There Were Times When I Wished You Were Dead

Chapter 12

It was strange and awkward to see Karloi expressing his anger as he suddenly came into the bedroom. Yvonne felt it then. As she wasn’t the old Lilian Lou, Karloi is also not the old Kal.

The Kal at the time was clumsy, but he was an honest, hot-tempered little boy, not a frighteningly quiet, cold-tempered man.

“I hate Delois terribly and know that if I can, I want to get rid of all those who received the castle from this Empire.”

Even if he did not raise his voice, she felt cruel anger from Karloi.

She thought she had become accustomed to the pain, but it didn’t seem so from the pain Karloi gave her. Every word he spits pricked her chest.

His brutal sincerity touched Yvonne, so she couldn’t even ignore him.

Karloi wants to kill me now.

Yvonne was forced to give up. If he is full of hatred to this extent, there is no way he will favor her, and he would never remember her.

The only option left was to believe in Karloi’s rationality. She had to make Karloi realize that it was beneficial to get out of the Duke’s interference by doing the least of their duties.

“You could be the Empress of this country, but that’s about it.”

Though Yvonne soon learned that she couldn’t even do that. Karloi’s hatred seemed to have erased all options other than ‘hostility.’

When Karloi left, leaving only his cold words, Yvonne fell to the bed like a wooden doll with broken limbs.

“Now I can’t do anything.”

Yvonne muttered to herself.

She can’t be honest with Karloi, and she can’t comfortably side with him. Nevertheless, it is impossible to win Karloi’s favor by listening to the Duke’s words.

She can’t do anything about that either, so she’s probably going to rot away here.

Her eyes were wet. Yvonne slowly rubbed her eyes. It was strange since she hadn’t cried in a long time.

She seemed to be expecting too much with her useless hope. She was hoping that she might have been able to escape from hell, but she just walked into another nightmare.

“…Mom.”

In her crying voice, Yvonne muttered, calling her mother like a child. She was scared and lonely.

On the day she sat in the noblest position, Yvonne fell into a bottomless pit of despair.

She barely fell asleep, remembering when she was the happiest and when happiness and misery crossed.

***

Yvonne did not understand the many ways of the Duke of Delois, who suddenly appeared as her father.

For example, why he is harsh to her but so generous to her mother.

“Oh, Denise. The physician said that it’s bad for your body if you stay out for such a long time.”

“This is all right, Duke. I don’t think I’ll be able to see much of Lou when she gets married, I want to spend a lot of time with her.

“Yes, you should… Lou will live well, so don’t worry too much about her. Just take care of yourself. You need to be healthy to be with Lou for a long time.

The Duke patted Denise with a creepy friendly face.

Even though he took her mother hostage like that, she couldn’t understand why he dared to risk his life in illegal no-leak magic.

When the Duke’s actions were finally clear, Yvonne became more frightened and disgusted with him.

“My only daughter is getting married, but she can’t do anything…”

Yvonne’s mother, Denise, muttered with her haggard face. Denise’s condition has become much better since she came to the Duke’s residence.

The luxurious bed in a spacious and comfortable room with colorful curtains, there were many servants who took care of them. It would be even weirder if the condition didn’t improve.

“I know I told you that I really wanted to go to the wedding, but the Duke said going that far with this body is too dangerous. Also, since it’s too far, you can’t come often anymore…”

Denise stamped her tears with her white handkerchief.

“I’m glad my husband is a good man.”

Denise knew nothing. Even though she got pregnant and ran away because she was scared of the duke, she did not have doubts why the Duke was kind and generous now.

She wanted to do things he didn’t get to do with the dead Duchess and his daughter. She believed in the Duke’s lie that he was lonely without a family.

Her judgment was also blurred due to her terminal illness, but the Duke was a person who could manipulate people with his acting as well.

Even Yvonne initially believed in the Duke. How happy she was to have a father.

[ Now, I’ll be your father. ]

The Duke held the hand of young Lilian Lou with a friendly face in the dark forest.

In such a beautiful image, she was dazed by the Duke’s enviable power. Since he was the one who took Yvonne out from Hell.

“They said he gave you all the best education you could get. When did you become such an elegant lady? Are you happy, Lou?”

Denise grabbed her daughter’s hand with her dry hand. The innocent questions choked her breath.

But Yvonne smiled. What she had endured for fourteen years was no longer difficult.

Maybe this also resembles the Duke she hates so much? The ability to hide away her feelings so well.

“Yes, of course.”

“That’s good, Lou. If you are not happy, I… What’s the point of living this life?”

“Don’t say that. Then, I would be all alone.”

“Now you have the Duke too.”

Oh, the Duke was a really meticulous and terrifying person.

If Denise learns that Yvonne is being threatened by the Duke, Denise would jump out the window without a second of hesitation.

The Duke showed only a beautiful lie to Denise. It was the perfect plan with Yvonne to control Yvonne, who had only her mother left to protect in this world. Since she would not be able to tell the ugly truth with her own mouth.

“Take this. I wanted to make it a little bigger, but I was too weak.”

The thin, embroidered lace fabric originally had intended to be used as a blanket, but its small size made it look more like a throw.

She had no idea how long it must take for Denise to do it, with her fragile arms, to make it this big. Her weak body caused her not to have any energy.

“Lou, are you crying? I guess it’s true that brides cried that way before their marriage.”

“Mom, please take care. I will visit often.”

“You should worry about yourself. It’s better now since I’m not keeping you from getting married forever.”

Though Yvonne never regretted her decision. She couldn’t regret it.

Everytime she sees her mother now, it isn’t her coughing like death in the dusty wooden bed, but the mother who is able to receive medication every day.

Now she sees the Duke giving her healthy and delicious food, not her starving in order to feed her.

Now she sees her mother, who holds her hand warmly while looking at the flowers in her garden, not her hungry mother, who eats flowers to live.

She was able to list endless moments that made Yvonne not regret it. She honestly thought that it was a no-loss choice. It was only a while to please the Duke, and her future was guaranteed long.

The Duke didn’t ask for anything other than to vent anger to Yvonne. As long as her mother could live that way, Yvonne didn’t mind, even if the Duke ordered her to dance on a tightrope like a crazy clown.

Yvonne couldn’t understand the Duke’s tribulation. After her marriage was decided, the Duke started looking for the wizard like crazy. She wondered who the hell would be her husband, but the Duke seemed to have no intention of telling her until he cast the magic spell.

“If you are saying something you shouldn’t be saying, your voice would not come out. If you are trying to write something that you are not supposed to, nothing will be written.”

Said the wizard wearing a robe.

The Duke, who secretly brought a high-ranking wizard with a massive amount of money, cast a secret spell on Yvonne and other employees.

There was no one in Croisen who was capable of such high-ranking magic, so he had to bring someone from the Kingdom of Bernie, which was one of the felonies that could go from the death penalty to execution.

Besides, like many magic spells on the continent, there was also the hassle of having to re-cast it periodically.

Yvonne thought it was more effective to intimidate her mother than to use illegal magic, which had such a high risk.

As long as Denise was in the Duke’s hand, she wouldn’t tell the truth even in her sleep. Besides, who the hell would she be telling it to? She had no one to talk to and no reason to talk about it too.

But only now Yvonne understands the Duke’s intentions.

The Duke probably knew.

“He thinks I can do more than that.”

He knew the time would come when she couldn’t stand Karloi, who looked at her like a bug.

To Karloi, Yvonne is a cruel and evil Empress, who resembles the disgusting Duke, who was able to do whatever he wanted, without hesitation.

The Duke knew if she met Kal again this way, the time could come when she would want to leave her mother and run away.

Yvonne laughed senselessly alone.

When the only hope left in her life was right in front of her, she couldn’t say a word, she went crazy.

He must have known that there will be a time when she will forget her mother and everything else. So, he needed the spell as a backup.

“For Croisen.”

Yvonne realized this fact when she drank the poison that was intended for Keana without hesitation.

She really wanted to run away. Even running away meant death, she was willing to accept it.

Though it was strange because Karloi’s expression was unexpected, she obviously knew that he always wanted her to disappear, but what kind of expression was that?

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His frightened face was just like a child. He’s like a stupid idiot, but he had Yvonne in his arms. Did this person grow up this way?

Yvonne thought, vomiting her blood. If she dies now, it is very… easy.

It wasn’t Denise nor Karloi, or anything that remained in the blurring consciousness.

Only the longing for freedom remained.

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