The Stars In Your Eyes

Chinese New Year is always a time to head home, spend time with family, back to your hometown and indulge yourself with the familiar festival you always anticipated in your childhood.

Airports, train stations, bus stations, the road, all packed with a sea of people who rushed back to their hometown. The people at home anxiously clean their house, decorate it, welcoming the tired flying birds migrate back to the nest.

Bai Yutang was too late to book his ticket. Usually Jian Kang Lu will remind him from weeks away, but this year both of them forgot. The result is that Bai Yutang could only book the business class, and grit his teeth when he input his credit card number when he clicked the order button on the travel website.

He could only blame himself for being used to his lover pampering until he forgot to take care of his own things. Even though his lover told him to use his credit card, Bai Yutang felt his salary now is enough to pay for himself.

Bai Yutang clearly noticed his lover became extremely busy this past month. The only Wednesday his lover picked him up and had dinner together was only when Jian Kang Lu treated Xiang Cai and Huang Shi together for dinner, as Jian Kang Lu's token of gratitude for taking care of the dead drunk Bai Yutang.

Bai Yuren picked Bai Yutang up at the airport. Last year Bai Yuren took a driving course and managed to get her driving license.

"Do you want me to drive, Yuren?" Bai Yutang put his luggage in the trunk, while asking Bai Yuren to help him take his backpack.

"No, It's okay. Gege, you only stay for four days? Why so fast? Did you bring Jian Ge's book for me? And my other things?" Bai Yuren didn't even say hello yet she was already chirping and asking questions.

Bai Yutang put on his safety belt and patiently answered his sister's question one by one. They go to the grocery store first to buy ingredients for New Year's dinner. They will make dumplings together.

"Let's make the wrappers by ourselves." Bai Yutang said while he tried to secure the flour and meat which people snatched away at the lighting speed.

They drive home again, tired after the battle inside the grocery store. Every new year, humans will be pushed to their most extreme limit to prove their capability of surviving in the jungle of grocery shopping.

"TangTang.." His mother welcomed him home when he opened the door and dragged his luggage inside.

Bai Yutang hugged his mother before he went upstairs. His sister comes when he unpack his things, happily snatching her things.

"Have you put the grocery in the fridge?" Bai Yutang asked.

""Of course. Ah! Jian Ge even bought this pack of cosmetics for me! How thoughtful." She took a photograph and sent it to her moments on social media.

Bai Yutang and Jian Kang Lu are surprisingly very inactive in their social media, unlike most people nowadays. Jian Kang Lu only posts the good food he ate, and uses social media as storage media for his favorite food.

"Let's make the dumplings at 6 o'clock. I'll help mom decorate first and take a bath after this." Bai Yutang then walks away, his luggage is filled with Bai Yuren's things, so it didn't take long for him to unpack.

Bai Yutang already called his lover twice, when he arrived at the airport and when he arrived at his room. Even though his lover is extremely busy to the point they only make love once a week now, he still didn't forget to call Bai Yutang and also asked Bai Yutang to call him often.

The empty big house finally regains it's glorious days' atmosphere when Bai Yutang put the last red lantern on the trees in their yard. There's red paper cuttings on doors and windows with the image of peach and peony.

Bai Yutang took a bath and headed to the kitchen. Actually it was much easier to use instant wrapper to make dumplings. But this year, Bai Yutang wants to make it by himself.

He stirred the flour and salt in a large bowl, stirring it with chopsticks as he poured boiling water. Once it is shaped, he kneads it until the flour absorbs all water. Once smooth, he shaped into a ball then covered them with damp cloth. This will need to rest for 2 hours.

After that he makes dinner with Bai Yuren and his mother. They chat about Bai Yutang's new job and Bai Yuren's internship. If nothing goes wrong, Bai Yuren will graduate this year.

Once they finished the dinner, they made the dumplings together in the living room while watching the Spring Gala. This year's spring gala is very interesting, with lots of high tech shows combined with the dance and singing.

They laugh when the comedian shows their skills. Their hands didn't stop rolling the dough ball, filling it with their favourite filling, then boiling it. The best way of course is to steam it with a bamboo steamer. But for the three of them, boiling it is also fun. They could eat what they make then when finished they'll make it again.

On TV, the comedian talks about the headache of single people who have to prepare being questioned about when they will find their other half. Suddenly Lu Hua asked, "You'll turn 26 this year.. Why did I never see you bring any girl to introduce to me, TangTang? Don't.. Don't wait until you're old. Better to have children as soon as possible.."

Lu Hua still remembers how she gave birth to Bai Yutang when Bai Haoran was 28 years old. Even at that age, their family still struggled when Bai Haoran left. If not for Bai Yutang's determination, how could Lu Hua safely deliver both of them to finish their education? 

It's best to have children as soon as possible, for the children safely finish their education before their parents get too old. If Bai Yutang has children at 30, he needs to work at least until he is 55 years old to let his children graduate from university.

"I still focus on my career, mom." Bai Yutang felt uneasy about lying again.

Lu Hua starts to ramble her fear, slowly emphasising to let her future grandchildren be safe and could be whatever they want to be with a strong education background. She wished her children could understand what she felt, and never experience the helplessness she went through after Bai Haoran left her.

Bai Yuren tried to divert the conversation, but she failed.

"How about Mrs. Yang's daughter? She graduated last year and is working in the bank. Or Old Xing's granddaughter? She's working in the office, heard her salary is 8000 yuan per month. Why don't you exchange numbers first, and later could meet each other if both of you feel right."

"Mom.." Bai Yutang helplessly looked at Bai Yuren, asking for help.

Bai Yutang and Bai Yuren turn deaf for the next one hour until suddenly there's a male singer with appearance and voice like a female shows up. His voice is incredibly high and very clear, his androgyny features and his amazing voice was very famous.

"Ah.. I heard Mrs. Gu told that Mrs. Ling's son is gay. No wonder he hasn't gotten married even though his mother desperately introduced hundreds of good girls to him. He is already 31 I think."

Bai Yutang and Bai Yuren choked at the same time. They hurriedly drink their water and calm their cough. Both of them turn red from the shock. Bai Yuren still coughed, "Don't listen to those kinds of rumors, mom." She said.

Bai Yutang's hand still holds his glass. He stares at the boiling water in front of him, his dumpling already done. He slowly fished it and put it in his bowl.

"I just took pity on Mrs. Ling. They only have one son. How miserable if she never has her own grandchildren.. Their family line will just end that way." Lu Hua's tone was not judgmental. She truly felt bad for her if the news is true.

"A lot of people can't have children on their own either. It's their own path, mom. Their fate. No need to pity them." Bai Yuren slowly said. She kneads another dough ball flat and fills it with shrimp and mushroom while peeking at his brother's face.

"But still.. At least they tried. If a married couple tried and didn't have the blessing, then it's their fate. But how could you call it fate if you didn't try." Lu Hua shook her head.

"Mom.." Bai Yutang's voice trembled a little bit. He didn't know why, but he suddenly didn't want to lie anymore. "I'm a gay too.."

The whole living room became silenced. Only the drum and melody from the television echoed in the room. Bai Yuren almost burned herself when she dropped her dumpling into the boiling water.

Lu Hua felt she heard something wrong. She carefully looked at her son. "What? I didn't hear it clearly."

"I.. I'm a gay too mom.."

Lu Hua stares at her son. The suffocating silence engulfed the room once again. Bai Yutang didn't dare to look at his mom. His hands trembling, but still kneading the dough ball.

"I'm gay, that's why i didn't have girlfriend."

Lu Hua abruptly stands and walks to her room. She closed the door and felt the dumpling she ate choked her. Something heavy stuck in her throat, a big lump formed in her chest. She starts to pounce her chest, desperately wanting to get rid of those big lump out of her chest.

Did she hear it wrong? 

She must have heard it wrong..

Her son is gay? It was not possible.

Her TangTang is the most sensible child since young, never bringing her trouble even once. 

Why? Why does he make that kind of joke?

Her eyes were hot, and a crystal ball formed in the corner of her eyes. Her heart hurt. Her head throbbing hard. She ran to the bed, her trembling hand took Bai Haoran and her picture on the bedside table. She put it on her chest, her lips trembling as her son's words echoed again and again in her head.

"Haoran.. What did I do wrong? What.. Why..?"

Gay? Not married? Cut their family line? Cut her beloved husband's family line?? What kind of joke is this?

She didn't realise her tears were running like a waterfall curtain on her cheek, she wept bitterly. Her voice choked, her sobbing started to get louder and louder as she couldn't breath. As if the air was avoiding her lungs.

"Mom.." Her son's voice came from behind the door. He knocked the door softly.

Lu Hua cried even harder. What did she do wrong? Maybe she really is not a good mother, but why need to be repaid this way? If she could take care of her son instead of her son taking care of her, will it change everything?

She always tries her best to take care of her children, but why does all her effort fail her? How could she face her father in law? Her husband? For her.. For she failed to raise Bail Haoran's children well. She failed to be a mother.

Why?