “Yun Bo, don’t come over, Yun Bo…”

In an instant, tears streamed down Jiang Wang’s face. She stared fixedly at Xu Baihan’s face, clenching her teeth tightly, and once again swayed to her feet. With an unwavering gaze on Xu Baihan, step by step, she walked towards her…

This isn’t a dream, right? This isn’t a dream, Baihan…

Jiang Wang finally burst into laughter, but soon after, she started crying heart-wrenchingly. Her legs were throbbing with pain, yet she walked faster and faster, even breaking into a jog.

Xu Baihan, Xu Baihan, I regret it. Wait for me, please wait for me…

As she watched them draw closer and closer, about to leave the beach and reach the road, Xu Baitao acted swiftly, unlocking the car and opening the door. He reached out and pulled Xu Baihan into the car, then started the engine with a roar, leaving behind only a trail of dust, shattered glass, and a long exhaust for Jiang Wang.

Jiang Wang froze, watching the dust-clouded car speed away. She stood there for a long time, until the car gradually disappeared from her sight, completely gone…

She grinned widely, crying and laughing simultaneously, then collapsed onto the beach, unable to summon the strength to stand up again.

She looked up, her teary eyes gazing into the clear blue sky, completely cloudless. For the first time, she realized that when it’s sunny, the sky is pure blue, so beautiful. She squinted her eyes, murmuring softly, “It’s so nice, so nice…”

In the car, Xu Baihan struggled incessantly against Xu Baitao’s grip on her arm, her voice tearful. She kept looking back and earnestly pleaded with Xu Baitao, “Baitao, please go back, can you? Yun Bo is hurt, Baitao, please go back…”

Xu Baitao frowned deeply, his heart torn between concern and frustration, as he looked at his sister who he had regained after so much effort. When he arrived at the beach after reading her farewell letter, Xu Baihan was already heading towards the sea. If he had been a few minutes later, he might never have seen her again. She had a truly resolute heart, all for Yun Bo. How ruthless!

Xu Baitao couldn’t help but raise his voice in exasperation, “Sister, is she really the only one for you in this lifetime? What’s so good about her? Is it really worth it to go through all this for her?!”

Xu Baihan gave a bitter smile and replied, “Baitao, without her, my world won’t keep turning. Tell me, am I really unable to live without her?”

“Baitao, turn around, I’m begging you…”

Xu Baitao’s hands on the steering wheel tightened gradually…

The car returned to that beach and slowly stopped by the side where Jiang Wang was lying down. As soon as the car stopped, Xu Baihan couldn’t wait for Xu Baitao to come and help her down. She eagerly opened the car door and rushed out without any hesitation, falling directly onto the sand, emitting a muffled groan from the impact.

Xu Baitao exclaimed in surprise and quickly opened the car door, rushing towards Xu Baihan.

However, Xu Baihan, ignoring the pain, immediately propped herself up, using her hands to support her body. She gradually moved in the sandy ground, dragging her legs to Jiang Wang’s side. Gently, she cradled Jiang Wang’s head, leaning it against her legs, softly and tenderly calling Jiang Wang’s name, “Yun Bo… Yun Bo…”

Jiang Wang felt the warmth of liquid, drop by drop, falling onto her face and lips, carrying a salty and bitter taste.

She was already exhausted, almost losing consciousness, but she struggled to open her eyes. What met her gaze was Xu Baihan’s tear-streaked, beautiful face. Without blinking, she stared at Xu Baihan, laboriously raising her hand to touch Xu Baihan’s face. Xu Baihan noticed her intention and hurriedly held Jiang Wang’s hand, pressing it against her own face.

Jiang Wang gently touched Xu Baihan’s cheek, gazing deeply into her eyes, softly calling out, “Xu Baihan, Xu Baihan…”

Xu Baihan responded tenderly, “Yun Bo, I’m here, I’m right here…”

Jiang Wang tiredly squinted her eyes, staring at Xu Baihan. Weakened yet sincere, she said, “Xu Baihan, I surrender. I gave you the chance for freedom, allowed you to leave me, but you didn’t cherish it. If you choose me now, then you can’t ever think about letting go of me for the rest of your life.”

Xu Baihan smiled through her tears and shook her head, saying, “No, I won’t, for the rest of my life, I won’t let go of you again.”

Jiang Wang, weakly, smiled back and asked, “But what if, the past repeats itself? Would you change your choice?”

Xu Baihan’s body tensed, and for a moment, she was speechless and unsure how to respond. Xu Baitao, on the side, couldn’t stand it anymore and reprimanded Jiang Wang, “Yun Bo, that’s enough!”

Jiang Wang, seeming to understand, smiled weakly and said, “Baihan, you wouldn’t, right?” It was an affirmative tone. Jiang Wang didn’t expect Xu Baihan to counterargue. She continued, “I’ve always known you wouldn’t change, even if the same situation happened again. The person I fell in love with at the beginning was actually someone like this. Over the years, I blamed you and hated myself even more. I hated myself for loving you, knowing well that you couldn’t give me the same level of love in return, yet I still loved you. I also hated that I loved you but couldn’t understand you. Because I fell for your gentleness and kindness, but in the end, I ended up hating you for the same reason. Xu Baihan, I know you’re not wrong, but I still blamed you. Perhaps, I’m really not the right person for you.”

Xu Baihan held onto Jiang Wang’s hand, vigorously shaking her head, tears streaming down her face as she cried, “But Yun Bo, you are the person I love the most. I admit I won’t change my choice, not because I don’t love you the most, but because Baitao is closer to me, and I can’t just stand by and watch him suffer. Yun Bo, in this world, there’s no one else I can persistently and bravely continue for, except you. I can’t live without you.”

This was the first time Xu Baihan had openly confessed that she loved Jiang Wang the most. For a moment, Jiang Wang was a bit stunned, and her tired, dim eyes began to show a faint glimmer.

Xu Baihan said, “Yun Bo, I’m sorry for being so timid back then. Over these years, I regret it so much. I never confessed to you back then, never said that I love you the most, that I’ll love you forever. I’m sorry for making you wait alone for so long, I’m sorry, I love you…”

Jiang Wang’s gaze gradually softened, and a sense of relief curved her lips. She said, “Xu Baihan, don’t apologize. Use the rest of your life to prove it.” Her voice grew weaker and lighter: “In this lifetime, don’t even think about leaving me. If there comes a day when you regret it, I’ll kill you, and we’ll die together.”

Xu Baihan, wiping away her tears with a smile, kissed Jiang Wang’s forehead, agreeing, “Okay.” She said, “Yun Bo, thank you for still loving me.”

However, Jiang Wang closed her eyes heavily and didn’t respond to Xu Baihan anymore. She remained motionless. Xu Baihan cried out in panic, “Yun Bo, Yun Bo… Baitao, go to the hospital, quickly, go to the hospital!”