Trapped In Hisstory

I was ready to give up everything. I was tired.

I know it was too early to give up, considering my young age. Others would say that I am just a child being overly dramatic, but in all honesty, I was tired. The hardships are not judged according to our age, because even the youngest people already have painful experiences.

Especially with a shitty family and life.

People who have to be somebody they do not want to be, just so they could fit in with others. Just so society would not judge them. Be controlled by the words of other people, we are nothing more than puppets.

But sometimes others forget that, unlike puppets, we have a heart. We have feelings as well; we are not robots who others could control or hurt like it was nothing.

I felt my body tremble in pain. My mother had just left after doing the usual thing she would do when she comes to visit me in my room. I lay on the floor, not bothering to move and stand up because I no longer have any energy to move an inch. 

I stared at the ceiling. There was no light in my room and the curtains were closed. I was not scared of darkness. In fact, I have gotten so used to it. I was in a daze as I gazed at the ceiling, just like I did when I was still a baby, but I would have preferred to be a baby without a care in the world.

I did not know what I decided to do at that time, but without thinking, I closed my eyes. Maybe living in the dream is better. Maybe I should just sleep forever.

Go on a dream where I could be whatever I wanted to be. A dream where it was only me and my mother, my gentle and loving mother. A world that I could live in without worry.

Then I will never wake up from it. Finally, my eternal rest.

Suddenly, my vision was blurred from the tears clouding my eyes. I started sobbing, and I covered my eyes with my hands. I wanted everything to go back to how it used to be. I wanted to go back to the time I first met my mother. The kindest and the most gentle woman of all, the one who would always accompany me.

How could everything change in an instant? How could a nice person change so drastically as she was right now? What could be the cause of this?

I never did anything wrong, so why must I be the one to suffer for one's mistakes?

Even the servants around me treat me as someone lower than them. I was nothing more than trash in their eyes. What was the point of living in this kind of life?

I heard that a princess was born. She was my sister, Princess Carmilla. The daughter of the King, but I knew my mother never got pregnant after me, so it must be another woman.

I also found out that she was supposed to be born first, but my mother seduced the King so that she would bear the King's child, greedy for the throne. She was insulted and treated badly for being pregnant before the Consort could bear father's child.

Knowing my mother, I knew she was not like that. It must have been Father's fault, I thought. My mother would never have me if the King never wanted to use my mother as a tool for pleasure. That thought angered me, but I was weak. What could someone like me do? I was only a four-year-old child. Nobody liked me because of my mother and even if I grew up, I would never have power.

Princess Carmilla, how nice. Even though I have not seen her yet, I knew she would be someone who everyone would like. I hope nothing bad happens to her, knowing how this place was akin to hell.

And I do not want to stay here any longer.

As soon as I was about to close my eyes, my surroundings were no longer dark. It was so bright, and the light was coming from outside when the door swung open. I turned my head to the side and saw a silhouette from afar.

It rushed towards me, and he knelt down, holding me. Shaking me to hold on. I was confused, as I did not know who it was. It was impossible for it to be a servant, because no servants would ever do such a thing towards me.

When my vision finally cleared, I saw a boy near my age, looking down at me from above. It was strange. Why does he have such a worried expression? Was he truly worried about me?

Someone who I never met, and someone who was never with me. We were never close. Why should he be worried?

But at that moment, I was glad. There was still someone who would think of me.

I closed my eyes with a slight smile on my face.

---

"How is he?"

I was awakened by a voice and I had difficulty in opening my eyes, it must have been swollen from crying earlier. I looked on top of me, and it was not the same ceiling I had always looked at before. I could only see the roof of the bed I was in, and it felt so comfortable, unlike the one I have.

Which room am I in?

"The Second Prince will be fine, Your Highness. But he will need to rest for a week because of the bruises on his body. Please let a servant apply this on his body and make him drink his medicine." An old man said, and he gave a small bottle to the boy I saw earlier.

"No, I will apply it myself." the boy said, he turned around, and another man came to his side, "Wright, gather the servants who serve the Second Prince." he said and I could clearly see the seriousness in his eyes, and could feel anger emitting from him.

"How could this happen to a prince?! What the hell were the servants and the guards doing?" He asked, furious. "The Royal Concubine is too much! How could he do this to his own son?" 

"Tell the concubine to have an audience with His Majesty and I."

"N-no…" I muttered, gathering the remaining energy I had so I could speak. They cannot punish my mother! "D-do not do it. I beg of...you."

I could tell that this kid has a lot of power despite his age. Maybe he would at least listen to me if I begged him to. The prince looked at me in surprise that I had already woken up, he went to my side, "You finally woke up. How are you feeling, Clayton?" he asked.

He smacked himself and I looked at him dumbfoundedly, "Of course he is not all right, what a stupid question." he muttered.

I grabbed his sleeves. "Please do not...punish my mother…" 

He looked at me with a furrowed brow. "How could someone who was beaten so badly say that? Look at what she did to you!"

I tried to smile, "I am...all right, Your Highness…"

He looked like he had more to tell, but he sighed, "Call me Charles. Not Your Highness." he said.

He turned to me and extended his hand, "I am Charles Howard, the First Prince." he introduced himself. He smiled at me, "I am your brother."

I stared at him. It reminded me of the time my mother first smiled at me. It was the best feeling in the world. A moment in life that one would want to keep forever.

I took his hand.

And that was the start of our relationship. As friends, as brothers.

The one who gave light to my darkness. The one who held my hand and pulled me out of the bottom of the well.

I thought it would be best if I gave up on living, but I realized that there was still a lot that I have yet to see and experience.

Since that time, Charles has always been with me. He would accompany me, just like my mother did. Sometimes, I was afraid that he would turn out the same as my mother. I was afraid that he would also change and beat me up. But I was wrong.

I was so grateful to have someone like him. Maybe this time I will truly be happy.

It was only when I met Charles that I realized that I was scared to be alone.

Just because I chose to be solitude does not mean that I liked to be alone. I was just scared to be with people that I know would leave me in the end. So I thought it would be better that way, so I will not be hurt again.

But if it is Charles, maybe I can give it another chance.

Hoping that I would not end up being in the same dark room again.