There Were Times When I Wished You Were Dead

Chapter 11

Part 2 – The Empress Can’t Hate the Emperor

Yvonne Delois was the illegitimate child of the Duke of Delois, who is said to control the fate, even of the Royal family.

From the time she entered the Duke’s family at the age of 12, it was common for her to be confined in the basement. She couldn’t walk a step outside, or she would get beaten by the Duke to the point where she couldn’t even lift a finger.

To tell the truth, this Yvonne Delois wasn’t even the real Yvonne Delois. When the Duke’s daughter, the real Yvonne, died, he brought in someone who was nothing but an illegitimate child from the slums, whose real name was Lilian Lou.

And this was the reason why Yvonne Delois was hated by the Duke right now.

“Keep in mind. More than a hundred eyes are guarding you in the Imperial Palace. This will be the end for you and your mother if you get caught fooling around.

“Yes.”

The short answer has become a habit. It was a habit that occurred because she couldn’t know what kind of criticism the Duke would have if she talked too much. The shorter the words, the shorter the violence.

Her marriage to the Emperor also came with a sudden warning, and it was only a week before the wedding, the Duke of Delois told Yvonne the same thing.

She was told to do what he demands and to not be ‘foolish’ with the Emperor.

If the Duke told her to ask the Emperor to treat her kindly, she must do it. If he asked her to get to know the Emperor lightly, she must do so. And if he asked her to have children, she must follow his demand, and live like a doll.

The Duke was not feeling relieved, even though he held her sick mother hostage. He searched the continent because the whole Empire wasn’t enough to find a high-level wizard to cast a spell, stopping her from leaking the secrets.

A magic that will never disappear unless the Duke or the wizard dies.

There was still a lot of nagging on the subject because he still had doubts about it. Lunatic.

“Yes, don’t worry.”

In response to Yvonne’s answer, the Duke laughed openly. Yvonne thought to herself that the character that was revealed from this old face was incredibly disgusting.

“What? Don’t worry? A girl who can ruin it once can ruin it again.”

Yvonne wanted to rip her ears off because the Duke never got tired of talking about what happened fourteen years ago, but she hid her feelings.

If she could, she would have torn her ear, or even her neck, fourteen years ago. Instead, Yvonne always imagined in her head. The image of her mercilessly beating the Duke, the image of her brutally killing the Duke.

“…That’s because I didn’t know anything back then.”

“That’s why it’s more alarming now. You didn’t know he was the Crown Prince, but now he’s the Emperor.”

How can he distort the word ‘foolish you’ to the fact that she saved a boy who was almost killed by being kidnapped? For Yvonne, she couldn’t understand it at all.

Well, it is true that she felt affection for him, even in such a short time like a moron, is that so wrong?

“Watch him closely and be respectful, do him a favor. Do you get it? He’ll try to coax you. Blood doesn’t change. Croisen is like that.”

Blood doesn’t go anywhere. Yvonne wanted to deny it, as she considered receiving the Duke’s blood as a curse, but Yvonne was familiar with the answer.

“Yes.”

“He’s a normal man, too, but there’s probably something wrong with him.”

The Duke, who was speaking to her nervously, threw a book, and Yvonne knew it was time for her to get out.

“*******.”

Yvonne muttered alone in her empty room.

The day before her wedding, Yvonne thought while lying on her bed. If, as the Duke says, if she ‘jumps out’ like a madwoman, will Karloi respond?

Would he react because she was his enemy’s daughter? When she imagined Karloi in her childhood, but it was unlikely that he would be the same.

[ There is a demon here. Obviously, this has to be the demon’s work. He tried to kill my uncles and my father too. ]

On that day, a face that became bloody, with limbs being tied up, was Karloi. He was talking while shedding tears. That hate and spite were visible on his face.

[ Why is that person doing that to you? ]

[ …My house is rich, so he wanted to covet Our fortune. ]

[ You said he’s a Duke. Isn’t the Duke rich? ]

[ Ah, he is something like that! ]

Even if she thought about it now, he was in a bad mood. He still had the energy to get his mouth twisted and angry.

Meanwhile, she felt that it was smarter not to tell the truth about who she was.

[ I’m going to come back here alive and kill that demon. ]

He’s not going to come back alive. What confidence is it even though the captains are sharpening their swords every meal, thinking about when they will kill him?

But, contrary to his solemn words, tears were continually flowing from his young eyes. How harsh must it be for him, who was young to be in such tears?

“… Kal.”

She recalled a name she hadn’t called for a long time. The feeling of it rolling on her tongue was awkward.

Even at a young age, the determination that was full of hatred is still so vivid. Is Karloi going to give that favor to the enemy’s daughter? If she pretended to be crazy, will he fall for it?

Yvonne lied on her bed and shook her head.

With that personality? No way. It was safe to assume that there was no possibility that Karloi would behave favorably to her. It was as fictitious as escaping the Duke.

Then she had to think about something else. In the first place, is there any chance that Karloi would notice that she was that Lilian at that time? Yvonne weighed her possibilities in a drooping position like a dead body.

When Lilian wiped away the tears from Little Karloi, who was crying and muttering. He said.

[ What, put your dirty hands away. ]

She remembered Karloi, who was shouting sharply. It was so ridiculous that she thought, ‘I may have dirty hands, but you have a dirty temper’.

However, during her days as Lilian Lou when she was a child, Yvonne was good at controlling her temperament. She did not give up and rubbed Karloi’s face even more to show who was really dirty.

Her touch was rough, but Lilian’s eyes were soft because she felt sorry for Karloi at the time.

[ Boy, why are you looking at me like that? Put your hands away! ]

Karloi frowned and grumbled at her. Yes, Karloi initially thought Lilian was a boy.

It wasn’t really Karloi’s fault. He thought that Lilian was a skinny boy because not everyone could afford to eat then.

[ You idiot! ]

[ Wh-What? How old are you! ]

Karloi asked back with a childish strike, but Lilian did not answer. Lilian has a habit of not correcting such misunderstandings because she was not raised to be girly.

Poor dry limbs and short hair that didn’t even reach her neck was grayish-brown, and her skin was black as a child in a coal mine unable to see the sun all day… The clothes she wore were too thin. It was more like a piece of cloth rather than clothes.

At the time, it had to be that way. She couldn’t afford anything else.

But now?

Yvonne, who was lying on her bed, stared into space blankly, lifting her hair with her arm.

Her slender wrists held a bright, shiny white-blond hair that even looked transparent. Her skin was so pale as if she had never received sunlight and her luxurious silk clothes.

Her arms and hair fell powerlessly onto the bed. She was hopeless. Unless he has ancient wizard-class eyes, there is no way he would know it was Lilian back when by looking at her now.

Even now, whenever she looked in the mirror, she felt unfamiliar with herself. No, she was rather disgusted with the appearance that resembled the Duke too much.

It was funny. The real Yvonne, the Duchess, and the Duke’s daughter was a child who looked just like her mother as if half of the seed had disappeared.

[ When I go back, I will definitely find you. I will never forget, I promise you, Lou. ]

But, still. I.

Yvonne slowly closed her eyes. She forgot how to shed her tears a long time ago. Since she realized early on that, it wouldn’t help.

Though she still can’t forget his promise.

The cold breeze constantly blowing from the open window hit her cheeks painfully.

Yvonne prayed, gathering her hands neatly and placing them on her chest. Without knowing who she was praying to, Yvonne said eagerly.

‘Please give me a miracle. I will forgive all the misfortunes so far, I would only ask for a miracle this time’, and she pleaded.

“Kal.”

Yvonne whispered as if reciting her prayer.

Perhaps miracles could happen, and he might remember her.

[ Lou, I’ll make sure you don’t suffer anyone. I will protect you. ]

She wonders if he’ll keep the promises from his youthful days when he didn’t know anything.

Maybe it’s not going to happen.

When Yvonne saw Karloi at the wedding, she realized it once again. Hope is nothing more than a useless illusion grasped by humans, with a very low probability.

“Always remember that your mother’s life is up to me.”

It was a familiar threat that came and went at the wedding like her father wished for his daughter’s happiness.

Yvonne nodded a little and kept walking. When she entered the hall, Yvonne was so nervous that she almost collapsed while walking.

The Duke saw her staggering and grabbed her hand so hard that it hurt, thinking that she was doing something nonsensical.

She couldn’t groan, so she looked at the Duke, and he was already acting.

“Yv…”

It was a terrifying, acting ability that made her cry. She was disgusted, and she was feeling nauseous. Yvonne barely swallowed her swelling weights and smiled.

Well, if she’s the daughter he loves, she can’t make a fool of herself. What face could she make if that’s the case?

Yvonne moderately matched the rhythm to the performance as she walked towards Karloi.

She looked at Karloi in his eyes with an intense desire for him to recognize her, but his expression only got more and more ugly.

He didn’t recognize her.

It was obvious, but something inside her broke. Karloi even shook off her hand and left the ceremony alone.

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Yvonne was left alone. She blankly thought, ‘You said you wouldn’t forget, you filthy idiot.’

The Duke approached Yvonne at a rapid pace. He could not tolerate even a moment for her to be lost in a daze.

“That…”

It was evident that she would say nonsense again if left alone. No, it would be fortunate if she spouted nonsense, but she didn’t know if she would bother Karloi and hurt his pride.

Yvonne shook her head and grabbed the Duke’s arm. She wasn’t sure if it was going to get on Karloi’s nerves.