The Stars In Your Eyes

Bai Yutang's trembling hand finally pressed the send button.

Bai Yutang wholeheartedly despises the idea of asking about this shameful thought with a girl, moreover his junior. But he remembers the big mistake he made months ago because he decided to do everything in his own way.

He remembered what Jian Kang Lu said.

'Humans can't live alone. We need to know when to ask for guidance and help from others. The final decision is in your hand, but you need to hear all the possible solutions for your problem before you decide on something.'

So Bai Yutang swallowed his dignity, and sent that message to Mu Xiaoya. He asked Mu Xiaoya to meet him and not to tell Yu Dong about this.

Actually Bai Yutang feels guilty.. What if Yu Dong found out he asked Mu Xiaoya to meet him in secret? Will it make Yu Dong suspect him as someone who wants to snatch their own friend's lover?

But Bai Yutang really can't let Yu Dong know what dirty thoughts he had. He's afraid his friends will be afraid of him, looking at him with a disgusted face to see the monster inside him.

He is already searching the internet for the things occupied in his mind lately.

'How to determine if you're a gay?'

'Are you gay or straight?'

'What to do if you have a crush with same sex?'

Bai Yutang even clicked the quiz titled, 'Does your crush like you' and 'Does your straight friend seem to like you anyway?'

All the quiz he filled either show him the result that he was bisexual or pansexual. How could he answer something related about sex? Even though he admit that his heart beat faster every time he imagine Jian Kang Lu's tender smile, but Bai Yutang can't imagine to have sex with him.

It's not like he never saw porn before. But it was only once, just a short 1 minute video and the picture is blurred. You really can't expect much from the bookworm students in the best high school at his town.

Even his spring dream is blurred.

Sometimes, on rare occasions when he released himself, he took a long time because he can't picture anybody. And he also can't picture him to be with someone else. He once tried to imagine the girl he had a crush on, but his little brother didn't show any different reaction when he imagined nothing.

The internet said he had to tried imagine kissing and having sex with same sex if he wants to know whether he was gay or straight. So Bai Yutang bravely tried to imagine Jian Kang Lu in the bathroom. But he only can imagine the kissing part, he can't imagine touching Jian Kang Lu's lower body.

And surprisingly, when he imagined kissing Jian Kang Lu, his heart was beating even faster. And.. His brother turned on.

The internet said that he was not gay nor straight, it was called bisexual if he could imagine kissing and having sex with both gender. The problem is, he was sure he was interested in girls before, but now he can't imagine any girl he wants to kiss.

With more confused thoughts compared to before he took the quiz, he finally sent that message to Mu Xiaoya.

Mu Xiaoya didn't ask him many questions even though he knew that the messages he sent were suspicious. They agreed to meet this Friday in the cafe not so near the T university. Bai Yutang chose Friday because that day Jian Kang Lu is in the hospital. Besides, Yu Dong also has lectures after lunch time.

On Friday, Bai Yutang told Jian Kang Lu when they had breakfast that he wanted to go outside this noon. Jian Kang Lu asked where he wanted to go, and Bai Yutang already prepared the answer, he said he wanted to meet a client of his.

Bai Yutang still diligently took minor jobs this month. For the past three months he has saved almost 4,000 yuan. He also raised his sister's allowance into 2,500 yuan per month. His mother only asks him around 2,000 - 3,000 yuan per month for her needs. It was much lower compared to what his father gave her before. So the money left by his father is still more than enough for them.

Bai Yutang could see that Jian Kang Lu frowned. Jian Kang Lu asks him where to go, and suggests he meet this client in the cafe near the hospital so Jian Kang Lu can check this person.

Bai Yutang sometimes doesn't understand why Jian Kang Lu insists on sending him and picks him up every time he meets his friends. And also don't understand why Jian Kang Lu really don't like him to go alone. He was a twenty one year old man, he could take care of himself.

So Bai Yutang told him the client is a P University student, they agreed to meet near P university. But Bai Yutang didn't want to tell Jian Kang Lu the real cafe he wanted to meet with Mu Xiaoya. Somehow he was afraid if Jian Kang Lu really showed up there and wanted to check this client of his.

Jian Kang Lu still frowned, and reluctantly said he needed to be careful with strangers.

Bai Yutang is really speechless. So he just nodded his head.

Bai Yutang reached the cafe earlier than the appointment time, waiting nervously while drinking his cafe latte. Being together with Jian Kang Lu all this time, spreading the habit of drinking non sugar coffee became Bai Yutang's habit too. Though he still likes to drink cappuccino or latte compared to the black coffee Jian Kang Lu liked.

When Mu Xiaoya arrived at the cafe, she saw Bai Yutang who seemed to get thinner since the last time they met months ago. Mu Xiaoya is also very nervous, she doesn't know why her senior who's gone missing suddenly asked her to meet him.

Mu Xiaoya was also worried when Bai Yutang went missing. Yu Dong rattle on her several times about how worried he was with Bai Yutang. They talk a lot these past few months.

Yu Dong is a really gentle and kind person. Mu Xiaoya really likes that side of Yu Dong. And he is always attentive to her. He is always polite, and asks about her opinion first before they decide to do something together. Yu Dong also appreciates her opinion every time they debate about something.

When Mu Xiaoya could not decide on something, Yu Dong respond with a quick and sharp decision. Yu Dong also very smart, he help Mu Xiaoya with her project too. Mu Xiaoya really like him, thus she was very happy when Yu Dong ask her to be his girlfriend last month.

Mu Xiaoya greeted Bai Yutang, "Senior, long time no see. How are you?"

Bai Yutang startled and raised his head to see her, "H-Hello Xiaoya. I'm fine."

There's an awkward silence for a moment, then Bai Yutang jumped, "Please sit down. Umm.. I-I won't take long."

They sit together still in the awkward silence around them. Bai Yutang's voice stammered, "H-how are you? I-I haven't congratulated you with Yu Dong. I hope you guys will be happy together."

Mu Xiaoya's face tinted with a pink tinge, "Thank you senior. It was my luck for him to ask me to be his girlfriend."

"No no no. You don't know how happy he was when you say yes to him." Bai Yutang paused, "Do you know that he used to torture me all the time in the dorm, talking about you all day long. He fell in love with you at the first sight."

Mu Xiaoya was surprised and her face blushed. When Bai Yutang said in the dorm, it means months ago. Yu Dong already told her that he likes her for a long time, but Mu Xiaoya didn't really believe him. She knows she was not pretty, how could Yu Dong fall in love with her on the first sight.

She only answers shyly, "I-I think seniors are only teasing me."

They chatted for a bit, and the awkward silence finally dissipated. Mu Xiaoya finally asked him, "Is there something you want to ask me, senior?"

Mu Xiaoya first thought maybe Bai Yutang wanted to scold her for accepting Yu Dong as a boyfriend. She still remembers how angry Bai Yutang was when he knew that she approached them for the first time to ship him and Jian Kang Lu.

Mu Xiaoya also afraid if Bai Yutang told Yu Dong about her conduct. She was afraid if Yu Dong thinking that she accept him because of that. Mu Xiaoya really like Yu Dong, and don't want Yu Dong to think that she was a despicable girl who approach Yu Dong with a hidden motif. Thus she agreed immediately to meet at this cafe and not to tell Yu Dong about this.

Mu Xiaoya could see Bai Yutang's face getting red like a monkey's butt, then dropped his head. She thought she heard Bai Yutang say something. But his voice is so low and mumbled so she can't hear it clearly.

"I'm sorry senior, I can't hear you clearly. Can you repeat your question?"

Bai Yutang was really ashamed, he couldn't even face Mu Xiaoya, so he closed his eyes and said, "W-why.. Why at that t-time.. You and y-your friends.. Thought.. Thought t-that.. Me and Jian Ge is c-couple?" The last sentences said with a veeery low voice.

Mu Xiaoya even had to bring her head near to Bai Yutang and perk her ear high. And she was stunned. She looked at his senior's head, who bowed his head down so low, and he could see his ear turned into crimson colour.

'Do I hear this right? Or my ear just deceived me?'

Mu Xiaoya didn't want to jump to the wrong conclusion again, so she said, "I'm sorry senior, I really can't hear the last part of your sentence. Why at that time me and my friends.. I can't hear the next. Could you repeat it one more time?"

Bai Yutang really thinks that Mu Xiaoya just wants to take revenge on him. He's angry, but he really can't say it again. He already poured all his bravery to say that line to her. So he angrily raised his head and said, "You know, at that cafe. You and your friends! Why you girls thinking like that?"

Mu Xiaoya confused and afraid, she thought it was over. Her fear turns into reality. This Bai Yutang who looks calm turns out to be a petty one who holds grudges.

"I already apologised senior, and I also kept my promise. I won't think that way again. It's our mistakes. I also didn't tell anyone. Could you forget about that and forgive us?" Mu Xiaoya pleaded with glossy eyes. She really didn't want Yu Dong to think that she was a horrible woman that only used Yu Dong.

Bai Yutang was frustrated. He put his palms covering his faces. He wants to pull his own hair. Does he really need to say this clearly to Mu Xiaoya? It seems this girl thought that he was still mad about that. He took a deep breath, counted until ten and released his breath. Then he looked at Mu Xiaoya.

"I was asking, why do you and your friends think that me and Jian Ge are a couple?"

Mu Xiaoya frantically said, "Yes! It was our fault, senior. It was just our imagination that went too far! Please forgive me, senior. I really won't think like that again."

'Why this guy didn't want to believe her? Did he really hold grudges or did he think that I was not worthy to be with Yu Dong?'

Bai Yutang is really helpless. He gave up. "Xiaoya, i didn't blame you. I.. I really just want to ask that. What makes you girls though is that me and Jian Ge are a couple. Do I look like.. Like.." Bai Yutang can't say the last word. He can't say that he wants to know what makes people think that he was a cut sleeve.

Mu Xiaoya is not stupid. Hearing that sentence from that red face, she knew what was the last sentence unspoken. It seems she didn't hear it wrong the first time. It was just her fear that made her think too far.

But she was afraid to tell the truth. They drowned in an awkward silence again. But finally Mu Xiaoya doesn't have the heart to look at Bai Yutang who nervously waits for her answer while fidgeting his nails.

"Can I say what's on my mind that time, senior?"

Bai Yutang raised his head to look at Mu Xiaoya and pleaded with her, "Yes!! Please just answer honestly."