Longmen Memoirs

"Even if you step on the corpses of your companions, even if you commit countless unforgivable sins, you still want to live." She said: "Scout didn't tell you that those black steel operators and Sarkaz mercenaries have The injuries are all from the same weapon. Yes, it was you. After killing so many people, congratulations, you survived..."

Chen Mo was stunned.After all, he was not familiar with those Black Steel operators. They had known each other for less than half a month, but now he had killed them with his own hands. Chen Mo thought he could take it calmly, but there was still an inexplicable feeling in his heart. Emotions are tearing at my heart.

You have to survive 052, and you can only survive by killing.

I don't want to kill 013, I found a way to live without killing.

Yes, you found it, and you are now living in my memory.

You save me, I kill you.

"You forgot, because the human brain itself has a subconscious ability to protect itself, but everything you have done will not disappear just because you forget, and the mistakes you made with your own hands will not disappear either." Kai Elsie asked. "Now, will you feel ridiculous and shameful about what you just said?"

The cold eyes seemed to pierce through Chen Mo's hypocritical disguise. It would be better to say that she saw through her hypocritical skin from the beginning.

Chen Mo had no way to hide and was exposed to her gaze.

I didn't do it, and such a rebuttal seems pointless.

"So, Doctor Kelsey, let me ask you. If I die, can I repay the sins I committed?" Chen Mo shook his head: "No, of course not. I admit that I killed them, yes I have done all this with my own hands, and I will not deny it. Denial is escape. I have escaped for long enough, but I will not spend my whole life repaying it for this, because [+

"What would you choose to do if you were me?"

Sometimes forgetting is a good thing, because you can start all over again, at least on the surface you can start all over again. You can't deny the mistakes you made. You go all the way according to the route planned by fate, so you You are displaced, so your wife and children are separated, so you live your whole life in what you think is the right cause.

You want to atone for your sins, but you shouldn’t, because in the process of atonement you will make more mistakes. Your life will be mediocre and your life will be worthless. But you still live on because you will die when you die. Nothing left.

You are the victim, and the victim is also the perpetrator.

If you die, you will no longer be able to pay for your sins. If you die and are forgotten, you will have nothing left. You once lived in this world, on this land, and your life was so difficult. Living such a mediocre life, do you want to deny everything you have ever done?

"I'm not you and I'm not going to be you," Kelsey said.

"Yes, you are not me, that's why you can say this to me, because you have your life, and I have mine. Our lives intersect because of a small twist, but they will not always intersect. Together." Chen Mo said: "I am very grateful to you for saving my life, but your deliberate guidance and hints make me feel tired. I have to find a way to avoid these words of yours. What do you want to know? Know me Who knows how miserable my life is? What do I have that deserves your so much care and trouble?"

Chen Mo said:

"I was born in Longmen, an ordinary middle-class family. My father is a police officer in the Guards Bureau, and my mother is a music teacher in an elementary school. They are both ordinary people. I originally hoped that I could become a Ordinary people live quietly in Longmen, but then too many things happened, which caught me off guard and made me tired of coping. When I came to my senses, I had arrived at Black Steel International."

"Ms. Kelsey, in your eyes, what is there for you to be afraid of, an ordinary little person like me?" Chen Mo asked: "Or do you know some secrets that I don't know myself?"

"You want to know these secrets, secrets that are secrets because they cannot be known, and you are really ready to know them."

"Only if you are willing to tell me."

"I privately took a part of your blood sample. After the test, we found that your blood contains a certain substance that is strong enough to resist the invasion of the Origin Stone. You don't know what you are, and neither do I. But here, there is someone very similar to you." She said: "There is no direct evidence that you are from the same place, but I am sure that you must be related, so I hope you can stay. Of course, you There's no choice because whatever you want to do, you won't be allowed to do it."

"House arrest, can I understand it this way?"

"If you think so."

"I have a question, can you answer me?"

"On the premise that it does not involve certain matters that need to be kept confidential, I can give you some answers."

"I don't know if it's an illusion." Chen Mo was a little unsure, but Chen Mo really wanted to see that person: "I seem to have seen someone. Before I was brought here by you, who was she?"

"I can't answer that question for you."

"Are there any confidential matters involved?"

"Perhaps you will be able to see her soon, but before that, I can't tell you who she is. As you said, there are some things that you need to make your own judgment." She stood up and said, "Your body It will take a long time to recover, and I will conduct physiological examinations for you regularly... In addition, the authority to record your vital signs and status is limited to me, do you understand?"

"Yes."

Dr. Kelsey left. To be honest, this person left a very complicated impression on Chen Mo. On the one hand, her wise eyes made him invisible, but on the other hand, Chen Mo had some undue expectations for her. Chen Mo subconsciously believed that she would be a person worthy of his trust, trusting her for no reason.

Chen Mo thought that this was not love. He would not fall in love with such a woman who seemed to put him on the experimental table and dissect her to the fullest. But maybe he really needed such a person to allow him to understand who he was and to realize his true nature. Remind yourself, urge yourself, and prevent yourself from going down the path you shouldn't go.

Chen Mo is not a firm and courageous person, so he needs her, but she doesn't need me. It's better to say that he already has someone he recognizes, and he came a step too late.

Some people say that Kelsey is an indifferent person who weighs the pros and cons. In fact, she has just experienced too many ups and downs and seen the fate of too many people, so she only leaves such an impact on people after she has an insight into the world. She has There were so many things to worry about that she could not and did not dare to take another wrong step.

In fact, she is a very dedicated and emotional person. If she didn't care too much about these things, she would not have saved so many false illusions and souls later on.

She knew it was false, but she gently accepted the falsehood and worked hard to lead them to make it real. Chen Mo rarely saw people like her in Terra. She obviously did not have innocent illusions, but she did not Exclude everyone's fantasies and efforts.

But then Chen Mo also met someone like him, and that happened a long time ago. She was not Ms. Kelsey. She didn’t have so many temptations and wariness towards me, and she didn’t deliberately use words to guide and hint. I.

Perhaps, if Chen Mo really goes on the same path as Kelsey, he will be disappointed in himself soon. After being disappointed, we will part ways. I am not the person he expected, and I should become another kind of person.

It is undeniable that they once stood on the same land, looked up at the back of the same person, worked together, became friends, and also became enemies.

They are considered close friends. She knows that I don’t know her close friends.

Scout came back soon, and Chen Mo was sure he didn't hear the conversation between himself and Ms. Kelsey.

"How are you? Do you feel a lot of pressure? Ms. Kelsey has always given people a strong aura, as if she can make people unable to breathe."

"fine【%}

Chen Mo is a liar, it's just a true and false answer from a liar and another liar, but how much can she believe, and how much can Chen Mo confirm that it comes from my true heart.

You have been a clown for too long and told lies for too long, and in the end you will really become a clown and a liar.

But without so many false lies to tell myself this, without these seemingly absurd ideals, how long could I persist.

People need to deceive themselves a little bit in order to avoid living in misery all their lives.

"Brother, you are the first person to dare to say this." Scout was a little surprised.

"Otherwise." I said, "I can't even move now, so I can't pretend to be dead."

"I advise you not to do this, otherwise you may be dead."

"You seem to be afraid of Ms. Kelsey?" Chen Mo was a little surprised.

"Fear, not fear, but respect." Scout retorted: "Ms. Kelsey is a respectable person, although... sometimes it is indeed scary."

"Scout, thank you, you are a different Sakaz."

You are so gentle and kind that you should not be a Sarkaz, but you were born in Kazdare, so you were born to be considered an evil demon. I don’t look like a Dragon Gate person, but I was born in Long Gate, and later I became an evil demon. He truly became a demon.

"Thank you for anything, you're welcome." Scout waved his hand: "We can't decide where we are born, but we can decide what kind of person we become."

Yes, we can't decide where we are born, but we can decide who we can become.

"Anyway, I may have to stay with you for a while. There is someone I really want to meet. Can you please be my guide in the future?"

"No problem at all."

"My name is Chen Mo, Chen Mo is my original name."

How long has it been since he mentioned his name to anyone again?

"Chen Mo, what's Yan Guo's name?"

"Yes." Chen Mo smiled, as if he were a smile of his age: "Because I am originally from Longmen."

Longmen is Chen Mo's home. Even if there is no one waiting for him, even if his life has changed since he returned, he was still born in Longmen, and he has a different kind of feeling for Longmen.

It's not expectation, nor attachment, but memory. I left my most precious memories there, and I will go get them back.

Your soul should not be saved by others, you should save yourself. If you give up on yourself, you will never be able to look back.

I am not great, just because I am an ordinary little person, but every little person also has his own joys, anger, sorrows, and what he loves and is loved.

ps: From now on I will be a Wan Geng Loli.

ps2: This is an ordinary story about an ordinary villain. It may not be so interesting or laughable, but if the world really needs someone to carry this sadness, let Chen Mo do it, Alina If you can't die, Tallulah must live well, and the princess should not face the fate of death. If a person cannot change, why write a fanfic?

The black snake is not scary, what is scary is actually his own cowardly heart.

Chapter 73 The attack is also the beginning of the encounter

I never deny the mistakes I have made. For Kazdaele, we, the war-mongers from Black Steel, all deserve to die. We greedily lie on Kazdaele’s body, sucking the blood of this country. At least half of his chaos and sterility are brought about by people like me.

The weapons sold supported Kazdaele's long civil war. The money from commercial orders squeezed Kazdaele's life. The nobles exploited the civilians, and the civilians were unable to resist. The war destroyed everything they could see.

It is becoming more and more backward, more and more desolate, and more and more chaotic.

It's natural for the Sarkazi to hate us, so it's no surprise that we encountered nothing in Kazdaele. Even here, the Sarkazi treated me mostly after knowing that I was a security guard from Black Steel International. Universal hostility, few people except scout wanted to talk to me.

------

Chen Mo finally understood what Ms. Kelsey said: [Even if you commit countless unforgivable sins, you still want to live. 】

Chen Mo saw the mistakes he had made in their eyes. Even if he didn't want to do that, as an operator of Black Steel International, Chen Mo actually had no right to choose.

【~

Ms. Kelsey's so-called house arrest may be a kind of protection for Chen Mo. If Chen Mo appears outside in his current physical condition, Chen Mo will doubt whether he can see the sun again tomorrow.

Chen Mo didn't know what Ms. Kelsey found on him, but he could probably guess that it was probably because of the experiment many years ago. He later believed that all the conditions that happened to him were caused by that experiment. In the experiment, Chen Mo actually did not guess wrong, but he only guessed a small part correctly.

From the moment he saw this group of mercenaries who were clearly Sakaz, Chen Mo thought he could probably guess the cause and effect of the matter, so that later when he understood that the sudden attack was just because of someone's little conspiracy. , he has been able to treat it calmly.

For war mongers like them, death is actually a predetermined outcome for them. Even if they all want to live, they who have committed such crimes have lost the qualification to live. At least, in Kaz Dell is like this.

Right and wrong are something that is difficult to distinguish clearly. People will inevitably make all kinds of mistakes, big and small, in life. Some can be forgiven and can be dealt with by just saying sorry, but some will never be repaid in a lifetime.

It seems that there is no difference from when I left the Black Wall. Only by killing can I survive. If I want to survive, I have to learn how to kill. Whether it is a Sakaz or a Lateran, I must kill them all.

Whether it is a noble, an infected person, a group of ministers or an emperor, if anyone dares to stand in front of you and does not want you to live, then kill him, kill them all, until no one dares to oppose you anymore, kill no one. No one can influence you anymore.

Kill, kill, kill.

But Chen Mo was almost numb from killing. The life in Heiqiang seemed to have no end. He couldn't see the darkness of dawn, and he couldn't wait for the day when the ice and snow melted. Even though he had left Heiqiang, he still lived in its shadow.

"Oh, Brother Chen, are you able to get out of bed now?"

When Scout came back with the food, he saw Chen Mo standing by the bed, with uncontrollable surprise on his face.

"I feel like my body is getting better."

"Such a serious injury, it's only been half a month, and you're already able to get out of bed. How's your body growing? People say that we Sakaz are monsters, but I think you are the monster." Scout put the lunch box away. He placed it on the table next to him and made a little joke to Chen Mo.

Chen Mo sat on the bed.

"Although I can move, strenuous exercise is still a bit difficult," Chen Mo said.

Scout opened the lunch box and handed it to Chen Mo.

"I'll do it myself."

The lunch box contains stewed mashed potatoes mixed with some meat. It seems that their living conditions are not too optimistic. How can you expect to live a prosperous life in a country where wars have broken out? .

What they don't expect, they can't see.

"Thanks to you for taking care of me during this period, I caused you a lot of trouble, Scout."

"It's not troublesome. Besides, I was the one who carried you back, so it's naturally my turn to take care of you." He said, then smiled and whispered: "Actually, I can still take care of you during my free time. Being lazy.”

Scout's sunshine didn't look like his profession. When he saw the sniper rifle, Chen Mo could already guess that he was a sniper, or rather a very powerful sniper, but he was different from ordinary snipers. His hand was different. He was too cheerful and enthusiastic. He was so enthusiastic that he didn't care about his profession, and he didn't look like a Sakaz.

He later told Chen Mo that in fact he was not like this before. Someone changed him and told him that Sakaz people are not born to be ruthless. When others mention Sakaz, their first impression should not be cruelty without saying a word. letter.

He was indeed trying to change his impression on the world. Chen Mo saw a different Sakaz in him, a Sakaz that was different from the Sakaz he saw in Colombia, Longmen, and the Black Wall.

Someone... wants to change Kazdaele, and she is already doing so, but she is doomed to fail.

"I... I'm sorry." Chen Mo's hand holding the spoon paused. "You know that I am a security guard at Black Steel International, and I have committed an unforgivable crime against your hometown."

Scout didn't expect Chen Mo to suddenly mention this, but if we don't mention it, can we just pretend it never happened? Chen Mo saw the answer in the eyes of those Sakaz people.

The answer is no. The evil deeds you committed, whether they were intentional or not, were committed by you and are part of your life.

"Why did you bring this up all of a sudden?"

"I just feel it's a bit ironic." Chen Mo said: "I was rescued by the Sakaz people, eating food made by the Sakaz people, and lying on the Sakaz people's bed, but what I did was take all of these. Take away."

Chen Mo doesn't think he is qualified to talk about kindness now, but he still thinks that he is a human being and has a bottom line as a human being.

"The group of people I protect are the warmongers who sell weapons in Kazdare. They are one of the culprits who brought disaster to Kazdare."

Scout sighed softly and looked at Chen Mo. Chen Mo lowered his head, but he couldn't catch his gaze.

"Brother Chen." He reached out and patted Chen Mo on the shoulder: "According to what you said, you did commit a crime against Kazdel. As a Sakaz man, I should hate you, and I have reason to hate you, and even kill you. about you."

Scout slowly retracted his hand.

"I was told that mistakes can be corrected, and now I firmly believe that we can make mistakes, but we cannot make the same mistake for the rest of our lives."