Tears in Heaven

TRANSLATOR – ANNIE

“What are you doing here?” His voice suddenly broke her thoughts. She was frightened a little, she looked at him in a daze for several seconds before knowing the answer: “I just came to see Nanny Zhao.”

He didn’t say anything else. After all, he probably didn’t like her much, from the very beginning until now.

But after Mother Zhao came back, he changed again. He treated Du Xiaosu very politely, just like Nanny Zhao hadn’t treated her as an outsider, especially during the meal. Nanny Zhao gave one of the stewed old hen’s thighs to him, and the other to Xiaosu: “Both of you eat more. You both are busy all day long, and the food is not good.”

He seemed to want to make Nanny Zhao happy. In a heartbeat, he finished the chicken leg, and then asked: “Is there any more? I can finish them all off.”

“You poor thing!” Nanny Zhao poked him with chopsticks affectionately, “I haven’t seen you bring a girl back to show me for so many years. Are you really planning to be a bachelor for the rest of your life?”

Lei Yuzheng said: “Why are you like my mother? To always talk about this issue when you see me?”

Nanny Zhao smiled: “So you know it too. Hurry up and find a good girl, so that your mother and I can rest assured.”

Lei Yuzheng laughed and coaxed Nanny Zhao: “Don’t worry, I will look for a beautiful and virtuous one, and keep you satisfied.”

Nanny Zhao said: “You have said these words for several years, but I haven’t seen any real movement from you. You said it once when you ate here last year…” Remembering that the last time Lei Yuzheng said this, it was the time where Shao Zhenrong had brought Xiaosu back. Seeing Xiaosu’s lowered head, poking at the rice with her chopsticks, Nanny Zhao couldn’t help but sigh.

Xiaosu knew that she had thought of Shao Zhenrong again and felt downcast. She was even more sorrowful, but she couldn’t show it, pretending to be joyful as she ate this meal.

When Nanny Zhao heard that she was on a business trip, and that her colleague had already booked a hotel for her, she felt a little relieved: “Let the second brother take you back.”

When she sent her out, Nanny Zhao was still holding onto her hand. At last, she lightly patted her hand, “Now that Zhenrong is gone, you have to take care of yourself.”

Across the car window, she kept smiling and then said goodbye. Nanny Zhao stood at the gate of the yard, looking at her with a smile, as if she was looking at her own child, because she had singularly brought up Zhenrong, so Nanny Zhao also treated Du Xiaosu as her own.

Knowing that the car was out of the alley and Nanny Zhao could no longer be seen, she started to cry.

She had thought she couldn’t cry anymore, that her tears had dried, but she couldn’t help it.

She didn’t dare to go home at all, let alone see her parents. Because her parents have always wanted her to be happy, but when the person she loved was no longer there, how could she still be happy?

She cried uncontrollably, tears leaking out of her eyes, flowing down her cheeks without hindrance. Through the blurred tears, the street lights passed by, one by one, like shooting stars. The most beautiful past in her life was like a meteor, once so bright and once so beautiful. But she didn’t have Shao Zhenrong any longer.

She tried to find it step by step, but the happiness that was once there was no longer.

No matter how hard it was, she had to be alone.

She didn’t know how long she had been crying. Finally the car stopped in front of the red light. He handed her a handkerchief.

She took it, pressed it to her face, and said incoherently: “Today is my birthday…”

She didn’t know she was next to, but she had to talk. She choked up, but stubbornly went on: “I’m twenty-four today, can you believe it? He said, this year, on my birthday, we would get married…At the end of last year, I was still the happiest person in the world…” She picked up the good memories from the past, like pearls, one by one, but there was no way to re-string them. She talked upside down, because it was so beautiful, she could hardly remember when she had ever had that kind of happiness of being with him, doing everything, together every day. He had loved her like that, he had treated her like that, and she used to think that it would be a lifetime.

But her whole life, before she reached twenty-four, stopped moving.

There were too many wonderful things that she couldn’t even get out of her mouth. She could only say it sporadically. And then, even more tears welled up. She cried over and over again. The handkerchief was soaked, and so he brought the tissue box from the back seat to her again. She held the tissue box and babbled about the past. Those things Shao Zhenrong did for her, how Shao Zhenrong treated her well. She always choked up halfway through, but she actually didn’t need to tell anyone. Only herself knowing ws enough. That was her Shao Zhenrong, the one and only Shao Zhenrong.

At last she was tired from crying and fell asleep holding the tissue box.

Lei Yuzheng didn’t know which hotel she was staying in. She was exhausted from crying and so she finally fell asleep. Her eyelashes were still wet from warm tears. He thought, he couldn’t possibly send her back to his home again. But if he called her awake, he couldn’t be certain that she wouldn’ cry again. He had never seen someone with so many tears, with no end. She did not cry loudly, but she kept on crying and crying until he felt that even his seat would be soaked with her tears.

He drove in circles. It was quiet at night, and there were fewer and fewer cars on the road. He didn’t know where to go or what to do, so he kept on driving forward. Only the traffic lights would lonely flash. The car was quiet enough that he could hear her breathing. Every time he turned the car, he could always hear the ticking of the turn signal, just like her, her tears dripping one by one.

Finally, he parked the car on the emergency parking belt and got off.

Fortunately, he still had cigarettes, so he turned his back to avoid the wind and lit it up.

The city has fallen asleep. Looking down from the viaduct, the sparsely lit buildings were like lonely stars. People all over the world were asleep, even the crying person was asleep.

He stood in front of the guardrail, the red light shining brightly at his fingertips, as if carrying the strange power to calm people down. Cars roared behind him, vaguely like light thunder, but as far away as if in another world.

Untouchable, and seemingly unreachable.

Du Xiaosu woke up at three o’clock in the morning, only to find that she was leaning against The window of the car with a tissue box in her arms, sleeping such that her neck had turned stiff. The car was parked on the wide viaduct with the twin tail lights flashing.

She was a little dazed. The door of the car was finally opened. He carried the clear cold wind of late autumn and the unfamiliar smell of tobacco.

He didn’t look at her at all and just asked: “Which hotel do you live in?”

In fact, right after leaving the airport, she went to find Nanny Zhao’s small courtyard house. She didn’t book a hotel at all. She said quietly: “Just send me to one of them.”

He finally glanced at her: “What about your luggage?”

She shook her head dumbly. Except for her small bag, she didn’t bring any luggage.

After not too long, they went onto the side roads and drove for a while before reaching an apartment area. Finally, he stopped the car and said simply: “Get off.”

She hugged the tissue box and followed him out of the car. He pressed the code outside the hall, took her into the apartment, and took the elevator directly upstairs.

The door of the house appeared to have a fingerprint lock. The scan qas quick. After two seconds there was a click. The lock turned and the door opined. The light in the entrance also automatically turned on. Walking in, the living room was very spacious but the carpet was a mess, with a bunch of magazines scattered all over.

She was exhausted. She heard him say: “The second room on the left is a guest room with a bathroom inside.”

She held the tissue box and stepped on the soft carpet in a sleepwalking-like trance. He disappeared for half a minute. When he reappeared, he was holding a pile of things, new towels and new T-shirts: “Make do with these.”

She was really sleepy. She thanked him and took them.

Only after entering the bathroom did she remember to put down the tissue box. She hastily took a bath and then laid down on the bed.

The bed was very comfortable, and the bedding was light and warm. After nearly a second, she fell asleep.

She slept very deeply. If it wasn’t for the ringing of the phone, she probably wouldn’t have awoken. She was still groggy from sleep and finally recognized that it was the phone. Her thoughts were not clear, and her fingers had already caught onto the phone: “Hello…”

There was a noticeable start from the person at the other end of the phone. She suddenly realized that this was not her home, nor her landline. For a few seconds she didn’t know what to do, but the hesitation was only a momentary matter and she promptly hung up the phone.

It is strange that it did not ring again. Perhaps the person did not try to call again.

She was completely awake, remembering what happened yesterday. She couldn’t help but shake her head vigorously, as if it could make herself more awake. She kept on feeling a little embarrassed. She sat on the bed for a while before finally getting off to wash. Afterwards, she lightly walked out of the room.

Lei Yuzheng stood smoking in front of the living room window.

The floor-to-ceiling windows originally faced east. The morning light was bright, and his whole person seemed to be surrounded with velvet golden rims. He didn’t move when he heard her come out, but just tapped off some ashes into the ashtray beside him.

He had a cold temperament when he didn’t speak. Du Xiaosu was always a little afraid of him, so his voice was small: “Second Brother.” Hearing her address him as that, he did not move, so she said, “Thank you, I will leave now.”

He extinguished the cigarette, and when he turned around, his tone carried a rare gentleness: “There are some places – if you want – where I can take you to see.”

They went to many places. He drove the car and took her through the maze-like city. Those roads were very quiet. The tall trees on both sides of the sidewalk were shedding leaves. Occasionally the wind blew past and countless leaves flew down like a torrent of golden rain, falling down onto the car window. Occasionally, he would stop the car and she would get out of the car with him.

He walked in front. His pace was not hasty. She followed behind. These places are very unfamiliar and unremarkable courtyards. Only after walking in did she then see thick ginkgo trees and locust trees. The boulevards were deep and long, and the tennis courts were vaguely visible from across the grove. There were people playing in the courts, their laughter faintly heard. The old Soviet-style small buildings, the walls covered with ivy. The leaves had begun to wither so it further made the fine and dense branches appear to have traces of time. The lotus leaf in the artificial lake has long withered. An old man sat alone in the pavilion in the lake, playing the accordion. The tune was long and sad, leaving only the final remaining lotus to listen to the tune. The weather is incredibly fine. In the autumn, this city always had high skies and light clouds.

Lei Yuzheng didn’t explain anything to her. She just watched silently, but she knew that these places were where he used to live, where he used to walk, the air he used to breathe. He had spent many years here.

At dusk, he parked his car on the side of the road and watched the tide of students pouring out of the school gate. When they walked in, the campus was already very peaceful. White poplar trees covered the buildings. The gray-green glazed tiles, long maze-like corridors appeared like a lonely and tired giant. The farther in they walked, the quieter it became. They were occasionally met with a few students, laughing and chatting as they walked, without even noticing them.

Through the woods, they walked along the path to the lotus pond. Although it was said to be a lotus pond, there were no lotus leaves. Instead, a group of reeds grew at the side of the pond. It was currently the season for flying reed catkins. The white-headed reeds contrasted with the slanted light of the sky at dusk. It was full of autumn, like someone’s casual freehand brushwork. There was still a half of a stone tablet on the grass by the pool. The handwriting has long been blurred. He stood by the table for a while, as if thinking of something. The sky gradually darkened, and finally he walked under the willow tree, took a dead branch, squatted down and started digging.

Du Xiaosu didn’t understand what he was doing at first. The branch was too thin and difficult to use. After two strokes, it broke. He still didn’t speak but re-selected a water chestnut and continued digging. Fortunately, it rained just two days ago and the soil was still soft. She understood what he was doing, so she picked up a stone. She just wanted to squat down, but was silently blocked by him. She didn’t make a sound and stood up and walked a little further away. She stood by the broken steel and looked at him.

She didn’t know how long he had dug that day. The sky turned dark and from where she stood, she could only see his profile. The light from the street lamp leaked from the cracks between the branches and leaves, and his face seemed blurred. There was only a street lamp very far away, its light dim. His hands were caked with mud, even his cuffs were stained. But even when doing such a thing, he was still calm and didn’t appear at all distraught. In fact, his serious expression was much like Shao Zhenrong’s, but also not, but the Shao Zhenrong in her memory was never like this.

Finally, he took out the box from the dirt. The box was buried deep. Du Xiaosu watched him wipe off the wet mud with a towel and put it in front of her.

She didn’t know what was in the box, she just squatted down slowly, her hands were trembling a little as she opened the lid of the box. The tin box seemed to be a chocolate tin box. The pattern trademarks could still be seen clearly on the outside. After many years, the box had some rust. She attempted for a long time, but couldn’t open it. So finally, he reached out and forcefully opened the lid.

It was a box full of paper strips, neatly arranged. She only saw three words engraved on the bottom of the lid: Shao Zhenrong.

It was Shao Zhenrong’s handwriting. His handwriting at that time already had the smooth flying-like look to it afterwards. But maybe the time had passed for too long or maybe the young man at that time had only used a small knife to engrave his name here, so the strokes were intermittent, as if not there.

She squatted there a little bit stubbornly, motionless, as if these three words had sucked all of her soul, and there was nothing left.

Those slips of paper were scattered all over, usually with a few sentences or two written on them, all written by Shao Zhenrong. She took them out one by one.

From a young child to maturity, each one is different.

The first had crooked handwriting: “I want to get a full score.”

There is even pinyin in the second slip: “I want to learn to play basketball.”

“Teacher Zeng, I hope you will be healthy as soon as possible and come back to class soon. Everyone misses you very much.”

“I want to be the same as my eldest brother, get two full scores and be a good student.”

“Mom, thank you. Thank you for giving birth to me ten years ago. Dad. Big brother/second brother, I love you, and I hope the whole family will always be together like this.”

“Qin Chuanhai, long live our friendship! See you in junior high school!”

“Second brother, you are really handsome when you fight, but I hope you never fight again.”

“I didn’t place in the physics competition, because I didn’t try my best. I’m very ashamed.”

“Dad already has white hair.”

“Teacher He, I really did figure out that question.”