The Stars In Your Eyes

Jian Kang Lu didn't want to get mad with his kitten. But he can't contain his rage. He already felt his heart ache when he saw this shabby hostel, and imagined his beloved kitten living here alone for two months.

When the door opened, he saw his kitten wearing a dark green sweater, loosely hanging from his thin shoulder. His sweatpants look too big now for him. His shoulder bone protruding. His face sunken with a pale unhealthy colour. His hair disheveled with an uneven cut. 

Who the hell responsible for his kitten's hair looks like this?

Bai Yutang was stunned, he can't believe Jian Kang Lu appeared in front of him like this. What will Jian Kang Lu think to see him like this? He also knows that his state right now is a mess. So he just hung his mouth open without knowing what to say.

"Do you want to talk here?" Jian Kang Lu's cold voice heard once again.

Bai Yutang is also confused. He can't let Jian Kang Lu talk here, standing in front of the door. He also can't let Jian Kang Lu talk to him in the living room, afraid many people will hear them. 

But most of all, he was also ashamed if his neighbour saw a person like him talking with a person like Jian Kang Lu.

Finally he said in a weak voice, "If Jian Ge doesn't mind, please come inside."

There's only one chair in the room, that chair cramped in the corner with a small desk beside his bed. Bai Yutang wants to hide. He's so ashamed to let Jian Kang Lu look at his pathetic hostel room.

Jian Kang Lu looks around, and seems like he also doesn't know where to sit. He finally sat in the only chair in this room, looked at Bai Yutang close to the door and stood there with his head low. Bai Yutang doesn't have any presence to face Jian Kang Lu.

"Sit."

Bai Yutang still droops his head down and obediently sits on his bed. He didn't hear Jian Kang Lu say anything for a while. He's nervous, and starts fidgeting his own nail.

"Why didn't you answer my call, or reply to my messages?"

Bai Yutang really didn't know what to say. He feels guilty, ashamed, sad, afraid.

But deep inside, he also felt a little bit happy and relieved that Jian Kang Lu showed up here and still wants to see him.

"Why didn't you tell me anything?"

Bai Yutang's head still dropped, he just sat in his bed like a statue.

"Did you ask your friends and family to tell me nothing? Did I do something wrong, until you hate me and avoid me?"

Bai Yutang instantly raised his head, looked at Jian Kang Lu and hurriedly said, "No. It's not like that."

"Then…? Like what?"

Bai Yutang startled, and lowered his head again. He said in a small voice, "My family doesn't know anything. Please don't tell them. My friends also don't know anything."

Jian Kang Lu silently listens to those small weak voices. It seems his kitten didn't lie. He also knows Bai Yutang's friend worried and mad that Bai Yutang didn't tell them anything. They also ask Jian Kang Lu to tell them if he heard any news about Bai Yutang.

"Then, do you think this is how a proper adult should behave? Shut himself from his friends? Lied to his family?"

Bai Yutang shook his head, but said nothing.

Jian Kang Lu is really mad. This room is so small, without any window. He could hear the small bed creaking when Bai Yutang sat there. He could smell the air mixed with dust and mould. 

He cherishes his kitten and treasures him so much. But his kitten chose to live in this shabby place.

The more he looked, the more he felt his chest lodged, constricted with his rage. But he saw his kitten in a sorry state. He also could not get angry with him. All he wants to do now is to hold him tight. Ask him not to abandon him like that again.

Finally Jian Kang Lu can only say, "Pack up all your things. You're moving out. I won't allow you to stay in a place like this."

Bai Yutang raised his head immediately and looked at him in disbelief. Actually Jian Kang Lu regretted saying those words. How if his kitten threw him out and told him who the hell is he to ask him moving out from this place.

But Bai Yutang didn't cast Jian Kang Lu out, he just stared and opened his mouth. He doesn't know how to respond. Should he tell him that he can't afford to stay anywhere else besides this place?

"Why? You didn't want to? Is there any reason that you have to stay in this place?"

Bai Yutang dropped his head again. He's so ashamed. He held to the last dignity he had. 

"You don't want to explain anything to me?"

Bai Yutang also knows he acts childish. And somehow it hurts his heart when he heard that last question from Jian Kang Lu. His voice sounds dejected, disappointed with him. Bai Yutang didn't know whether it was only his imagination, but he also heard sadness from Jian Kang Lu's tone.

At least he owes Jian Kang Lu an explanation.

He finally took a deep breath and explained without raising his head, "I need to save money, Jian Ge. I want to finish my study, but we don't have enough money if i enrol this semester normally. That's why I took a break this semester. I applied for a scholarship, so I can continue my study with the money left. I need to hang on with that money until i graduate and can support my family."

Jian Kang Lu already heard from Zhen Guo last night. He knows his kitten is having financial problems. He just doesn't really understand why. From what he has seen, his kitten's father is doing well enough. Bai Yutang never said that his family had financial problems before.

"So? You don't want to leave this place because you don't want to spend your money for a better one? Until when? Until you graduate? Do you realise how unhealthy this place is?"

Bai Yutang shook his head, "No, Jian Ge. I planned to stay here until I start next semester if my scholarship is approved. Then i can stay in the dorm again."

Jian Kang Lu stares at his kitten's sorry state. He really can't stand to let his precious kitten stay in this place even just for one more day.

"If you don't start to pack your things, I'll pack for you. I've said it once, now I said it again. You're moving out. I won't allow you to stay in a place like this. And i won't say it for the third time."

Bai Yutang's hand nervously fidgeting his nail tips. A moment later he said with a low voice, "But.. But where can I go? I really tried to look for a proper room, but this is the only place that offers a cheap rent with better condition compared to the other."

Jian Kang Lu held his breath, then said with a stern voice.

"You'll stay with me. You know I have an extra room in my apartment. You'll live there, and not move anywhere ever again without telling me. You said you want to save money. Staying in my place is free. You can save more money that way."

Jian Kang Lu knows his words sound harsh. He was never a harsh person. He is always polite and chooses his words carefully. But he just feels so mad right now. Does his kitten think he can't afford to support him and his family until he graduates? Why on earth his kitten doesn't want to ask him to help?

Bai Yutang didn't raise his head, he just can say in a low voice, "I know Jian Ge means well, but i feel bad if i burden you. I can't do that.."

"In what way you'll be a burden to me? Tell me. If you can explain well, then i won't say anything again." Jian Kang Lu's voice now raised a little with a hint of rage compared to the cold tone from before.

Bai Yutang racked his brain, tried to find a reason. But somehow he can't find any. Jian Kang Lu lived alone, his apartment had two bedrooms but he only used one room. He worked in the hospital from early in the morning until night. So most of the time, his apartment is empty.

It's Jian Kang Lu's own apartment, so Bai Yutang didn't need to pay anything. If the water and electricity bill is higher because Bai Yutang lives there, the split bill is still the same amount or even cheaper than renting a room in this hostel.

Both of them keep silent for almost five minutes. Finally it was Jian Kang Lu who spoke first.

"Can't refute my words? Then what are you waiting for? Packed your things now."

Bai Yutang really can't find any reason. So he stood up and started to pack his things. He doesn't have many things. Just clothes, his laptop and tablet, sketchbook and his pens.

It doesn't take more than 30 minutes to finish packing all his stuff. When he finishes, he only can say with a meek voice, "I'm done, Jian Ge.."

Jian Kang Lu only sits and looks at his kitten pack his things. His heart ached, he wanted to help him pack. But he also needs to give a lesson to his kitten. Or else his kitten will run away and leave him again. He can't afford to lose him like that.

"Follow me."

Bai Yutang dragged his luggage and backpack, following Jian Kang Lu. He saw the store attendant guy in the living room staring at both of them. He heard Jian Kang Lu greet the guy, "Thank you for your kind assistance before. We're leaving now. I hope we can meet again someday in better condition. Thank you for taking care of our TangTang all this time."

Bai Yutang saying goodbye to his neighbour, "I have to go now, Ge. Thank you for your help. I still haven't paid your kindness for the last time."

The store attendant looked at Jian Kang Lu then moved to Bai Yutang. So, is this Bai Yutang actually a young master running away from home? Who is this handsome man that picked him? His brother? But they didn't look alike.

He had many questions, but he can't ask. The atmosphere between this handsome man and his shabby neighbour is too cold.

He just nodded, and said "Your hair cut really looks ugly, told you I can't cut hair. You better trim it again in an appropriate place."

Now Jian Kang Lu knows who's the one responsible for his kitten's hair.

Both of them also meet the landlady to explain that Jian Kang Lu will bring Bai Yutang back home. The landlady just looked at them, then staring at Bai Yutang. "No matter what problem you had in your family, you should never run away from home again."

Bai Yutang wants to explain, but what can he say? So he just nodded his head and said thank you to the landlady.

Bai Yutang follows Jian Kang Lu until they reach where Jian Kang Lu parked his car. He put his things inside the car, then sat obediently beside Jian Kang Lu. None of them say anything in the car when Jian Kang Lu drives the car.

Jian Kang Lu can't stay mad all the time. Once his wild runaway kitten turns into a docile one beside him, he doesn't want to stay angry again. He just felt relieved, he finally found his kitten back.

"Have you had your breakfast yet? Do you want to have breakfast outside or order some food from home?"

This is the first time Bai Yutang heard that gentle tone again after a few months. All the cold and harsh tones from before disappeared. Just like mist evaporating from a rising sun warm touch. Bai Yutang suddenly felt all the feeling he locked inside his heart bursting out, clogging his throat, choke him.

He can't hold all those grieves buried inside, those grieves start flowing out from his locked up heart. The corner of his eyes started to sting, and warmed with a layer of mist. Those beads welled up at the edge of his eyes, and falling down. Once it starts, he can't hold it back.

He lowered his head down, the tears started to drip down, stained his sweatpants. Falling like a rain fall from the shattered sky. He didn't make any sound. Then he feels a warm hand caress his head, over and over again.

Jian Kang Lu didn't say anything. He drove with one hand, while his other hand patted his kitten's messy hair and his back. His heart ached so much to see his kitten's tears pouring down. He doesn't want to see his kitten like this ever again. He promised himself to take care of this man. To treat him well, just like what he deserved.

When they arrived in the apartment's parking lot, Jian Kang Lu looked at his kitten's eyes who was still wet from his tears. Those beads start to drip one by one, once again. His kitten's knuckle whiten from gripping his own hand tight.

Jian Kang Lu turns the engine off, and faces his kitten. He looked at his kitten's side face, his kitten's head dropped down. Those messy hair can't cover his kitten's red eyes. Jian Kang Lu feels his body move on its own. How he wants to protect his kitten so much, shield him from anything bad in this world. To never let him suffer like this again.

He held his kitten tight, how he wished he could say that he will protect him forever. How he wished he could say that his kitten's happiness is the most important thing for him right now. How he wished he could say that he cherished him so much.

In the end, he could only slowly say what's in his heart with his most gentle tone, "TangTang.. Everything's gonna be okay."

He stroked his kitten's back while holding him. He could feel the dampness in his shoulder from his kitten's eyes. "You're not alone, you have me here. I'll always accompany you. All the way, until the end. You're never alone."

Jian Kang Lu kept stroking Bai Yutang's back. He can feel his kitten's head movement. His kitten didn't make any sound, but he can feel his kitten nod his head.

Jian Kang Lu patted his kitten's head, then cupped his face. He raised his kitten's face to see his kitten's red eyes clearly. Those red phoenix eyes are wet and swelled from those tears. The pearly beads droplet still trickle, making those beautiful eyelashes look like a wet butterfly wing. Jian Kang Lu stared at his kitten's eyes, and let him stare back into his soul.

"So I beg you, TangTang. Please trust me."