THAT DAY I BECAME A STAR

After the final word of Frankher, we all go back to our dorms. Tomorrow, school will start back so I should probably prepare a little.

When we enter the dorm, the heroes are training on the machine. Roxcia is the one running while the other two are sweating. They are wearing rather light clothes with shorts. Seeing Farner's sweaty thighs is quite…different. Moreover, seeing all of them with their hair tied behind their head like that. They really are triplets. The only thing that differentiates them right now is the length of Roxcia's hair which is shorter than the other two.

"You guys are already back?" Excia asks without a care about her exposed body. Farner is actually the one acting the weirdest among them. She immediately blushes under my sight and turns her head in the other direction.

"Well, it was only two hours." Cordel comes in while I walk to them. As I reach Farner, she shudders a bit before looking at me.

"W-what?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to see your score."

"Oh, don't worry. You are still far from us. Hang in there, though." Excia answers while stroking my back. If you were planning on comforting me then you failed.

"Is that so. Though I also see Farner is the first of us all still." Farner's score hasn't moved much. No, none of the score I am seeing have improved by more than ten.

"Huff…Huff…It's not like somebody like you will ever reach us. Huff…Huff…" And of course, Roxcia. I know that, don't worry. Just like I know I will make you bite your tongue one day in shame.

"Roxcia, you promised!"

"Tch. Yeah, I know…Sorry, Kevin. I meant to say that you would get there eventually." Roxcia, apologizing? To me? That's weird. They must have had one hell of a talk for her to do that.

"Look at you acting all-"

"Don't provoke m-" She turns around to look at me while running and falls from the machine. Though before she touches the ground, Farner catches her and holds her hand.

"You got distracted again."

"It's because of that guy! Leave us alone!" Roxcia's shout is full of hatred. That 'leave us alone' wasn't just about what happened right now, right?

"No, Kevin, wait."

"It's okay. I am tired anyway."

I go upstairs and leave them with the others who had processed to sit down on the couches and start discussing plans without a care about us. Cordel will handle everything as usual so I don't really need to think about it.

***

After the night falls, I receive Farner, Excia, and Lanuvel's visit.

"You haven't gone back to your dorm yet?"

"What?! You don't want me here?!"

"You and your overreactions…I was just asking."

"I am not overreacting. You asking that as soon as you see me means you don't want to see me here."

"Then if I asked you to sleep here…"

"Like hell I would!" She raises her fist at me while her face turns red. Sigh... 

"Anyway, what do you guys want?"

"We just wanted to talk." Farner walks to my chair and sits first, followed by Lanuvel who sits on my bed, far from me though, Excia stays near the door and leans on the wall.

"This doesn't look like it will be a pleasant talk."

"Kevin…I…" Lanuvel keeps glancing at me while trying to say something. I can feel the atmosphere changing but what is this about? I read Lanuve's thoughts and immediately understand the reason they came.

"I see. He told you I attacked him, right?"

"W-what?"

"Romas."

"W-w-w-what? N-n-no It's n-not-"

"So you really did then." Excia's face hardens a bit.

"Is there a point in hiding it since you know already?"

"We didn't know for sure. The letter only mentioned that he was attacked and threatened Lanuvel. He actually believes she is the one who sent somebody to deal with him." Farner then takes the floor and explains the situation a lot better. Though, I had a gist of it already.

"Why did you do that?" While Farner was speaking, Lanuvel had moved closer to me and when she speaks, her voice resounds with sadness and melancholia.

"Why did I do what?"

"Why did you try to kill him?"

"I didn't." I just needed infos.

"You just admitted you attacked him. Don't try to weasel your way out of this." Excia gets off the wall and walks to me. "As far as I am concerned, the reason matters not. But if you are going to do something, make sure your stupid self doesn't drag other people into your mess." She knocks my head a few times with her finger then goes near Farner and sits on the table.

"Kevin, can I assume that you tried to scare him off so that he wouldn't harass Lanuvel again?" What? No, Farner. Why would I need to do that? I would have just killed him if it was like that.

"Y-yeah. It was actually the reason." Then again, it's better to let them think that way.

"But then why kill his men? Just beating them up would have been enough." So that's your real issue? I thought there was something else.

"I did what I deem necessary."

"You killed people because you thought it was necessary. Just to WARN SOMEBODY?"

"Yes." Excia stands up and comes in front of me again.

"What do you see life as?"

"Wha-" Before I can ask her what she means, she slaps me hard enough for the bed to shake.

"We actually told the pope that the lessons you were supposed to receive weren't necessary but I think we should think about it again. What has the church taught you for you to think life is so meaningless you can just take it as you please?"

"The church?" I look back at her calmly. "The church has taught me that they treat their saviors as mere tools. That they show off mercy to whoever wants to see it even though they don't know what it is. They erect monuments to dead people even though the livings are suffering and need help. T-"

"Shut up! How dare you! Are you saying our sacrifices were in vain?! Who do you think you are?!!"

"I may be nobody. But there is one thing I can clearly see. There are a lot of people suffering out there. And the church is just using you to make sure that their authority isn't discussed. They sacrifice you while they are enjoying their little peaceful life." I don't even know if what I am saying is true. But I can't be that far off.

"So, what then? Our sacrifices are stupid?! Is that what you are saying?!!" Excia finally grabs me by the collar and lifts me. Her hands have been trembling for a while. She must have been eager to do that.

"No, I am saying that what you guys can't do because of your principles, I will do it because of mine. Don't forget what I said during my trial: I WILL FIGHT WHATEVER I HAVE TO FOR THOSE I HOLD DEAR. So killing guys who have threatened them isn't a big deal."

"THAT'S THE PROBLEM, DAMMIT!!" I think this the first time I hear a hero swear. Excia's face so full of…No, I don't think it is rage but more about sadness.

"Why do you look like that?" Is she pitying me?

Excia releases me and leaves my room, slamming my door on her way out. She must have woken up everyone with that.

"Do you guys have something else to say?" Why are they not leaving with her?

"Kevin, if you really doing this for us, don't kill people, please. Spilling the blood of others will only create a vicious circle and in the end, you will suffer from it more than you can imagine."

Lanuvel holds my cheeks with her hands. Those hands, I wonder how warm they would be if I could feel things. I suddenly move forward, towards Lanuvel. As I take a glimpse behind me, I notice that Farner has come and is leaning on my back. Just like Lanuvel, I wonder how warm my back would be if I could feel anything.

"I understand your point, but I cannot change the way I am. Not now, not anymore. It is too late for me. Moreover, I didn't start that circle of blood, although I may have made bad choices, I will accept my punishment when the time comes."

At least I hope I will be strong enough to do so without running away again. When I just imagine your eyes once you will know the truth, my heart hurts. Even though I keep trying to convince myself that I don't particularly care about you, I am afraid of how you will react, how you will look at me once you will know. Even though it is inevitable, even though it will surely happen, even though I will have to tell you…

"You can stop if you want." Farner's hands made a circle around my stomach. "You can just forget it all. The hatred, the pain, the suffering you endured. They made you into who you are. But they don't have to decide on what you will do. You can just forget them and move forward. Wouldn't it be better?"

"To live without fearing of your life nor seeking somebody else's. To simply be happy and enjoy life."

"I am already happy. Right now, right here. I am happy. But even if I am happy," I grab Lanuvel's hands and remove them from my cheeks, "I cannot let go of my path."

"Why?" Farner and Lanuvel ask me at the same time. The pure expression of worry on Lanuvel's face must be the same as Farner.

"Because I am DRAGONROAD."