Longmen Memoirs

Chen Mo didn't ask, even though he might have guessed the reason.

"Do you know how to operate the transmitter after you get up there? Do you know the communication password for contact?" Chen Mo said as he took the poncho that was snatched away by Frost Star.

But Shuangxing's hand tightly grasped the corner of the poncho, and she lowered her eyelids slightly.

"I'll go and you stay down there. It's just a small matter. There's no need for us to argue."

Froststar didn't answer.

Chen Mo called her and she finally let go.

Chen Mo put his poncho on his body and walked out of the message room. Shuangxing looked at his back. She wanted to open her mouth to say something, but when the words came to her lips, she couldn't say them out.

She knew that the person who walked into the rain she wanted to say knew better than herself. She also knew that those words had no meaning except to make herself feel at ease.

Even if that person has been coughing all night, even if he accidentally sees the red blood in his palm, even if he has various scars hidden under his increasingly haggard face.

Everyone has some unknown past. No matter what he does, there is a reason in the end, and that reason is not Frost Star.

She just felt that Chen Mo's back looked a little lonely and pitiful for some reason, especially when he walked into the pouring rain and climbed up the rusty tower little by little. His figure became more messy and blurred by the wind and rain.

But what Shuangxing didn't know was that this was not the first time that Chen Mo had reached a crossroads on this journey called life.

He knows which way is right, he always knows it, without exception, because he is not a child, not since he was a child, because since he was growing up, he has learned to weigh the pros and cons and right and wrong.

He knows how to choose to make himself feel better, and he knows that he doesn’t have to be persistent when something should be given up.

But he never walked.

Because it is too hard for a person to make the right choice soberly.

What is painful is not the choice itself, what is painful is that after making the choice, you convince yourself that you regret it but cannot look back.

What true loss feels like can only be understood by those who love others more than themselves.

Chapter 66 In the rain and fog

[We do not choose to live in order to die, my brother, but the process of living itself is moving towards death, and in our world, for those of us, if we want to live, we have to risk our lives. Take control of your destiny. ——Tallulah, 1094]

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One of the things people like to do the most and one of the most common mistakes is to overestimate themselves and underestimate others, so self-knowledge is valuable. However, not everyone has self-knowledge. Rather, it is precisely because sometimes, they clearly know that some people Things cannot be done and there is no way to do them, but people just want to do them.

From the perspective of different people, they can evaluate this person at will, but no one really knows what that person is thinking.

Does he really not know that those things are difficult to do by himself? Does he really not understand how difficult it is? Is he really stupid enough to think that he can go against his fate and become that small person that he can hardly see? one.

No, neither.

On the contrary, it is precisely because people have self-awareness and the ability to measure themselves that they understand that those who know they cannot do something but do it, those mistakes that they will make but still make, they cannot avoid, cannot hide from, and have never made. Thoughts of withdrawal.

Neither courage nor ignorance.

It is the helplessness of no retreat, and it is also a well-known choice.

To be honest, everyone will have a day when they know that they will make a mistake, know that what they have done is a wrong thing, know that there will be no good results or even no results, but they still can't stop walking in that direction.

Chen Mo has passed this stage, and Tallulah is in this stage.

The difference is that what they did is not the same thing. What is the same is that they are both the protagonists in this story. They are sober, reckless and ignorant, and have become fools who are laughed at and seek death in the eyes of some people.

This was not the first time Chen Mo had been looked at like this, nor was it the first time he had done such a stupid thing.

In Kazdaele, a land under the dim and dark clouds in the violent storm, he was regarded by many people as a fool, a damned but immortal man who finally crawled out from the war and the dead. He got his wish and gained the trust of the country's monarch, but was also regarded as a nightmare by many people and could not sleep peacefully.

If he is willing, he can rely on his achievements and prestige to occupy a place in the royal court of the Sarkazis. This is the right and status that many people have dreamed of for countless years and cannot obtain, but for him, it is within easy reach.

He deserves that, and he can definitely become the rising star of the Military Council, show off his talents in Kazdare, and shape this country into what he dreamed of.

These things have never been in conflict, nor have they ever gone against Theresa's wishes. No one has ever been completely opposed or received no recognition, even if Chen Mo has really done some evil things and his hands are full of stains. The blood of the Sakaz people, but speaking without mercy, who has stained more of their compatriots with the blood of the Sakaz people, and who has killed more compatriots than the Sakaz nobles themselves.

Compared with them, Chen Mo is undoubtedly a kind person, because most of the Sakaz he killed were damned Sakaz, because when he sets foot on the battlefield, right and wrong no longer matter, even if innocent people may die in his hands. But in war, this is inevitable.

He is no saint and cannot help but make a few mistakes.

Chen Mo has a clear conscience. As for those who oppose him, those parliaments formed by the southern clans and Sakaz nobles, and those who usurp the rights of this country after the victory of the war.

Since he was able to burn down the parliament building in Grai, he can naturally do it again. It is just a matter of who lives and who dies, and who is afraid first and compromises first.

But if that is the case, his whole life will be entrusted to this land of Kazdare. His life, the following ten years, and the short life trapped in the struggle for rights will be committed to this devastated land, and he will be unable to do what he wants. Something you really want to do.

His family, his obsessions and unwillingness.

Kazdale didn't have to do it, but Chen Mo's past was still waiting for him to settle it himself.

In fact, Theresia knew it and knew what Chen Mo was thinking.

She knew that of course Chen Mo could stay, and she even tried to persuade him to stay. She never cared about the so-called Sakaz nobles, she cared about the Sakaz people. She has a stable home, and if someone guarantees for her that the prerequisite for realizing this vision is to slaughter all the nobles of Sakaz, even Theresia will not hesitate at all. Moreover, after she gave the order, especially After the war is won, no one will oppose it.

Chen Mo underestimated Theresia's weight in the hearts of the Sakaz people and her magnanimity. He also overestimated the limited impact his existence would have on Kazdaele, and those impacts were still within Thearesia's ability to tolerate. within the range.

In fact, everyone knows it, Ascalon knows it, the doctor and Kelsey know it, Scout knows it, Hedley and Ines who joined later know it, even W knows it.

Theresia returned the right to choose to Chen Mo himself. On that rainy night, the situation in the royal city would lead to two completely different endings because of his choices.

Even Chen Mo's enemies, those who feared him, knew that Theresa might be on his side.

It seems that Chen Mo himself is the only one in Kazdale who doesn't know that a person who never trusts others will naturally feel that no one will trust him, so he lives a tired and lonely life.

But then Chen Mo found out.

At the end, Theresa half-jokingly said in a pityful tone that it would be great if he was a Sarkaz, and it would be great if she could have known him earlier.

Chen Mo already knew everything.

He knew that he, the butcher of Sakaz, had to die, and he knew that Theresia was determined to save him, a sinful and feared outsider. She also knew that Theresia had never cared about those assassins. The Qazi gave him faith and the flawless self in their eyes.

Isn't that reasonable? Because what Chen Mo did was not for herself, because she is Theresia. If weakness and compromise can keep Sakaz away from disputes, then she is a weak monarch. If power and iron-blooded If she could bring stability to the Sakaz people, then she would be the general on the battlefield of the Great Patriotic War.

The terminal illness that left her helpless was gone.

Because there was no need for them to feel embarrassed, either for himself or Theresa.

The past is not far away, but it seems to have become a memory.

The heavy rain outside the house gradually lightened up.

The sound of falling rain echoed through the wall outside the house, and was beaten by the wind on the yellowed windows. The candles were about to burn out, and there was still some time before dawn.

Froststar's sleeping appearance was extremely peaceful, and there was no trace of the white rabbit that Tallulah was familiar with with its teeth and claws.

Even though he looks cold on the outside, in fact, Shuangxing has an enthusiasm that far exceeds that of most people and is rare among infected people. This kind of enthusiasm is an extremely rare and precious thing for the bumpy infected people. It mostly changes with encounters. They were constantly being wiped out by the tragic events, and what Tallulah wanted to do was to awaken their enthusiasm and pursuit of the same thing.

It can be a home, or it can be the illusory equality and justice, or it can even be "the people's urgent hope to be the masters of their own country."

It can be anything, but in general it is just a means, a voice that awakens the inner fire and longing of the numb and gloomy infected people, making them start to believe that they are capable of doing it, giving them confidence and dependence.

So Tallulah lit a fire, a fire that might burn herself out. That stupid and naive girl made Chen Mo pitiful. She was doing a great cause with little hope.

She may not even think too much about this aspect, she just feels that she is doing the right thing. She may have thought about the difficulties and obstacles her choice will encounter in the future, but she probably did not expect that her fire would really burn. , what will it bring to this land.

Most of the pioneers on the road of exploring change did not get a good ending. Will she be burned to death by the fire she ignited?

Maybe it's better, maybe there's no change, Chen Mo himself can't tell.

The only thing he knew clearly was that Tallulah chose the most difficult direction - the infected, which made her unknown. And one day, when the vast majority of people oppose her, she will not get any recognition, and she will find that She was facing a truly huge force that did not violate her ideals.

But now it is irreversible.

Now, even if Tallulah abandons the infected and chooses another path, not to mention whether she is willing, she has lost the opportunity. This is the price that must be paid for youth and vigour, but it is also an indispensable experience for growth.

Whether things are good or bad only depends on the perspective and also varies from person to person, and everyone has his or her own ambitions.

Chen Mo will not deny Tallulah's ideas. Chen Mo, who has done nothing for her and the infected, is not qualified to deny these. He is not Tallulah and has not experienced the experiences of Tallulah and Frost Star. He You are not qualified to laugh at and make fun of their mistakes and stupidity from a higher perspective.

That is prejudice and arrogance.

Because Chen Mo also made the same mistake and decided to continue making it, if it's too late to look back, why bother to look back.

Maybe one day Chen Mo will regret it, but he will not look back, never.

The light rain finally stopped before dawn, and a thin layer of rain and mist covered the wilderness outside. The tall and rusty signal tower stood alone in the mist.

Like a broken and silent giant.

The earth shook slightly. This kind of vibration came from far away and was familiar to Chen Mo and Shuangxing. Whenever Ursus's land warships started to swim in the wilderness, they would also bring this kind of vibration when they approached. .

Shuangxing turned over and climbed up almost immediately, holding the weapon she had placed next to her sleeping bag last night. She did not see Chen Mo in the room.

The door opened slightly, and Chen Mo probably went out.

Shuangxing grabbed her cloak and walked outside. She saw Chen Mo's figure under the signal tower. When she walked over, before she had time to speak, she was at the foot of the small hillside of the signal station.

The huge continental ship broke through the thin fog, and the signal light on the ship's hull exuded a beautiful light in the dense fog, which was refracted and diffused by the fog.

The hull of the ship is like a giant beast.

Chen Mo lowered his hands while looking at the huge ship in the mist.

The land speeder slowly came to a stop amidst the vibrations.

"what is that?"

Seeing the calmness on Chen Mo's face, Shuangxing breathed a sigh of relief, loosened her hand holding the weapon, and put on her cloak.

"Landspeeder."

"I know."

Chen Mo had no choice but to change his words, and after thinking for a few seconds, he said the name.

"... Rhodes Island."

As he said this, many broken fragments inevitably flashed through his mind, and those memories finally became blurry before they had time, like Longmen, like the hometown that Chen Mo thought he was familiar with but had long since changed beyond recognition.

Froststar murmured the name under his breath.

"Let's go down and take a look." Chen Mo said.

Shuangxing watched Chen Mo walk towards the land speeder. He walked down the hillside, stepping on the mud that had become muddy from last night's heavy rain, and walked away in the mist.

Shuangxing was stunned for a moment, then quickly followed him.

Chen Mo never thought it would happen so quickly. From yesterday afternoon to this morning, including the time for receiving the signal and confirming its authenticity, only a dozen hours had passed. If he hadn't received the news, he would have set off immediately without any hesitation, even in Otherwise, it would take at least one day to confirm the intelligence done on the way. Considering that the war has only ended not long ago, the news may not be so urgent, and the time may be later.

Chen Mo was surprised, and he couldn't deny that the moment he saw Rhode Island appear, there was inevitably a sense of warmth in his heart in the cold wind after the early morning rain.

He was very happy, and it was rare for him to feel this way, at least not to the point of crying.

In fact, Chen Mo couldn't tell whether the moisture in the corners of his eyes was the raindrops that had not completely stopped in the early morning or something else.

It was probably the latter, because he thought he had forgotten what it felt like to cry.

The lifting platform on the side of the ship slowly lowered, and the exit of the bench ship opened.

A group of figures came down from the exit.

Chen Mo saw the girl at the head. Although the black military uniform she wore was more refined than before, and there were several more medals on it.

She should have done some dressing up, otherwise she wouldn't be dressed so formally and grandly.

Chen Mo felt a little funny in his heart, but the funny thing couldn't be revealed no matter what. He just felt happy. He was happy that the Sakaz girl he once picked up in Gelei finally got the one she deserved for her efforts and vision. s return.

She no longer kept nagging about what to do right and what to do wrong. She no longer had so many annoying questions and doubts, which made Chen Mo's ears clear a lot, but Chen Mo still felt a little regretful. Without this girl by his side, without her standing quietly behind him, without her making coffee that increasingly suits his taste, I always feel like something is missing.

Can't tell what's missing.

Regretful but not a pity, nothing to regret.

I saw the figure standing in front of the exit again, although he was no longer wearing that armor, nor was he wearing the usual military uniform with a silver ribbon.

He looked a little down and out, his boots were full of mud, his body was dusty, his beard probably hadn't been trimmed for a long time, and even his hair was tangled together.

Mu Yan didn't know that it rained heavily yesterday, and some guy climbed up the signal tower in the heavy rain. She just suddenly regretted that she shouldn't have dressed so grandly. She cursed in her heart for doing such a stupid thing, and almost forgot about it. Who was hesitating about whether to wear a medal before, but ended up wearing all the medals, and even the subordinates of the night watch looked at him with strange eyes. boss.

The latter is an exaggerated rumor among the Night's Watch.

Some people came later, and some people were transferred to the Night Watch from other places. Except for the hundreds of people who came out of Grai, the Night Watch is no longer the same as before.

No one will pay attention to a person who no longer has the authority to govern them, no matter what great achievements he has done.