The Hated Male Concubine

“No, I didn’t mean I…”

The situation turned worse as soon as he thought of sharing a bed. After barely holding back himself from saying, ‘no, I didn’t mean I wanted to share a bed with you!’, his thoughts were more entangled and Yihan was overwhelmed with the urge to leave the place immediately.

Sharing a bed to boot? Why does that come to mind right now? Now, in Yihan’s head, he began to think of Hwawoon lying beautifully under him, and cold sweat was running down his spine.

At that time, Hwawoon, who had been looking at Yihan in surprise until just now, opened his mouth on behalf of the embarrassed emperor in a calm voice. 

“In this Imperial Palace, where is the place where you cannot stay, and where is the place where you will not be welcomed?” 

“…”

“Of course, if you wish, Jeongan Palace will always welcome you, Your Majesty.”

However, Yihan felt his heart sink coolly in an instant with the formal answer. Hwawoon’s answer was not the right answer to what Yihan was curious about.

“I’m not talking about the attitude toward the emperor, I’m asking about your heart.” 

“Pardon…?”

“I am the emperor, so if I say I will come, of course Jeongan Palace should welcome me. I know that better than anyone else. What I’m curious about is not that.”

Once his mind calmed down, the desire that he pretended not to know showed its presence a little more clearly. What Yihan wanted was not such an answer that he is free to come and go to Jeongan Palace. He didn’t throw away his dignity, turning sullen and stuttering, just to hear such an answer. 

“What I want to know is whether my visit here, makes you uncomfortable.”

Yihan wanted to know Yeon Hwawoon’s feelings.

“Is my visit for you, something you don’t like and unbearable?” 

He wanted to know Hwawoon’s thoughts.  

“Not about you should welcome the emperor. I’m not talking about the law.”

“Your Majesty…”

“Are ‘you’ happy with my visit, that’s what I want to know.”

Now and for the first time, Yihan was curious about Yeon Hwawoon.

Hwawoon, who faced Yihan’s stormy question right in front of his eyes, did not dare to answer immediately even though the Emperor asked him. Just like Yihan a while ago, this time, Hwawoon needed time to think. 

The Emperor was asking about Yeon Hwawoon’s feelings, but Hwawoon at that moment was thinking about his feelings as Hawoon. Yeon Hwawoon of the past would surely be happy with the Emperor’s visit for whatever reason it was. Regardless of the reason, whether it was because he was angry or to blame Hwawoon, he would have done things that would have made the emperor so angry without hesitation because he only wanted the emperor to come to his own residence, not the residence of other concubines.

Therefore, if he was asking about the opinion of ‘Yeon Hwawoon,’ without doubt he would answer he likes the emperor’s visit for whatever reason is it, and he would be happy with it. It was right to answer like that.  

Then, what about Hawoon? What about the feelings of Hawoon, who was living as Yeon Hwawoon now? Hawoon, who had to receive all kinds of contempt and ridicule right the moment he woke up in Hwawoon’s body and became the concubine of the emperor. Was it uncomfortable for him to deal with the emperor? Did he hate to meet the Emperor? Did he wish the emperor wouldn’t come because he was afraid that he would blame him and turned away again?

“Your Majesty.”

After organizing his thoughts calmly that far, Hwawoon parted his lips. Yihan, who was nervous involuntarily about the calm voice, tensed and shut his mouth tight. Meanwhile, Hwawoon continued.

“… I was the one who entered the palace only by looking at you alone, Your Majesty.” 

It was a story that was the beginning of Yeon Hwawoon and the beginning of Hawoon as well. Though it was a story no one knew. It was a story about greed beyond the means of a lowly person who no one cared about. It was a feeling of someone that definitely existed.

“Even though I lost all the memories of past days.”

Although Hawoon was not Yeon Hwawoon. Although he was a great sinner for standing before the Emperor through lies. 

“Your Majesty was the kindest and most merciful to me just by what I experienced after losing my memories.”

Hwawoon was the one who held onto his life through that one permission given by the Emperor. That little room to breathe given by the Emperor even though it wasn’t in the form that person meant to be.

“So how could I hate you, Your Majesty? Whenever it is, for whatever reason it is, I’d be happy to see your face, Your Majesty.” 

Hwawoon could not dare to make up his feelings with any excuse.

***

“Your Majesty, did something good happen to you?” 

Yihan made a questioning face when the Minister of Military, Muheon, who gave the official report courteously just now, asked him before leaving.

“What do you mean by something good…?” 

Muheon, who got along quite freely with the emperor thanks to their frequent sword duels, nodded his head at the emperor’s question, and continued speaking.

“You’ve been smiling the whole time you listened to the report…” 

“Did I?”

“Yes, you did, Your Majesty.”

However, despite Muheon’s repeated words, Yihan looked flustered as if he had no idea he was smiling. Yihan thought he was just listening to Muheon’s report seriously. However, Muheon, who was in front of him now, seemed more surprised that the emperor had never realized that he was smiling.

“Why did I…”

Yihan unconsciously raised his hand to touch the corners of his lips. He couldn’t believe he was smiling. Muheon’s report was not particularly troubling, but it was not good enough to hear it with a smile. Yihan hurriedly thought about what he was thinking before listening to Muheon’s report.

His spine turned cold at that moment.

“Your Majesty…?”

“… No, it’s nothing. There is nothing good. Go back now.” 

Muheon was puzzled to see the emperor lost in thought alone for a moment and then turned stiff as if he were confused. However, he couldn’t ignore the emperor’s order to go back, so he had no choice but to bow his back, pay respect, and leave.

“I must be crazy…” 

And Yihan, who was left alone in the place where Muheon left, muttered, covering his face with both hands.

“I am really out of my mind…” 

Those words flowed out of his mouth at will. The reason was. So, the very reason was.

Yihan was thinking about nothing but Yeon Hwawoon right before he accepted Muheon’s report. To be more precise, Yihan was pondering over Yeon Hwawoon’s answer several times that he would be just happy for any reason if he could see His Majesty’s face.

Then, under the hands covering his face, his lips wriggled reflexively again. As soon as he realized that sensation, Yihan hurriedly took off his hands and looked at his palms. Indeed, Yihan was smiling without realizing it as soon as he thought of what Yeon Hwawoon said.

Why? Why did I smile? 

Yihan was really seriously, very seriously in trouble. Aside from the fact that it was because of Yeon Hwawoon, it was very unfamiliar for Yihan to smile like this while doing his work. Of course, he laughed when the problem he had been troubled for a long time was solved, but it was a very unfamiliar experience for Yihan to smile because of thoughts that had nothing to do with work. 

No, in the first place, Yihan was a person who rarely recalled his concubines in private. 

Yihan truly cherished and respected the Empress, and for other concubines besides Yeon Hwawoon, he had as much affection as he had for people on his side. However, let alone smiling for no reason while thinking of them, he rarely thought of them in private when he was not actually with them.

He didn’t mean to do it on purpose, but it was just unnecessary. There were countless things for the emperor to think about regardless of day and night, and there were piles of work for him to give the right judgment every day, so there was no need to think about the concubines during the time he was doing political affairs.

It was supposed to be like that. Yet he, who was like that, was giving a gap in his thoughts to Yeon Hwawoon, not anyone else.

Yihan raised one hand once again and gently touched the corner of his lips with the tip of his finger. It was obviously his face and his lips, but it felt strangely unfamiliar.

At the same time as he recalled Hwawoon’s words that he would be happy at any time if His Majesty comes, he naturally imagined that Hwawoon was not surprised by his visit, but welcomed him with a hearty smile.

Then again, as if it had become a habit, he couldn’t hold back the smile from filling his face this time, even though he knew it.

“What on earth is, is this…?”

For a long time after that, Yihan could not stop touching his lips over and over, looking into the palm of his hand, then imagining Yeon Hwawoon again. It was so strange that as frightening and unfamiliar as it was, and at the same time, his heart throbbed with strange expectations and excitement.

It was really a fascinating occasion.