Chapter 19

TRANSLATOR – ANNIE

It was silly after all. She clearly knew that Shao Zhenrong wouldn’t come back. No matter how sad she was, he wouldn’t come back again.

She could not control her incoherent speech: “I know you hate me. I also hate myself very much. I am not worthy of Shao Zhenrong. It is how it is – I am not worthy. You were right, what you said at that time. If I’d left him earlier, he would’ve been fine. If I had never met him, how good would that be? But, he would definitely go to the disaster area, because he is a good man. He is foolish like that, but he would definitely go save people because he is a doctor. But…” If I never met him, perhaps I wouldn’t think I’m so hateful…

He said, “You’re not hateful either. Sometimes you are stupid and foolish, just like Zhenrong.”

“Zhenrong is not stupid!” She murmured: “He is just too nice, too kind…” She thought of those slips of paper, every word he had said, everything he had done, and her and his past. But fate was so stingy, unwilling to give her more happiness.

Memories were a kind of heart-wrenching happiness.

His eyes looked at an unknown void: “In my heart, he has always been a child, and I always think he is foolish.”

It turned out that Zhenrong also thought she was foolish and treated her like a child. Once you dearly love someone, only then would you think them foolish, needing protection, and needing your pity.

She felt that the alcohol was surging up, and when it reached her eyes, it turned into burning steam, about to flow out. She shook her head, as if trying to wake up, but his face wavered in front of her eyes, and she couldn’t clearly see who he was… She said in a very small voice: “May I give you a hug? For a short while.”

She was afraid that he would refuse, so she stretched out her hand to hug him without waiting for him to answer.

He had the smell she was most familiar with, maybe it was an illusion, but it was so familiar. The arc of his back made her feel relieved, as if he never left. She buried her face on his back, separated by clothes, as if separated by thousands of mountains and rivers, but in this life, there was no other way, they could no longer go hand in hand.

After a long, long time, she has not dared to move, afraid that with a slight movement, the tears in her eyes would fall.

Her hand was still clasped softly on his waist. Her thin fingers seemed to have little power. Her breathing was a little heavy, a little warm and wet, going through his shirt. He turned his face to see her slightly closed eyes. Her eyelashes seemed to be wet, like shrubs by the lake in the autumn morning, with a faint mist. Her pupils should be very deep amber, with a strange softness like rosin, as if they had not solidified, but he found himself difficult to pull himself out, erasing everything in an instant, like a kind of almost painful trance.

He knew that he was a little drunk. The alcohol had gone to his head. He really wanted to desperately push her away.  There was the sweet smell of plum wine in her breath.  She was too close and he could clearly see each tremble of her eyelashes. They were like petals in the morning still with warm dew. They had a shy beauty. Even he didn’t understand what he was thinking, like there was no room in his head for thinking, before he already kissed her lips, carrying unexpected surprise, touching an incredible tenderness.

She began to resist instinctively, and vaguely refused, but he hugged her harder, as if he had never had her before. Her lips were soft, but there was a seductive fragrance in her breath. He couldn’t stop, just like a moth that had plunged into the fire, letting the flames burn its wings, shatter its bones, and turn it into ashes, but there was no way to stop.

He had a sorrow that hurt into his bone marrow, like a chronically ill patient, not reconciled, but no matter how much he struggled, and no matter how long he’d lasted, it was futile. He only knew that he had been longing for a long time. He didn’t know when it had begun. His heart had been clamoring for this restlessness, yet she was like pouring perfectly in his arms, making him feel addicted and unable to have any reason. She was clearly a taboo that couldn’t be touched, but the numbness of alcohol made him succumb.

She must have been crying. His fingers touched the cold water droplets, but it was like touching a hot flame. Suddenly he regained clarity and realized what he was doing. He quickly let go of her hand, got up and left her. After a long time, he heard his voice. His tone had returned to that cold and calm tone: “I’m sorry. I got drunk.” Before she could speak, he said, “I have something to do and have to leave. Just close the door when you leave.”

He took the elevator straight to the garage and drove the car out of the complex. He looked ahead. There was a red light. It was only then that he realized that the car sunroof had been opened sometime, and the wind had been flowing in. The top of his head had been blown very cold. He closed the sunroof and made a turn at the next  intersection, but unknowingly drove back to the gate of the apartment community. As his car passed by, he happened to see her standing on the side of the road waiting for a taxi. In the cold wind of late autumn, the white short-sleeved sweater was very conspicuous. In the street light, it looked to be colored a pale orange. She stood alone under the light. In fact, she wasn’t that pretty. He had seen many beauties. In terms of beauty, no matter what, she couldn’t be regarded as overwhelming, able to  shift countries and cities.Moreover, she has always had a haggardness that came from between her  brows, like a flower, but when the westerly wind blew, she had already withered.

He looked at the taillights of the car in front of him in a daze, like a pair of red eyes, flowing in the river of cars, unconsciously drifting with the flow.

He didn’t know how long he drove on the street, he only remembered passing Chang’an Avenue more than once. It was the straightest street in the city, with lights on both sides like pearls, as if the brightest and cleanest pearls had all been lined up here. He turned aimlessly, and drove into the alleys between the Guohuai trees. The night became quieter, and the sound of fallen leaves was faintly audible. He would occasionally encounter a car from the opposite direction. The bright headlights, like a sleepy person, blinking.

He finally returned home in the dead of night. Perhaps because the car lights were too bright, or his movement was a little too loud, and he had awoken Shao Kaixuan. She ran out in her dressing gown and stood on the steps, looking at him coming in. She couldn’t help but be a little surprised: “Why are you back at this time?”

He seldom ran back in the middle of the night, because the house was quiet, and if his late return alarmed his father, he would inevitably be scold. But at this time, he only felt tired and sleepy, so I called “Mom” and said perfunctorily: “Quickly go back and sleep.” He turned and went towards the west courtyard. Shao Kaixuan seemed a little worried: “Lao Er, are you drunk?”

“No.” He was just tired. When she asked, he remembered, “Where’s Dad? Is he not back?”

“He went up the mountain for a meeting.” Shao Kaixuan carefully checked his expression and asked, “Did you cause trouble outside?”

“Mom,” he was a little impatient, “I’m not a child anymore.”

Shao Kaixuan said: “You and your father all have the same attitude. Whenever you come home, you greet me with this bad temper. If I ask just a question, you’ll get angry. Do I owe you both something or what? The old one is like this, but the little one is like this too. None of them let me feel at ease.”

Lei Yuzheng originally felt very tired, but he had to reluctantly regain his energy to deal with his mother, and smiled: “Mom, is it not because I am tired? Your son is exhausted from spending all day long outside, dealing with capitalists and wage-earners, and now, when I come back to see you, my original look is completely revealed. Don’t be angry, I’ll massage your shoulders.” As he said so, he raised his hands.

Shao Kaixuan couldn’t help but smile: “Fine, fine. Quickly go to sleep.”

The old-fashioned bathtub was still there. Hot water took a long time, so he just took a shower and went to bed.

He slept very heavily. In the middle, he got thirsty once, got up and drank a glass of water, then fell down and continued to sleep. Not long after he slept, it seemed that Shao Kaixuan’s voice called twice at him, probably calling him to get up and eat. For some reason, his whole body was so soft that he didn’t want to move, so he ignored his mother, turned over and continued to sleep. He finally woke up after who knows how long. He saw the sun shining in front of the window. His mind was groggy, perhaps because he had slept for too long. He remembered that the house he lived in was facing the west. So if the sun was hitting the window, it should already be the afternoon. He was surprised. He picked up the watch on the bedside table and looked at it. It really was already the afternoon.\

He didn’t expect to sleep for so long, but he still felt very tired, as if he hadn’t slept well. He got up to wash. Just as he changed his shirt and came out of the bathroom, he suddenly saw Shao Kaixuan push the door open and come in. Seeing that he was looking for a suitable tie, she asked, “Going out again?”

“There are things to attend to in the company.” He said while watching Shao Kaixuan’s face sinking, so he said: “Last time weren’t you nagging about the qipao? I asked someone to find a dressmaker for you. I’ll ask him to come soon to make one for you?”

Shao Kaixuan sighed: “I came to see you in the morning. Your temperature was terribly high and you didn’t respond even when I called for you. I was afraid you had caught a bad fever. Afterwards, after seeing it go away, you slept better. You’re already such a big person. How come you still don’t know how to take care of yourself? You didn’t even know that you had a fever. After you climb back to your feet you continue to fight with your life. It’s not even an extremely urgent matter. For what purpose do you run here and run around there?”

So it was a fever. He rarely caught a cold as an adult and he only occasionally had a fever when he was a child. He was in good health, so he never took medicine, and always fell straight asleep. Once the fever subsided, it would all be fine. So he smiled at Shao Kaixuan: “Look, am I not all well now?”

Shao Kaixuan was still faintly worried: “You all have grown up and are busy with your own affairs. Your elder brother is busy with work, that is inevitable. I also never even see your shadow.” She thought of the youngest son, and felt even more downcast and paused here.

Lei Yuzheng quickly said: “I won’t leave today, I will stay at home for two days.” Then he asked, “Is there anything to eat? I’m all hungry.”

Shao Kaixuan was indeed distracted by his words: “I knew you would want to eat once you woke up. The kitchen made porridge and wowotou.”

He ate the porridge at the dining table. The head chef’s pickles were very refreshing. Paired with the white porridge, he couldn’t help but have an appetite. Just as he ate two spoonfuls of porridge, suddenly heard a tender, childish “Yi?”

Looking back, it was his little niece Yuan Yuan, who just turned one year old, waddling in. The small child, who looked carved of pink and sculpted of jade, wore a creamy white cashmere dress and wore little pink wings on her back. She looked like a little angel, smiling at in, showing him her few teeth, “Uncle.” He bent over to pick up the child, let her sit on his lap, and asked her: “Does Yuanyuan eat porridge?”

Yuan Yuan shook her head and looked at him with her wide, watery eyes: “Uncle loves porridge, Yuan Yuan doesn’t like porridge.” Yuan Yuan’s mother Wei Luoxian already walked in: “Yo, so it was uncle who likes porridge.” Yuan Yuan instantly struggled to the ground from his lap and waddled to her mother’s arms. Wei Luoxian picked up her daughter, but asked Lei Yuzheng, “What wrong thing did you do out there again?”

The Wei and Shao family were friends. So although Wei Luoxian was his sister-in-law, but because he is two years younger than him, and they had known each other since childhood, they always spoke casually. So he said: “Why are you like an old lady, putting a hat on my head as soon as you speak.”

“If you didn’t get into trouble, why would you be so listlessly sitting here eating porridge?” Wei Luoxian curled her lips, “I don’t believe it!”

“I’m too tired. Can’t I come home and rest for two days?”

Wei Luxian smiled and looked him up and down: “Could it be that you finally got your retribution and finally came back to lick your wounds?” Lei Yuzheng was taken aback, and then said, “What retribution?”

“Lovesickness.” Wei Luoxian still smiled, “Every time you dump a girl, you’re so heartless. So I thought, someday you will get retribution.”

“Who have I dumped? Wasn’t it just a Ling Momo? That’s long in the past and it was her who mentioned breaking up. I’m the one who was dumped.”

“Forget it, still using these old sesame seeds and rotten grains to dodge the issue. I am not an old lady. Your romantic debts, you don’t have to hide them from me. Last month, my friend saw you bring a very beautiful girl to dinner. I heard it was even a big star. The month before that, someone watched you take a beautiful woman to play tennis, and last last last month…”

Lei Yuzheng poured himself another bowl of porridge without expression: “Oh, enough. You can use this set to try to trick my elder brother. Let’s see how he deals with you.”

Wei Luoxian chuckled and sat down across the dining table with her baby in her arms: “Ai, let me tell you secretly, if you, the golden bachelor, still can’t get someone, mom is planning on putting you through blind dates, saying that you’re already past age. There are three kinds of unfilial piety, and having no child is the greatest.”

The spoon scooping at the porridge didn’t stop: “Nonsense, mom was sent to the US at the age of twelve, and in doctorate degrees alone she has two. She is a true intellectual. She speaks English and German better than even me. She wouldn’t have such feudal ideas.”