TO THE MEAN MATE

Amy Pov

"Don't yell at me, I'm tired of your whining" she snarled at me.

"How could you betray me, he's training me hard because of you" I accused her, the nerve of her, if it wasn't for her I would have snapped her neck.

"You need training, what if someone attacks you or the pack? How are you going to defend yourselves? "

"I had enough training, I can protect myself, didn't see how I fought with the rogues when they attacked me and Emma."

"They weren't attacking you. They were just trying to scare Emma"

I dumfounded, I lost my words for a comeback.

"But still I have some skills, I can defend myself"

"Don't you remember last time? If you did defend yourself, Aaron didn't have to guard you around and he could have concentrated on the war, maybe Alice would have been alive."

"Don't you dare accuse me of Alice death? it was her fate." I clenched my hands into a fist.

"Still things could have been different Amy. Zander wouldn't have lost his mate. He wouldn't have this much grudge against Emma" Her words reminds me, I was the reason for such a disastrous attack.

I couldn't say anything more. Their whole concentration was indeed on me like Am I safe or not? If I could just defend myself maybe too many people wouldn't have lost their lives. Zander wouldn't have lost the person he loved.

I blocked her out, I was already tired from the training, her reality check made me more exhausted. I feel guilty for the carelessness. I can't bring back those who died, but I could at least be more careful from now on, so I could protect who's alive now. Alex, he lost too many people, he didn't blame me for their death till now. If things could have been different, if I didn't have a second mate, we both would have been happy. Everything messed up from Lisa to Aaron.

"Hey, what are you thinking,," Aaron asked me while closing the door. O,h, I didn't even notice we reached my room.

"Umm. Nothing I was just thinking about Emma"

I blurted out.

"Don't worry, she will be alright" He comforted me. Where's Alex? Is he never going to talk to me or hold me like before? Why would he do, after the way I talked

to him.

" I have night patrol today, I'll see you in the morning. Eat before you go to sleep. Okay?"

I nodded at him. He kissed my forehead and left. 

I was lost in my thought when I heard someone footsteps behind my door. 

"Who's that? Aaron can't be here now? " I was little whether should I check it or not. 

"Maybe it's Alex" I jumped from the bed and opened the door. I saw nobody. I checked the hallway, a shadow was disappearing in the dark. I followed it, it goes inside a room which I never entered. I slowly inch towards the door. Suddenly someone pulled me inside the door and the light goes on. 

"A... Alex" I whispered. His eyes were red probably from rubbing too much. He won't cry, right? He just makes others crying their hearts out. 

He didn't say anything just sat on the bed. This bedroom is so massive, even bigger than Alex's room. There was a portrait of a small family a beautiful woman and a handsome looking guy holding a child's hand. The boy looks so cute and happy. It was a perfect family picture, but what happened to them, I didn't saw them anywhere in this pack. And other portraits were badly destroyed. 

"Who are they? " I asked him while fiddling with my fingers as I don't know he would answer my question. 

"My parents" He whispered, I don't know anything about his family. I heard they left him alone and he killed them. I didn't ask anything regarding his past because I knew, talking about his past is not easy for him. 

"Where are they now" I sat beside him, he looked at me, then the portrait. 

"They are with moon goddess. "

His words showed me how much he loves them and misses them. There's hurt in them too. 

"When? " I hope I'm not burning his scars. I just want to know more about his past. 

"11 years ago" What, he must be around 12 or 14 at that time. 

"Do you miss them? " Ah, that was a stupid question. Of course, he misses them, it's his parents after all. Ah, I'm bad at comforting others, I'm more hurting him now, opening his old wounds. 

"Today is their 11th death anniversary" He laid on the bed. How ungrateful am I? He was dealing with his parent's death memories when I accused him and enjoying with my second mate. 

"I'm sorry" I wanted to say sorry to him for so many reasons I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for I couldn't comfort you when you were alone. I'm sorry I only increased your pain and I'm sorry for leaving you and choosing another even when it was you who I met first and protected me.

"Amy, Do you ever loved me? "

This was the question I was always afraid of. Did I ever loved him? 

"I always loved you Alex, but it's not the love between two people. I guess I realized after I encounter my feelings towards Aaron. I'm sorry"

I don't why I'm feeling guilty? Am I saying the right thing? Are my feelings towards Alex is not stronger than with Aaron? I feel so confused. I hope I'm not doing anything wrong. 

"Why do you hate me so much? " His words little harsher than before I think he is losing his temper. 

"Alex I don't hate you, it's just my feelings is different for you"

"You were feeling wasn't different until you come to know about the curse, right? "

He pushed me towards the wall and forcefully kissed me. I pushed his hand and slapped him across his cheek. 

"Don't touch me" I yelled at him. How dare he? I shouldn't let my guard down in front of him. 

"You didn't mind before I touched you or kissed you? You didn't even when I first made love to it. Didn't you say it was the best feeling in the world for you? But why the double standard. Explain" He yelled at me. I guess he's losing his mind, I should just leave now. I ran towards the door but he pulled my hand and dragged me into the bed. 

"Please Alex, leave me" I begged him. 

My body started to shiver, please don't panic Amy, you're strong. I remind myself. I should probably call Aaron. But my phone is in my room. 

"Why are you acting as I harassed you? Don't you dare to play victim card care? I'm the one who lost everything" he screamed at me. My breathing got heavier, those flashbacks keep coming back to me. 

" You were not only the one who suffered that day. You're not the only one who has trauma about your childhood, do you even know what happened to me and Zander? "

"They beat us until blood coming out from our mouth, they killed my parents, they made us watch torturing you. They threatened us if we didn't do what he says they would kill us too. They took you and Zander to a room, I don't know what happened behind the door. But I heard both yours and Zander screaming for help, do you know what they asked me to do so they won't hurt you both? They asked the worst thing to a child which should not never be done. They made me eat my own parent's body. Do you know how horrible that was? Can't you even think about 12 years old child eating his own parent's flesh?

Whenever I deny the screaming got louder. My mouth was bloody with my parent's blood. I could never forgive myself for what I did. When I know how you lost virginity. I called him and he cleared my suspicion about what happened behind the door. They made him watch raping his sister. "

My breath hitched, they made him eat his own parent's body, they made Zander watch raping me. I was not only the victim. They both suffered too. 

"Alex, I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you. Thank you so much for saving my life"

I looked down. I ashamed of myself. Because of me, he was asked to something a child could never do. And Zander too suffered a lot. 

"And I regret saving you I saved a person who's not worth it. I shouldn't do what they asked me to do. NOW GET OUT OF THIS ROOM. AND NEVER ENTER THIS ROOM, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE. " He Pulled me and throw me out of the room. And slammed the door on my face. 

A tear dropped from my eyes. I knocked on the door. 

"Please Alex, open the door. I know you don't mean what you said. Let me comfort you, let me heal you"

'you can't heal someone who's already died inside Amy' Scar replied. 

'But I can't let him hurt himself. He needs someone to look up'

'He did need someone but you weren't there. But now you're with other person let him learn to handle himself as he did these past years'

I didn't utter a single word and slowly walked to my room. I looked behind me, hoping he would stand there with open hands.. But there was nothing.