The Stars In Your Eyes

This cafe near the engineering dorm always has customers even though it was pricey and the taste of the food was also average. The key of this customer keeps coming to this cafe laid on the big tables with soft cushions. It was perfect for the students gathering, working on their group assignment.

Bai Yutang sits alone in the cafe, waiting for the others to arrive. Each group consists of five students working on a large scale urban project. They almost finished the tasks, only needing to wrap up the presentation. Their turn is next week, right before the midterm exam. 

Bai Yutang looked at the menu and ordered the cheapest coffee. He really could not afford to buy anything else here. He looked at the big window, at the green leaves out there. It should be green, bathing with the golden lights. But all he saw was a dull grey world. The colours have left his world..

One of the main reasons he doesn't have any courage to contact Jian Kang Lu is because of this group project. When he was starting his new semester, he really couldn't hold his feelings anymore, thinking to abandon his pride and maybe he should just beg for forgiveness. Plead for Jian Kang Lu to accept him back.

At that time, their professor gave them this group project. His teammates were fifth year like himself and also fourth year students.

"I was hoping to be assigned with a cute female junior. It was really a sign of bad luck to have an all male group with you guys." 

The juniors laugh and greet their seniors. "We're also cute, seniors. Please take care of us."

"Shameless."

Bai Yutang just smiled and they started to discuss the project, divide the task among them. They spent more than three hours in this same cafe. At the end of their discussion, the phone of one of his juniors keeps vibrating, and finally his junior with an annoyed face turns off the phone.

"Who is it?" 

"Oh.. Ahaha.."

"That's from his ex-girlfriend senior. She has been bothering Yansong since last week."

"Oh, I smell gossip here. Let's just talk about that. My brain needs gossip to revive from this burning discussion. Why is she bothering you?"

"Uh.."

"His ex-girlfriend asked him to come back to her, senior. No wonder, our Yansong here is the most handsome man in our class."

"Yeah, but i bet your face can't beat my charm."

Bai Yutang didn't really like to gossip about someone else's love life. But he can't help to ask his junior about this, because he was almost texting Jian Kang Lu this morning. He just missed him so much.

"And..? Will you give her a chance?"

This fourth year Ma Yansong was surprised to hear his quiet senior asking him the question. He doesn't look like someone who took interest with anyone else except his study.

"Umm.." 

"I told him it will be very stupid of him to accept her back. She was the one who lost her temper and wanted to break up with him. Now she said she regretted it, and bothering Yansong with those disturbing messages and calls."

"Is she pretty? Must be pretty if she dares to break up with the most handsome man in fourth year. Which faculty?"

"That's why we said he must be very stupid. That girl is not even pretty. Her face is just so-so. Don't know why this guy agreed to become her boyfriend in the first place."

"Don't talk about Huiyin like that. She was sweet and kind. It just.. Maybe we're not just meant to be."

"So why did she ask you to break up?"

"She was mad because i was going out with my friends on Christmas eve and didn't want her to tag along. She said that i was ashamed of her."

"See senior? What a ridiculous reason. Good that she asks you to break up. She didn't deserve you."

"Ah, if that girl is not pretty, don't bother to accept her back ah. With your face, you could get many girls who appreciate you. Why bother with someone like that. Just block her number."

Bai Yutang's hand at that time was instantly cold, and the shame washed over him. Who was he, dare asking for forgiveness from Jian Kang Lu. An ordinary man like him. Ordinary face with nasty temper.

His junior was right. There's a lot of better people out there compared to him who wants to be Jian Kang Lu's lover. And he stupidly wasted his fortune. It's all his fault.

He took Jian Kang Lu's kindness for granted.

Bai Yutang can't bear to imagine what kind of tone Jian Kang Lu will use to mock him if he contacts Jian Kang Lu again. And somehow, Bai Yutang really didn't want to hear Jian Kang Lu's rejection. Jian Kang Lu was the one who accepted him for who he was, never rejecting him. And he doesn't want to hear the first rejection from that man now. 

He can't bear to receive pain more than what he feels right now.

"Hello seniors, have you been waiting for a long time? Sorry, i need to get my laptop first."

His junior's voice dragged his focus back to the present time. Bai Yutang turned his head and smiled. They talk about their presentation while waiting for the others. After the other members arrived, they hurriedly wrapped their presentation.

Bai Yutang slowly walked, going back to his dorm. He skipped his lunch today, it means he needs to have his dinner. He texts his friends in group chat. Unfortunately his friends can't spare time to have dinner with him. They are still stuck in the studio for their final project. 

The shops and cafes lined in this street were packed with people. There are groups of girls laughing. There are couples walking hand in hand. There are also people like him, walking slowly enjoying the spring breeze. Unfortunately he can't find the beauty within the swaying leaves, fluttering in the wind of spring.

At night, Xu Chenjie asked him to have dinner together. This is the first time in their four months being dorm mates to have dinner together. Bai Yutang agreed. Xu Chenjie is the first person beside Mu Xiaoya whom he told about his relationship with Jian Kang Lu.

Last night, after Xu Chenjie sent him the link, he could perceive that Xu Chenjie was peeking at him several times. Bai Yutang smiled, and asked him. "Are you curious, whether the person in this picture is truly me?"

Xu Chenjie just gave silence as his response to Bai Yutang's question. Bai Yutang smiled and continued.

"This is me. And this is my boyfriend."

Bai Yutang can deny it. Bai Yutang can give excuses. But somehow, his blank mind and his hollow heart lead his mouth to tell those shameless lies.

'My boyfriend.'

Bai Yutang doesn't know why, but he could not say that this man he longs for, is the man who is no longer his boyfriend. He could not say that this man is his ex-boyfriend. Because he was an idiot to let this man go.

No, the exact words is, he arrogantly pushed this man away from him. And now he lost him.

Bai Yutang could hear awkward laughs from Xu Chenjie, and they spent that night with awkward stillness lingering around them. Bai Yutang doesn't care. He also spent no effort to read malicious comments on that forum. He only stared at that picture. How he wishes to come back to those happy moments before this nightmare he created trapped him in this desolate world.

Bai Yutang thought maybe Xu Chenje will avoid him, or despise him to be a cutsleeve. Bai Yutang was even expecting Xu Chenjie to move out and look for another roommate. But surprisingly today they have dinner together.

While they were eating the fried rice in this small food stall, Xu Chenjie asked him.

"Senior, i'm sorry if my question is bothering you. But I was curious, whether your boyfriend is also studying here?"

Bai Yutang smiled, and asked lightly. "Why do you want to know?"

Xu Chenjie's face is a bit red. "I don't know whether you read those forum's discussion, senior. But they speculate that your boyfriend took a master degree here. I-I.. I was just curious."

Bai Yutang chuckled, and he answered. "No, he's not."

"Is he an architect too?"

"No.. He's a doctor."

Xu Chenjie doesn't know whether it was just his imagination or reality. But he can sense a longing tone, and sorrow, from Bai Yutang's answer.

"Wow, how did you meet each other?"

Bai Yutang smiled, "Why do you want to know? I thought you'd be afraid of me."

Xu Chenjie hurriedly waved his hand. "No no no. I have a cousin, he was very close with me and my sister. He's a cutsleeve too. But you look so different with him. I'm just surprised, and also curious."

"And why are you curious?"

"Um.. Because you look so happy last night. I thought you'll be mad or sad. It took me one week before finally I decided to ask you last night. I kinda guess no one talk to you about it. These kinds of things usually make people only talk behind you, but not dare to ask you. And I think you have the right to know."

"You're right, and i'm grateful. Thank you, for telling me. And not afraid of me."

"Oh, i still remember how hard it was for my cousin when he finally told us that he was a cutsleeve. He's having a hard time from his parents and his friends too. He's such a kind man, and I feel sorry for him to receive that unfair treatment."

Bai Yutang smiled, "I don't have courage like your cousin. You're the second person I told about this. Not even my friends know. But maybe they know about it now."

"Don't worry, senior. Lots of good people who can truly see your kindness instead of your preferences."

"Yes, I know. And I am grateful for that. You belong to that good people. But why are you curious about my boyfriend?"

"Umm.. Like I told you, because you look happy last night. You should see my cousin and my sister every time they get drunk together. They will start to curse man as an ungrateful beast. They're lamenting about how hard to find a decent man out there. But looking at your face last night, I think your boyfriend treated you well."

Bai Yutang's heart felt like a thousand needles pricked his heart when he heard those words from Xu Chenjie. He stared at his half eaten fried rice which he can't taste. Since Jian Kang Lu was not in his life, the food lost its taste. His tongue no longer has the ability to taste.

"Yes, he treats me very well. I'm so lucky to have him."