Nuke Miko: Chronicles of America

In the end, the soldiers of the 40th Infantry Division only received training in how to shoot and kill people, but they had never received training in finding ghosts with salt or using Taser guns to kill ghosts. Spectrum's bullshit suggestion, just let them immediately go into the ruins again to fight ghosts?

Come on, this is too crazy!

In case this operation caused more casualties than last night, but had no effect at all, whose responsibility should it be?

"...The second suggestion is that evil spirits are afraid of cats. Currently, the cat god Buster is receiving worship and offerings on Catalina Island.

If we bring in the cat god and her priestess by helicopter, we can gather the stray cats of Los Angeles and fight the evil spirits tonight. "

Seeing the embarrassment on the faces of the officers and all kinds of prevarications, Brigadier General Laura Yeager curled her lips and continued, "...Although this may sound a bit unbelievable, I just talked to that talking black cat. Having said that, there is also the governor as a guarantor, so there should be some credibility..."

In this regard, the officers also feel like they are listening to fantasy stories, but since there are cats to solve their troubles instead, why not do it?

Regardless of whether this so-called "Cat God Buster" can settle the matter, as long as the responsibility is thrown to this cat, won't they be relaxed?

Then Brigadier General Laura Yeager poured cold water on them.

"...First of all, letting cats deal with evil spirits is not free, but a kind of employment.

If we want to rely on cats to exorcise evil spirits, we must pay these stray cats a large amount of cat food and catnip as rewards, otherwise we will suffer the curse of the cat god... Although I don’t know what the curse means, but if we can If so, I definitely don’t want to experience it once…”

The officers didn't take it seriously when they heard the words, and they all said that the troops have already done this, and no matter how poor they are, they are not short of the wages for the cats.

Anyway, the U.S. military has always been rich and extravagant in terms of supplies, and California has always been rich. If you can come up with cat food and catnip worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, or at most millions of dollars, and put this matter to rest, then absolutely I don't have to worry about how to pay the bill afterwards.

What's more, for the soldiers of the 40th Infantry Division, the preparation of cat food and catnip does not necessarily need to pay, but can be "dispatched on the spot".

Although many containers of canned cat food have been burnt to coke in the ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach, as long as you search the supermarkets in the city, you should be able to gather some stocks—after all, whether it is a normal person or a Normal ghosts are generally not interested in canned cats.

But Brigadier General Laura Yeager poured a bucket of cold water on them, and the officers retreated.

"...Secondly, although cats are the natural enemies of evil spirits, it is difficult for them to completely eliminate evil spirits without entities. They can only expel the evil spirits from downtown Los Angeles. Next, these evil spirits may run to Malibu The beach, and Beverly Hills where we are, may also go south to San Diego, and may move north to San Francisco...It is equivalent to letting us fight the evil spirits in another place."

Brigadier General Laura Yeager looked around at these irresponsible guys with a sneer, "... Even so, do you still want cats to exorcise evil spirits?"

ah?It turns out that the cats and cats are so perfunctory in their work attitude, even if they take the canned food, they just drive away the evil spirits and leave it alone?

How does that work? !

Instead of letting the evil spirits harm other cities, why not continue to spend time with them in Los Angeles!

Anyway, the disaster area is already full of ruins, and the most valuable port has also been burned. Even if the disaster continues, what else can be lost?

But still, it's always a good idea to get some cats for protection against evil spirits—who knows if they'll drift into Beverly Hills tonight?

Faced with such a thing that can't even be killed by bullets, isn't that soldier's heart trembling?

Just take care of yourself first!

Therefore, the officers immediately made a decision—to collect all the pet cats that could be found in Beverly Hills and the surrounding neighborhoods, and distribute them according to the military rank, so that each officer would have a cat to guard against ghosts every day. Each platoon of soldiers must be assigned at least one cat to ward off evil spirits!

Then, before the meeting at the headquarters was adjourned, a few low-level lieutenants led the order, blah blah blah, yelling everywhere, and then sat in a Humvee and an armored vehicle and went straight to a nearby pet store to catch cats, um, yes The civilian house cat was recruited into the army.

"...the third suggestion made by the mystic experts to the governor is that she arrange a giant magic circle in Los Angeles and launch a super spell, er, it can also be understood as forbidden magic, so as to exhaust the entire Greater Los Angeles area. Magic power, creating a magic power depletion area.

And as the magic power in the environment was drained, the evil spirits in the ruins of Los Angeles were like fish in a dry pond, automatically thirsty to death. "

Brigadier General Laura Yeager continued, looking at the officers at the map table, they seemed to be a little moved, and then changed the topic, "...but the governor does not agree with this approach, because the price of casting the forbidden spell is too heavy .”

"...the price? What price? Don't you need to kill someone for a blood sacrifice?" an officer joked.

"...Killing blood sacrifices? That's not necessary, but forbidden magic of this level, no matter how controlled it is, will cause huge damage."

Brigadier General Laura Yeager shrugged and replied, "...For example, it is about causing another big earthquake in Los Angeles!"

"...What? There will be another big earthquake? How can this be possible!"

The officers of the 40th Infantry Division at the map table didn't respond for a while, but the local sheriffs in Los Angeles couldn't sit still.

——After the great earthquake on June 6, most of the dazzling brilliance of Los Angeles, the city of angels, has been dimmed. I'm afraid I'm going to be devastated, right?

"...Well, the magnitude of the earthquake is not expected to be as high as the earthquake nine days ago, but further damage is definitely inevitable, and it is difficult to predict the specific power, because the expert has not tried this forbidden spell in practice."

Brigadier General Laura Yeager went on to say, "...so the Governor's view is to go the fourth way - wait and see!

Because it is said that the evil spirits are afraid of the sun, maybe they have been wiped out by the sun by now. If this is the case, then everything will be fine. "

As soon as this remark came out, there was a lot of echoes below.

"...That's right, you should wait and see, this is the safest way!"

"...How can you make a decision on such an important matter?"

Hearing that the evil spirits that wreaked havoc last night might have fend for themselves under today's sunshine, everyone at the venue couldn't help but heave a sigh of relief and put their hearts back into their stomachs—although it was just an unsure guess, but Who made everyone like to deceive themselves and others when encountering headwinds?

In this way, "don't worry, wait and see" became the operational philosophy of the National Guard, and the attitude of the Marine Corps in the south was similar.

So, in this optimistic atmosphere, Los Angeles ushered in the night of June 6th...

Chapter 109, Flying Noodle Communion

Evening, June 6, Catalina Island

The western sky is covered with fiery red clouds, and the setting sun that falls into the sea not only dyes the sea red, but also dyes the mountains and forests with an orange luster.

Tall palm trees sway slightly in the cool evening breeze, and lush lilac trees bloom with lilac flowers.

In the shining light of glass lanterns, the courtyard surrounded by hedges in the twilight reflects a different kind of look, surrounded by greenery and flowers.

By the artificial spring pool in the middle of the courtyard, a dining table covered with white linen was set up, and a chef in a white top hat was busy beside the open-air stove.Many gentlemen in suits and leather shoes, full of style, as well as ladies and ladies wearing off-the-shoulder evening dresses, high heels, and jewels, wandered around on the lawn and under the veranda with wine glasses, greeting and chatting with each other, with bright smiles Underneath is full of swords and swords.

Although Governor Newsom provided very simple dishes at today's self-service picnic, except for noodles and various fruits, and the drink is only beer, but the rich and powerful who "recluse" to avoid the plague on Catalina Island tend to follow suit. They dressed up one after another and brought their wives and children to participate.

As for the reason...

Well, just look up at the flying spaghetti monster fluttering in the night sky focused by the projection lights, and you'll know it all.

This is a sacrament meeting to celebrate the coming of the true God!

Although the thing that descends is rather weird, it is not an angel, it is not a god, it is not a god of thunder, and its appearance still makes people lose their SAN value.

But in any case, this flying spaghetti master is also a member of the American pantheon after all, and Americans are no strangers to it.

I remember that when the leader of O'Hei was in power, there were representatives of the FSM religion who entered the White House and lobbied for becoming a legal religious organization!

Although this matter did not work out in the end, FSM was not hit hard in the United States, and not many people even slandered it.

——Because, in the eyes of traditional religious clergy, the act of verbal criticism and wantonly attacking the FSM is already a kind of depreciation behavior to discredit themselves, which is tantamount to comparing themselves with the FSM. This kind of embarrassing and funny thing has been brought down to the same level...

Then he was defeated by the opponent with richer embarrassing experience, and the FSM Cult won the embarrassing competition by stepping on you who are not embarrassing enough.

how to say?This kind of embarrassing behavior in the game is exactly the same as self-inflicted humiliation, or at least there is no difference.

So, it's better to pay attention to a little bit of face, don't be as knowledgeable as this funny thing!

In short, Americans these days are at least not afraid of Flying Spaghetti God. They don’t think it will do anything terrible, but they are very curious about it.

Nowadays, celebrities and rich people on the island are invited to attend the Holy Communion of the FSM Cult, which feels like going to the zoo to see exotic animals.

Of course, those who can be entertained by Governor Newsom as guests are basically decent people with some qualities. At the very least, they should not use slingshots and air guns to try to sneak attack the flying noodle master floating in the air... As for them What do you think?

Is it admiration?Is it fear?Or mock?Or curse?

It doesn't matter at all!Anyway, "cooking is not mushy"!

"...The God of FSM created the world, this is a fact. We were not there when He created the world, we did not see it with our own eyes, this is also a fact.

But other religions also haven't seen their gods create the world with their own eyes, so our god is as plausible as any god..."

Chen Qiuhan, the first "Flying Noodle God's Choice" on this plane, is wearing a golden colander for cooking pasta, holding a bowl of bolognese and cheese spaghetti in his left hand, and holding a bowl showing the teaching scriptures of flying noodles in his right hand. tablet computer, suspended in mid-air above the lawn, preaching energetically.

At this time, not only was his person floating, but his heart was almost floating too, filled with excitement and joy from inside to outside.

——Before coming to the United States to study, Chen Qiuhan never dreamed that he could actually pretend to be so aggressive!

You know, at this moment, among the many guests standing in front of him holding a noodle bowl, holding a fork, and listening to his teachings, there are many American politicians, billionaires, and people from all over the world who often appear on magazine covers and news screens. CEO of a Fortune [-] company.

Even those well-dressed Hollywood female stars can only be regarded as vases and embellishments on this occasion!

In normal times, for an ordinary Chinese student like Chen Qiuhan, even if he wanted to take a photo with them, it would be absolutely hopeless.

Even if you want to get an autograph from those vase-like Hollywood female stars, you have to do everything possible to find a chance to have a glimmer of hope!

But now, these bosses are standing on the lawn below, looking up at him who can fly with complicated eyes showing envy and hatred!

Ah ha ha ha, what a joyful thing this is!

What is forced, this is forced!

Whether it's luxury cars, luxury watches, villas and yachts, compared to this grand event where celebrities gather and everyone looks up to, they are all scum in terms of style!

Vanity is satisfied!

The sense of accomplishment of self-realization has increased rapidly and exploded!

——He has no doubt at all, as long as he shows a little bit of that aspect, there will definitely be a Hollywood female star who will throw himself into his arms tonight!

It's a pity that the Hollywood female stars who came here today seem a bit too "politically correct". They are either black girls, or Latin American girls with wheat-colored skin and hot bodies, but there is no blonde, white, and big horse that he misses. ...Let Chen Qiuhan feel a little dull.

So wait until next time!At any rate, I am a person of some status, and the first practical experience object in the United States should not be too sloppy.

"...and then, the belief in the god of flying noodles is put in the bowl, not on the lips.

The body is everyone's temple, Xinfei noodles is to enshrine God in the body! RAmen (transliteration: Ramen)! "

After the sermon was over, Chen Qiuhan put the Apple iPad into the pocket of the windbreaker, then raised the fork and started eating noodles.

Everyone on the lawn below also waved their forks to eat noodles, and there was the sound of rustling noodles.

Until someone jumped out suddenly and raised objections loudly.

"...Wait, isn't this a communion party that eats spaghetti? Why is she eating ramen instead? Isn't that disrespectful to God?"

The fox-eared witch Akiyama Megumi, who was eating soy sauce ramen with her head down, twitched her ears slightly, raised her head in confusion, and squinted at the Asian middle-aged man who suddenly spoke. Eyes, a dignified appearance, judging from the accent, seems to be Korean?

Ah, sure enough, there is no shortage of masters everywhere... But the flying noodle master floating above his head has no objection, why are you jumping out and screaming?

The fox-eared witch Akiyama Hui rolled her eyes dumbfounded, and was about to spray back, but someone had already come to smooth things over.

"...it's okay, it's okay, Pasta is a tolerant religion, and it tolerates all kinds of denominations and different types of communion.

Whether it's ramen, fried noodles, sliced ​​noodles, buckwheat noodles, or all noodles made of long strands, they are all within the teachings of my religion, and they are holy noodles. "

Seeing this meaningless dispute, Chen Qiuhan hurriedly floated down from the air to persuade her, "...Ah, only baguettes are heresy!"

But then he saw a baguette as a decoration in the corner of the dining table, so he was stunned and made another patch.

After hearing Qiuhan Chen's words, all the guests who were eating the "noodle sacrament" couldn't help laughing, even Governor Newsom was no exception.

——Using a little spare time this afternoon, Governor Newsom and his cronies raced against the clock to study the teachings of the Spaghetti Church.

Then I discovered that the "ultramodernist religion" created by Bobby Henderson is really loose to the point of "no taboos".

——The so-called "doctrine" of the FSM Cult is actually "what I hope you will do" and "you can obey it or not"!

At the same time, FSM does not prohibit "believers" from believing in other religions at all, even those who "falsely convert and regret it every day".

Because, the FSM cult itself admits that there are many kinds of gods in this world...

Therefore, believers in the FSM religion can believe whatever they want, anyway, "It doesn't matter if it's boiled (the Lord doesn't care)"!

The only more troublesome thing is that the FSM religion stipulates that every Friday is a "holy day" and should be rested and noodles are eaten to commemorate it.

In traditional Catholicism, every Friday is also a fasting day, and red meat cannot be eaten...

The solution, though, is simple—just skip the pasta with meatballs that day and eat pasta with seafood or vegetables instead.

As for asking for Friday off?Then let employees use their annual leave!Many migrant workers who work overtime continuously don't even have to rest on Sunday!

Next, as the largest and only religious festival of the FSM, believers of the FSM will celebrate the International Pirate Imitation Day on September 9 every year.

Governor Newsom watched the pasta celebration videos over the years, and felt that it was similar to the float parade in Disneyland.

It's just that there is a model of the Flying Spaghetti God on the float, followed by many fat houses with noodles on their heads and heroic female pirates.

——What is this?Now elementary school students are playing house more crazily than this!

So, as a "devout" Catholic (pious to the point of waving the flag for LGBT), Governor Newsom decisively decided to join the Flying Pasta Church with his wife and children—anyway, it was just a matter of cooking a pot of noodles and eating them. So what?

I heard that this Chinese who has become the God of Flying Noodles has only been teaching for less than ten days, which shows that the threshold for being favored by the God of Flying Noodles should be very low.

Maybe after eating a few more noodles, I can become the best choice for flying noodles?

So tonight, Governor Newsom also smiled and wore a noodle pot on his head, leading a group of big shots to eat noodles.