The Creature Inside Me

“Irvin…” Zadkiel called him when Irvin was about to leave.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Irvin frowned.

“I’m sorry that you got a mate like me. I know it’s gonna hurt you.” His voice was so weak and held so much emotion. He was genuinely blaming himself for the pain he’d cause Irvin when he’d die.

Irvin was astonished to hear that. Even in this moment when he knew that he wouldn’t be surviving long enough, he was scared of hurting others and he was thinking about them.

“Stop. I could never get a better mate than you.” Irvin’s fist rested on the door. He could feel the pain of Zadkiel and he just wanted to make it vanish.

Zadkiel didn’t respond this time. Irvin could hear him sobbing silently and he hated the fact that he couldn’t just break the door and hold him even though he could break the door easily. He returned to his room, deciding not to eat.

Almost at 2 am, Irvin heard a light knock on his door which disturbed his sleep. He shuffled out of the bed to open the door as he smelled the scent in the air. It was Zadkiel’s scent. He glanced at the watch and his eyebrows knitted in confusion why would Zadkiel show up at his door at this hour.

“Hey?” He confusedly stared at Zadkiel who gave a small smile in return.

“I couldn’t sleep. Can I sleep with you?” He spoke but then instantly rephrased it. “I mean on your bed. Not with you. Just like share a bed with you?” He nervously stated, scratching the back of his neck.

Irvin chuckled in response and stepped aside, opening the door for Zadkiel whose lips curled into a shy smile as he walked into the room. He awkwardly stood in the room, playing with the hem of his sleep shirt as Irvin closed the door.

“C’mon.” Irvin guided him to the bed, grabbing the papers from the other side of the bed which he spread a few hours ago when he was working. He was busy cleaning the bed and setting the bed while Zadkiel was busy thinking if he disturbed Irvin at this hour.

“I’m sorry for causing trouble. I don’t know why I thought this was a great idea. I mean you must’ve been asleep and I disturbed you for no freaking reason. I couldn’t sleep but that didn’t give me a card to ruin your sleep as well.” Zadkiel rambled on, totally nervous.

“Oh please, if you could jump in my chest to see my heart doing a happy dance, you wouldn’t have said all of that.” Irvin chuckled, gesturing for Zadkiel that the bed is now all set to sleep.

Zadkiel took measured steps to the bed and sat on the edge of it, still very nervous for the first time while Irvin couldn’t keep the happiness inside him as a smile made its way to his face and just stuck there. He couldn’t believe that Zadkiel came to him when he couldn’t sleep. He always thought that whenever Zadkiel would have any trouble, he’d go straight to Abel but now here he was, sitting at the edge of his bed, in his room and he couldn’t be happier about it.

“Hey… what’s the problem?” Irvin questioned him as he lied down on the bed and Zadkiel was still sitting, his back facing him.

“I can’t sleep,” Zadkiel mumbled, fiddling with his fingers and staring at his hands.

“For that, you have to lie down,” Irvin stated the most obvious thing in the most informative way like it was a new science fact he just discovered.

“I know that. I just…” Zadkiel sighed, choosing not to speak further and lied down, at the edge of the bed, staying as far away from Irvin as possible. Irvin just smiled at his cuteness.

“I don’t bite, babe,” Irvin spoke, turning his head to Zadkiel while the latter was staring at the ceiling but when he heard Irvin’s words, his lips curled.

“That’s not true at all. I have a mark to prove you wrong.” Zadkiel answered in a playful tone, turning on his side to face Irvin.

“Well… I promise not to bite tonight.” Irvin chuckled.

“I’m counting on that.” Zadkiel scooted closer to Irvin. He was relaxed and more calmed and he had no idea how Irvin did it. He turned on his back and closed his eyes.

“Good night, Alpha.” He murmured, slipping into sleep and Irvin was surprised because, for a person who said he couldn’t sleep, Zadkiel slept like he hadn’t slept for ages and was just wanting to sleep but nonetheless he was glad that the guy finally relaxed and slept because of all the tension he had been under for the whole day.

Zadkiel was the first one to open his eyes the next morning but his body was under a body, as the body’s chest was pressing to his back and he was squished under it. A hand was placed on the tiny part of the skin that was peeking out from under his shirt. He had no complaints though as he knew who that body belonged to and he sighed in content at the contact.

He pressed himself more to Irvin and closed his eyes again, smiling to himself. He never felt so satisfied in his life. He never felt a touch so soothing in his life.

“Good morning.” He heard Irvin’s morning voice, so deep and rough, he almost choked on his spit and hid his face in the pillow to hide the blush.

“Did you sleep alright?” Irvin mumbled, still in sleep and not lifting his weight off Zadkiel.

“Yeah,” Zadkiel mumbled. “Can you get off me? I want to go to the bathroom.” Zadkiel added, nudging him in the stomach. Irvin groaned as he rolled off and lied on his back.

Zadkiel sat up and shuffled off the bed, turning around to peek a glance at Irvin who now hugged the pillow and was asleep again. Zadkiel couldn’t help the smile on his face that broke through because of the cuteness of Irvin.

He didn’t know if he was allowed to use Irvin’s bathroom so, he decided to use the bathroom in his room and he didn’t even have his toiletries so, he had to use his own bathroom anyway.

When he was done with the morning routine, he put the toiletries bag back inside the bag. His eyes discovered that he still had the aconite and the syringes which he thought wasn’t useful anymore so, he decided to throw them off but before throwing them off, he placed them on the bed to organize his bag.

He had no idea why he still hadn’t put the things in their place and organized them. He just wanted to keep them in his bag. Maybe, in the back of his mind, he knew he wouldn’t be welcomed here for a long time.

When done organizing, he decided to make his hair first because the after-shower head was dripping water all over the place. He was busy drying off his hair with the towel, as much as he could when the door to his room opened and Irvin stepped inside.

This was the first time Irvin hadn’t asked his permission or knocked on the door before entering and Zadkiel wasn’t complaining. Even though if it was someone else he would’ve screamed and yelled at them.

He was raised in an orphanage and sleeping in a hall full of boys, didn’t give him much of the privacy he needed but he still was a very private person. Having a room to himself meant, he could be doing anything in there so, he would’ve hit the person but he was shocked to know that he didn’t mind Irvin just barging in like that.

“Why didn’t you use the bathroom there?” Irvin frowned, referring to his room.

“My things were here.” Zadkiel gave him the half answer, drying his hair with the towel.

“I want you to pack your stuff and move in with me.” Irvin sternly stated. He found it offended that Zadkiel just left him sleeping in the morning though it wasn’t that big of a deal but for him it was.

“Alright.” Zadkiel chuckled, not putting up any protest.

“Oh, I see you already packed,” Irvin spoke, eyeing the bag on the bed. Zadkiel bit his lip, choosing not to tell him the actual reason behind the packed bags and keeping it to himself that he never unpacked.

“Yeah, figured you’d ask me.” He chuckled as he threw away the damp towel on the bed to make his hair. Irvin shook his head and picked up the towel before it could wet the sheets but then his eyes landed on the tiny bottles filled with bluish liquid with a lot of unused syringes. He picked them up, leaving the towel on the bed.

“What is this?” Irvin turned around to show the bottle and the syringes in his hand to Zadkiel.

“Oh… nothing. Just aconite.” Zadkiel replied casually. “It helps me control myself.” He went back to styling his hair.

“Do you know what the other name of aconite is?” Irvin asked, shocked and angry.

“Yeah. Wolf’s-bane and there are a couple more. Abel told me but I forgot.” Zadkiel shrugged, putting back the brush and turning around. Irvin was just staring at him, totally startled.

“I was going to throw it away anyway. I used to take it when I was living in the orphanage because I was around humans and Father didn’t want me to hurt anyone. Then, I used it to avoid you but I guess now I don’t have to use it anymore so, do me a favour and throw it away.” Zadkiel spoke, grabbing the damp towel and took it back to the bathroom while Irvin was still staring at the bottle.

“How long have you been using this?” Irvin inquired when Zadkiel returned from the bathroom, empty-handed.

“Umm… I don’t know. It’s been years.” Zadkiel answered, zipping the bag, still not understanding that the reason behind Irvin’s odd behaviour wasn’t curiosity. If he could distinguish the different scents of emotions, he would’ve known that Irvin was mad angry.

“Who gave you this?” Irvin asked, now in a calmed tone because he knew it wasn’t Zadkiel’s fault. He didn’t know what he was doing to himself.

“Father. He used to give me a box at the start of every month.” Zadkiel answered and now that he was finally done with whatever he was doing, he faced Irvin.

“Why are you asking me these questions?” Zadkiel guessed that maybe Irvin knew how much it hurt him taking this in and that’s why he was being very weird.

“This is poisonous to us, Zadkiel. You took it daily and maybe that’s the reason it’s killing you.” Irvin spoke, looking at Zadkiel in concern.

“But don’t you think if this was the reason, Dr Hill would’ve known about it?” Zadkiel crossed his arms because now he had accepted that whatever was happening to him, had nothing to do with logic.

“Well, yeah but this could have a hand in all this. How could he make you take this and how does he even know?” Irvin spoke, anger started bubbling up in him again at the thought of Mark making Zadkiel take this poison in his veins.

“He knows something if not everything,” Zadkiel murmured thinking that Father always spoke like he knew what Zadkiel was.

“I’ll deal with that later but promise me that you won’t take this again. Ever!” Irvin sternly demanded. Zadkiel was totally intimidated by his looks and nodded his head slowly.

“I’m very serious, Zadkiel. You won’t even think of taking this again. Promise me?” Irvin took a step forward and stood just a few inches away from Zadkiel, towering over the shorter boy.

“I promise,” Zadkiel murmured, taking a step back and picked up his bag. “Can we go now?” He questioned Irvin who exhaled, thinking he would deal with whoever did this to Zadkiel, later and nodded, before helping Zadkiel in lifting the bags.

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