Too Broke For Afterlife

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I fix the maroon lipstick in my hand mirror. Evelyn smiles back at me. Her dark eyes are sparkling in the dimmed light.

"Question, how are we gonna pay for this?" Parker asks as he inspects the white table cloth. A beautiful flower bouquet inside an elegant vase is standing in the middle. "This place looks expensive."

After Judy's and my body swaps had ended successfully, without any accidental deaths, the group had decided to grab dinner at the hotel's à la carte restaurant.

Judy wasn't happy about the idea at first, claiming that it would be way too dangerous, but we were able to convince her in the end. Food is always a good argument, even when you don't actually need it.

Walter chose the robot of a young woman for her. The tall red-head called Olivia reminds me a bit of real Judy, just that Olivia apparently is no fan of tomboy couture and prefers wearing pink sun dresses paired with heels. Very pretty. That's exactly how I used to dress when I was her age. 

Since I was a teenager, my parents always got mad at my clothing style, thinking it was too revealing but that was just my way of expressing myself and now looking back, I was a lot more celibate than most of my classmates. I was still a virgin when two girls had already gotten pregnant.

I was not shy, oh no, but simply focused on other things while also trying to figure out my sexuality. I mean, I knew what I wanted (girls) but not how to make my interests (eating pussy) a part of my life style. 

In the end I decided to skip my coming out and instead just do whatever I want; the people closest to me would eventually connect the dots and for everyone else - it was none of their business.

The only place where I did try to somewhat hide it was work and I managed to do so quite well until...you know, that article.

"So?" Parker's voice rips me out of my thoughts. "Do we actually pay or scam them?"

"I withdrew some cash," I reply as I study the food options.

"Cash? Won't that look suspicious?" he questions.

I shrug. "We don't really have any other option. Do we?"

I look around the restaurant and then back at our table.

Admittedly, our group must look a bit odd next to all the couples and happy families - four people that couldn't look any less related. 

Hmm. Now that our protection is gone, we have to do our best to blend in. And then I have an idea.

"Okay, listen up. You…," I point at Walter, "are going to be my husband, okay? And you two are our lovely children."

Judy and Parker don't seem happy with that plan but before anyone can protest, a waiter has finally appeared at our table.

"Would you like to order?"

"Do you guys have pizza?" Walter asks.

"No, I'm sorry Sir, we do not."

"Oh…" He sounds disappointed and not like he prepared a plan B.

I flash Walter an angry glance. What high-class restaurant sells pizza? Seriously?

He looks at me a bit helplessly. Has he never eaten anything but pizza before?

I sigh inaudibly and put on a fake smile.

"How about a club sandwich? That's almost the same as pizza."

"No it's no- ouch!" 

Luckily, pinching his leg has stopped him from talking more nonsense.

The waiter looks at us confused, if not even weirded out.

Then he turns to Parker. "What can I get you?"

He grins. "I'd like the biggest T-Bone steak you've got. And some caviar on the side, please."

I throw him a death stare.

Have they all gone completely crazy?

And I don't even mean pairing steak with caviar. 

After the waiter has finished taking our orders and left, I lean forward and hiss: "Just because I'm paying doesn't mean you can squander all my money!"

"Oh? I'm sorry." Parker bats his eyelashes innocently. "I think this should be my payment for acting as your child. Also, I thought you're rich?"

"I'm going to lose my job because of this. Okay?" Doesn't matter how much my dad loves me. With the amount of times I have randomly disappeared and reappeared I must have the worst track record. Plus everyone else thinks I'm mental anyway.

"And your startup?"

I turn my anger to Judy. 

Her eyes widen. "Oh, you didn't want them to know that you- I'm sorry."

"Know what?" Walter chimes in.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," I growl as I fall back into my chair.

The waiter returns with our drinks and I immediately down half the wine. The only loyal companion I've ever had.

"You shouldn't be drinking in front of our kids," Walter comments. Judy and Parker snicker at their joke.

Please let this be over soon.

<<<

After the more or less enjoyable dinner, I decided to hit the gym. Not that I would benefit from it, after all this is not my own body. But putting on some music and powering myself out seemed like the best way to cope with the stress.

Well...powering yourself out is a bit hard as a robot and after 30 minutes of weight lifting followed by a marathon on the treadmill I still don't feel any exhaustion at all.

I try to remember whether it was the same way when I was Isabella the robot. Maybe Evelyn has a tireless feature? I didn't get the typical MePhone with the body so I can't read up on her backstory.

Dammit. I'm realizing now that a nice massage would have been a better idea. Maybe with hot stones or fragranted creams. Full body. Head, feet, back. This sounds like paradise right now.

"I've been watching you. Are you exercising for the Burning Man?"

I shortly look over to the man who has occupied the treadmill next to me. Reluctantly, I take out one of my earbuds.

"I've been watching you  is one of the worst ways to start a conversation."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a creep. Still, my question stands."

I sigh as I contemplate whether I should answer or just ignore the stranger.

"No, I'm just trying to have some time for myself."

"Annoying company?"

"Pretty much." And apparently not even the gym is a safe place these days.

The place I usually go to is women only. And that for good reason. No gawking. No getting hit on. Just me and my training plan.

"You know, I don't get to work out often. I've got a pretty busy life," the man informs me.

"Aha."

"Yes, I work as an art trader."

My stomach pulls together in disgust. Please. Anything but that.

"Sorry, I'm not a fan of art traders." I put the earbud back in, hoping he'd get the notion but I'm proven wrong. He keeps talking, this time loud enough to drown out my 80s playlist. Does this man not have any manners?

"Why? Have you had some bad experiences?"

I don't respond.

"There are some shady fellas out there. You have to know who to trust."

"Mhm."

"I'm one of the best, you must know. I'm actually heading to an auction tomorrow."

With a sigh, I turn off the treadmill and wait for it to slow down. In my time at our company I have had to deal with so many stuck up asses, all reciting the same phrases to convince myself that they are the shit. I can't be fooled by that.

"Sorry but I-"

"They are selling some interesting things. I've got my eyes on a couple of gold coins."

I freeze.

Did he just say...gold coins?

I put on a smile. "Really? Do you happen to have a picture?"

"Of course!"

The man steps off the treadmill and pulls the phone out of his pocket, excited by my sudden interest. He scrolls through the pictures until he finds the right one.

"These." He hands me the phone.

The photograph is showing 5 big gold coins. I cannot make out any currency, instead they are each showing the silhouette of a crystal in the middle. 

A crystal that looks exactly like the one under Parker's bed and the other one we used to summon Satan. 

Oh. My. God.

I try to hide my excitement and smile sweetly. "I'm actually a big fan of auctions. Where is this one taking place?"

"Miami Convention Center South. Would you like to go with me?"

He winks suggestively and I instinctively take a step back.

"Uh...I'm here on vacation with my family. If we go, we'll all go together."

"Oh." Now the man looks disappointed. "Sorry, I didn't see any wedding ring," he says, almost sounding tauntingly.

"I take it off when I work out. Anyway, it was nice meeting you but I have to leave now."

I grab my water bottle and towel and wave at the stranger before I hurry out of the gym.