Tears in Heaven

Watching the rain falling in mid-air

Makes this city look vacuous

I live in a “before”

Trying hard to think of you

I wish I could take the old you

And make you into a silent movie

Some scenes can be dated

But some should be forgotten

Do you remember that day

The smell of the wind that day

When the earthquake hit, Du Xiaosu and her colleague Zhu Lingya were taking the elevator downstairs. The elevator shuddered violently several times, like a pendulum. They could even hear the muffled sound of the elevator striking against the elevator shaft before it suddenly stopped moving, as though it were stuck. Zhu Lingya shrieked in fright, clutching Du Xiaosu’s arm tightly: “What happened?”

Du Xiaosu didn’t know. She thought it was an elevator failure. Fortunately, after a while, the elevator resumed operation. Yet, when they stepped out, they saw people running to the stairwell.

“It’s an earthquake! Quickly go!”

They didn’t have time to react, before being pushed along with the crowd to the stairwell. After jogging downstairs in one breath, they realized that the people from nearby office building had all come down. The streets were filled with people. Zhu Lingya was still in shock. She almost immediately picked up the phone to call her boyfriend: “I’m scared to death…” and reminded, “I’m far from the house. Work? I nearly died…..”

The soft words and gushy demeanor grated on Du Xiaoshe’s ears. She lifted her face. The tall buildings on both sides stood like rocky mountains, jagged and precarious, further contrasting with the narrow streets that appeared deep like rivers. Occasionally, a ray of sunlight would split through gaps in the buildings, stinging the eyes. She thought, if there was another violent tremor, all these buildings would collapse, and they would not be able to escape… But what would it matter, her whole world has already fallen apart, collapsed so that there was no repair.

Zhu Lingya finished the phone call, turned around and asked her, all smiley, “Xiaosu, why don’t you call? You should at least report that you’re safe, right?”

Then, she remembered that she should call her mother, but she thinking that the magnitude of the earthquake was not severe and her home was thousands of miles away and that they likely wouldn’t have noticed any tremors, it was best not to worry her parents. She then thought about Shao Zhenrong. She didn’t know how his hospital was faring, but he would definitely be busy protecting the patients – the moment she thought of him, her spirits fell.

Zhu Lingya watched her take out her phone and put it back in her bag. She couldn’t help but feel amused: “There is nothing embarrassing about calling your boyfriend. Must you wait until he calls first?”

Du Xiaosu strained out a smile, but didn’t say anything.

Because the office building had many floors, the tremors had been clear. Everyone was like startled birds, standing on the road for more than a few quarters of an hour. Everyone was talking about it, unsure of where the earthquake had happened, but no one had any definite information. Some received texts that it was in Huangshi and others heard that it was from Sichuan. It was rare on a busy Monday that they would waste the time away standing there, thus,  a male employee of another company upstairs came over and bought milk tea for treats. It amused the girls in Xiaosu’s company and they smiled and joked.

At four o’clock, the company executive finally announced that everyone could leave work early, so the group dispersed. Du Xiaosu felt a little at a loss. Originally, she was very busy at work, busy enough that she didn’t have extra brainpower to think about other things, but with these few hours of sudden time, she could return home.

Because everyone is in a hurry to go home, no taxis could even be seen on the road. She walked two stops to the light rail station, but took the opposite direction to the hospital.

There is still a sparse crowd on the road near the hospital that had not yet cleared away. They were likely staff working nearby, or the patients tha came for ER, and even the family members of the patients are standing on the sidewalk holding bags of IV drips. Du Xiaosu slowed down, watching the bustling people on the sidewalk shuttling back and forth, but she didn’t want to go to the hospital. So she turned a corner and walked forward step by step. When she raised her head, she realized that she had already reached the place where she had eaten with Shao Zhenrong last time.

She stood at the door hesitantly, but still walked in. It wasn’t dinner time yet, so there were no customers in the store. At the second floor, there was a large floor-to-ceiling window facing the hospital. The waiter smiled apologetically and wanted to lower the curtains for her: “I’m sorry, it’s a bit noisy outside.”

“It’s okay.” She stopped the waiter, “Leave it like that.”

The sun was about to set, and in the gap between the buildings, the vague sunset could be seen, colored a light crimson and dying the sky faintly purple. She watched the street lights turn on, and the lights on the opposite hospital building also turn on. The whole building was like a tower made of crystal, like a palace in the heavens.

Looking out from the window, there was a sea of ​​shining lights. The night of this city had always been so beautiful, just like her eyes which reflected the stars of the cold night. But those stars had fragmented. When he finally left, he didn’t dare to turn his head lest he see tears in her eyes.

If she was really lying to him, why would she cry?

He couldn’t help sighing.

“Doctor Shao!” The nurse’s hurried voice interrupted his thoughts, “The patient in bed 17 suddenly vomited, would you like to go check?”

“I’m coming right away.” He turned around and hurriedly walked towards the ward, leaving sea of ​​lights behind him.

This night shift was very busy. In the early hours of the morning, a car accident patient with a head injury was transferred to the emergency department and in surgery all night. After the routine rounds in the morning, Shao Zhenrong handed over his shift to his colleagues. He took off his doctor’s coat and put on his own clothes. Only then did he feel exhausted. Rubbing his eyebrows, he was about to go home to sleep, when the nurse suddenly stopped him: “Doctor Shao, there’s a call for you from the emergency department.”

It was a familiar nurse at the emergency center: “Dr. Shao, come down quickly, your girlfriend was in an accident.”

When he arrived at the emergency department, Du Xiaosu still hadn’t awoken. She was very pale, her eyes sunken, making her appear haggard. The attending doctor said: “The basic examinations were done just now. It’s only that but the blood pressure. The initial diagnosis is excessive fatigue.” The nurse on the side said: “I just took over in the morning, and an old man who had been exercising early in the morning said he found her fainted on the road outside. At first, we hadn’t paid close attention and were just checking her blood pressure and heartbeat, but as we did so, she seemed more and more familiar. During the rescue, the more I looked at it, the more familiar it became. Then I remembered, isn’t this Dr. Shao’s girlfriend? So I quickly gave you a call.”

Shao Zhenrong looked at the drip, it was glucose. The doctor asked: “Dr. Shao, does your girlfriend have any history of chronic diseases or drug allergies?”

“No.”

“Oh, that’s good. Then I’ll write the medical record. By the way, is she medically insured or self-financed?”

“Let me pay the bill.” Shao Zhenrong said, “I think she didn’t bring her medical insurance card.”

After paying the bill and returning to the emergency observation room, Du Xiaosu was already awake. Seeing him coming in, her body suddenly moved slightly. In only a few days, her big eyes had deeply recessed, and her lips had broken skin. Her whole person was like a puppet with peeling paint, appearing dull and dim. Her hand was still on the blanket. He could clearly see the blood vessels under taped needles. She has lost a lot of weight recently. Her gaze finally fell on the receipt in his hand, and she finally whispered: “I’m sorry.”

He did not make a sound.

At this time, the emergency doctor walked in with the laboratory test sheet: “You’ve awoken? The blood test report has come out. Your hemoglobin is a little bit low. It may be iron deficiency anemia. In the future, pay attention to blood supplementation and eat more food with trace elements such as iron and copper… Let Dr. Shao teach you this. Anyway, you should pay attention to nutrition in your usual diet.” He gave Shao Zhenrong the medical record and a stack of laboratory test sheets. “There should be no major problems. You can go home after the glucose is up. By the way, pay more attention to rest and don’t stay up late.”

After he left, Shao Zhenrong asked, “Where were you last night?”

She was like a child that made a mistake, silently lowering her eyes.

“You couldn’t have stayed outside the hospital all night, right?”

Seeing that she was still silent, he couldn’t help but get angry: “Du Xiaosu, what’s the matter with you? If you have anything to tell me, you can just come directly. What do you mean by staying near the outside of the hospital all night? Do you think what you’re doing has any meaning?”

She had never seen him angry. His stern tone made her lose the last touch of color on her lips. She stared at him blankly, as if she didn’t know what to do.

He finally restrained the fire in his heart in time and turned away. The sound of people outside the observation room was noisy, appearing to sound like they were very close, but were actually far away. She still said nothing. The medicine in the bag dripped down one by one, causing slight ripples. But the air gradually solidified, as if something had infiltrated in, and then, the wind turned into mud that had cracked slightly, turning into sharp pieces that plunged into their eyes and hearts, making people uncomfortable.

“You didn’t have breakfast yet, right?” He calmed down. “I’ll buy you something to eat.”

In fact, she didn’t want to eat anything. Although she didn’t even eat dinner yesterday, she didn’t feel hungry. On the contrary, her stomach felt like it was stuffed with rocks and heavy like she couldn’t fit anything else. She moved her lips slightly, trying to say something, but he had already walked out.

Seeing his figure disappearing behind the door, Du Xiaosu suddenly felt that maybe he would never come back after he left, maybe he was just looking for an excuse… She wanted to stop him, but when his name reached her lips, only silence came out.

Time seemed to pass slowly. It took a while for the medicine to drip down, but it was also fast, fast enough that she felt at a loss. She could only count the drops.. One.. two.. Three. SHe couldn’t remember where she had counted to so she could only start from the beginning again… one, two, three…She forced herself to concentrate all her attention and not to think about other things. The medicine dropped little by little, and her hands began to drop in temperature, cold enough that her heart was starting to freeze.

His steps were so light that she didn’t even hear him. When he reappeared in front of her, she felt it was unreal and just looked at him in a daze.

“Crab noodles filling.” He handed her the steaming buns, “I wanted to buy some porridge for you, but they were already sold out. Only this was left.”

The steamed bun was very hot. He gave her some chopsticks: “You can eat first. No matter what it is, talk after eating.”

There was a lot of heat, slowly causing her nose to sour. She lowered her head, and he said, “I’m going out to smoke a cigarette.”

She looked at him. He had never smoked before, and occasionally when others tried to give him some, he would reject the offer. She stared at him blankly. He had already walked to the door, but suddenly turned around. Her eyes couldn’t dodge in time and their gazes met. “I’ll be back later.” Then he turned around and walked outside the door.

Shao Zhenrong walked to the garden and took out a lighter and a cigarette. He had bought them all at the small shop just now. When he just lit it, he choked and began coughing. He didn’t know how to smoke, but when he came back from buying the steamed buns just now, he passed by a small shop and he couldn’t help but buy a box of Zhonghua. He tried to take another breath, but it still was choking. It made him remember when he was four or five years old, his second brother Yuzheng stole a pack of cigarettes from his grandfather, and they secretly lit them in the garden. At that time, he used all his strength to furiously suck in a breath but it was so chooking that his tears had come out. At last, an attendant heard the sound and picked them both up. The big fan-like hand of their military-retired grandfather hurt on the butt: “Little brats, you don’t learn the good things, yet learn this!”

He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He rubbed his face, put out the cigarette, and threw it into the trash can.

Back in the observation room, the glucose was almost finished, but Du Xiaosu fell asleep. There was little blood on her face, and her long eyelashes cast a faint black shadow over her eyes. He stood there and watched for a while, then slowed down the speed of the drip again, and sighed slightly.

When the nurse came to pull out the needle, Xiaosu shook awake. She struggled to put on her shoes. Shao Zhenrong said, “After the drip is finished, the hospital needs to observe for a few minutes.” After a short pause, he said, “I will take you home.”

Then, she remembered to call the company to ask for leave. Fortunately, her boss didn’t say anything, only telling her to take a good rest.

In the parking lot, the bright sun still gave her an illusory feeling. The city in May was already slightly hot, and the wind had the last breath of spring. She stood there, watching him reverse the car. Everything seemed a little unreal in the sun, as if it were a dream.

They were silent the whole way. The little bean sprouts she gave him were still on the top of the windowsill, shaking their two leaves, as if they were alive. It was a rare occasion that their trip was smooth and there were no traffic jams. He sent her to the bottom of the apartment complex, but didn’t turn off the car.

She whispered, “Thank you.”

He didn’t make a sound.

She plucked up the courage to raise her eyes. He didn’t look at her and just held the steering wheel, looking ahead.

“Shao Zhenrong…” She forced out , “I’m leaving, you have to take care from now on. Also, thank you.”

He squeezed the steering wheel firmly, but still didn’t say anything.

She quickly opened the door of the car, got out of the car and ran away like an escapee.

Someone behind called her name. The voice was far away. She knew it was an illusion, so she ran faster. She rushed up the steps in one breath. Suddenly, a hand grabbed her arm. Unexpectedly, it was Shao Zhenrong. He chased too quickly and panted slightly. Her chest also rose and fell furiously. She was still breathless, like she was almost about to suffocate.

He said: “Wait for me for a few days, please, wait for me for a few days.”

She didn’t dare to move, she didn’t dare to speak, for fear that she would wake up when she moved. She never had any extravagant expectations, and at this moment, she further did not dare to expect extravagance. His eyes were bloodshot, as if he was not sleeping well. He said: “You can’t do this, you have to let me figure out why…” He seemed to hold back the following words, and finally just said, “Please, can you wait for me for a few days?”

He finally released his hand and looked at her very quietly, looking at her eyes, looking at his own reflection in her pupils. There was her shadow in his eyes, but there was unspeakable pain. She felt slightly dizzy, and she didn’t want to think about it anymore.

After a long time, he turned around and walked out. The sun outside was brilliant, like a fluffy golden frame, which surrounded him, while her own shadow was cast on the smooth, mirror-like marble floor, as if an endless emptiness.