my sister never called brother

I hugged myself subconsciously.

There is no sense of security.

The school bell rings.

I bit my lip tightly, trying to wake up my sleepy mind.

Wei Wei stood on tiptoe, searching for him among the many students.

The black crowd looks like a whole, more like a rushing river.

But the one I like, he walks outside of the river, and looks very different.

I found him easily.

After two years, he seems to have changed a lot, and he has lost a lot of his childishness.

I was so emotional that I even forgot the torment of high fever——

I am very happy to see him, and my wish has come true, and I am very satisfied.

But unfortunately I can't go and talk to him.

I also think he is very pitiful, living his youth alone.

There is also a hint of joy.

Because it seems that no girl other than me likes him yet.

He still belongs to me only.

I know it's selfish to think so.

but--

Love can never tolerate a third person.

No?

my own light

In attacking the target,

I am a firefly,

There is no need to shine the light of a torch.

Even if the footprints are faint,

Also worthy of praise.

——Anonymous

What if I am too shy?

Then be brave.

What if I'm too timid?

Then encourage yourself a lot.

What if I'm too ordinary?

Then change yourself, that's all.

There will be no shortcuts in front of you,

Because the destination that the shortcut leads to is not yourself.

------

My name is Yao Xiaorui.

Is a too timid, shy, ordinary girl.

Weakness is revealed inside and out.

Ordinary is pitiful, no one will care about me.

most of the time.

When I was late, the teachers couldn't find me or even remember me.

I think my sense of existence is too low?

Of course, I don't really want to do that.

Every class has its own popularity king.

them--

Or study well,

Or exercise well,

or good looking,

Or have their own specialties.

And many more or...

In short, there is one characteristic that is different from others.

These characteristics will make them stand out from ordinary people and attract people's attention.

No one is successful by luck.

These characteristic people are like this,

God knows, they've all done that in private.

So in the face of those who attract attention, it is easy to be jealous.

This is the same for me, but I bury this jealousy deeply in my heart.

Because of my weak personality, I dare not show this jealousy.

At first I took the jealousy for granted until I met a boy in high school.

The boy actually said I was beautiful and happily accepted my chocolate.

At that moment, I realized a problem——

For so many years, I seem to have focused on being jealous of others and not paying attention to myself at all.

Maybe because I don't care about myself, I will make myself more transparent.

Yes, jealousy is just a waste of time.

The final result can only slowly spend life with this jealousy.

So why do most of them indulge in jealousy instead of choosing to express themselves?

I've thought about it for a long time, from my own perspective——

Probably when jealousy was born, I had already failed.

Jealousy is produced by inequality. When I feel that I have failed, I will use "jealousy" to soothe my evasive mood.

This is probably... the weak licking their wounds alone, right?

Maybe the popular king of the class looks very glamorous.

But love to see the reality, he is not you.

Why deliberately imitate?

Why do you want to get close?

Why do you want to be deliberately hypocritical?

The whole reason can probably be boiled down to "You want to be him."

When you do, you have declared yourself a failure.

because--

Why do you think he is better than you?

　 I also want many people to remember my name.

But I didn't use imitation, approximation, hypocrisy.

Although those people look glamorous, but to me, I faintly feel that they have a hint of danger.

Probably because I don't have the guts that other people do.

Not so much courage, but a lack of self-confidence, right?whee.

When I was in junior high school, I was called around by other people, and I faintly developed the habit of obedience.

Because those people look stylish and have personality.

There are always a few people forming a big circle, chatting about topics that only they have.

But I look very ordinary, even say - rustic?

I'm not going to be like those fashionable girls,

Cut your skirt so short.

Looks like it'll go away when the wind blows.

nor like them,

Dye your hair in various colors.

That doesn't look like a student.

Not like them,

Use the number of times you fall in love as your capital to show off.

Because that would get a lot of nasty rumors.

Maybe my personality and behavior are incompatible with them, so I will be used as a servant by them?

But I'm not angry.

This is probably my character, I like to be submissive.

At that time, I felt that it was only natural for them to order me.

Because according to my understanding, most classes are divided into four classes in a pyramid shape——

Vertex: The most popular person in the class, there will always be a large number of people around him, and the number of people is very small.

Upper: People with personality, but lack of assertiveness, they will follow the people at the top, and the number is slightly larger.

Middle level: easy to be led by others, like to follow suit, has no personality, and has the largest number of people.

Lower level: There are very individual people in the class who have their own ideas and are unwilling to follow the crowd. The number of them is very small.

When I was in junior high school, I was probably a lower class person, although I looked very heroic.

But in fact, the people at the lower level are the punching bags in the class, and they are always bullied and made things difficult by everyone.

So I don't feel disgusted by being ordered by the upper class.

Maybe it was because I was timid, I didn't dare to resist.

Because as long as you don't resist, those people will look like friends on the surface.

I know it's fake.

But I need to.

I don't want to go home by myself.

I don't want to do activities alone in physical education class.

I don’t want to have a birthday email without a single birthday email.

I do not want......

After entering high school.

I still continue to use my old behavior pattern.