Chapter 18

TRANSLATOR – ANNIE

The chaotic strips of paper, one by one, recorded the past piece by peace. She looked at each and every one. She also looked at each and every one. One to two sentences were written on various pieces of paper, some torn from the workbook, some blank paper, some sticky notes, some small cards…

“Li Mingfeng, I admire you, not because you placed first in the exam, but because you are the best class leader.”

“Seniors, don’t smoke in the corridor, or I will explode with anger!”

“Han Jin, I hope you have a life of peace! Good luck! We are waiting for you to come back!”

“Mom, happy birthday!”

“Scholarship, here I come!”

“I won’t eat jellied bean curd ever again!”

“Big brother, Sister-in-law, I hope you forever have the same heart! Congratulations!”

“Night shifts, night shifts, surgery, surgery!”

“I hope my cold gets better soon!”

“Today I am very depressed. I saw the death of life with my own eyes, but there was no way to save it. In the face of the laws of nature, human beings are too small and too fragile.”

……

Until she saw a small note with only one sentence written on it, it was unexpectedly her handwriting: “I’m not a little fool, I want to learn to cook!”

She remembered that this note was posted on her refrigerator, but she didn’t know when he had taken it away. After this line, the other writing was very small, because there was not enough space, so it was squeezed into a line. She read it over and over again, his words were: “Shao Zhenrong loves the little fool.”

She didn’t cry, and didn’t think of anything. In fact, it was all in vain. She tried desperately to search for traces of him. But in the past twenty years, she only took up a little amount of his time. She was not reconciled, she was unwilling, but what could she do? She was not blessed enough to be able to accompany him through his life.

She held the tin box, like holding the happiest time of the past, like holding his years she had never touched, those years when she hadn’t known him yet, those years that she didn’t know of. The days she spent together, and the things she didn’t know.

Through the distant time and space, no one could tell her how to go back, how could she even go back.

Through her blurred vision, she could only see those cold things. She couldn’t find it, couldn’t  find it back. It was all in vain, in vain.

Lei Yuzheng stood far away. He couldn’t tell if she was crying, but could only see her squatting there. Her back seemed to have shrunk into a ball. Perhaps because he was feeling pity, he kept on feeling like she was trembling slightly.

The street lamp shrank her shadow into a small ball. She was still squatting there. He suddenly wanted to smoke a cigarette, but his hands were muddy. He went to the pond to wash his hands. The surroundings were too quiet. When the faintly cool water touched his skin, there was a slight noise. The water flowed through his fingers, as though they had touched something, but in fact, there was nothing. The water reflected the light on the bridge, slightly forming into ripples.

Du Xiaosu didn’t know how long she had squatted there that day. She stayed there until very bright stars, one in the east and one in the west, appeared.

The night wind in the late autumn of the north was very cold. She shivered involuntarily. She just wanted to curl up before hearing Lei Yuzheng: “Let’s go.”

She stood up. Her calves were a little numb, the numbness crawling up her ankles, like numerous ants biting and gnawing at her. He walked in front. Unlike before, he didn’t look back and didn’t care if she couldn’t keep in pace. Until they arrived at the grey high wall. Du Xiaosu was still a little dazed as there was nowhere else to go at this wall. He had already taken off his coat. Before she could react, he had already stepped on the branch, holding his jacket with one hand, and lightly supporting the trunk with the other. He landed on the top of the wall very neatly. He then turned and put down jacket and stretched out a hand to her.

She only hesitated for a second before trying to climb the tree. She did not dare to jump through the air like he did. Fortunately, he pulled her up. Even so, she very unsightly, using both her hands and feet before flipping over the wall. Fortunately, his coat was on the wall. Only after her elbows pressed onto his coat and she felt the slight warmth of the fabric, did she realize why he put it on the wall. It was because she was wearing yesterday’s half-sleeved sweater and the cement on the wall was very rough. In fact, he was a very meticulous person. He was not a bad person.

The wall was not high. She could see the sparse street lights on the campus, and the branches and leaves of the poplars in the alleys outside the wall. Under the orange street lights, it looks like a quiet creek forest.

Lei Yuzheng raised his head. The sky was a clear gray-blue color. Many years ago, he and Shao Zhenrong had sat here. He couldn’t remember what they had talked about. He had always thought that there would be a lot of time and opportunities for him to come back here with Shao Zhenrong, climbing over the wall and laughing again, as unbridled as their youthful years more than ten years ago.

But that was no more.

Du Xiaosu sat down, following his appearance very carefully. The wind was at her feet. He raised his head and noticed that the trees inside and outside the wall were different. Some had yellow leaves, others had green leaves. From afar, the leaves and branches seemed to melt into the night. There were a few stars in the sky. Closing her eyes, there seemed to be a cool and soft wind that passed by her ears.

He held a cigarette and just took out the lighter. He suddenly remembered to ask her, “Do you want one?”

She didn’t know why, but he nodded. So he gave her a cigarette and lit it for her with a lighter.

The wind gradually subsided. Her fingers were slightly cool, and she held the small flame and moved it to her palm, instantly illuminating his face, but for a moment, the center was hidden in the night. Only a little red light remained, like a cold star.

This was the first time she smoked. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t choke. Perhaps because she only sucked it in and then breathed it out, unlike him, each breath seeming like a deep sigh. But he almost never sighed, just like Shao Zhenrong.

The night quieted little by little. The leaves of the white poplar rustled softly by the wind, and the sound of cars could be heard faintly far away, as far away as another world. The red light between his fingers was visible. She didn’t know what he was thinking, but based on his expression, perhaps he had thought of Shao Zhenrong. Most of his face was covered in the shadow of the leaves, and she couldn’t see anything clearly. But in the strange quiet surroundings, she guessed that Shao Zhenrong had also been sitting here in the past. Two young teenagers, with youthful stubbornness, sitting on the wall, overlooking the campus and the outside.

Cars passed under the wall. The alley outside was a very narrow two-way lane. There were very few pedestrians passing by and also few cars.The light of the street lamp was like the sand in an hourglass, quietly leaking from among the branches of the poplars, shining on the yellow dividing line in the middle of the asphalt road, like it had just rained, moist, bright and clean.

The night was quiet, so suitable for thinking of someone. He and her sat there quietly, missing the same person.

It was like time had stopped, like only longing continued from now on.

Finally, he squeezed out the cigarette butt, then dusted the soot from his clothes, and jumped off the wall very lightly. When Du Xiaosu jumped down, she staggered and twisted her right foot. Fortunately, she didn’t fall and didn’t spill anything from her hands. He had already walked out for a few steps. He probably heard the sound of her landing, and suddenly he turned back to look at her. She was a little uneasy. Although her ankle hurt, she hurried to catch up to him.

My feet hurt more and more as she walked. Maybe she had really twisted her foot, but she didn’t say anything. He had long legs and fast steps. She grit her teeth. She almost had to jog to keep up with him. They exited the alley. After they were in the car, he asked her, “What do you want to eat?”

After getting in the car, she felt a hot pain in her right ankle, jumping up in waves. Probably because of that jog just now, it made the situation worse. But she just looked at him dumbly, as if she didn’t understand him, so he asked again: “What do you want to eat for dinner?”

The two didn’t even eat lunch, let alone dinner, but she didn’t want to eat, so she said quietly: “Everything is fine.”

When she got out of the car, her foot was terribly painful. She couldn’t help but tiptoe her right foot. He finally noticed the abnormality: “You twisted your foot?”

She said nonchalantly: “It’s okay. I can still walk.”

She could still walk, but it hurt. It hurt so much that everytime she landed on her foot, she would suck in a break, but afraid he would notice, she would grit her teeth and keep up. After entering the elevator, it was only the two of them. She stood behind him very carefully. Looking down at her foot, she saw that the ankle was already swollen. Perhaps she had really sprained it.

After entering the door, he said, “I’ll go out and buy some food.”

He returned soon, carrying two bags in his hand, and handing one of the bags to her: “After spraying the medicine, use ice to press on it. Only after 24 hours should you apply heat.

He had unexpectedly bought medicine. He put another bag on the coffee table. He took items out one after another. It turned out to be vanilla-roasted chicken legs and plum wine.

Her nose soured. Shao Zhenrong liked to eat that the most.

He placed the roasted chicken legs into a plate, took two more wine glasses, and poured the wine. He did not add soda, not ice. He did not say anything to her but sat down on the sofa, picked up the glass, and drank it all down quickly.

She lifted the glass. The wine was very fragrant, with the sweet smell of fruit wine, but it was bitter in the mouth, from the tip of the tongue to the stomach. She was choked by  the alcohol and felt it was even more bitter.

The two drank in silence. Lei Yuzheng drank very quickly. The little jade-colored porcelain cup could be finished in one sip. After drinking a few cups, his whole body seemed to relax. He used a knife and fork to take apart the thigh meat. He very politely let her taste it first.

It was delicious, and also great for drinking. There was a rare gentleness in his voice. He told her: “Zhenrong loved to eat this.”

She knew, so she felt even more sad. She swallowed the whole glass of wine together with her tears. Her voice was very soft: “Thank you.”

He was silent for a long time. She said, “Thank you, I will go back tomorrow.”

He did not speak any more, turning the wine cup in his hand. The small cup had the most beautiful porcelain color, as if it was a clear greenish-blue.

She seemed to say to herself: “Thank you for letting me see those notes, thank you.”

He still did not speak. She said: “Before, when we had the opportunity, I always wanted to have Shao Zhenrong walk with me, take me to see the places he lived, the school he studied at, the things he used to do, and what he liked in the past. Because, before I knew him, I didn’t know what his life was like. I didn’t know the moments when he was happy, nor the moments when he was sad. I just hoped that one day I could go with him to look and he would explain it all to me. If I knew more about him, I would feel closer to him, but he—” She was a little choked. Bright tears formed in her eyes, but she smiled, “But I’m so happy, that I can still have a look. I thought he didn’t leave me anything, but now I know he left me a lot…” She sniffed and tried hard to smile. A big tear slipped from her cheek. But she was still smiling, smiling as she cried. Her eyes were like warm water, carrying the sadness of silence, but the corners of her mouth rose stubbornly, seeming to try to smile even harder.

“Don’t thank me.” He filled the wine slowly, “I made an appointment with Zhenrong, that when we are all old, we would dig out this box to take a look.”

But, he couldn’t wait until that time.

There is thin water vapor in his eyes. Since young, she knew best what siblings were, what brothers were. He said, “It is best that you have this box.”

She drank the wine in the glass silently. Maybe because he was too touched tonight, maybe because he was really drunk, he unexpectedly said a lot to her. More than half were about trivial matters when Zhenrong was very young, memories of the brothers being together. They studied in the same elementary school, the same secondary school, but in different grades. She was an only child. And his description was unorganized. It was just one small matter after another. But he remembered them clearly. This was the first time he had said so much and the first time she felt that he actually loved Shao Zhenrong very much. His heart should be very soft, just like Shao Zhenrong. The brothers were actually very similar, whether in appearance or the inside.

One cup after another, she always drank a full cup in one breath accompanied by painful memories. His voice was obviously drunk, and it was very quiet outside the window. Maybe it was raining. She was almost finished drinking, and her speech was not particularly clear: “If Zhenrong can come back, I would rather break up with him, just as long as he can live…”