Longmen Memoirs

W saw exactly the same thing in Chen Mo, but unlike himself, he was able to stand beside Theresia openly. Because of Hedley's experience, Ines and the mercenary team stayed as A subordinate organization of the Tower of Babel, they are regarded as a member of the Tower of Babel forces.

Hedley didn't think this was a good thing, but W didn't have a problem with it.

She changed a lot later, maybe it was just because Theresa's appearance calmed her down, and she became less confused and crazy. Although she didn't change much on the surface, in fact she was undoubtedly learning from Theresia. appearance.

Gradually, there were some other feelings in her heart. For team, subordinates, companions, these unfamiliar words, because of Theresia's infection, W would inevitably think about and redefine them.

She wasn't born crazy, it was life that made her like this.

Chen Mo is the epitome of W, or in other words, in W's eyes, he is another opposite version of himself. Miss Sakaz can't help but be curious about this, and they have more or less contact with each other for this reason.

It was far from the relationship between a man and a woman. It was just a child who was imitating an adult and subconsciously explored and imitated the surroundings. Although W had already passed that age, many things were missing in her growth.

There is a subtle connection between people.

If Theresia is W's unattainable yearning and her treasure, then Sakaz Butcher is a tangible reality to W, her kind, and her jealousy.

She can't help but feel this way. They all do evil things and will die a good death.

They are becoming more and more similar to each other. That kind of intuition that cannot be expressed to others, that kind of subconscious feeling of sympathy for each other. W actually does not hate these. The reason why she hates Chen Mo is not so much that she hates Chen Mo, but that she hates herself. itself.

What she had to admit was that on the back of the notorious Sakaz, she actually felt safe, a kind of stability that even Theresia could not give her, a kind of safety that seemed to finally be temporary. The tranquility of taking a break while chasing Theresia.

But she is a pure person, and she subconsciously rejects this illusion that should not occur.

Chen Mo is very special to W. He is not as desirable to W as Theresa is and makes W willing to sacrifice everything for him. He is also not as familiar to W as Hedley and Ines are. He is hers. teammate.

He is a plausible answer that w found for himself.

In fact, there is not much contact between them, and they even have very little time to talk.

But there is a kind of person who will subconsciously make people feel familiar even if they have not spoken a few words or have not been together for a long time. Of course, it cannot be called feelings, and there is no so-called love or hate. If you insist on saying so, It's just that when poor people of the same kind get together, they will always subconsciously move closer to each other.

So when the girl suddenly stood up and grabbed her collar after a brief question and answer with strong personal emotions, Chen Mo didn't think about it [-

Her scarlet eyes flashed with inexplicable emotions, anger, struggle, and wandering.

So she subconsciously showed a bad smile at the corner of her mouth, but when the words came to her lips, even the sarcastic girl Sakaz didn't know where to start.

She had countless ways to satirize everything she saw, and she also knew that her sarcastic and disgusting remarks would have no effect on the person in front of her.

She is not that crazy. The madness she showed to others has never made her lose her true mind. If she lost her mind, she would not only stare at Chen Mo now, but look into his eyes with that murderous look. .

"……why?!"

She doesn't understand.

Just like he didn't understand why this man was willing to accept his sentence in Kazdaele, he didn't understand why he could still live so stably, he didn't understand why he had no resentment or dissatisfaction, and why even now he could Put on that disgusting smile.

She also didn't understand why a guy who killed so many people could still live so peacefully.

It's very contradictory, it shouldn't be like this, he should be more depressed, he should have some resentment, he should live a life worse than death, but if that is the case, w can accept it, but he will also feel unwilling to do so. Why should he live like this if he is not willing to do so? With this look, why should he get this kind of treatment?

Your heart is arrogant and you are ruthless and decisive.

In fact, w understood a little bit. After following this man and listening to him talk about the things here, and seeing him respond to the infected people around him, w understood a little bit.

She understood that for this man, this was the life he wanted, and that for the so-called Butcher of Sakaz, killing was not what he really wanted to do.

But it is precisely because of understanding that w is even more unacceptable.

She couldn't accept that people like them deserved to live like this. She was conflicted. She couldn't find the answer. Maybe she was also longing for it, but this longing and inner conflict made her feel sick in her stomach.

Chen Mo's eyes were calm. Even in the face of W's anger, he remained calm until W asked why.

"what why?"

"You know it very well."

"..."

"I have no obligation to answer your questions." Chen Mo held W's hand. W held it tightly. When he touched the back of his hand, he could easily feel the tight muscles in his hand.

"I can't give you the answer you want, Sakaz, we are not traveling together."

W seemed to have heard something incredible, and her short smile suddenly turned ferocious. She didn't take action, but she wanted to.

"Ha, you really have the nerve to say that."

Chapter 122 Terminal Illness

W unceremoniously sat down on the chair that Chen Mo had cleaned, and looked around the small room. Miss Sakaz sniffed the tip of her nose, and the air was filled with the disgusting smell of the man in front of her.

She crossed her legs and crossed her legs, acting frivolously. She hung the gun by her hand, and her scarlet eyes finally fell on Chen Mo.

"Has everything gone smoothly this way?"

He heard Chen Mo ask, and she sneered, her smile full of falsehood.

"Haha, if you are referring to the Carters on the road who doesn't like me but doesn't dare to do anything, ah, she is quite an interesting guy."

"Her name is Frost Star, and she is one of the captains of the infected team. I hope you didn't have too many conflicts with her?"

That's what he said, but Chen Mo thought that with W's temper, Shuangxing should have suffered a lot. In fact, Shuangxing was not a good-tempered person, but Chen Mo knew that Shuangxing still knew a little bit about the relationship between them and Kazdel. They are actually the weaker party in the agreement.

It's hard for her.

"What does it have to do with me whether she is called Froststar or AmaoAgou?" W replied nonchalantly: "On the other hand, you, tsk tsk, thought you were going to do something big after leaving Kazdel, but you ended up running to Ursus with a group of people. The world has really changed when infected people mix together, and people like you can actually do this kind of thing."

"I thought you didn't come all this way to quarrel with me."

Chen Mo was not angry. He looked at the sneer on the corner of W's mouth calmly.

"How dare I quarrel with you? Maybe you will kill me if you are unhappy and there will be no way to deal with it."

If she hadn't said this in such a mean tone, Chen Mo would probably still believe it.

W's words were full of resentment, and although she covered it up with harshness and bitterness, her resentment almost overflowed on her face.

"Is this how I make you resentful?"

"Don't dare."

"It's because I don't dare, not because I don't want to."

"..."

She fell silent again and just looked at Chen Mo without saying a word. The sarcastic smile at the corner of her mouth subsided, and she stared in Chen Mo's direction, with complex emotions flashing in her eyes.

Chen Mo didn't try to expose the reason why W hated him. In fact, he knew many things in his heart. Many things did not need to be said. Once he said it, Chen Mo thought that W in front of him would definitely jump. She changed her face faster than anyone else. She He is also an unreasonable person.

"Hedley was tricked by you this time. You threatened him. Kazdaele is no longer the Kazdaele he used to be, so many things can no longer be handled in the way you were good at before. W, Hedley He is willing to let you come because you have a relationship with him, and also because he knows that the contact with Ursus is always monitored by the Night Watch. If the Night Watch does not let go, you will not be able to come here even if Hedley agrees. If the Night Watch Relent, then this shows that the impact is within control."

"..."

"Although the war is over, the problems between Sakaz and the others have not been completely resolved. The mercenaries like you and Hedley who later joined the Tower of Babel should pay more attention to their words and deeds. The enemy often ignores you. It would be fatal to attack you in a certain place. Hogg and the others are far away from the center of the fight, but you, you, Hedley and Ines, you should pay more attention to your behavior."

"There is no need to waste your efforts for a dead person. His Highness needs you, and Kazdaele needs you too. The war in which Sarkaz killed each other is over, but the war in Kazdaele is not over yet. There will be more in the future. You have a long way to go.”

It wasn't that he didn't notice the increasingly calm look in Miss Sakaz's eyes, nor was it that he didn't notice some suppressed and turbulent emotions behind her calm expression.

"That's enough, what qualifications do you have to say this now?"

"Who do you think you are? What qualifications do you think you have to teach me a lesson? Ha, it's really ridiculous. You escaped from Kazdare and you actually said such words to teach me a lesson in front of me without shame!"

"You have nothing to do with Kazdel, and you have nothing to do with me or our Sakaz! Who are you showing off with that pitiful look? It's disgusting, it's disgusting to death!"

"Don't forget what you have done. How can you have the nerve to say this?"

"..."

Chen Mo calmed down.

The girl was roaring hysterically. Chen Mo just waited quietly for her to calm down. He had no intention of arguing with W.

So after a long silence, the moody woman was once again irritated.

She stood up and grabbed the silent man, just like she had done when she found him in the small town of Ursus more than a year ago.

Coward, she said that at the time. After making an incredible move, she pushed Chen Mo away and retreated.

Chen Mo still remembers every word she said at that time.

Yes, she said you fell in love with Theresia and you were afraid, so you ran away.

Chen Mo just calmed down and then fell silent.

So Chen Mo, who fell silent, first surprised her, and then felt absurd, ridiculous, and dazed by the answer that even she couldn't determine.

She didn't expect that Sakaz Butcher would really fall in love with Theresia, nor did she expect that His Highness would do the same...

She returned to Kazdale in such a state of despair. After returning, she locked herself in her room. For a whole week, she had no contact, no laughter, no words.

She felt as if he could accept this answer. She felt that she was close to the truth, but the truth was absurd and ridiculous.

Chen Mo knew that he had indeed run away. Chen Mo knew that Theresia could give him the answer he hoped for, but Chen Mo also knew that Theresia knew how to answer him.

Chen Mo knew everything clearly.

He was afraid, and he was afraid only after the war was over. He was afraid that Theresia would really give him that answer, he was afraid that he would just stay in Kazdaele, and he was afraid that Theresia had not made the right choice.

He was afraid that his Highness knew exactly what he was thinking.

Just imagine if someone with his experience had reached this point, killed so many people, contracted so many sins, and encountered all these ups and downs and displacement.

Maybe Chen Mo had lost himself a long time ago.

Maybe he still hasn't changed since he came to Ursus. He is still the same person who puts everything on himself and desperately wants to think that he can control the destiny of others and himself by himself.

His powerlessness and unwillingness as a child, everything that happened on that rainy night, the weakness he hated, and the power to control his destiny he longed for.

To control Tallulah's fate, to control Chen's fate, to control the fate of those he cares about, to avoid the bumps and thorns on their roads with possibilities that have not yet happened.

Chen Mo is so arrogant, so arrogant, and so self-righteous.

What's the difference between him and Wei Yanwu? He finally became the person he once hated. No, he was even more paranoid and crazy than Wei Yanwu.

How can he control those things that have not happened yet? How can he ensure that he avoids all suffering and allows the fate of the entire Ursus and everyone on this land to turn according to his own ideas.

Perhaps Theresa had already seen this.

The reason why Chen Mo lives so tiredly is mostly from himself. He created an enemy for himself, an enemy named Destiny, an enemy named Tallulah, Chen, and the destiny of everyone in his world, including his own. of enemies.

He wants to manipulate this fate, he wants to be the master of it.

He selfishly puts all the pressure on himself and ignores other people's thoughts and their lives to satisfy his own arrogance and arrogance.

This is for Tallulah's good, for Chen's good, and for their good. Even if he dies, even if everything he does now can change their fate, it will ultimately be for them. This is his responsibility, and what he has done for more than ten years. The mistake he made was his guilt and debt.

Chen Mo failed to recognize himself after all, or perhaps, his spirit had been gradually distorted by the false enemies he had created and the bumpy experiences he had experienced for more than ten years.

He failed to let go easily and let those he loved face their lives. He didn't trust them enough. He was selfish and despicable.

He was worried that once he let go, this cruel land would be even more cruel to the people he loved.

He was afraid that Chen and Tallulah would be like him, that they would be like him when he was a child, in a dilemma on a rainy night, and despairing after a helpless loss.

Chen Mo's worries, hesitations, cowardice, lies, and conflicts were like straws pressing on him, finally slowly crushing his original will, and finally making his spirit gradually become distorted before he even realized it.

He lived so exhausted. He lived, feeling that he deserved to die but did not dare to die. He lived with too many regrets and reluctance, but he was also guilty. He could not see clearly where his future was. He felt that his life was too long. He couldn't wait forever.

He still has so many things he wants to do, and he still has so many regrets that he has not been able to achieve them. His time is passing away little by little. In the few days he has left, he has given himself too much that he cannot ask for. pressure.

He should take a good rest for a while, find a psychiatrist, spend time with his family, let the days pass, and let his tired and confused mentality gradually stabilize.

He has an extremely severe stress-induced psychological disorder. This psychological disorder may have been with him since he saw the woman die in his arms as a child. It became more and more severe after the Black Wall, and by the time Kazdale was unable to turn back, sky.

Maybe besides him, people who knew him, such as Vina, Sfilt, Crow and Seria, all noticed it to some extent.

He kept losing, and he tried so hard to avoid making the same mistakes again, but fate played another huge joke on him. When he finally stopped in Kazdaele, he couldn't stop.

He lost 052 in the Black Wall, lost his wildcat because of his status as an infected person, lost His Highness due to Kazdel and the contradiction, lost his originally stable life because of what he did, and he killed his adoptive parents. , killed the child of his adoptive parents with his own hands, and his hands were stained with the blood of innocent people.

People like him don't deserve a stable life.

Will one day, the sins I have committed will also affect Chen and my daughter? Will one day, the retribution of a wicked person like me will affect the people I love?

Chen Mo could not help but think so, and now he was about to lose Talulah again.

The identity of the infected person, past experiences, and heavy life experience.

If he is not infected...