Too Broke For Afterlife

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"So I said: Do I look like the pest control? Get your girlfriend out of the room yourself."

Lynn laughs. "Really? That's what you said?"

"Yes! He keeps complaining about how she always hangs around with him but that's his problem, not mine."

"You're so mean." She kisses my cheek.

"Do you like mean?"

"Only if it's innocent."

I watch my girlfriend take a sip of her red plastic cup.

"When is mean ever innocent?"

"Shut up."

She puts her mouth on mine and we start kissing.

Now, you may be wondering how I got here.

I know, I had declared several times that I'm giving up on women but when I met Lynn on my first day back at college, I quickly changed my mind.

With her long black hair and beautiful face I couldn't resist. Even the fact that she is a year older than me didn't throw a wrench between us.

When I was dating before, I always looked for a girl that would cause few problems for me, a girl that would just roll with my asshole attitude but today I know that these quote on quote relationships were shallow and immature. I'm ready to date someone who challenges me to become a better person. Someone like Lynn. I mean, she even managed to convince me to go to one of those parties at the lake! And I'm having fun!

We've only known each other for a week but I already have fallen for her and I think she has too.

Yeah, that's right. Apparently I'm likeable!

"We should go on an actual date soon," she says and over the loud music I almost don't hear her.

"What? You think hanging out at the cafeteria or your dorm room aren't actual dates?" I joke.

She puts her arms around my neck. "I do and I've enjoyed it while it lasted but I think I'm ready for the next step. Like, let'S grab some kebab and go to the movies."

"More like the other way around. They'll throw you out if you walk in there smelling like a garlic factory."

She chuckles and I have to smile. 

Who knew making people laugh felt this good?

"I love talking to you." She leans her head against mine and we sit like that in silence as we listen to the music.

Until…

"ZOMBIES! THEY WANT OUR BRAINS!"

A full 200 pounds of body mass tackles me and throws me to the ground. Lynn can jump away just in time. 

I fall into the dirt with an 'oomph'.

"Jesus, Dean," I hear Michael say and he offers his hand to help me up.

Confused, I look around.

Three guys are facing me. My roommate Michael and then the two other ones he was with when they were hunting the vampire. I guess the bigger one is Dean.

I grunt and wipe the dirt off my clothes. "You really love throwing people to the ground, huh?" 

"Zombies," Dean hisses. "The forest is full of zombies. They want to eat brains."

"You guys are safe then," I hiss and turn around to Lynn. She is standing a few feet away with risen eyebrows.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. What are they talking about?"

I roll my eyes. "They are drunk. Last time they wanted to use me as bait to catch a vampire."

I think the black cloak is still lying next to my bed.

"Right, that was you!" The tall third guy shouts. "You entered the hut and disappeared! We thought the vampire had taken you to another dimension."

Well, that's actually close to the truth. It wasn't a vampire though and instead Walter who teleported me to the graveyard. Damn, it feels like that happened years ago.

"Really?" Lynn seems amused.

"Yes. Parker is crazy."

I throw Michael a death glare but he ignores it.

"In fact, why don't you help us kill the zombies?"

"Zombies don't exist, dipshit."

"Oh really? Then what is this?"

Dean pulls something out of his hoodie and holds it in front of my eyes.

"A Nintendo Witch?" I answer, unimpressed. 

"Yes, we stole it from one of the zombies to pick up its track."

"With what? Is one of you secretly a police dog?"

"We already did and captured it!" Michael smiles proudly.

Oh my god.

"Right. Just get lost, okay?"

I turn away, ready to grab Lynn's hand and go somewhere quiet when I suddenly remember something.

"Wait."

I look back at the three. "Is that Greg's Nintendo Witch?"

"Yup."

I sort the information.

"You stole Greg his console and then…captured him?"

"Yup, locked him up."

"Where?" 

Michael shrugs. "You'll have to join us to find out."

I sigh. "Fine. I'm joining you. Now let's go to him."

"Wait!" 

Lynn grabs my arm. "I thought we were spending time together."

She seriously looks upset and I already hate Michael and his fucktards for getting me into this situation.

I whisper into her ear: "These guys are crazy, who knows what they did to Greg. I want to make sure he is fine."

Lynn nods. "Call me when you're done."

"Of course."

<<<

With everyone being at the party, the dorms are very quiet.

We are walking down the hallway and with every step I get more and more annoyed.

Man, I could be doing so many cooler things right now than going zombie hunting with losers.

"So, why is Greg a zombie?"

Michael shakes his head while smiling smugly. "Grow up. Zombies aren't real."

"But you said-"

"We are just messing around," the lanky nameless guy interrupts me. "Greg didn't help me with last week'S paper so I nominated him."

"Good for him, you should do your shit yourself."

Lanky guy raises an eyebrow. "What are you? A nerd?"

"Quiet, we have to stick together," Michael scolds us. 

Meanwhile we have arrived at the end of the hallway. The door labeled 'Staff Only' is being held open with a chair.

"Where does this lead?" I ask. But I don't get an answer.

The three make their way through the door and reluctantly I follow. 

If anyone catches us, we are screwed.

Behind the door lies a metal staircase that we follow.

It's a one-story building and I'm getting a bad feeling.

It manifests itself when Michael opens another door and we step onto the roof.

"Uhm…" I look around, searching for Greg. "What are we doing up here?"

"Visiting our zombie so he can tell us where the others are."

I follow the others around the metal box containing the fan and then I see him.

He has been tied up and taped against the metal. Greg's mouth is covered with a scarf and he is wearing nothing but briefs.

"What the f*ck!"

I kneel down to free him but Dean pulls me back. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Same question goes to you! What is wrong with you?"

Greg looks at me pleadingly and if I'm not mistaken, I see dried up tears on his face.

"Everyone gets what they deserve."

Lanky dude grabs the Nintendo Witch from Dean's hands and walks over to the edge of the roof.

"Hey loser, want me to drop your toy?"

Because he isn't able to speak, Greg screams. 

Oh my god.

How had I not realized before?

These guys are bullies.

I quickly pull the guy back. "What middle school bullshit is this? Give me the console!"

Michael sighs. "Man, I thought you were cool."

"Cool? What'S cool about property damage and kidnapping?"

I rip the Nintendo Witch out of the hands of the man and put it down next to my feet.

"We are going to untie him now!"

Dean steps forward. "Why would we do that? It'S 3 versus 1. Do you maybe want to join your loser friend?"

Suddenly, I'm surrounded by all three of them.

The anger is cooking inside of me as my heart starts beating even faster. My palms are sweating and I'm not sure what to do. 

That's when I feel it.

Satan's power starts running through my veins and before anyone can react, I have punched Dean in his face.

He stumbles to the ground and I turn around to push Michael and his friend away from me with one movement.

They land close to the edge and from the shock in their faces I can tell that my appearance must have changed as well. 

Quickly, I rush over to Greg to free him.

He looks at me terrified.

"Don't be scared," I whisper.

"Behind you," is what he answers.

Without turning around, I strike my hand through the air and the loud thump tells me that whoever had tried to attack is now lying on the ground again.

I grab the console to hand it back to Greg. He is still staring at me.

"Are you…a demon?"

I think about what I should answer.

Then I get up.

"Goodnight Greg."

Without a last look at my three victims I run off the roof to find safety.