Too Broke For Afterlife

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"So you lost your brother at Disheyland? Yeah, I don't think that can hold up with being attacked by a seal." 

Parker flashes Nox his middle finger. "It was a near death experience, okay? My parents would have killed me."

"Sure."

Judy chuckles. "That girl should have known you're not from California. First of all, your accent is way too thick. But also, we don't say 'Cali'. It's California."

"You're from Cali...fornia?" 

"Yeah, what did you think?"

Parker shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know, maybe Iowa or some shit."

I watch as Judy's expression changes from amused to offended.

"Iowa!?"

Clemens raises his hands. "Quiet, children. There is no need to bicker. We have one more story to listen to."

When he looks at me, I sink deeper into my chair.

"Isabella, why don't you tell us about the night you almost died? What exactly happened?"

I shake my head. "I don't think I'm in the mood for that. Shouldn't we end the night with this light-hearted story?"

Clemens shrugs. "If you don't want to tell it, maybe Judy can."

Judy seems overwhelmed. "I...uh…"

"She doesn't know it. I haven't told anyone."

"Not even your girlfriend?"

My heart pulls together. 

Can't they shut up already?

"Shouldn't your girlf-"

"If I tell you guys, can we never speak of this again?"

Everyone nods. I sigh.

Let's hope I have had enough cheap beer tonight so that I won't remember this tomorrow.

<<<

To give you a full grasp of that night, I have to go back to how it all started.

Jasper and I met at a vernissage. He was there to find new art to deal with and I attended because I was friends with the artist and he had asked me to come.

What I didn't know prior was that amongst all the beautiful paintings of buildings, birds and jungle motifs were a few small charcoal sketches and as I strolled through the exhibition, I recognized myself in one of them. 

I was moved, knowing I had been a small inspiration for my friend and he offered to gift it to me if I was to recommend his pieces to a few art dealers and galleries I knew through work.

That was when Jasper joined our conversation. 

He was looking quite handsome and with his bright smile and even brighter eyes, it was hard to ignore him.

"These charcoal portraits are amazing. Very modern yet traditional. I am an art trader and would love to buy some of them, especially this one."

He pointed at the sketch of my face.

"I'm sorry but this one is not for sale. Maybe I can interest you in some of my other pieces?"

I was humbled that my friend chose his promise over the definite cash but Jasper was not willing to peg away.

"I can give you $150."

"For a charcoal sketch?"

"It's an outstandingly beautiful one." 

Jasper had smiled at me which I answered with a cocky grin.

"I think that I'm the one you should be negotiating with. Afterall, this sketch is already mine."

"I could never take money from such a beautiful woman."

I did not appreciate this misogynistic comment but you see, I had been single for quite a while and although I knew I would never have any feelings for this man, the female body is designed to enjoy pleasures caused by male genitalia. 

To make it short, I was horny.

"Even if, I wouldn't just sell the sketch. I'm sorry."

Finally Jasper realized that he wouldn't get lucky here but I guess the sketch hadn't been his goal anyway.

"I respect your integrity so let me offer this deal. I will let you keep your sketch if you let me take you out for dinner later."

Bingo. A dinner with a man who was this straightforward could only end in one thing. And so far I was enjoying his company.

And we did have sex that night. It was good sex, although not fulfilling of course. 

<<<

"Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt but I really really really don't want to hear about you having sex."

Parker pinches his eyes and I smile amused.

"Come on, you're an adult. Sex is natural."

"Yes but why with a guy? Couldn't you just download Tinker or something?"

I sigh. "I wasn't into dating apps back then. Can I continue now?"

Parker shakes his head. "Sure. But I'm still trying to get this image out of my head."

What a child.

<<<

Anyway, after we 'did not have sex' I was surprised to find out that this guy had genuine interest in me.

I am usually not girlfriend material to men. I have been catcalled way too many times to believe that I could ever be taken seriously by the opposite sex.

Jasper kept inviting me to dates and we kept 'not having sex' until it got too serious for me and I told him that I had no romantic interest whatsoever. 

And he seemed understanding at first. He wished me the best of luck and our ways parted.

That was until he started turning up in front of my door in the middle of the night, always a bit tipsy and very suggestive.

I made the huge mistake of letting him in a couple of times and I do admit that by that I may have sent him the wrong signals.

But let's be honest. When you're starving and dreaming of a juicy peach and all you get is a raisin - would you eat the raisin or die?

Exactly.

After a while the 'not sex' wasn't enough for him anymore so he also started turning up to work, buying me impressive gifts and promising grand things, all so that I would fall for him and become his girlfriend.

I had to have a serious talk with Jasper but this time he didn't take it so well. 

He got really angry, started calling me a slut and a bitch. I stood above that and got him banned from the company building but he didn't stop there.

He would send me SMS, emails, DMs and what not. For every time I blocked him, he created 5 new accounts or numbers until I had to threaten going to the police to make it stop.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't worried in the slightest. I was simply overwhelmed and exhausted. 

The threat really seemed to hit home and Jasper drew in his horns and left me alone for good.

That was, until two years later.

I was on a date with a woman who I had met through a mutual friend and we went upstairs to my apartment. Not necessarily to have 'not sex', I simply invited her over for some wine and chatting.

But as soon as we stepped through my door, I sensed that something was off. There was an unfamiliar scent hanging in the air and the window to my fire escape was open. 

I didn't remember opening it but I figured that I must have simply forgotten and that the smell had been carried inside by the wind.

I'd like to point out that I was tipsy and high on hormones, my thinking wasn't as rational as it should have been.

We decided to relax on my couch when I noticed something else.

On my coffee table, there was the charcoal sketch. 

But how? Hadn't it been hanging in my bedroom? Framed?

Something was wrong. 

But before I could investigate the mystery of the travelling picture, my date decided to kiss me. Very passionately.

My hormones started going crazy and my mind clogged. 

God, she was a really good kisser. Such tender lips and motion control. 

But the making out didn't last long before she pulled back.

Her phone was vibrating.

"That's my friend, I have to leave."

"Why? Did something happen?"

But she had already jumped up from the couch and hurried to put on her shoes.

One final kiss. "I'll call you." And she was gone.

Maybe I'm paranoid but looking back at it, I can't stop myself from thinking that Jasper somehow had manipulated her phone, to get her out of my apartment.

I was frustrated but still elated from those sweet kisses so I put on some music and poured myself another glass of wine, I had completely forgotten the sketch on the table.

It just so happened that the radio was playing my favorite song in the universe so I started singing along.

'Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?

Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth.

They say in Heaven, love comes first.

We'll make Heaven a place on Earth.'

Maybe if I hadn't put on the music, I would have heard Jasper approaching.

Once I looked in the mirror and saw him behind me, holding up my favorite Versuce scarfs, it was already too late.

Had he gone just a little bit harder, strangled me for a few more seconds, my life would have ended before the song did.

And the song was the last thing I heard before passing out.

'Heaven.

Heaven.

Heaven.'