Too Broke For Afterlife

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"Okay, who volunteers?"

Goldres looks at us but nobody says a word.

"No one? Seriously?"

"Well, this is obviously a trap," Aehorn counters. "Who would voluntarily walk into a trap?"

I lean back against the tree and quietly adjust the leather band around my waist, carrying my dagger.

Look at me, I have turned into a real nerd. I used to think fantasy RPGs were a waste of time and brain cells and now I'm part of an actual adventure guild.

Back in the tavern, when Goldres the centaur had asked me and Walter to join, we were forced to because of the familiar symbol on his chest. A crystal.

Whatever his connection to the crystals was, we have to find out.

Cordon raises his hands in defense. "Not me. I'm the easiest target."

Fair point. Cordon is a halfling and only about 3 feet tall. And as he had told me on the night we joined the group, his people are known for being peaceful and quiet. 

I had asked him why he had joined if he doesn't like to fight. Apparently he and Goldres have known each other for a while, as both halflings and centaurs are nomads and travel a lot. 

One night he got lost when a hoard of dwarfs attacked him and his companions. He was left behind, alone until he found a village where Goldres currently was staying.

They decided to continue their journey together.

When I met Cordon, I made a joke about his name by comparing it to a popular meaty cheese dish. He didn't appreciate that.

"What about our newbies? Let them try." Aehorn grins at Walter and I.

Unlike Cordon, Aehorn loves to fight. The simic hybrid knows how to handle almost any weapon and can even spit acid. Or at least that's what he says.

The muscular man has long white hair and pointy ears. But what's most impressive are his wings, they look like giant fins of a stingray. He can't fly but glide to the ground should he ever fall.

"That is one, mean-spirited and two, too big of a risk," Goldres exhorts him with his deep, full voice. "All they have fought so far were a couple of rabid boars. We don't know what this mission has in store for us."

"Yet you took them with us to fight a dragon. Real smart."

As the two friends bicker, I look at what lies ahead.

We are currently hiding behind bushes and trees that are surrounding a stone plateau. In the middle of the big circle stands a short pillar, covered in unidentifiable runes. Above, towers the white moon.

The area is too open and enclosed to just walk over there. Once you're at the column, there is no place to hide. It would surely trigger an opponent.

God. I really do sound like a nerd now, don't I?

Behind us, leaves rustle but before anyone can pull out weapons, the last member of the guild appears.

Fatima kneels down next to me and wipes dark hair out of her milky face.

"There's nobody in a 10 mile radius. We are the only ones."

With a quick motion of her hands she kindles a small blue flame that lights up our hiding spot.

Out of all, she is probably of the most curious race. They call them aasimars, tall celestial beings of extreme beauty that can see in the dark and benefit from extraordinary perception.

In case you're wondering how I'm obtaining all this questionable knowledge, Aehorn had forced me and Walter to study character sheets before we could officially join the guild. (Officially meaning that he wouldn't ignore us. In the end, Goldres makes all the decisions.)

I look over to Walter who is once again mesmerized by Fatima's beauty, I think he has a crush on her. Which is really sad because he has fallen for a skin. Who knows what real Fatima looked like before she died, might have been a dude named Derrick who lived off of junkfood and lesbian porn.

But I'm not here to kinkshame. 

"Fatima, why don't you go? We'll cover your back."

"Sure." 

She stifles the flame and then gets up. 

We watch as the 7 feet tall woman makes her way through the bushes and onto the plateau. 

She takes her time, fully concentrating on her surroundings and with every step I myself grow more and more nervous.

Goldres was right, Walter and I have only fought boars so far. I am not prepared for what lies ahead. 

We listen into the night as Fatima reaches the column. She is now maybe 60 or 70 feet away from us.

She leans forward to examine the runes.

Nothing has happened so far and I'm ready to breathe. Maybe it's not a trap afterall.

"Dammit!" Aehorn jumps up, we look at him confused. 

He points over to the foot of the mountain. "Skeletons!"

And then I see them. Dozens of eggshell colored bags of bones are running towards Fatima with knives in their hands, making awful clicking sounds. She has noticed as well and pulls out her two-sided sword.

Aehorn and Goldres run to help her but Walter calls the centaur back. "Wait! What do we do?"

The leader thinks for a second. "You two stay behind us. Target the weak ones that have already been damaged."

Then he throws himself into the battle.

I pull out my level 1 dagger, Walter grabs his ax.

Then I turn to Cordon. "And you?"

He doesn't look at me and pulls the knees up to his chest. "I'll stay here until I'm needed."

As far as I know, Cordon isn't very experienced either. He can't be higher than level 3 or 4 while his friends have already passed the two digit numbers.

Walter tries to motivate him. "Those are just skeletons, one strike and-"

"Dude." I pull him back. "Let him. He can resurrect us if we die."

Walter sighs and then we are finally off to fight as well.

The other three are already in the midst of the battle. Bones are flying through the air and as the skeletons can't speak, they just screech abhorrently.

I spot a wounded one tottering around and with a quick swing of my dagger, I behead it in one motion. The skull falls to the ground and rolls away, the rest of the body collapses.

Nice! Hey, actually I'm not bad at this! I slaughter another one and a third. Then I look over to check how Walter is holding up.

He seems to be struggling more, most of his hits are missing the target. I guess he prefers guns.

Suddenly a row of teeth digs themselves into my shoulder.

I shoot around and stare into two black holes that once held eye sockets. I try to shake the skeleton off as blood streams down my arm.

Another skeleton runs over, its knife pointed at my throat.

With the only hand ready to combat I throw my knife towards its ribcage. The bones rips apart but it keeps stumbling.

F*ck!

I try to escape, dragging the other skeleton behind me. Its bony hands wrap around my neck and pinch off the air supply.

Dammit, if I die now and nobody resurrects me in time, I'll spawn in our camp! That's at least 10 miles from here.

I try to fight it off as I gasp for oxygen.

I thought as a robot you're indestructible but the missions add temporary death for the sake of 'fun' and 'realistic gaming experiences'. What's fun about this?

The teeth are so deeply dug into my skin that I'm just waiting for it to rip out a chunk of flesh.

"You rats!" Aehorn appears next to me and rips the skeleton off my back before he smashes its skull. Just a second later he kills the one with the knife.

The blood seems to attract even more of the beasts and despite my arm not working properly any longer, the hybrid hands me a short sword. 

Back to back  we are fighting the skeletons and I make sure that every hit is precise and deadly.

"Parasites! Stupid brainless cunts!"

I wonder where the man is taking the energy from to fight and curse at the same time. 

"Stupid swords, this is taking so fucking long!"

"Don't you have that special power?" I ask.

"Necrotic damage. Doesn't help here. They are dead."

"Makes sense."

Or I guess it would make sense if you knew what necrotic damage was. But I don't.

I just say 'makes sense' so that I don't have to ask anymore questions. 

"Out of the way!" I quickly look over to Fatima who hectically motions for me to get away.

We run away from the skeletons and jump into the bushes. A split second later, a fireball blazes through the night.

The screeching skeletons run around in panic as they are burning. Moments later, one after the other falls to the ground.

I try to get my breathing under control as I look at the apocalyptic scene.

Bones and flames everywhere. And in the middle, Fatima.

She smiles at us.