The Stars In Your Eyes

"First, it was my sisters. My sisters and I are members of this group. You know fujoshi? Rotten girls? It's us. We like to read those kinds of stories. You know what I mean with that kind of story. We also like to ship couples in our mind, whether it was a fictional character, or the actors in movies."

Mu Xiaoya took a deep breath, then continued, "We rarely ship real people, because real people are not as grand as those characters or actors. But.. Jian Ge is really grand. You know, it was rare for us to see that kind of person in real life. Maybe that's what makes us want to ship him with somebody."

Bai Yutang could understand what she meant.. It was just a coincidence that the person being with Jian Kang Lu at that time was him. Maybe if it was someone else, they would ship Jian Kang Lu with that person.

But then Bai Yutang heard Mu Xiaoya still speaking.

"At first, i also didn't believe my sisters. In my opinion, no real person is as handsome and as gentle as they are talking about. I thought that they just exaggerated this person and imagined all those gentle acts in their mind. Then.. Then I saw you and Jian Ge for real, senior. At Huxiang."

Mu Xiaoya looked at Bai Yutang, looked at that red face that was still listening to her while bowing his head. She can't look at his expression clearly.

"Then I could see, they were talking the truth. I think it was a fact that Jian Ge is really charismatic. It's not just about the handsome face. But if it was only a handsome and charismatic man, all of us won't imagine that far, senior."

Mu Xiaoya sipped her ice tea. She needs to wet her throat before saying this dangerous line.

"All of us could see Jian Ge look at you like looking at his treasure. All of his gestures to you are like someone who cherishes his lover. It was truly like reading our favourite characters doing our favourite part in our favourite novel. All his small gestures truly show how much he cares about you."

Now Bai Yutang stares stupidly at Mu Xiaoya, even forgetting to close his gasping mouth.

"I still remember that scene perfectly. Jian Ge opens the door for you, and holds it until you pass through. He took the seat outside so you won't disturbed by people walking through. He looks at you gently, and cooks all the hotpot stuff for you. He put the things he cooked there in your bowl. He always took a glance at you and smiled sweetly every time you spoke to him."

Bai Yutang didn't know how people notice him and Jian Kang Lu in details like that. And even can remember clearly the things that happened almost one year ago.

Mu Xiaoya continued, "All my whole life, I never saw a man treat his friend or lover like that. Ever. Even when Yu Dong, Tang Yuxuan, and Liu Xiang came, he only looked at you, and only treated you that way. Clearly you're very special to him."

Mu Xiaoya sipped her tea again, because she will say an even more dangerous line. She's glad so far Bai Yutang didn't show any signs that he mind all the things she said.

"And, we can see that you also do the same. You always look at Jian Ge gently, and smile sweetly to him. You also put the things Jian Ge likes in his bowl, pour him his drink when his glass is almost empty, and didn't mind Jian Ge holding your shoulder when someone rushed to you and almost knocked you. We can see both of your smiles are.. Perfect. Like I told you, it was just like our favourite characters turn into reality."

Mu Xiaoya ends her explanation with lines, "And that's how the whole group came to the gathering that night became hard core fans of both of you."

Bai Yutang didn't even remember clearly whether all the things Mu Xiaoya said really happened or it was just their imagination.

What Bai Yutang didn't know, the fan art of that dinner is spreading wildly in that group, that's why Mu Xiaoya remembers it clearly. She even still has that fan arts saved in her computer hidden folder.

"Then.. Do we really look like.. I really look like…" Bai Yutang mumbling, he can't believe that. If these girls could imagine that from one year ago, does that mean he already harboured this kind of horrible feelings to Jian Kang Lu for a long time ago?

Mu Xiaoya hurriedly said, "It's because we're rotten girls, senior. If people like Yu Dong or your friends, they won't think like that."

She noticed Bai Yutang drowned in his own mind. Mu Xiaoya is a bit curious, why Bai Yutang suddenly asked these things. She already has some idea in her head. But she was afraid to ask.

Once again, the awkward silence back enveloped both of them. Mu Xiaoya ice tea is finished. She stands up and asks Bai Yutang, "I want to order a drink again. Do you want to order something too, senior?"

Bai Yutang's soul still hasn't returned to his body, thus Mu Xiaoya just walks to the counter and orders ice lychee tea. When she sits back at their table, Bai Yutang is still staring blankly.

After sipping the refreshing tea, Mu Xiaoya can't hold herself anymore. "May i ask, what's bothering your mind, senior? Maybe i can help you."

Bai Yutang really wanted to ask Mu Xiaoya, he didn't know who else he could talk about these things. If these girls like to ship man and man relationships, it means that they're open minded people, right?

"I-I want to ask you something, b-but could you keep it between us?"

Mu Xiaoya nodded and said, "Of course, senior. Both of us hold each other's secret. The same thing i asked to you, for not telling Yu Dong why i approach you guys at the first time."

Bai Yutang sipped his latte, and took a deep breath. "Lately.. Lately, I was having a scary thought. B-but i also didn't understand, and didn't know who, who to talk to. That's why I ask to meet you here.."

Mu Xiaoya waiting, but didn't hear anything anymore, so she speaks what's on her mind since few minutes ago. "Do you like Jian Ge, senior?"

Bai Yutang abruptly raised his head and looked at Mu Xiaoya, is it that obvious?

Mu Xiaoya secretly overjoyed in her heart. Her favourite CP that she had to buried deeply now emerged and back to life!!! If she didn't take this chance, then she did not deserve to hold a fujoshi title!

"Or are you still unsure what you feel? Because you never feel attracted to a man before?"

Bai Yutang really surprised, how is this Mu Xiaoya knows what's on his mind?? Can she read minds or just because it was written in his face clearly?

Mu Xiaoya smiled gently, "Senior, I told you I read a lot lot lot of these kinds of stories. So of course i can guess what's on your mind. Do you mind if we talk about this? Maybe i can help you. But i need to hear what is bothering you the most."

Bai Yutang surrendered. He talks, "First, I didn't notice. I thought that because Jian Ge is so dazzling, then I took him as my idol. I tried to do my best too, because i want to be like him. Then I just realise that I depend on him too much. You know when I was hiding from you guys, because I don't want to feel that way. Too much depending on a person."

He took a breath, and continued, "Second, I always feel my heart beat sometimes faster every time Jian Ge gets close to me. But I always thought it was like a fan getting close to his idol. So i didn't really think much about that."

Mu Xiaoya listens patiently. This gesture of her reassures Bai Yutang to talk about everything that keeps bothering him these past months.

"Then one day, I felt so mad because he didn't tell me when he came home late. That's when I realised something is wrong with me. Why do I need to be mad and sad like that? And last.. Last.."

Mu Xiaoya is still waiting patiently even though inside her heart she is already lighting fireworks and screaming so hard to ship this cute couple. Ah! Do these dreams come true? To really see her favourite ship finally sailing?

Bai Yutang closed his face with his palms, and said, "Last, I don't like when people ask me whether Jian Ge is having a girlfriend or not. Last time, we met his friend. A very handsome man who seems very close to him in the past. At that time I hated that handsome man so much, and.. And maybe i feel jealous…"

Mu Xiaoya is waiting, and when it seems Bai Yutang won't say anything anymore, she was asking, "Are you wondering about your own preferences? Like straight or.."

Bai Yutang nodded his head.

Mu Xiaoya said, "I don't think it was necessary to think about that, senior. Sometimes we can't choose the person we like. And maybe sometimes that person comes in the same gender. But it doesn't matter. Why have to classify about your own preferences, what we need to know is how you feel about this person."

This line actually borrowed from her favourite novel. Mu Xiaoya continued, "And I didn't think anything was wrong about that. You only need to ask yourself, whether this person makes you happy, makes you comfortable, and you are willing to do the same to make this person happy and comfortable with you."

Bai Yutang was stunned, why it sounds so simple now when he heard Mu Xiaoya said that. But he was still afraid, afraid of Jian Kang Lu abandoning him.

Then he asked, "But isn't it wrong? Man supposed to be with a woman. How if I mistook this admiration into liking? And how if Jian Ge hates me because he found that i'm disgusting? That I was just a low person with a dirty mind, took advantage of his kindness?"

Mu Xiaoya pity the man in front of him. How could this man be so blind!

"Lets analyse your feelings first, senior. Even though from your explanation I can guess the result already. First, do you feel happy every time you spend your time with Jian Ge?"

Bai Yutang nodded.

"Second, did you want to do anything to make Jian Ge happy?"

Bai Yutang nodded.

"Third, did you ever imagine Jian Ge's face when you close your eyes?"

Bai Yutang nodded.

"Fourth, do you mind if Jian Ge holds your hand, or hug you, or kiss you?"

Now Bai Yutang didn't nod, because Jian Kang Lu never kissed him. But he nodded slowly, "Well I didn't mind when he held my hand or hugged me. But we never kissed and I also can't imagine that."

"Never? Even once? Just imagine it now, senior. Imagine, and did you feel disgusted, or feel nothing, or feel happy?"

Bai Yutang tried to imagine, but he really can't. So he just said, "I feel nothing."

Mu Xiaoya said inside her heart, 'Liar!' She saw Bai Yutang closed his eyes and his face turn into boiled crab. Red as a crimson flower.

She changed her tactic, "Well, if Jian Ge kissed you someday, would you mind? Or would you get mad?"

Bai Yutang pondered, he could never be mad with Jian Kang Lu, and it seems.. He doesn't mind?

So he nodded, "I-I think.. I don't mind."

Mu Xiaoya smiled, "Then, congratulations, senior! We reach the conclusion. You really like Jian Ge. And don't fret about preferences. Maybe you like him not because of his gender. But you don't mind the gender, because it was Jian Ge."

Bai Yutang feels like the dark clouds hanging in his brain lately start to disperse, and he can see the bright blue sky. What Mu Xiaoya said is right, maybe it was not because he liked men, but because it was Jian Ge.

"Now let's move to the second problem. Did you worried that Jian Ge had homophobic and will hate you if he found out you harbour feeling for him?"

Bai Yutang frantically nods. He really thinks Mu Xiaoya is a genius. Yu Dong is so lucky to get her to be his girlfriend!

"First, does Jian Ge ever conduct physical contact with you? Like hold your hand, or hug you, or touch your face? Or something like that?" Mu Xiaoya clearly knows the answer. But she still asks to open this blind man's eyes.

Bai Yutang nodded.

Mu Xiaoya can't help to selfishly ask to satisfy her curiosity, "Can you explain to me, what kind of physical contact he conducted?"

Bai Yutang explained slowly, "He holds my hand to pull me if i wander around, he holds my shoulder to protect me from crowds or when his friend teases me, he pat my head to comfort me, he hugs me when i am sad.."

The fireworks in Mu Xiaoya lit once again in her brain. "Then, did he call you or message you often?"

Bai Yutang nodded, "He used to, but lately not so often."

Mu Xiaoya's fireworks suddenly stop. "Why???"

Bai Yutang answered, "Because we stay in the same apartment now, Jian Ge offered me to stay there for free because I have financial problems lately."

The fireworks light exploded even brighter now.

"And.. And? Tell me what you guys do in the apartment?" Mu Xiaoya immediately forgets about her act pretending to be a pure junior giving his senior love advice.

Bai Yutang frowned, "We didn't do anything. Jian Ge works from morning until night. And we're not in that kind of relationship!!"

Mu Xiaoya did not give up easily. "So what are you doing there? I mean, did Jian Ge ask you to do something? Umm.. I mean, is he just asking you to stay with him because you need some help? I mean, what did he say exactly when you moved there?"

Bai Yutang tried to digest the rambling question from her. So he told her how Jian Kang Lu caught him at the hostel and what Jian Kang Lu said to him at that time. Bai Yutang had bad premonition when he saw Mu Xiaoya's docile face turn into fiery expression and twinkling eyes like she urged him to tell more and more.

Mu Xiaoya really hopes she can tell this wonderful story to her sisters so they could make fan art of these scenes. Ahhh.. It's really painful to keep something so good like this to your own soul sisters!

"And then..? Please continue, I need to analyse every Jian Ge's act to you."

Bai Yutang feel suspicious, but he need Mu Xiaoya opinion too. So he told her how he moved there, and jumped when Mu Xiaoya screamed "STOP!". It's when he told her about the arrangement they made about his stays there.

"Senior, please tell me about these rules!"

With doubtful eyes, Bai Yutang tells her about the rules. But he refused to show the copy even though Mu Xiaoya coaxed him several times. The copy is in the drawer at his room, and he also didn't take pictures of these rules.

Mu Xiaoya asked him to repeat these rules, for three times. While My Xiaoya analysed and thought deeply, Bai Yutang saw Mu Xiaoya look at him with pity eyes. Bai Yutang thought maybe Mu Xiaoya took pity on him because he can't even afford to live in a decent apartment and had to leech on Jian Kang Lu.

Actually, in Mu Xiaoya's brain she was thinking, 'This Jian Ge looks like a very decent gentleman, but actually a sly one! Oh.. I really pity this blind guy. He really matched his name, pure and white like a blank paper. How could he not realise these rules made by this cunning snake to slowly trap him in his den.'

Mu Xiaoya shook his head, she then asked Bai Yutang about rules number 5 and 6, why Jian Kang Lu made Bai Yutang cook for him.

Bai Yutang answered honestly, because he doesn't want to waste money on expensive food delivery every time, and he wants to help Jian Kang Lu save his money. After all, he stayed there for free. That's the only thing he can do. Thus he's the one who suggested that.

Mu Xiaoya's eyes even pitying this pure lamb even more. This pure lamb actually offers himself to the snake den!

In the conclusion, Mu Xiaoya only told him, "It seems Jian Ge cares about you very much. I think he also likes you. So what are you gonna do next, senior?"

Bai Yutang thinking. What he wants to do next? He doesn't know. He's happy right now. And he really doesn't have confidence to be with Jian Kang Lu. He is also still confused with his own feelings. And he also feels he's unworthy to confess his feelings. He's not a match with Jian Kang Lu right now.

So after the quiet, he slowly spoke, "I really don't know. I think i won't do anything. It's already clear for me. But i didn't want to risk my friendship with Jian Ge just to satisfy my selfish thinking."

Now Mu Xiaoya wants to scream and shout, 'Just be together, ah!!! Why are you guys playing with our feelings like this? We want to see the ship sail!!!'

But she only said coldly, "You said you were jealous when you heard people asking about Jian Ge's girlfriend, and also jealous when you saw a very handsome man close with him. If you do nothing, then a person like Jian Ge surely will be snatched away. Can you handle yourself if you have to see Jian Ge together with someone else?"

Bai Yutang was stunned. He tried to imagine Jian Kang Lu having a date with someone else, talking gently and smiling sweetly to that person. And the dark vines he tried to suppress creeping back strangulating his heart, penetrating his mind.

He shook his head, cleared his mind and pushed back those dark vines back to the box inside his chest and locked it away. "I don't like it.." He says slowly.

Mu Xiaoya snapped both of her hands to the table, "Then don't let someone steal Jian Ge away from you!"

Bai Yutang could not look at Mu Xiaoya right now, afraid Mu Xiaoya will see how pathetic and disgusting he was right now. "But what can i do? Jian Ge has everything, I can only cook for him. I can't do anything else. I also didn't believe Jian Ge like me, i have nothing, not special at all…"

Mu Xiaoya holds Bai Yutang's hand, she really needs to teach this pure lamb everything she knows from those thousands of novels she diligently read before. This is for the future of her ship!

"Senior, then let me teach you something. If you're unsure, then you can try to do the same physical conduct Jian Ge does to you. You said he holds your hand, pat your head, hug you, and you don't mind it. Then you can return it all back to him. See his response every time you do that, and report it all back to me!"