Longmen Memoirs

"If I die..." Chen Mo suddenly spoke and smiled silently: "No, even if I die and you are still alive, am I still considered dead?"

[Watchdog, I do what I say! 】 He said, but it seemed that he could not finish this sentence.

I watched you grow up, watched you lose again and again, watched you weigh the pros and cons and become timid in your adult years.

I see you living in the web you have made, living in a miserable state and feeling uneasy.

No one has been with you longer than me, and no one wants to know your life better than me.

Of course I "love" you, and of course I "love" everything you have ever loved, so I like the fox cub more than everyone you meet.

Since you are reluctant to let her go, why don't you keep her? You want to be a "hero" that no one cares about.

Abandoning wife and children will not lead to a good death.

ps: I originally wanted to make a sequel, but as soon as I wrote it, Goudan couldn’t stop, and Goudan wanted to take action.

Chapter 45 Chen’s friends

Crystal Age July 7

The self-introduced name of the person in front of her was Bagpipe, which sounded more like a code name than a name. Combined with the brisk smile on her face at this time, Chen Mo didn't know how to answer for a moment.

Chen Mo had met her. Half a month ago, she had a brief encounter with her companion who was standing next to Chen.

At this moment, she came to the door again.

It was not difficult for Chen Mo to guess that she was here to ask questions, and only this idea could explain why she appeared here, in a stranger's home.

Out of politeness, Chen Mo invited her in and sat across from him, with two glasses of cold water on the table.

"Sorry, I don't have anything to entertain you at home."

Of the two people living here, none of them likes to drink tea. Naturally, there are no other drinks in the refrigerator. Most of the place is filled with dark beer. Naturally, it is impossible for him to invite someone to drink when they meet for the first time.

"Ahaha... Well, I came here without informing you. I'm really sorry for disturbing you. Oh... Thanks [<+

She took the water glass handed over by Chen Mo with her cautious hands, held the water glass, and laughed dryly twice. At first, she wanted to start an investigation, but it seemed that her personality was not suitable for such a thing.

"I heard from Chen that you used to be very good friends?" After thinking for a while, he tentatively asked this question.

This sentence fell into Chen Mo's ears, and he couldn't help but laugh a little. The purpose of this opening statement was too obvious, but... very good?

Chen Mo didn't expose it.

"It's not very good. It can only be said to be a childhood playmate."

"That's it."

Bagpipe did come to call for punishment, but it was different from what Chen Mo thought. She knew very well that if she didn't know anything after coming and scolded others based on her own guess, wouldn't it be too unreasonable? And she's not good at such things.

Now she felt a little nervous.

A simple child, this was the first impression she left on Chen Mo.

"Are you Chen's friend?"

"Uh... we can be considered friends. I'm not sure now whether she and I can be called friends."

She relaxed slightly after listening to Chen Mo's words, and loosened her fingers holding the water glass a little.

"Actually, we are classmates in the same school."

"I thought Chen's difficult personality would make it difficult to make friends in school?" Chen Mo said with a slight smile, relaxing the tense atmosphere.

It is not difficult for him to think that he has had this idea since he was a child. Chen's stinky face makes it really difficult for people to sit down and talk to her calmly. Although you actually know that what she said is right, but that tone It's always hard to see.

It's not that I'm superior to others, it's just arrogance, cold arrogance. It may be better when you are a child, but it will only get worse as you grow up.

She looked at everyone with a cold face, as if she was dissatisfied with everyone.

"you do not say."

Bagpipe nodded with a slight sigh, finally finding a topic that could be discussed.

"I don't know how I made friends with Chen Chen. She always has a bad face in school, as if everyone owes her something. She can be easily disliked by others. , I thought so at first.”

As she spoke, she raised her head with a bit of pride, and then changed her words: "But then she made everyone look up to her with admiration!"

"Really? It must be hard for you to be her friend."

Chen is a bit arrogant, but she has the capital to be called arrogant. Perhaps calling it arrogant is a bit exaggerated. She is just a lot more indifferent, but no one can find fault with what she does. She is excellent and can rely on herself You are excellent in your efforts, so no one can say anything. You can be envious and disgusted, but you can't object to ridicule.

She will not accuse you of anything at will, nor will she make rhetorical remarks. She will only tell you with actions where you are wrong, which often makes people unable to refute and can only feel admiration.

"Not at all..." Bagpipe waved his hand in embarrassment, and said a little hesitantly: "Although I bandaged wounds, helped her cook, fought with her as a team, and so on, I did a lot. Tiring...but I have to say, I really admire her. She is the only one who can do things that no one else can do, both in training and in combat. It seems that nothing can make her flinch. She is so persistent. It’s scary.”

As she spoke, she raised her head slightly and glanced at Chen Mo, her voice lowered.

"She must have caused a lot of trouble?"

Bagpipe was stunned and looked at Chen Mo who said this strangely.

"what happened?"

"No...it's nothing, it's just strange what you said."

Chen Mo finally realized that what he said was wrong.

"Maybe it's a little weird," he said.

Bagpipe shifted his gaze and looked at his loosened hand holding the water glass.

"Actually...I wanted to ask her before why she was so desperate. Her attitude...is just desperate, right?"

The person who didn't flinch even though she was covered in wounds in the trenches, the person who refused to give up even when everyone else was left behind and she was the only one who stood up to the scorching sun with her sweat-soaked coat, she would occasionally look at the horizon in the same direction in a daze.

No one could see what she was thinking or why she was doing this. All they could see was the unwavering look in her eyes, which made people feel terrifyingly determined.

But he is such a determined person, and he seems to have become a different person in these just ten days. Although he seems to be the same as before, he is always distracted, and his training is much harder than usual. It's like forcing and torturing yourself.

That's why Bagpipe came here because she couldn't figure it out. She couldn't figure out what made Chen become like this. She wanted to find the answer. She was purely a friend and didn't want to see her friend become what he is now. .

But after arriving and facing the other party, I suddenly realized that I didn't know how to ask or what to say. I couldn't slam the table and ask, but even that would be of no use.

Chen Chen didn't say anything after returning home a few days ago.

The results of it?She didn't say a word about what was going on, and Bagpipe was extremely distressed.

Speaking of which, this was a matter between other people. As an outsider, it was difficult for her to say anything, and Chen would probably not agree with her behavior, but if nothing was done, she would feel uneasy and unwilling.

"You came to me because you wanted to know why?"

"Chen Chen has become very strange during this time... I have never seen her like this." She hesitated for a moment: "She has become very strange since she came to see you last time. As a friend, I don't want to see her all the time. If she continues to be depressed like this, one day she will not be able to hold on anymore."

"..."

It seemed that Chen had made a very good friend. Chen Mo suddenly felt relieved, as if he had put down a heavy burden. He could finally take a breath. Looking at the girl named Bagpipe, he remembered that there could still be someone beside Chen. I feel sincerely lucky for her that such a person exists.

"I probably can't help you, Miss Bagpipe."

A look of disappointment appeared on her face, but my next words cheered her up again.

"Is it really not possible?" she asked. "please……"

"..."

Chen Mo told her about the childhood he and Chen lived together, the memories before he was ten years old, the little girl who only took time to come to the orphanage for a day on weekends.

He told Bagpipe about the past that happened between them, the fragments that had become fragmented now, and intermittently told the things that he wanted to recall but had become blurry.

He concealed the existence of Tallulah and only talked about the three people and the past they had walked together.

"Chen doesn't like to stay at home because her home is not warm or gentle to her. She is like an outsider there. She likes to live in the orphanage, but she can't stay there forever."

"She is a person who always likes to keep things to herself. She was like that when she was a child. She knew everything, but she didn't like to say it out loud. Maybe she was afraid that people would think she was weak. What she couldn't stand the most was being called weak. , and can’t stand my weak side.”

"In a family like that, it would be more painful if you show your weak side." Bagpipe clasped her hands tightly and said, "I was like this when I was a child. My mother often said, 'Vaifan women have to be strong.' , Actually I know, it was because my father passed away early and I was often bullied, so my mother said those words, maybe she felt unconvinced, so she ran to the military academy."

Chen Mo did not take her words, but continued:

"We often stayed together when we were young. We wandered the streets and alleys of Longmen Street together, passing through one street after another. Finally, we walked to the pier and stared at the mountains in the distance and the sea of ​​clouds at our feet in a daze."

"You must have been very happy then, right?"

Bagpipe asked softly. She could think of how happy they must have been at that time. It must be a very happy thing to be able to live carefree with friends, having fun together, big and small.

I thought I could go on like this forever.

Chen Mo was stunned for a moment, couldn't help but smile, and turned to look at the gloomy sky outside the window.

"Yes, I feel very happy when I think about it now."

Although Chen often quarreled with me, even though I could only look at the things in the windows, even though I didn’t have a dime in my pocket, even though I was always called a soft-cooked Chen, and I had no face at all.

But I just feel happy and take it for granted day after day, because Chen's arrival has always been full of expectations and surprises.

Nothing can be exchanged for happiness, carefreeness, luxurious carefreeness.

But I just thought about it. Under the gloomy sky, there were thick clouds. The wind blew by, and the leaves rustled in the wind.

"She cared about another child, and then they separated. Chen thought it was her fault. She always felt that she failed to protect the other child, but I don't think so, but you also know that Chen has always been stubborn. She It’s hard to think about things that anyone can change.”

"You can't either?"

"Maybe it was possible before, but I haven't tried it." Chen Mo said: "After so many years, Chen probably has never forgotten those things, those fragments that have become blurry..."

Bagpipe looked at Chen Mo and said suddenly, with a little regret in his purple eyes.

Chen Mo failed to answer her words, but continued talking as if he didn't hear her, and she didn't continue to ask.

"When she left, I promised her that I would help her protect her. She used to trust me."

"But then you left, right?"

This trust was betrayed.

Bagpipe looked at the face of the man in front of him. He turned his head and looked out the window. Bagpipe could only see his side face, and looked away before he turned around.

"At that time, I didn't expect that so many things would happen later. Neither of us could stay in the past, nor could we abide by the agreement. Chen felt that I had betrayed her, and I thought so too. Over the years, she must have felt She hates me very much, and I have reasons for her to hate me, and it is indeed my fault."

"...You must also have your own difficulties. If you tell her frankly, I think..."

Bagpipe wanted to say something, but she didn't know Chen Mo well enough, so she had this idea. She didn't know Chen Mo either.If everything could be forgiven so easily, how could there be unforgettable hatred?

She should understand this truth, so she suddenly stopped talking.

Chen Mo shook his head gently and looked at the bagpipe with a chuckle.This is a kind person who has a true heart as a friend.

"Now, it doesn't matter whether it is right or wrong, because the children have grown up. What has happened cannot be undone. No one can turn back time. What should be rotten and what should be forgotten must be let go."

If only it could be as easy as you said. Bagpipe looked at Chen Mo deeply, but did not say these words.

Her experience told her that the hardest thing for people to do is to forget, and they can never live peacefully.

"Chen has a new life. She will have her own career and future in the future. She can still have friends like you around her. I am not a qualified friend, but fortunately Chen has met you. You guys, She will meet more people in the future, and there will be a large group of people worthy of her trust and willing to help her, just like you."

"It's not as exaggerated as you said."

"Why else would you come to me?"

Bagpipe looked at Chen Mo's face and gradually calmed down. She was silent for a while and finally couldn't help asking the doubts in her heart.

"Why?...Although I don't know what happened between you two, but...actually you still care about Chen, right? Why don't you tell her this in person?"

"Do you think you know me?" Chen Mo asked: "Do you know what kind of person I am and what I have done?"

She seemed to suddenly understand something and shook her head slightly.

"Yes, sorry."

You don’t know the other person well and don’t know what happened to him, so how can you ask this casually?

"I know you mean well."

Chen Mo looked at the red-haired girl in front of him with a smile. She was not out of malice, but she just didn't like to see this kind of thing happen, but things in the world can't be changed by personal dislike.

"No, I was offended." She became serious.

"Back to the topic we just talked about." Chen Mo said: "Say, if one day you find yourself half-stepped into the swamp, and when you look back and see the people standing on the shore, you want to bring them along with you. Pull it off?”

"I think selfishly, why not? At least there is someone who can accompany me, but if it is the person you care about, your relatives, your friends, yes, they want to save you and are willing to save you, but you know very well , they can’t save you, they can only be dragged down by you.”