The Stars In Your Eyes

Jian Kang Lu staring at his mobile phone's screen. Zhen Guo just sent his kitten's address. He can't believe Zhen Guo managed to get his address in one week, while he spent this two month in vain.

If he looks back at how he lived in the last two month, he feels pathetic. He is still going to the hospital every morning. Doing his job and no one notices something different from him. Or maybe they notice, but they just didn't show and keep silent.

He still spent every Sunday with his family, gardening with her mother, teasing Xiao Ming for having a crush with his new friend, discussing financial matters with his brother, and accompanying his father playing golf.

He also still sent messages to his kitten everyday. Just to make sure that his kitten's number is still active. He didn't call him everyday again. He's afraid his kitten will hate him more for his disturbing behaviour..

But he stopped watching movies in the theatre. He can't go back watching movies alone like he used to.

He feels so lonely. He used to spend two years alone. He knows he's not happy, but it's bearable. So how come after meeting and knowing his kitten after one year, without any romantic relationship, he turns into a happy man again and constantly hoping to spend time together with his kitten.

And now when he suddenly had to feel those loneliness again, it's a torture.

Jian Kang Lu feels like a small sapling grasping the solid earth with his strong root, relaxed under the soft sun, listening to birds singing on his branch. Then suddenly something pulled him out from the soil, put him in a dark box. No longer have something to hold on, no longer have energy to nourish his young leaves, no longer have voices around to accompany him.

It's dark. 

It's cold. 

It's silent. 

And he withered.

Jian Kang Lu feels pathetic. He thought he was mature enough, but turns out he couldn't handle this kind of loneliness. His kitten is not even his lover. They're just friends. Jian Kang Lu also doesn't understand how he could feel suffering like this just because his kitten decided not to be his friend anymore.

Jian Kang Lu feels resentful. Why did his kitten have to shut him out like that? Why did he also cut contact with his friends? Why does he hide a lot of things from his family too? He's 21 years old, why can't he think more mature? He's not a kid anymore.

Jian Kang Lu feels afraid. Does he do something out of his consciousness that makes his kitten angry? Or does he realise that Jian Kang Lu is a gay and have a feeling for him? Does he hate homosexual? Or does Jian Kang Lu offend him in any way?

But most of all, Jian Kang Lu feels yearning.

He remembers how his kitten looked at him with straight eyes when he talked to him.

He remembers how his kitten looked at him with shy eyes and bowed his head if Jian Kang Lu praised him.

He remembered how his kitten's eyes squinted when he told some jokes.

He remembers how his kitten's eyes brightened every time they visited a well structured building.

He remembers how his kitten miraculously soothing his bad mood, accompanied him in silence.

He remembers how his kitten lively told him about his days, and also gently asked him about his days.

He remembers how his kitten told him to take care, then said good night to him before they're going to sleep.

He remembered his kitten's calming voice when calling his name, and said that he admired him.

He missed him. So much.

Jian Kang Lu also felt worried, he saw how devastated his kitten was when his father was sick, and then left him forever. His heart ached to see those tears and the desolate face of his kitten. But his heart ached more when he saw him hold all his tears in the funeral.

With those mixed feelings, Jian Kang Lu held himself not to dashed out and find his kitten right now. He decides to wait until the morning comes to find him, and see with his own eyes that his kitten is doing fine.

But he can't sleep. He tossed in the bed all night, trying to close his eyes. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw his kitten. He didn't get enough sleep this past two months. And tonight he can't sleep at all.

So at 4.30 in the morning, he decided to run in the park. Try to calm himself. After one hour running, he took a bath and then messaged his family that he has something to do today and maybe can't join them in their family lunch.

At 6 o'clock he went out driving and tried to find his kitten's place. This area in the B city is a place he rarely visits. He can't find the right place at first. After checking his GPS and asking around, he found out that the place was located in a small alley further inside. Cars can't get through this area.

So he drove around to find a place to park his car. After that, he walked to find his kitten's hostel. Jian Kang Lu is not really good with direction, so he turns the GPS in his mobile phone all the time. He asked tons of people until finally he found the place. It's already 8 o'clock in the morning.

When he finally arrived, all he saw was a shabby hostel. That hollow space in his heart suddenly filled with rage.

Does he not kind enough to make his kitten trust him? Is he not capable enough to make his kitten depend on him? Is he not strong enough to protect his kitten? Is he not important enough to make his kitten abandon him?

This is the first time when someone doesn't need him. Not even trying to ask for his help. With those boiling rage inside his heart and mind, Jian Kang Lu knocked the door outside the hostel. No one answered.

He kept knocking and looked for someone around, until he saw a middle aged woman coming from the house next to this hostel. She was the landlady.

Jian Kang Lu politely introduces himself, "Good morning, maam. My name is Jian Kang Lu. Can I ask whether you have a tenant named Bai Yutang who lives here?"

The landlady looked at her with a suspicious face. "Why are you looking for someone named Bai Yutang here?"

Jian Kang Lu speechless. Does he look like a loan shark or bad guy?

"I was Bai Yutang's relative."

The landlady was still suspicious, then asked, "Why didn't you call him? You could ask him to open the door if you're really his relatives." 

Jian Kang Lu tried to hold his annoyance and politely said, "I tried, but he didn't answer."

At that time, a young man walked through them and opened the hostel door with his key. The landlady called that young man and told him to show Jian Kang Lu the Bai Yutang's room. This young man also looked at him suspiciously. But he said nothing and just showed Jian Kang Lu the room where Bai Yutang stayed.

Jian Kang Lu really can't believe this is the place where his kitten lived. This place is not having good ventilation, he can smell the old furniture and dust inside when walking through the living room. The paint has some stains in the wall, and the sofa had holes in them. It looks dark and a little bit dirty.

What happened to his kitten? What is going through his mind? Why does he need to stay at a place like this? Why doesn't he ask for his help?

Actually, the landlady and the store attendant guy are showing the appropriate reaction. They saw a handsome tall man, using fine clothes, standing in the narrow alley in front of their shabby hostel. This man looks out of the picture. His appearance didn't match at all with this neighbourhood.

They saw many fancy men before, but not here. This man really looks handsome and wealthy. Even ordinary wealthy men are rarely seen here, more over a very handsome guy like him. And this man said he was looking for someone in the hostel. None of them ever have a friend or a relative like this charming man.

Have you ever heard a handsome and wealthy man want to visit his friend or relatives in a place like this? At 8 o'clock in the morning? All those fancy men will ask them to visit them outside, or flaunt their fancy house by asking them to visit. None of those wealthy men want to visit this shabby place.

This place also did not allow a car to pass by. That means this man has to walk through these narrow alleys to reach their hostel. Have you ever heard a man like this willing to walk and dirtying their expensive shoes just to visit them?

That's never happened. At least until today.

The store attendant guy is curious, who is this man? Is he really Bai Yutang's relatives? Who is Bai Yutang? He looks as shabby as this hostel and lives frugally. He remembers Bai Yutang doesn't even want to spend 25 yuan to cut his hair. If he has a relative like this, why does he never go out to visit him? They also didn't look like relatives at all. This man is too handsome.

So the store attendant went into the kitchen and back to the living room, peeking at this man knocking at Bai Yutang's door. This man looks very cold. His expression shows he was angry. But this man didn't look like a loan shark at all. If a loan shark has a face like this, they will be a host or entertainer instead of being a rough loan shark.

After a while, Bai Yutang's room opened, and the store attendant guy could hear a cold voice from this handsome man.

"Are you done hiding?"