I participated in the development of EVA

Although it is a little twisted, Fumihiko Ikari really cares about Kana Fuyutsuki.

In order to get Professor Yamaki's attention, she begged like a beggar for more than two years, but was eventually abandoned. Although Professor Yamaki did break away from the core because of her, which indeed proves that his two years of begging were not in vain, it cannot change the fact that Professor Yamaki had abandoned her.

"..."

Ikari Fumihiko opened his mouth to refute, but didn't know how to refute.

After the first day of sex, he initially thought that they both got what they wanted, but after confirming the relationship, he realized that Fuyutsuki Kana might have regarded him as a substitute for someone else.

"I can accept."

It's not that I like it, but...

He treats every relationship as a life-saving straw.

Ibuki Emi was stunned, obviously she had never met Ikari Fumihiko who would give this answer.

wrong……

I didn't expect that Fumihiko Ikari would make the same choice as myself.

"You don't have to live so humbly."

She had said this to herself in the mirror more than once, but she had never convinced herself.

"You are you, and you don't need to be anyone else's replacement."

In order to get Professor Yamaki's attention, she has been imitating Professor Yamaki's granddaughter.

From behavior to clothing, personality and hobbies...she imitated him in all aspects. After wearing the mask for so long, she has forgotten what she is like.

Ikari Fumihiko returned to the dining table, took a sip of wine, and was silent for a long time before speaking again.

"There are not so many things in the world that go as planned."

The rough life he had experienced before the time travel made him dare not hope for anything to go his way.

Ibuki Emi was a little confused.

"You are so outstanding, why do you have so little confidence in yourself!?"

Ikari Fumihiko smiled bitterly.

excellent?

I am just a counterfeit who has taken over someone else's nest.

105. Living requires courage

Ibuki Emi felt that her previous guesses were ridiculous.

Is Fumihiko Ikari normal?

How is this normal?

Look at how twisted your heart is!

At the same time, looking at Fumihiko Ikari in front of him, he felt more and more like he was looking at himself reflected in a mirror.

In fact, she didn't understand why she had to pretend to be someone else.

I just followed my inner desire and did it subconsciously without thinking.

"You completed your doctorate at the age of 21. You are now the head of the R&D department, a middle-level manager in the organization, and you have developed a neural connection device that can change the world. These achievements are enough to make you surpass most people in the world. No! No one can compare with you. You are the best one!

I really don't understand, why do you live with such low self-esteem when you are so outstanding! ?

Why do you make yourself so embarrassed! ? "

These words were almost shouted out.

Ikari Fumihiko was stunned by the yelling and obviously didn't understand why Ibuki Emi was so emotional.

Ibuki Emi seemed to have thought of something.

"Yes! Your appearance is not an advantage, but it is not a disadvantage either. It is normal. As long as you dress up a little, you can still be quite handsome. There is no need to feel inferior."

"Uh--"

Ikari Fumihiko couldn't help it.

"I'm obviously very handsome... well, even without dressing up, I'm still above average, okay?"

"Sorry, our aesthetics are not on the same level."

After saying this, Ibuki Emi seemed to have thought of something.

"You don't have any unspeakable secrets, do you? Um... about men——"

Ikari Fumihiko was confused again.

What the hell!

Why are your guesses getting more and more outrageous?

"No! I didn't! Don't talk nonsense! I'm healthy and there's nothing wrong with that."

"I don't believe it. You must have a problem in that area, which is why you live with such low self-esteem."

Stimulated by the words and the alcohol, Fumihiko Ikari almost took off his pants to prove it directly to Emi Ibuki.

But in the end I got myself under control.

"Believe it or not!"

Just now, Ikari Fumihiko's action of trying to prove himself on the spot frightened Ibuki Emi. Although she was drunk, she still had some rationality and knew that there was surveillance video here.

"If you didn't have any physical defects, I really don't understand why you would be so inferior."

He repeated the previous words, but this time he was no longer questioning Ikari Fumihiko.

But question yourself.

Why do you have to live with such low self-esteem?

She survived the second impact and was in pain and very scared. When she saw Professor Yamaki, her surviving relative, she subconsciously began to try to please him.

Recalling her past experiences, she finally reacted.

Why do I do this...

She wants to live.

Even if you have lost all your loved ones, witnessed your friends die in front of you, and reality has become a purgatory completely shrouded in pain...

She still wanted to live.

Because my mother once said that as long as you are alive, there is hope.

However, she saw too many people who chose to commit suicide because they could not bear the blow of losing their relatives and friends. This made her feel that her desire to live was cold-blooded and selfish, so she hated herself. From initially trying to please Professor Yamaki in order to seek protection, she gradually became what she is now.

Ikari Fumihiko was troubled by the doubts, and at this moment he really wanted to take off his pants to prove it to Ibuki Emi.

Finally calmed down.

Just as I was about to repeat "I'm really fine.", Ibuki Emi spoke again.

"I understand."

Ikari Fumihiko was a little scared.

What do you understand now?

No, how did you suddenly understand? What on earth are you imagining?

I just have an ordinary childhood trauma that leads to low self-esteem.

"What do you understand??"

"You've witnessed many people committing suicide because they couldn't bear the loss of their loved ones, and everyone around you is selflessly devoting themselves to saving the world, but you just want to build a happy family and be loved. This makes you feel cold-blooded and selfish, so you hate yourself and feel that you are not a man, let alone a human being, so you live with such low self-esteem."

Ikari Fumihiko breathed a sigh of relief.

Although this evaluation is a bit unbearable, at least I don’t continue to suspect that I am a eunuch.

"Come on - cheers!"

The distressed Ibuki Emi clinked glasses with him, and Ikari Fumihiko took a sip of the wine and suddenly reacted.

strange!

How did she figure this out?

Uh--

Isn’t this a reflection of her inner thoughts?

"As far as I remember, you haven't studied psychology, right? How come you can analyze it so thoroughly?"

Ibuki Emi was stunned for a moment, then she reacted and tried to cover up her panic by drinking, but she knocked over the wine glass and spilled the red wine on the tablecloth.

He argued while clearing the table.

"I've read some psychology books and seen cases like this."

This obvious lie left Ikari Fumihiko speechless.

Do you really think I'm stupid?

He responded without comment.

"Ah, yes, yes."

"Really! I'm not lying."

"Guess whether I believe it or not."

Ibuki Emi froze in place, poured herself another glass of wine and drank it all, then spoke again under the influence of the alcohol.

"right!

You are right, this case is me.

The strong emotions displayed by the people around me made me feel like a cold-blooded and selfish person.

Do not!

I am just a cold-blooded and selfish person, so what!

I just want to live, what's wrong with that!

I just want to find my own happiness, what's wrong with that?

I'm just so twisted, so what! "

Suspected of having physical problems, Ikari Fumihiko was only thinking about revenge and didn't consider Ibuki Emi's feelings at all.

After thinking for a while, he spoke to comfort her, "Not really... There's nothing wrong with wanting to live, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. Your thoughts are not twisted or selfish at all... It's not you who has a problem, it's the world that has a problem, it's the people who think you have a problem, uh... Okay! It's you who care too much about what others think that has a problem.

wrong--

Well, these are your own thoughts, others may not think the same way.

At least I won't think you are cold-blooded and selfish for wanting to live."

Ibuki Emi put down her wine glass, lay down on the tablecloth stained with wine and started crying.

"But... there really are... many, many people who committed suicide..."

Ikari Fumihiko interrupted Ibuki Emi's crying and continued to comfort her, "There are indeed many people who choose to commit suicide, but there are even more people who choose to live, right? They just lost the courage to face this bleak life, and those of us who choose to live have chosen to continue to fight against this bleak life."

These words were not thought up by him, but were what his grandfather said when he wanted to commit suicide and give up his life.

He was living in great pain at that time.

To this day, the endless quarrels between my parents during my childhood still often echo in my ears.

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