Stranger

It was getting dark after I forced myself to eat. I stuck my head out of the window once again, then I closed it. The confiscated phone must be ringing wildly. It was fortunate that he didn’t come to this place. Tomorrow… Will Yeon Woojeong also come home late today?

About two hours later, it was completely dark outside. It was when my anxiety about tomorrow gradually surged up. I heard the sound of the door opening. My feet moved first before I knew it.

I went to the front door. Yeon Woojeong walked in with his tie half undone and glanced at me. He held something in his hand, and he immediately went to the kitchen and put it on top of the table.

“Eat if you haven’t had dinner. Or you can eat it later if you get hungry.”

It was stuffed kimbap and thin dumplings with the filling fully visible. My mouth watered even though it hadn’t been long since I ate.

“Have you eaten?”

“Yeah.”

Yeon Woojeong immediately turned around after answering me. Taking off his necktie, he went to his room and closed the door. I stared at the closed door, then I crumpled the bag I held.

I strode my way to Yeon Woojeong’s room. When I opened the door wide without knocking, he, who was taking off his jacket, looked at me. He nonchalantly tidied up his clothes even though he saw me. I clenched my fist strongly.

“Why didn’t you come in yesterday?”

“I was busy.”

“Then why didn’t you text me?”

“I forgot.”

“Didn’t you know I was waiting?”

Yeon Woojeong looked at me again. The indifferent face scanned my face.

“Sorry.”

He apologized with an unapologetic face. I got choked up. I couldn’t stand that he treated me the same way he treated everyone else. I walked a step closer to Yeon Woojeong.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

I grabbed his wrist. 

“Don’t avoid me.”

“…”

“You can get angry without having to avoid me, can’t you?”

Yeon Woojeong, who stared at me, rubbed his forehead and then heaved out a sigh.

“I’m not avoiding you.”

I was stunned. It came to mind that we wouldn’t get back unless I told him everything. I felt like I had been doused in ice water. 

I grabbed Yeon Woojeong’s wrist stronger. He didn’t bat an eye, and the racing mind gradually quietened down.

“Did you ask what you are?”

I spewed out the question. My chest swelled and sank repeatedly. My thumb softly stroked the veins it touched.

“You can be, everything to me. I have no one, but you. You’re not asking because you don’t know. You know it, so why did you ask that?”

Yeon Woojeong’s gaze stayed, not leaving me. I wanted to hold on to him. On to his heart. His eternal heart. Is there anything like that? There isn’t such a thing, I knew that such a thing doesn’t exist, but strangely, I wanted to lean on him. But for me, can it last for eternity even after he finds out all about me?

It hadn’t been an easy adventure by any means. All of my firsts were Yeon Woojeong.

“You want to know more about me? Why? I don’t want it. I don’t know why I have to tell you everything about me.”

Yeon Woojeong was warm and kind to me, but I wanted him to do more than that, to take all of me. Even though he took all of me, I hoped he wouldn’t see my bad side.

Is that why it comes to this? Then, there was nowhere to turn away anymore. There was no other choice left.

“The man called my father came to me, and he asked for money from me because he’s in debt. He said he will come to you if I don’t give him the money. I don’t like it. It’s pathetic, no? You picked me up, but it doesn’t mean you also picked up my misfortunes.”

I ran out of breath. Yeon Woojeong listened to me while blinking his eyes slowly. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to undo everything and return back to the peaceful time. I wanted to get reassurance that nothing changed.

“I grew up beaten. I was beaten like a dog on the day he drank and gambled. That’s why I left the house. Why? Why do I have to tell you this?”

“…”

“What if my misfortunes rub off on you? What, what should I do if you think of that person whenever I get into trouble? If you think that is because I was born that way? It’s awful. And who’s going to be responsible for that? It’s not like it’ll be your responsibility if you get tired of me!”

My eyes burned hot. My throat was choked, and my heart ached. But it felt lighter now that I had said it. My breath burst out, and the words stuck on my throat jumped out.

“My mother threw me away, too. Why? Because I deserve it.”

Ah.

I shouldn’t have said that.

I got speechless. I let go of Yeon Woojeong’s wrist. My vision was blurred. I stepped back two steps.

“Do you think you’ll be any different?”

I know, actually. That I won’t be able to ask such a question to someone who’ll really throw me away.

I looked down. My tears dropped. I really hated being like this. My tears kept flowing out even though I wiped them with my sleeves. I rubbed my eyes roughly with the back of my hands, but Yeon Woojeong, who had already come closer, pulled my hands down and grabbed my cheeks.

I shook my head strongly because I didn’t want to show him this face, but he held me stronger.

“I’m sorry for cornering you.”

He wiped the flowing tears with his thumbs, then he stuck our faces close and asked in a whisper.

“Jiho. Are you afraid I’ll be disappointed in you?”

“…”

“Remember this. I’m not disappointed with your ground. I have to know about you thoroughly. So don’t leave out anything about you that I don’t know.”

I looked up. The black eyes seen through my blurry eyes seemed to glow deeply.

“Why?”

“Because there’s more to you, whom I love, than the sides you want to show me.”

I took a breath. As I stared at Yeon Woojeong, unable to blink, tears fell like lumps, and Yeon Woojeong put his lips on top of my eye.

“I need to know your worst so I can comfort you. I need to know the lowest point of you so that I can protect it.”

He kissed all over my face. Even though it would be salty because of the tears, he paid no heed and sucked my face lightly. I couldn’t breathe properly. I breathed in and held in my cry as if hiccuping, and Yeon Woojeong put his forehead on my forehead.

“I’ll be the one that will never change in your world. Trust me, and watch.”

It was so sweet that it felt like poison. A promise is not responsible for anything. Because a promise is not eternal. Such a thing can only be proven after a very long time. Thus, I have to go through that time.

The funny thing was that I came to wait for that time. Yeon Woojeong was really a strange man. It felt like the entire floor was shaking. It was so sweet that I felt like dying.