The Stars In Your Eyes

Jian Kang Lu's happiness gradually turned into trepidation. His kitten's eyes seemed unfocused, and his expression dazed away. He notices that since they have lunch together with his residents.

Maybe his kitten is still angry with him, and even angrier now? Maybe his kitten feels neglected when he gives pointers to his residents? Or is there something bothering his kitten's mind? But Jian Kang Lu was too afraid to ask.

When Jian Kang Lu finished his round and his residents said goodbye to him and his kitten, his kitten just stared blankly and impolitely not returned their words. This is not his kitten's habit at all.

His kitten just startled, and hurriedly bowed to his residents with a flushed face after Jian Kang Lu nudged his hand to walk out from the restaurant. He didn't seem to listen to all the words said to him before.

His kitten also stared blankly and didn't answer him when he asked where his kitten wanted to go to spend this Saturday afternoon. Jian Kang Lu feels at loss. He doesn't know how to make his kitten alright again..

And it's very rare for him to feel at loss. His kitten is the only one who made him like a clueless person. So finally he just suggested they stroll to B park. They just walked for one hour, strolling in silence.

But no matter what, even with this awkward mute surrounding them, he still delighted. At least he still can spend his time together with his kitten. Sometimes Jian Kang Lu peek at his kitten, just to make sure this is not his dream.

Jian Kang Lu then asks his kitten, "TangTang, where do you want to go for dinner?"

Five seconds passed without any response from his kitten. Jian Kang Lu repeated his questions in a louder voice. Maybe his kitten didn't hear him clearly. Even though the park was not crowded, but still there's birds chirping around them, and few people converse with louder voices.

After a few times asking and still hearing no response from his kitten, Jian Kang Lu was worried. HIs hand moved instinctively and held his kitten's hand to turn his attention to him. Or maybe Jian Kang Lu just wanted to hold his kitten's hand, preventing his kitten from running away from him.

His kitten jumped and answered him with a stammered speech.

"A-a-anywhere!"

Jian Kang Lu helplessly stares at his kitten. They're back to the car, and Jian Kang Lu drives his car to the french restaurant in W hotel. He never took his kitten here before. Jian Kang Lu hoped to see his kitten's eyes brightened like he used to every time they went to an intricate building.

But for the whole dinner, his kitten didn't want to look at him, and just stare at his plate. Nod sometimes, answered shortly. Jian Kang Lu just prayed silently that his kitten will forgive him soon.

Jian Kang Lu tried to initiate conversation with his kitten, whatever comes to his mind, he will ask. Deep inside, maybe he wanted to remind his kitten that he was here, trying to make everything right again. Asking for forgiveness.

"TangTang, do you want to come with me to my family lunch tomorrow?"

His kitten stared at him with a blanked face, and shook his head.

"Or maybe we can go out tomorrow, watch some movies? Or do you want to go somewhere else?"

His kitten looked confused, "Don't you have your family lunch tomorrow, Jian Ge?"

"I don't have to come, i can go with you tomorrow."

His kitten reject firmly, even refuting him in an absolute manner when Jian Kang Lu said that.

"No no, don't cancel your family lunch, Jian Ge!"

Jian Kang Lu was lost, what else should he say?

"Then, what are you planning for tomorrow, alone in the apartment?"

His kitten dazed for a moment, then said he wanted to contact his friend again, visit them in the dorm. Jian Kang Lu was surprised, but immediately said he would send his kitten to their dorm and pick him up again later in the night.

After a back and forth argument, his kitten surrendered and finally complied. Honestly, Jian Kang Lu just wants to make sure he knows his kitten whereabout all the time. He truly traumatised with those two months he spent without his kitten's presence.

Even Jian Kang Lu didn't know he could turn into a person like this.

On the other hand, Bai Yutang can't help thinking about what the nurses said. All his mind is muddled. He really doesn't understand what he feels right now.

Calculating the time, it should be him referred as the Chang'e Goddess by Jian Kang Lu and these nurses. He asked them several times and tried to match the timeline.

Like the first time Jian Kang Lu said he had a date one year ago. The nurses said it was the only time Jian Kang Lu did Saturday round early in the morning and finished early, because he wanted to have a date with the Chang'e Goddess. Bai Yutang calculated, and it was similar to the time they went together for the first time.

But it was only a stroll in the shopping mall to buy a gift for Jian Kang Lu colleague's son, and then a lunch. It's not a date!

Inside his jumbled thoughts. There is one part shocked, three part glad, two part curious, three part uneasy, and one part… Happy?

Shocked because why Jian Kang Lu referred him as Chang'e Goddess to these nurses?

Glad because.. Jian Kang Lu didn't have a girlfriend. But why does he feel glad?

Curious, whether his guess is right or turns out Jian Kang Lu really has a date with someone else?

Uneasy. How if Jian Kang Lu really had a girlfriend out there?

Happy. He also doesn't know why he feels happy…

Bai Yutang really thinks there's something wrong with him.

That's why, when Jian Kang Lu offered to accompany him to his family Sunday lunch, Bai Yutang refused. He thinks he really needs to clear his mind, and the only one way to clear his mind is to retract himself from Jian Kang Lu.

He also remembers, he hasn't contacted his friends. He needed to apologize to them. So when he finished the dessert, Bai Yutang sent messages to his group chat.

[Hello.. First this humble slave wants to apologise for my childish behaviour. If allowed, I want to meet you guys tomorrow. Do you guys want to forgive me?]

Bai Yutang waited for their answers with a heavy feeling in his heart. What if they don't want to forgive him? He sighed, and could only try to gain their trust back slowly.

His friends replied, and the group chat soon filled with their curses. But between those curses, Bai Yutang smiled and was really glad to see his friends also worried with him. So they agreed to meet at the dorm tomorrow, at Tang Yuxuan and Liu Xiang's room. Yu Dong now has a new room mate.

Jian Kang Lu smiled to see his kitten's soul seem to have drifted back to the earth after wandering around. Thus he concludes that today's weird behaviour from his kitten is due to his guilt to his friends. Maybe his kitten was too anxious to apologise, not knowing whether his friend wanted to meet him or not.

When Bai Yutang reaches home and takes a shower. He was still confused with himself. After bath, he laid back on his bed, staring at the city's light outside, flickered like hundreds of lanterns floating in the blue darkness.

The memory of his conversation with Mu Xiaoya sprang into his mind. Those memories mortified him. 

Why did those girls see him and Jian Ge as a couple? 

Why does Jian Ge refer to him as Chang'e Goddess? 

Why does he prefer the Chang'e Goddess to be him rather than someone else?

And with those shameful thoughts, Bai Yutang shuddered when he realised he involuntarily imagined Jian Kang Lu's face, and his heart beat faster when he pictured how Jian Kang Lu always looked at him gently with that sweet smile.

He pressed his hand into his eyes. He wants to laugh. 

Is this because he admired Jian Kang Lu so much? 

Is this because Jian Kang Lu is the most important person in his life right now? 

Is this because he owes Jian Kang Lu for all his acts to help him stand back on his feet? 

Is this because he depends on Jian Kang Lu more than he should?

Or.. Is it because he likes Jian Kang Lu?

It never occurs in his mind that he will have this kind of unspeakable, disgraceful thought. He feels dirty.

With so many things muddling his brain, Bai Yutang can't sleep well. In the morning, he just silently makes breakfast, egg toast and banana juice. He didn't have energy to make complicated breakfast.

He also doesn't want to see Jian Kang Lu. That's why today he's glad that his friend wants to meet him. He's afraid, the more he sees Jian Kang Lu, the more this filthy seed in his mind will grow. And he was afraid that when Jian Kang Lu noticed his dirty mind, Jian Kang Lu would abandon him, disgusted with him.

That's why Jian Kang Lu saw his kitten is so lifeless this morning. Didn't even raise his face even once to see him, and only answered his question with a short sentence. Jian Kang Lu tried to comfort himself, this is only because his kitten is nervous to see his friend.

Jian Kang Lu hoped today went well, so his kitten could be back to his usual self. Silently, he sent messages to his kitten's friends. Asking them to go easy with Bai Yutang and didn't pestering him more than they should.

Jian Kang Lu also privately said to Yu Dong, not to let Bai Yutang leave his sight until Jian Kang Lu picked Bai Yutang later at night. Jian Kang Lu is really afraid, his kitten will run away again.

Yu Dong is the one who contacts him often. Sometimes Yu Dong asks him about relationship advice. This actually makes Jian Kang Lu want to laugh. He himself could not be in a relationship and pathetically imagine having his kitten live here as his little husband. How could he help someone's love life?

But luckily, his advice to Yu Dong works well on him and Mu Xiaoya. At least from his last messages, it seems Yu Dong will confess his feelings to her soon.

Jian Kang Lu insists on sending Bai Yutang until they reach Tang Yuxuan and Liu Xiang's dorm room. He doesn't want to let his kitten leave his sights again. So when Liu Xiang opened the door, he saw Bai Yutang with head dropped down like a naughty kid sent by his parents to apologise to their neighbour.

Tang Yuxuan's head popped up behind Liu Xiang's back. There's an awkward atmosphere enveloped the four of them. Jian Kang Lu is the first to talk.

"Hello Liu Xiang, Tang Yuxuan. I believe you guys are doing well. I'll leave TangTang here, and will pick him up later at night. Please take care of him."

Liu Xiang smiled, this man sometimes really treats TangTang like a toddler. "Okay Jian Ge, don't worry. We'll keep him here safe and sound. Take care!"

Bai Yutang walked inside, and sat in the chair still with his head dropped. He didn't even say goodbye to Jian Kang Lu. After Liu Xiang waved goodbye and closed the door, Bai Yutang started to talk in a soft voice. A bit anxious.

First he sincerely apologised, and said he will answer their questions and explain why he's gone missing. Liu Xiang said they need to wait for Yu Dong, who appeared in less than five minutes.

Three of them scold him harshly, but they pat Bai Yutang's head and shoulder while cursing him. They also said they won't forgive him if he ever does things like this again.

Bai Yutang was really touched, and glad he has great friends like these four. Liu Xiang promised to give him all his notes for this semester. Tang Yuxuan assured him that they will accompany him to have lunch in the cafeteria everyday when he starts his semester next year, and Yu Dong promised him to help him find a part time job if needed.

They didn't ask much about Bai Yutang's explanation about how he struggled financially now. From Bai Yutang's tone, they know this is a sensitive subject for him.

So three of them start to talk about new things in the campus and what happened lately to them. Bai Yutang was surprised to hear Yu Dong already confessed yesterday to Mu Xiaoya, and she accepted him as her boyfriend.

Bai Yutang could see the eyes of Yu Dong shining and his body extruding beaming lights that only belonged to a happy man that had a girlfriend for the first time in his life. Yu Dong praised Jian Kang Lu so high, said without Jian Kang Lu he will never get a girlfriend in this life.

Bai Yutang suddenly soured, thinking how Jian Kang Lu is really popular with girls, and maybe this Chang'e Goddess exists somewhere out there. He tried to push this thought out of his mind, and drag his attention back to his friends.

His friends ask how Jian Kang Lu found him. They threatened him, they would hang him upside down in the window if Bai Yutang contacted Jian Kang Lu but didn't contact them. Thus Bai Yutang told them about his part time job in a firm that turns out to be Zhen Guo's firm.

Now Liu Xiang is really punching him with a pillow and shouting, "You lucky bastard!!! You're doing a part time job in God Zhen Guo's firm and you didn't pull me in? I can't believe you still dare to call me your friend!"

In the midst of this warm chatter with his friends, the atmosphere between them didn't feel like Bai Yutang gone missing at all. Bai Yutang was relieved, and grateful. He had to admit, what Jian Kang Lu said was right.

He was never alone.