Longmen Memoirs

She is an upright person, and she raises her head and denounces her unyielding anger at the injustice and tragedy that has been done to the infected on this land.

She just ignored Chen Mo's thoughts as a matter of course, and looked at Chen Mo more than ten years later with her inner thoughts. Even if she could detect his abnormality, she found countless reasons and excuses for herself.

The weak campfire was dying.

The rain stopped.

Chen Mo, who was covered in mud, was hiding in a small cave. He leaned against the mountain wall. The sky was getting dark outside, and the giant tower and thunder were leaning against his hands.

The rain stopped in the afternoon.

He couldn't walk too far. Fortunately, he found a cave under the hillside that could shelter him from the rain. It was a nest left by an unknown animal. It was just enough to avoid the heavy rain outside.

Occasionally something good happens to him.

Chen Mo fell asleep again. Maybe several days had passed, or maybe time passed very slowly. He vaguely heard Tallulah's call, and he couldn't open his eyes again.

The inscription on the giant sword's body lit up slightly in the darkness. 【#

Tallulah failed to find him.

It wasn't until evening that she returned to the original battlefield again. It was getting dark and it was almost nightfall. In the night, the mountains, forests and wilderness of Ursus seemed to be silently laughing at Drak. She wanted to find someone on such a huge battlefield by herself. How slim.

In this land, separation between people is very common. Maybe one day when people are separated, maybe from now on, they will never see each other again.

In the night, Drake finally stopped.

She finally recognized the reality. Reality will not leave any trace of mercy on those who are delusional. As she once said, time will heal the scars left by everyone.

People will eventually move forward, whether they want to or not. People cannot stay where they are. Time pushes everyone forward, and time makes the boxes buried in the soil gradually decay.

Time gives people new memories, but it will also take away the things that are precious to people, just like a child cannot stay in childhood forever, just like a movie will eventually end, no matter whether it satisfies everyone, no matter what it is, Whether it has left people with regrets and unwillingness.

People can only move forward, because what has happened can never be repeated.

Because this land will never change for someone's wishful thinking.

Tallulah understood this truth that she should have understood a long time ago, but she still refused to give up. Her stubbornness was hidden in her bones, and she had a stubborn and even paranoid side.

She refuses to compromise on what people think, even if everyone thinks it should be like this, even if she knows it herself, but she won't do that, she doesn't know what giving up means.

There was a faint point of light in the night that slowly lit up in front of Drake, stopped in front of him, as if watching her, and then moved deeper into the woods when she looked over.

Chapter 1 I won’t thank you

What is the meaning of death?

Does it refer to the death of a person's consciousness or the destruction of the body? If a person's body is still alive but just loses consciousness, and if the unconscious body is replaced by a new consciousness, then whether the owner of the body in the past is dead or not? alive.

Chen Mo has thought about this issue in the past.

He thought that even if a new consciousness replaced this body, it did not mean that the scars and old diseases on this body would heal with the replacement of consciousness. He thought that even if a new consciousness occupied another body, But the premise is that the body itself is alive. If the body has been fatally injured and has died long ago, even new consciousness cannot revive it.

So the problem returned to its original angle. To replace a living body with two different consciousnesses, and to ensure that this body can still be "alive" after being replaced, there is one and only one way, and that is to live When the time comes, kill the other consciousness in this body.

In other words, only one of him and the original owner of this body can survive in the end. If they both refuse to give up, there will definitely be a fight between them.

How could Chen Mo give up? No one would give up on living, and from his perspective, it was only natural to take away what originally belonged to him. Chen Mo, the thief, was the most shameful.

No matter what kind of conversations they had in the past, and they seemed to understand all of each other's true inner thoughts, this would never change. Their desire to completely kill each other would never change.

Therefore, Chen Mo has never believed in him or every word of the other consciousness in his body. For a long time, Chen Mo has mostly only trusted himself. He is more willing to believe in his own judgment, even if the facts are in front of him. Being willing to believe in one's own judgment has also led to an extremely serious problem. People like him often have paranoia in some aspects that are beyond ordinary people's understanding.

The only way they can convince themselves is by convincing themselves. Other than that, no one else’s words will work for such people.

Chen Mo is mostly a self-righteous guy, and his self-righteousness is often reflected in his panic about a possible future, and the wishful thinking that arises from it.

It's not his fault. People like him tend to think too far. People like him tend to think in a bad direction because they are overly cautious.

Therefore, based on their own experiences and the future that they can infer, among the various possibilities in the future, they cannot convince themselves to sit still and wait for death. Therefore, such people spend half their lives fighting against fate. In half his life, there were many possibilities that he was unwilling to accept, and he had to spend countless efforts and hardships to deflect them by himself.

As a result, most of these people's lives are not stable. Most of those who want to go against the general trend will not have a good ending. People can only remember a few successful people, but many more people are like dust. Floating and sinking under the torrent of history, it cannot even make a splash.

Chen Mo thinks too highly of himself.

Perhaps on the contrary, he just knew how much he could do, and perhaps he was just convincing himself in this way. Even if he still couldn't change any outcome in the end, at least he thought he had made all the attempts to do so.

He just didn't want to tell himself in the end, when there was no way back, that this was life, it belonged to Tallulah, and it also belonged to them.

Everything is destined, no one can help.

Chen Mo didn't believe in fate, even if it was fate, it had to be the fate he held in his hands.

He just couldn't settle down. He just had too much guilt and debt in his heart. Even if Tallulah didn't feel that Chen Mo owed her anything, he really didn't owe the Chen sisters anything.

Perhaps to a certain extent, Chen Mo was just doing what he had hoped for when he was a child, but later lost it as the world drifted away. Perhaps the boy who woke up in Longmen still remembered the bright sky, and remembered that in Longmen Even if the memory of the big and small things I have experienced is no longer clear, even if the memory has long been broken into blurry fragments like yellowed photos.

Even after so many years, when he went back, his home had already become a strange park. He could not find the familiar scenery in his memory, nor could he find the alley where he held the woman's hand when he was a child.

He wanders the land like a lonely ghost.

More than ten years have passed, and he is only afraid that he will forget these, forgetting that these were his most precious memories, and forgetting that he also had a warm home when he was in Longmen.

The sky was completely dark.

When Tallulah found the man again, he was curled up slightly and leaning against the cave wall. The fire lit by a few branches had long been extinguished, leaving scattered fire spots sinking in the ashes and struggling to light up.

The night wind after the rain was so cold. When Tallulah finally relaxed, the cold night wind made her body sway slightly.

She suddenly felt that all the fatigue was rushing into her body at this moment. After she relaxed, it hit her brain one after another, as if there were countless voices saying the same words in her mind, asking her to stop and shut up. Close your eyes and fall asleep.

She didn't do that.

She just bent down and walked into the cave. The flames ignited the wet branches again, and the sparks that had not yet been extinguished ignited the fire and dispersed the deep and cold darkness.

The flames were weak and could not illuminate the entire small cave.

Tallulah untied the sword from her waist and dropped the weapon to the ground, ignoring it. She leaned down and her knees touched the cold soil. Chen Mo closed his eyes, but Tallulah could hear his breath swaying along with the flames. And slowly sounded.

She finally felt at ease.

Her fingers gently landed on the face covered with dirt and blood scabs. The liar in front of her looked a bit funny, but there was no smile in Tallulah's heart.

The gray eyes fell silent.

She wiped away the dirt and blood on Chen Mo's face bit by bit, but no matter how she wiped it, his face still looked so miserable.

If he hadn't come to the snowfield to find himself, what kind of life would he have lived?

Tallulah couldn't help but think so.

She thought that no matter what kind of life Chen Mo would live, it would definitely be better than now. He had never been stupid. He had always been like this when he was a child. He always loved to lie when he opened his mouth. Such a person would live a good life no matter where he is.

He is much smarter than the kids in the orphanage, and sometimes he doesn't act like a child at all.

There was only one reason why he chose to stay in the snowfield and suffer with the infected, and Tallulah herself was that reason. She always thought that maybe they could continue like this, just like Alina and Froststar. , Chen Mo can also become a member of the camp, and he can also become one of the infected.

Of course they will have the same ideal, and Chen Mo will be one of them.

But Tallulah didn't think so now.

Because these infected people stayed in the snowfield because they had nowhere to go, because they had no choice but to fight with Ursus, and because they were the same type of people under that common ideal.

But Chen Mo is not.

But even though he was also an infected person, Tallulah knew that he would not choose to fight with them against injustice and tragedy that did not belong to him just for the sake of what happened to the infected.

This is the kind of person he is, short-minded and poor, content with the status quo.

Even if he becomes an infected person, he still has a way to survive. If he wants to, he has nowhere to go. Tallulah actually understands this fact. She has understood this fact since Chen Mo came back from Kazdaele.

There was no need for him to suffer with the infected, to bear the suffering that should not belong to him, but he was involved in this suffering, so he could not leave peacefully.

A liar can deceive everyone except himself.

Tallulah also knew that even if she told him this, he would always have countless reasons to convince himself that he was the same as their group of infected people, and that he had the same aspirations as them.

He had always been like this, because he was a liar, and because sometimes even Tallulah herself couldn't tell the lies he told. Because she was used to his tendency to talk nonsense, she never mentioned it to him.

Maybe I just subconsciously chose to ignore his opinion when I should have brought it up countless times. Maybe I just didn't ask for his opinion because I thought I knew him well enough and thought that he would agree with me.

Or maybe it was just that the answer he said coincided with what he was thinking in his heart, so he was just holding on to a bit of luck, so he didn't dare to continue asking.

If she didn't agree with it in her heart, she should have noticed these things long ago.

Chen Mo has been accommodating her. He seems to have been like this since he was a child, accommodating the sisters. But the difference from when he was a child is that his accommodation at that time was out of fear of loss and fear that one day he would be the only one left in the orphanage. But now His accommodation came from the guilt and regret buried in his heart, and from the joy of seeing him again after more than ten years.

【~+

He owed too many things to others in his life. He had all kinds of regrets and reluctances in his life, and his regrets and reluctances were all caused by himself.

Chen Mo had no reason not to accommodate the sisters, because when he didn't love them, because after Longmen's coldness and coldness, only the shadow of each other remained in their relatively warm childhood.

Tallulah slowly retracted her fingers.

Her eyes fell on Chen Mo's hand. His fingers stained with black blood could not wipe away the blood on the side of his face. Talulah reached out and held his hand. She slowly leaned on Chen Mo's shoulder.

It was as if he could hear the beating of his heart after he calmed down, as if he could feel the warmth coming from his body.

Tallulah closed her eyes.

Her breathing gradually calmed down, and Drake's silver hair hung on Chen Mo's shoulders.

Maybe this is the only time.

Tallulah let go of her ideals.

At this time, Drake was no longer the leader of the infected. At this time, she was just Xiaota, who was found again by Chen Mo more than ten years later.

Although she will eventually return to the infected, even though her thoughts at this time are just self-deception.

Tallulah didn't want to worry about that anymore.

...that's fine.

The swaying firelight in the cave was unknown when it started to rain again outside. The firelight gradually dimmed in the rainy night, and the figures of Drake and Chen Mo, nestled together, slowly became less distinct with the dim firelight and were swallowed up by the slow night.

The rain was still falling, and in the sound of rain, Tallulah thought of that rainy night in Longmen many years ago.

She could never forget that rainy night, nor could she forget the relief and reluctance she felt towards Hui Jie when she finally left the home that didn't love her, the family that didn't belong to her.

She couldn't forget the eyes that looked at her through the crack of the door on that lonely rainy night. She couldn't forget that the owner of those eyes was still so young at that time, they were both very small.

He likes to wear the same two sets of clothes. He has always been a special person in the orphanage, because when other children are playing, he and he are the only ones sitting quietly and watching them.

His eyes were always strange when he looked at the children. There was no desire in his eyes, only an incomprehensible helplessness. But when facing the nuns, he was a good boy.

It wasn't until a week later that they came into contact for the first time. Perhaps from that time on, their fates were entangled in a strange combination of circumstances, making it difficult to separate easily in the future.

It wasn't until more than ten years later that they met again on the snowfield.

There have never been so many coincidences in the world. Most of the coincidences in the world are man-made. Because people hope, they become some kind of coincidence.

At least their reunion wasn't a coincidence.

At least before the reunion, in the past ten years, Chen Mo had never given up on this day and on finding the girl in Longmen that he could not forget.

He actually doesn't have to be so persistent.

His persistence can't be exchanged for anything.

Maybe he didn't think about what they would say after they found her, and maybe he didn't think about what would happen after they met.

For all the worries he had, it turned out that the land occasionally gave him a glimmer of mercy.

The sky slowly brightened.

The steady breathing in his ear caught Chen Mo's attention. He tilted his head. The silver-haired Drake closed his eyes gently. She leaned on his shoulder. The delicate face under the silver hair was no longer what it used to be. She looked a little gray. Her face was stained with too much dust left behind in this rough and suffering world.

They were supposed to have another life that was gone.

Chen Mo could feel her clenching his hand, her fingers tightly clasping his palm. The rain outside stopped, and the morning sun passed through the leaves and reflected on the morning dew.

The sunlight was reflected brilliantly, and Chen Mo heard the chirping of feathered beasts on the branches of the forest again, as if the whole forest had finally woken up.

Fortunately, his broken body held on.

He closed his eyes again.

Time moved forward silently. Chen Mo hoped that it would slow down a little, slow enough for him to be ready, but Chen Mo also knew that he would never be ready.

He can't be prepared to lose, he can't be prepared to say goodbye.