The God and Buddha are actually me

"My rules are very simple. If you listen to my jokes and you can't help but laugh, you have to answer a question from me. You can't hide it. If you don't laugh, the joke is free, and you can even crush my head."

Zhang Jiuyang was quite confident, not because he thought his joke was funny, but because the ridiculousness of it was too low.

Damn it if it can stop laughing.

Hearing Zhang Jiuyang say this, Qian Tian was immediately moved. As long as he couldn't hold back his laughter, he could hear the joke without paying any price.

"Okay, let's hear it, but first, the joke just now won't count. After all, I don't know your rules yet!"

Zhang Jiuyang smiled faintly and said: "That's natural. The joke just now was given to you by me, without charge."

After a pause, he started telling his first joke.

"There are four dogs. The first dog calls the second dog brother, and the third dog calls the fourth dog daddy. So, may I ask, why does the first dog call the fourth dog?"

Shifting's mind immediately raced, but he couldn't come up with an answer after much thought.

"You're wrong, you can't even think of it."

Zhang Jiuyang smiled lightly and said: "The first dog barked at the fourth dog... woof woof."

He was stunned for a moment, his huge body standing in the water, like a sculpture.

Zhang Jiuyang didn't wait for him to react and told the second joke directly.

"Little Pig said to his mother, others say I am ugly. Is this true?"

"Mother Pig said righteously, good boy, how many times has mom told you not to call me mom when you go out."

Gantian's body began to tremble violently, and the shaking was very obvious. His black face was suppressed red, and the surrounding river also became rippled.

Under the water, it even bit its own flesh, trying to use the severe pain to suppress its laughter.

Seeing that Zhang Jiuyang still wanted to speak, it wanted to stop him, but was afraid that he would laugh out loud as soon as he opened his mouth. To its despair, the third joke came one after another, without giving it any time to breathe.

"Once upon a time, there was a man named Yu Gong who wanted to move a mountain. People in the village laughed at him for not overestimating his abilities. Yu Gong said that after I die, I will still have a son, and after my son dies, I will still have grandchildren. My descendants will always be able to remove the mountain. Move away, then the villagers said..."

"Wake up, you're a bachelor."

As soon as Zhang Jiuyang finished speaking, a burst of laughter rang out, shaking the mountains and scaring away countless birds.

Gantian couldn't hold it back anymore, his face turned red, and he laughed in the water until his nose and tears came out. While laughing, he shouted: "Call woof woof!"

"Hahaha, the first dog's name is Wang Wang!"

"Ha ha ha ha!!!"

Zhang Jiuyang: "..."

Good guy, I'm still stuck at the first joke.

This reflection arc is really long.

However, the goal has been achieved. It was so amazing that it burst into laughter. And it was out of control. It rolled in the water and turned forward and backward with laughter.

When it was almost done laughing, the energy of the second joke came back, and it started laughing again.

In this way, the laughter continued, and I even choked in the river water, coughing and laughing at times.

The fish and shrimps in the river couldn't even bear this roaring laughter. They were dead and injured. That is to say, Zhang Jiuyang had some cultivation, otherwise they might be stunned.

When Dantian finished laughing at the third joke, his huge body was almost exhausted, and he lay limply in the river, breathing heavily.

When Zhang Jiuyang saw this scene, he even suspected that he could laugh himself to death just by telling jokes.

I don’t know what it has experienced before. Although it has such a low point of laughter, it still likes to listen to jokes so much. It is really cute and fun-loving.

"Senior Turtle laughed at all three jokes. Now it's your turn to answer my question."

The look in Bitian's eyes was obviously a little panicked, but he was not a swindler, so he simply said: "Interesting boy, you can ask, but the ugly words are ahead. There are some things that I can only say. It's not that I'm unruly. But it’s good for you.”

"With your current level of cultivation, if you know too much, you may die inexplicably tomorrow!"

After a pause, it sighed: "I can't let you die, otherwise where will I hear such interesting jokes in the future?"

Zhang Jiuyang smiled slightly, knowing that it was finally time to harvest.

"The first question is, who preached it in the beginning of ancient times? What is the meaning of this sentence?"

Zhang Jiuyang didn't directly ask what was written on the sky monument. He knew without thinking that Gan Tian would never tell, so he just inquired from the side.

But when Gan Tian heard these four words, his whole body couldn't help but trembled, and he looked at Zhang Jiuyang with an incredulous look.

"You, can you see the words on the monument?"

Zhang Jiuyang nodded and said: "I can only see these eight words, and I won't be able to see any more. Since I have already seen it, why don't you, Senior Turtle, please give me some advice to clear up my doubts."

He vaguely felt that these eight characters were profound and profound, and seemed to contain some ancient and mysterious mystery. They even remotely echoed the Jade Cauldron Mysterious Technique that he practiced.

According to legend, in ancient times, when demons were in trouble and the world was in dire straits, a generation of genius Guigu Immortal Master went into retreat in Taixuan Mountain, hoping to create a way to save the world.

At this time, an immortal tripod descended from the sky, with nine immortal pictures painted on it, and landed in Taixuan Mountain.

Immortal Master Guigu spent nine years in seclusion in front of the tripod and finally gained enlightenment and created the Jade Cauldron Nine Immortals Picture, which was later renamed the Jade Cauldron Xuan Gong.

Since then, the world has had a perfect method of cultivating immortals, and many methods in later generations are also derived from the Jade Tripod Nine Immortals Diagram.

By analogy, the Jade Tripod Mysterious Art can be regarded as the source of the cultivation method in the world.

Doesn't it correspond to the eight words on the Heavenly Stele - At the beginning of ancient times, who preached it?

Bantian shook his head and said: "I can't interpret the words on the Heavenly Stele, or rather, everyone has a different understanding. What I can tell you is that these scriptures are not a method, but a piece of experience and understanding of my master, named... Emperor Scripture."

Emperor Scripture?

Zhang Jiuyang was shocked. A piece of experience and understanding dared to be named Emperor Scripture, and it also has the magical power of resurrection, which seems to contain the secret of becoming an immortal.

Who is the master of Bantian?

Suddenly, he remembered the big tomb in Shenju Mountain, where the four veins of dragon, immortal, Buddha, and ghost gathered together just to suppress the person in the tomb.

Before, he thought that Bantian was the person in the tomb, but now he knows he is wrong.

The real person buried in Shenju Mountain is the master of Bantian, who also wrote the Heavenly Stele and left this "Emperor Scripture"!

With his heart agitated, Zhang Jiuyang quickly asked the second question.

"Senior Turtle, who is buried in the big tomb in Shenju Mountain? Is it your master?"

When Bantian heard the three words Shenju Mountain, he actually showed a look of daze. After a long time, he slowly spoke.

"Many, many years ago, so long ago that even I can't remember it."

"At that time, I was just a little turtle that was dying of illness by the river. It was the master who took me in, treated me, and kept me by his side as a pet."

"The master often told me jokes, but it was a pity that I didn't even have spiritual intelligence at that time, and I couldn't understand it at all..."

...

Wanfu Tower.

"Two-Faced Buddha!!!"

Sun Tianchi was flowing with golden light all over his body, and the treasure scroll of the common people was fully activated. The power of merit poured into his body as if it was free, and the powerful momentum blew the gravel around him.

It was as if a tornado was spinning and blowing around him.

The two-faced Buddha was enveloped by a terrifying murderous intent.

The two-faced Buddha frowned, took a step forward, and silently chanted the Avalokitesvara Daluo mantra. There was a strange magic in his voice, trying to influence Sun Tianchi's emotions.

But soon he was surprised to find that Sun Tianchi was murderous at this moment, almost possessed by a demon, and other emotions were almost invisible, only anger and murderous intent, as indestructible as steel.

Even he could not shake it.

This is an irreconcilable hatred, a stern killing thought!

"Master Sun, there must be something in this-"

Boom!

Sun Tianchi didn't listen to him at all, and attacked brazenly, directly drawing thunder talismans in the void, and drawing talismans with both hands at the same time, one for Yang thunder and one for Yin thunder.

The miserable situation of the disciples of the sect appeared in front of him. This was the place where he had lived all his life, and it was also his greatest ideal in this life.

But all this was destroyed because of the evil spirit in front of him.

People in the martial arts world say that Sun Tianchi is the most protective of his shortcomings, but looking at the corpses and ruins everywhere, how can he be considered protective of his shortcomings?

Boom!!!

Two thunders, one black and one white, fell from the sky, like a dragon, and struck the two-faced Buddha with lightning speed.

The yang thunder destroyed his body, and the yin thunder shook his soul!

The yin and yang were like grinding, containing a mysterious Taoist rhyme, as if to crush all evil spirits into dust.

This terrifying blow made the two-faced Buddha's face change, and he did not dare to be arrogant at all. He put his palms together and chanted the mantra. The human bone robe on his body rippled with brilliant light, and the four hundred and ninety brow bones shone brightly, interweaving into a light curtain, blocking the yin and yang thunder talisman.

However, the light on the human bone robe also dimmed sharply.

"Sun Tianchi, are you crazy——"

"Two-Faced Buddha, you are crazy. You dare to destroy my Wanfu Tower. Today, even if I exhaust the merits of my ancestors and my life's skills, I will grind you to ashes and pay tribute to my loyal souls!!!"

In the void, eight golden talismans were flying around Sun Tianchi. He stretched out his hands, and two golden talismans turned into two magical instruments, one was the Emperor Sword and the other was the Emperor Bell.

"Kill!!!"

Sun Tianchi shouted angrily, his eyes were full of blood red, and the talismans around him rushed towards the two-faced Buddha as if they had spirits.

Earth, water, wind and fire, kill ghosts and demons!

With the intelligence of the two-faced Buddha, he had guessed that he was framed. He thought of Yama in his mind instantly, but he couldn't explain it in front of him.

Sun Tianchi was almost possessed by the devil, and there was no way to turn back. This person was originally extreme in temperament, and now his hatred was magnified to the extreme. He could no longer calm down with words.

Yama, what a despicable method, what a sinister act!

The first time the two-faced Buddha confronted Yama, he finally realized how terrible this enemy was. No wonder the Painted Skin Master, who was always known for his sinisterness, was repeatedly frustrated.

"Amitabha, wait until you calm down, and I will talk to you again."

Facing Sun Tianchi who was desperate, the two-faced Buddha also retreated and prepared to escape first.

However, a golden light flashed in Sun Tianchi's eyes, and the eight hundred evil-suppressing talismans outside the Demon Cave seemed to hear the order, turning into flowing light and flying into the sky, covering hundreds of feet in radius, forming a talisman array, blocking the two-faced Buddha's figure.

Although he could break the array, if he delayed for a moment, Sun Tianchi would have killed him.

"Death to the evil spirits!!!"

Under the moonlit night, a white-haired Taoist priest in a purple robe with golden light flowing all over his body came like thunder, with flying golden talismans all around him, his eyes wide open, and extremely violent.

The two-faced Buddha's eyes were particularly solemn. He knew that this battle was completely unavoidable.

The opponent wanted to die together, and if he held back, he would most likely die here.

He put his palms together, and the Buddha's light shone everywhere.

He recited the "Great Prajnaparamita Sutra".

A huge statue appeared behind him, but it was no longer the two-faced Buddha, but the statue of Mahakala of the Western Tantric Buddhism.

Tantric Buddhism believed that Mahakala was the wrathful appearance of Mahavairocana when he subdued demons. There were three forms: two arms, four arms, and six arms. At this moment, the two-faced Buddha's appearance was the two-armed Mahakala.

His body was blue-black, his three eyes were wide open, his mane was erect, and he wore a five-skull crown on his head.

His two arms were in front of his chest, his left hand held a skull bowl filled with human blood; his right hand held a moon-shaped knife, a short stick was placed horizontally between his two arms, he stood on his legs, and there was a blazing flame behind him.

Although he is the guardian deity of the Western Regions Tantric Buddhism, he looks quite terrifying.

Boom!!!

As the explosion sounded, thunder and fire merged, and the air waves were crisscrossed, crushing all the surviving trees around.

Two top six-level warriors of the time started a life-and-death battle.

…

"My master is buried in Shenju Mountain, and I am just a pet he raised countless years ago."

"Before the master passed away, I don't know what he saw, and he was quite touched, so he left such a heavenly tablet on my back. After so many years, I have died of old age for seven lifetimes, but it is because of this heavenly tablet that I can be reborn every time."

"The heavenly tablet is the last gift from the master. He once told me that after dying of old age in the tomb for seven lifetimes, I can leave the tomb and see the world for him again."

At this point, tears appeared in Bantian's eyes, dripping on the river and splashing huge water.

"There is nothing good to see in this world. After all, the master is gone."

"Although I can be reborn again and again, my soul is getting older and older, and I am often filled with sadness. Only when I hear a joke, I feel as if I am alive again and back to the time when I was with the master..."

Bantian has not confided these feelings to anyone for a long time. At this moment, he unconsciously said a lot, many of which were endless and redundant. He could tell one thing several times, like an old man.

But Zhang Jiuyang not only did not dislike it, but listened very seriously.

He sighed lightly until Bantian finished speaking.

"So that's it."

Shenju Mountain, the Great Tomb, the Heavenly Monument, the Black Turtle, the Heavenly Venerable, the Jade Tripod Mysterious Art...

These seemingly chaotic clues finally seemed to gather together and lead to a shocking truth.

He seemed to be within reach, but also very far away.

…