Episode 59 – declaration

“Asking is …… this kind of thing?”
“I’m embarrassed to say that ……”

I had come with Kotoha to a real estate agency in Tokyo.

It was my first time here, but Kotoha must have visited here at least twice.

Because.

“I can’t believe you want to re rent that apartment ……”
“Uhm… that’s embarrassing.” (In a Samurai Way)

I didn’t know what to say, I was using old fashioned language.
I thought it was only samurai who said that, but apparently I say it too.

“No, I’m just glad it was my day off.”
“That’s quite a worrying statement, …….”

Today is supposed to be a memorable day, Christmas.

Even if you are not a Christian with an extraordinarily good heart, it should be a day to play and live if you are Japanese.

“Well, actors have a lot of time off, but we don’t get to hang out with our fellow actors because we don’t have the same opportunities to have time off together.”
“I see. ……”

I don’t know, I’m still a college student, but maybe working people are like that.
For that matter, I’m sure Kotoha is hard at work.

“Sorry Kotoha ……. I’m sorry to have bothered you on such a precious vacation.”
“I-I don’t mind. It’s true that Rin kun has never been here before.”

The only reason I got down on my knees and had her bring me to this place was to move out of my room.

From the battered apartment I was temporarily living in, to a room in Tokyo with a rent just barely not exceeding 100,000 yen, which is expensive compared to my height.
It was to return to my previous room.

“Thank you for your patience. We have confirmed that the room is available.”
“Then please do.”

I respond to the clerk’s explanation with a bit of a bite.

I wanted to make a decision before I changed my mind.

“Now, please send me your name, address, and the bank account you wish to register…….”
“Yes, I got it.”

The clerk seemed slightly annoyed by my quick reply, but I didn’t care.

In the bank account section, I wrote down the number of my account.

“Rin kun….?”
“Okay, please”

Kotoha, sensing the significance of this action, speaks to me in surprise, but I pay no attention to that either.
There is nothing wrong with this.

“Well, I’ll go take care of the formalities, please wait a moment ……”

I let out a long breath as I watched the clerk pull back into the back of the room.

“Why don’t you come by the coffee shop for a minute? I have something I want to talk to you about.”
“…… Well, I wanted to talk to you for a minute.”

After leaving the estate, we stopped at a nearby coffee shop directly on the street.

Since both Kotoha and I were in disguise, the waiter at the coffee shop showed surprise for a moment, but he quickly guided us to our table.

It was nothing special, just one of those chain restaurants.
Anywhere where I could sit down and talk is fine

“One iced cocoa.”
“I’ll have it hot and black.”

Kotoha looked surprised at my order, but I was in the mood for cocoa today.
Maybe I’m too tired to want something sweet to drink, even though it’s not even noon yet.

“I’ll be done with my errands before lunch, so don’t worry about that.”
“Yeah, …… got it.”

Eventually, drinks arrive.

The waiter didn’t seem to want to stick around for our emitting, near-breakup atmosphere, and quickly went back to the kitchen.
We happened to be the only ones in the coffee shop.

I thought it was the perfect time to talk.

“Kotoha”

I began the conversation in a tone lower than usual, as if to bring seriousness to my words.
Kotoha didn’t seem to mistake the meaning of the word, either, and after a few moments of wondering out the window, she took off her mask and sunglasses and turned to face me.

“Maybe it’s not too big of a deal. ……”
“Yeah”

Let me preface this by saying.

The story I’m about to tell her is a big deal to me, but it may not matter to Kotoha.
After taking the precaution of not surprising Kotoha too much, I cut her off.

“I’m ……going to be a composer.”
“——————Eh?”

Kotoha, however, rolled her eyes.

Something was different from what she expected, and she was not surprised to find that it was not the word she had assumed.

“That’s ……, let’s go back to —— like before——–wait, I’m not the one to talk, am I?””
“…… yeah.”

Apparently Kotoha understood what I meant correctly.

Yes.

“I think I’m going to make —— composer my career.”

Clearly, I confided.
For the first time in this world, I declared.

“Y…..yeah…..”

Kotoha’s tone was unclear.
I had no idea how she was feeling.

I don’t know if she was so surprised that she didn’t feel it ……, no, she seemed to be chewing on it in the present time.

She seemed to be sad, happy, or some other emotion, but I don’t know which emotion.

“I see………..”

Eventually, Kotoha started crying.
I can’t tell because she has turned over, but she is probably crying because she is blowing her nose and holding her eyes.

Then, in a muffled voice, she mumbled something that sounded like a mumble, as if to drop it.

“Thank god………….”

It was a word that sounded more like relief than joy.

That’s what it sounded like.

“Thanks …….”

So I say thank you at that point in time.

“……?”

However, the person in question did not seem to understand why she was being thanked.

So, I put my thoughts into words as if I were revealing the seeds.

“Because, you know, Kotoha always says, [You still want a way out?] So she always encouraged me. She supported me in becoming a professional and said she would be on my side.”
“That’s……”
“That’s why I made up my mind to become a pro too. Kotoha’s word has been simmering in my mind for a long time. I kept asking myself, [Do I have to become a pro, or can I just run away?]”

Without Kotoha, I would have chosen to maintain the status quo, and I don’t think I would have been able to make the decision to become a professional this time.
I’ve been making excuses all along for not going pro with my usual gibberish, excuses for not making composing a career

“So it’s thanks to Kotoha that I became a professional. Thank you …….”
“Oh no, I don’t deserve to be thanked. …………”

But she does not want to accept the gratitude honestly.

“Because I, I, I ……!”

Kotoha wanted to say something, but I was niggling, so I told her what else I wanted to talk about.

“Oh, and if I become a composer, I’ll drop the name [Kazashiro Rei].”
“Eh?”

I meant to say this as an added bonus, but Kotoha reacted greatly to it.

“Why? You don’t have to do that, ……. If you use your real name, you risk that much, and you lose some of the people who were fans of Kazashiro Rei, don’t you?”
“It’s okay, it’s a trivial matter.”
“It’s trivial ……?”

Kotoha wondered at the word “trivial,” but to me that was a trivial matter.

“You see, Kotoha said. Choose someone who likes Nagishiro Rin, not Kazashiro Rei.”
“T-That’s!”

Kotoha has leaned forward as if about to jump on me, but I continue talking.

“I’ve been thinking ever since, which am I or am I not Kazashiro Rei?”
“…………”
“But someone told me. But someone told me that there is something attractive about me not being Kazashiro Rei.”

One person taught me even though it nearly ruined my life. She encouraged me.

Kotoha may have an idea of who that person is.
Her expression is clearly depressed.

“I’ve been worried for a long time. I was afraid that if Kazashiro Rei’s true face was like this, the people who always listen to his songs would become disillusioned and stop listening to him.”

I have been hiding my true face for more than three years now.
I could never show my face or use my real name if I thought that I would be disappointed if I showed my face now. I couldn’t even think about it.

But someone told me. It’s going to be okay.

“So I’m going to use my real name and just be myself. Well, maybe I’ll go away to some extent. …… I’ll write better music than that!”
“Rin kun….”

I’m embarrassed because Kotoha is staring at me seriously. ……
Is there something on my face? She’s staring at me like she wants to say, “What’s that on your face?”

“Rin kun”

After correcting her posture, Kotoha slowly let out her last words as if to ground them.

“Welcome, I guess.”