This Clueless Hero

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Warning: This chapter contains mentions of suicide, if you are highly sensitive with this topic please consider reading this chapter carefully. (It is also wholesome, so wholesome warning as well lol)

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Through my blurry vision, there was a clear blue sky... and a meadow that stretched long and far. Although it was too blurry to make out the flowers, something within me knew, they were beautiful.

...

"Um, why are you here?"

My stupor was interrupted and the cold ground greeted me.

"Miss, I think the summon went funky."

My legs were shaking but held me up. There was a familiar sight, the summoning room, Ela's cold expression, Mildred's playful smile, and the flustered looks on Ned, Alyx, and Erin.

I... died again.

"Are you ok?"

Ned was looking at me with a concerned look. Uncontrollably, my mouth made a cough.

"Yeah, I'm ok."

My head started to hurt.

I tried so hard and absolutely challenged my limits.

I accomplished what I thought was impossible.

Yet here I am, back at the start. I started to relive the time I was captured as a slave.

The only thought in my head was to run, there was no destination, no goal, other than to escape. In the end, my running continued until my legs gave way and...

"Hello?"

Mildred was waving a hand in front of me.

"What is your name?"

There was a sudden sense of vertigo. The Mildred who cheered me up when the only thing in my head was to give up, the Mildred who shared her stories with me, the Mildred who carried me to my room and tucked me into bed...

Was gone.

"Eh? What's wrong?"

Mildred looked surprised. My hand felt my face. It was wet.

My lungs forced in a deep breath and wiped my tears.

"Nothing, nothing... My name is Jay."

Mildred seemed to be at a loss. After a moment, she simply nodded and went back to stand next to Ela. My mind was in a daze as the conversation continued. We went to eat some food but after a few bites, we all stopped eating. Ela furrowed her brows.

"Is the food not to your liking?"

Ned proceeded to explain the reasons we wouldn't like on our behalf. Alyx and Erin agreed and my head simply nodded. Ela apologized and Mildred let us know she would handle it. We soon got on the carriage.

My eyes closed and my lungs took in deep breaths. Breathing in the cool air made me settle down my emotions. My eyes were drawn to outside the carriage and the passing sights. The villagers seemed to be cheerful, but there would be a winter coming that would send everything into chaos.

Could I even do anything to stop it?

It's not like I could just magically produce food to feed... however many people there were here. What is even the point of trying?

In the deepest recesses of my mind, Mildred's voice echoed.

'There is no shame in being powerless.'

My eyes shifted towards Mildred, she was leaning back in her seat. Noticing my gaze she looked back at me.

"Is something wrong?"

My head shook.

"No, it's nothing."

My eyes looked at the carriage floor.

Would I just keep going through this? Dying and coming back for all eternity?

My body shuddered.

We eventually reached the palace, Ned and the others were excited to check it out. My legs carried me along with them absentmindedly. They took a tour of the palace and soon in front of me was the door to my room. My feet were aching. We said our thanks to Mildred, mine being quite weak. Ned turned to me, he seemed to be hesitating, but in the end, went into his room without saying anything.

My hand reached over to push my door, but Mildred's voice interrupted me.

"Hey."

My head turned around.

I didn't expect Mildred to still be there.

"Hi..."

Mildred looked at me intently.

"Are you ok, like really?"

A smile formed on my face.

I guess saying that Mildred disappeared was an exaggeration.

"Yeah... really."

Mildred looked at me suspiciously.

"Well, ok."

Mildred left down the stairs. Sleep didn't come to me, so after entering the room, my legs took me to the balcony. My eyes glazed the setting sun.

Someone was looking at me in the corner of my eye. Turning over, my eyes found Ned staring at me. He smiled sadly.

"Hey, what brings you here?"

There was a gentle breeze blowing by. A bitter smile appeared on my face.

"I don't know... not in the mood to sleep I guess."

Ned put his hands on the stone railing and rested his head on them.

"Haha... I guess the fact this isn't some dream is really starting to settle in."

I thought about how I suppressed my memories after I first died, pretending that they didn't exist.

"Yeah, it really is..."

Ned's smile disappeared.

"I already miss them all, you know?"

Ned turned away to look at the setting sun. My arms rested on the railing and my head laid on my elbow.

"Who?"

Ned let out a small sigh.

"My parents, my friends... If we really are going to be here for a year I can't imagine how much I'm going to miss them. I just... want to go back."

I suddenly thought about the time Mildred comforted me.

I thought about the time Ned invited me to have some food.

I thought about Alyx smiling while Ned, Erin, and I were fooling around.

I thought about Erin jumping excitedly seeing she had summoned a giant pile of dirt.

I even thought about when Reyna put down her desk next to ours and her nervous smile.

"Yeah... it's going to be a while before we see them again."

Ned took a deep breath in and stared off into the sunset. While my lungs did the same.

After a while, Ned casually turned to me.

"We really can't just spend all our time doing nothing though, right?."

My head gradually nodded. Ned continued.

"This seems to be a world of magic, surely we would be able to learn it right? I mean we at least appear to be similar to humans of this world?"

Yeah...

"So that's why I guess I can focus on learning magic instead, surely this wouldn't be too big of a request to ask of Ela. Like, she can't actually expect us to do nothing for a whole year right?"

Ned continued talking enthusiastically.

"If we do learn magic do you think we could cast it when we go back? That would be crazy cool, wouldn't it? I wonder what my friends and family's faces would look like holding a fireball in my hand."

Ned laughed.

I looked at my frail arm, showing no signs of exercise.

"Yeah, I really wish we could keep our powers the same when we go back, else it will feel like we did so much practice all for nothing."

As a sigh escaped my mouth, Ned laughed.

"Hey, when we do go back we have to all meet up again, I mean we are going to spend a long time with each other right?"

"Yeah..."

Ned smiled brightly.

"That's a promise."

Ned walked back into his room leaving me to watch the last light of the sun disappear.

If I really survive an entire year will I really be able to go to the world Ned was talking about?

I wonder what it's like...

But... to survive a year would be way too hard, I could barely survive a few days, then there's the whole winter thing...

...What if when I die this time I won't come back? It's not like I could survive for that long anyway. I would have died sooner or later, after all, I can only do so much.

I... I will try if I really do come back again.

My feet were planted on top of the railing while the wind blew past me. My eyes snuck a peek down, my heart rate suddenly increased, so my eyes looked away quickly. My eyes closed and after a few moments of hesitation, my body naturally tipped over...

...and slowly fell down.

The wind brushed past me violently, and my heart squeezed, scared of the consequences of my actions.

There was a painful collision and a groan of pain.

"Dear heavens... this brings back memories."

My body cried out in pain all over. Holding my head with one hand my eyes opened to see that Mildred had caught me.

"Ah... Ow... What... What are you doing here?"

Mildred laughed before groaning in pain again.

"I had a feeling you were going to do something like this, you remind me too much of my sister."

My lungs were gasping for air.

"How... how did you know?"

Mildred sighed.

"You kept saying nothing's wrong. Just tell me no it's nothing, nothing at all. My sister always said that when something was wrong."

My hand scratched the back of my head.

"I guess you're right."

Mildred rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, why is it that when I ask if something is wrong, and something is wrong, the only reaction I get is, no, nothing. Why can't you just tell me something is bothering you?"

My eyes turned away.

"...Sorry."

Mildred sighed softly and held my hand.

"It's fine. The important thing is that you're still alive."

In the back of my mind, there was a memory of what Mildred said to me long ago.

'I did all I could and knowing that is enough for me.'

"Mildred..."

Mildred was clutching her side.

"Yeah?"

My eyes looked deeply into hers.

"I promise I will try to live this life the best I can."

Mildred smiled and pulled me up.

"That's good, come on, we should go now."

Despite sustaining injuries Mildred didn't have that hard a time walking, instead, she helped me slowly hobble my way back into the palace and to my room.

When she brought me back to the room. My mouth could not help but form the question in the back of my mind.

"Why did you save me?"

Mildred paused.

"I suppose... I would feel sad if you died."

Unknowingly my arms had wrapped around Mildred and tears streamed down my face. She was hugging me gently and patted my head.

....I decided to fight against the rivers of time.