Too Broke For Afterlife

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The train ride had been longer than any other of my previous journeys throughout Heaven, mainly because we decided to get as far away from San Andy as possible. 

From train W 23 we changed to N 902 until we took NW 666. Several hundred stops had passed by the windows and despite each of them being unique and different, I had eventually lost interest and instead grabbed a magazine, the publisher being the company Train of Thoughts itself.

They had published an article on the history of their network and I learned that this massive expansion had only started about 50 years ago. I wonder what Heaven looked like before trains got invented. Or maybe trains had always been here and someone who went to Heaven but got resurrected spread their epiphany on Earth?

Another article was dedicated to the grand opening of Always Night City. Walter had told us that he had talked to coders who were working on it. 

The article had a few pictures in it and said that this was one of the biggest events in years. They even included an interview with the Mayor.

We are always eager to create the best possible experience for any soul staying with us. Always Night City is guaranteed to win over the hearts of many and with it we are introducing our new subscription system to provide an even greater customer service.

Subscription service? What do you subscribe for? And with what do you pay? KP, wanna bet? I smell a scam.

After reading that I had lost all interest in the magazine and instead closed my eyes for a bit. 

It would be interesting to know how long this trip took in minutes but the longer I am without any clocks around me, the woolier my feeling of time is getting. 

During our rides we had crossed paths with many other souls, some inside Afterlife bodies, others surrounded by that typical purple mist. But nobody had seemed interested in having a conversation.

Good for them.

At one point Walter had pulled me into one of the unnecessarily installed toilets. And before I knew what was happening, a Swiss army knife was digging into my arm, cutting out the chip Fjortibald had branded me with. 

Walter slit me open mercilessly like a turkey on Thanksgiving.

We had stopped the wound from bleeding with the help of toilet paper. And now my arm looks like it's been attacked by a rottweiler. First the cuts from the broken car window and now this.

But I can accept the mutilation for the sake of safety.

Finally, the ride is coming to an end.

The train station of Troll Flower is surrounded by woods. Unlike in San Andy, I can't find any graffiti anywhere.

I'm not sure why I chose specifically this world but something about elves, trolls and taverns had seemed very enticing. I think I'm ready to take a little break from the metropolitan lifestyle.

When we exit the train, an elf like being jumps at us.

The gender-less person has pointy ears, long blonde pigtails and is wearing a blue tunic. They grin widely at us.

"Welcome to Troll Flower! I'm Peaches, I'm like a living navigator, I can tell you how to get anywhere. So, do you need any help?"

Peaches the navigator. I scan them.

"Are you an NPC?" 

"Nope!" They smile at me. "I just love this world, I spent a good 80% of my time here."

Huh. Nerd. I snort.

Walter lightly pushes me to the side. 

"We are looking for a tavern that offers sleeping accommodations. What can you recommend?" 

"Hmm..."

Peaches taps their chin while looking around. 

"We have a lot of great taverns but many are full of shady creatures. As you seem to be newbies I'd recommend the Woozy Worm. It's about a mile down the main road and then you see a sign that points to the left. After a bit through the woods you'll see the tavern."

Walking. Great. 

I groan which makes Peaches look at me but Walter quickly interjects. 

"Thank you, dear stranger. We shall leave now."

The second he has finished that sentence, I grab his arm and pull him with me.

"Woah, are you in a hurry?"

"Nah, just want to get away from this weirdo."

I underline my statement by speeding up my steps. 

The main road is a broad dirt path splitting the forest into left and right.

The soil crunches beneath my feet.

"And what exactly makes them a weirdo?"

I'm taken aback by the question. 

"Uhm…"

"Yes?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Because they are not like me."

"Yeah, thankfully," Walter groans. "Thankfully nobody else is like you."

I'm not sure why but the comment kind of hurts. Maybe because I thought Walter and I were friends. Of course I joke around with friends and sometimes say bitchy things but we never actually mean them. Walter on the other hand...he is dead serious.

"So you agree. I'm an awful person."

"No." He sighs. "Sometimes you're just so cold that it makes my toenails curl."

I nod. "Okay."

"And by the way, 'agree with' who? Who called you an awful person?"

I ignore the question and continue walking in silence. 

I'd like to tell him but how pathetic would he think I am, if he found out that the answer is 'myself'?

<<<

We finish our journey without saying another word. I can feel that Walter is annoyed with me and at this point I can't blame him. He's probably regretting volunteering to go with me. 

The Woozy Worm is a small two-story tavern. Made out of wood and stone it looks very rustic and once we are close enough to hear the music coming out of the opened door, I feel like we have just put on a VR headset and entered a fantasy RPG. 

I wouldn't be surprised if we stumbled across a bard in colorful clothes, with a curious string instrument in his hands, singing about a maiden from Stoneberry Hollow.

"Alright, let's get a room and then you can decide what we do."

"Okay."

I feel a bit stupid right now. I'm not used to people letting me choose things to make sure I'm happy. Especially not when they are actually mad at me and just do it out of pity.

"You don't have to handle me with kid gloves, you know? I don't need any favors. I'm fine."

"Sure, whatever. Let's go."

The Woozy Worm is very cozy on the inside. Candles and metal lanterns dip the tap room into warm, dim light and most of the upholstered chairs are already taken by a variety of different creatures.

I can spot elves, trolls, dwarfs and even a centaur. Apart from a woman talking to what seems to be a bear, Walter and I are the only humans. But even she is wearing a medieval looking leather dress while Walter and I both look like we just stepped out of ASSOS.

A few heads turn but we mostly stay unobserved.

The vampire lady behind the bar greets us as we come closer.

"Hello strangers. I've never seen your faces around here, are you new to Troll Flower?"

"Yes, we-"

I interrupt Walter. "We are looking for a place to stay."

He looks at me confused but I ignore him.

The woman nods. "You're lucky, one of my three rooms is still free. It has two single beds and a toilet. You will get breakfast down here. 50 KP per night."

"Sounds great."

"Wait, Parker." But I just shush at Walter.

The landlady hands us a silver key.

"Up the stairs, the room to the right. Would you like something to drink?"

Ah F*ck it. Why not?

"Two mead please."

"Got it. Go find a table."

Walter doesn't need to be told twice. He pulls me over to one of the few empty tables at the window.

We sit down.

"What was that?"

I shrug my shoulders innocently. "What do you mean? I booked us a room and ordered drinks. Wasn't that the plan?"

"Yes but since when…" Walter doesn't finish his sentence but I know what he is trying to say.

I look at him. "Listen, buddy. I don't need a babysitter. I can arrange things on my own."

"Yes but-"

He stops when someone steps at our table. We both turn around. It's the centaur.

He looks at us. 

"Hi?" I say.

The man's voice is deep and voluminous. "You two are newbies."

"Yes."

He nods. 

"You look like you could use some KP."

"We don't really-"

"We do."

Walter seems to be getting annoyed by my interruptions.

He hisses at me: "Stop it, we don't know that guy."

The centaur hears him and chuckles. "What? You think I'm not trustworthy? I'm a cool guy and I've got a great opportunity for you both."

"Sorry but we are really not interested."

Walter tucks at my sleeve, trying to pull me away but I refuse to move.

"What is it?" I ask.

Can't be worse than any of the things I have had to do so far, like wading through sewers or befriending a prostitute.

Anyway.

"Would you like to join my adventure guild?"

The centaur puts one of his hands over a badge on his chest.

I only see the accessory for a split second but immediately recognize what it is showing.

It's one of the crystals.