Trapped In Hisstory

Clayton did not understand what he felt when he heard the Crown Prince, his brother, say that he had lost his memories. He does not know whether he would be mad, sad or relieved to hear that he does not remember anything.

Even though Charles Howard said that he does not know what happened because he lost his memories, he could still not accept the fact that he has no idea what he did to him. 'Since you have no memories, it would be good to start anew?' Clayton said inside his mind, 'Is that what you are thinking of, brother?' 

He should be glad that he lost his memories so that he will not treat him the same as before, but deep inside him was upset, it felt so unfair. He clenched his fists and looked directly into the Crown Prince's eyes.

Chance noticed his eyes full of sorrow and pain, he looked terribly hurt and it pained Chance to see the Second Prince that way. Everytime Chance saw his face, he always had the thought that this lonely man in front of him had never experienced true happiness.

He hoped that Clifford would be the one to break the walls he built and give him the happiness he deserves, but somehow he wished he would be part of that 'happiness'. But it seemed impossible for now, knowing how much he was hated just by seeing the gaze that Clayton was giving him.

"Unfair…" Clayton muttered under his breath.

"What..?"

Clayton's eyes screamed anger but there was a glint of sadness as tears started to form in his eyes. "How could you just forget everything…" he whispered to him and his voice started to crack.

Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed a breather as well for him to think and it would be best to give both brothers their privacy. He twisted the knob of the door and stepped out of the Second Prince's chamber.

Chance felt guilty for telling him that he forgot everything, if only he could tell him honestly that he was not his brother. He lowered his head, although he was not Charles, he felt a second hand guilt and sadness for whatever the real owner of the body did to him. "I...I am sorry."

"Sorry?" Clayton repeated and he let out a snort, finding the Crown Prince ridiculous. "Do you think just because you lost your memories, I will forgive you? You think you can get closer to me that way?"

"T-that was not my intention!" Chance exclaimed. He never thought he would see it that way, although he does want to get closer, he was not trying to use the excuse to get Clayton to forgive him.

"I am pretty sure that is what you want." Clayton said with narrowed eyes.

"I do not know anything that is why I wanted to get closer. I will not ask you to forgive me," Chance said, "Let me at least make it up for whatever it was I have done before."

Clayton looked upset but Chance noticed the hesitation in his eyes, that only means that even for a second, Clayton considered letting Chance make up. Chance knew in an instance that despite Clayton's hatred for his brother, he wanted them to have a good relationship.

"Do you really not want the two of us to get along?" Chance asked, "It is never too late to improve our relationship."

Clayton glared at him, "I am a son of a concubine, one of the king's children who was never seen as his child, never seen as a prince, never important!"

"So what! That does not change the fact that you are my brother!" Chance exclaimed.

Chance was taken aback when he saw tears rolling down Clayton's face, "You also said that before!" he yelled with a crack in his voice.

The Crown Prince stared at him dumbfoundedly, "When I was a child, I was mistreated! Even servants whose position was lower than mine treated me harshly, as if I was lower than them! Me! A prince!"

"My mother, who said we will have a better life in the palace as the king's son, was wrong! Living as a commoner would even be better than living as a prince that is treated like trash!"

Chance did not speak, he knew that Clayton was not treated specially because of his mother but he never expected he went through that even as a child. Servants who did awful things to him angered Chance, but there was nothing he could do because it already happened.

"I was about to give up and accept the fact that I am only garbage in the eyes of people. I hated everything, I hated living and I hated myself." Clayton said, "But you…" he muttered and cried as he looked into Chance's eyes, "But you came to save me." 

"You saved me from being swallowed by the darkness," Clayton said with a bitter smile, "Who would have thought that in the end, you would still leave me in the dark."

Clayton's anger came to an end and his gaze was replaced by extreme sorrow. All the pain he concealed all the years started to seep out, and he could finally say the words he wanted to say, "If you were just going to leave me in the end, you shouldn't have come to me from the start!"

A tear rolled down Chance's cheek as he was left speechless by what Clayton told him. Chance could feel all the emotions flowing by every word that the Second Prince said. He was not Charles, he did not know anything, he was not in any position to defend himself nor to tell him anything because he was not the one whom Clayton was with when he was a child.

Judging by Clayton's words, he could tell that Charles was a kind boy before, he could tell how much Clayton loved Charles. But how can he explain to Clayton about Charles's reason for pushing him away, when even he himself has no idea why Charles would suddenly leave him behind in the dark.

Clayton, who was crying, slowly sat down on the sofa as he lost all energy. Chance approached him and embraced him. Clayton pushed him, but Chance did not stop trying to give him an embrace.

He put the book back into the shelf and was about to leave, but Chance unknowingly grabbed Clayton's arm to pull him into a hug. A natural reaction for Chance whenever someone is upset.

Clayton's eyes widened and his heartbeat quickened because of surprise for the sudden hug. Chance embraced him not tight, but enough to comfort him. He caressed Clayton's back gently, soothing him. 'Warm...' Clayton thought.

"I am sorry if you ever feel that way." Chance muttered as he continued to hug Clayton. "S-seriously! What is wrong with you! Did you really hit your head?" he exclaimed, flustered by the sudden change of his brother.

But Chance did not answer and remained embracing him, "You are not unimportant at all." he muttered, making Clayton unable to speak.

For a long while, Clayton gave in. He felt weak and collapsed in his embrace. His eyes were still open and could not understand why Charles was treating him that way. He felt his cheeks wet and realized that he was tearing up. 'Why the hell am I crying? Damn it.'

Maybe because it was the first time someone had hugged him. First time.

He was taken care of a lot when he was a baby, but when he was at the age where he was able to think, it came to him that no one actually cared for him, for real. At the age of one, he can understand what people say. And all he ever heard was the four words.

Son of a concubine.

When Queen Charlotte, Charles's mother, died, they ended the King-Queen reign. Now he took in a consort as a partner then had a concubine. There was nothing really wrong with being the son of a concubine, but the fact that the Concubine had borne a child first before the Consort, made Lady Caroline look like a joke and they started insulting Lady Melanie for being shameless.

And the fact that Melanie was a prostitute has spread out.

He was never praised for his achievements, for it was only the Star and the Sun that received the most attention.

His siblings.

He was the moon who followed after the sun, and the light that made the stars brighter.

He roughly pulled away from Chance's arms and pushed him, "Stop pretending to care." he said and glared at him. "You do not need to do that, Your Royal Highness." he stated slowly, pushing every word.

~~~~~

It was the same warmth that Clayton felt before. But this time he stopped pushing the Crown Prince away. He was too tired and just felt like he wanted to remain in Chance's arms.

Just like he always does in the past.

The time where both of them were inseparable.