Unspeakable

Shen Kanyu’s stomach felt completely empty. Fearing that he wouldn’t have the strength to get home by himself, he picked up the hospital gown the nursing assistant put on the head of his bed, pulling it on and slowly got off the bed. 

When a nurse that came in to change another patient’s dressing saw him walking out, she shouted, “Hey! Patient from bed 19, where are you going? Your husband told you to wait here while he went out to buy you dinner.”

Not knowing who she was talking to, Shen Kanyu looked around, and it was only when he saw the number on his bed did he point to himself sluggishly, “Me?”

“That’s right.”

Shen Kanyu burst out laughing. “Miss, you must have remembered wrong.”

“Ah? Really…?” The nurse instantly doubted herself since he spoke with such certainty.

“Really, how could it be me?” Shen Kanyu drew the hospital gown closer to himself, finding it funny as he asked, “Miss, how do I make it to the convenience store here?”

“It’s on the first floor. Take the lift down and you’ll see it right away.”

“Okay, thank you.”

***

Shen Kanyu arrived there and grabbed a bowl of instant congee. He couldn’t help himself from picking up a packet of dried radishes as well since he was overcome with a huge craving for some once he saw them. When he went to pay, the cashier gave him a small packet of soup. “This is a complimentary item that comes with the congee.”

“Wow, thank you, thank you.” Not expecting himself to be able to enjoy hot soup with his congee, Shen Kanyu happily accepted it. He grabbed the junk food and made his way to the hospital’s cafeteria.

Thank god the cafeteria was just next to the convenience store or else he might not have had the strength to go anywhere else.

After filling the cup with hot water, while waiting for the congee and soup to be cooked he took out his phone to call Jiang Mo.

“Hello?” Jiang Mo picked up quickly. 

“Jiang Mo, it’s me Shen Kanyu.”

“…there’s a caller ID.”

“Oh, haha.” Shen Kanyu laughed awkwardly and rubbed his nose. “Seems like we haven’t made any trouble for a long time. What about we go out for some fun?”

“What fun?”

“I want to look into an old acquaintance and see what sort of trouble he’s been plotting recently.” Shen Kanyu stirred the congee. His stirring hand kept shaking. “It’s one of A-Sheng’s college roommates, Li Kui.”

Jiang Mo was able to connect the dots. “Did he harass you guys again?”

“Yeah, he’s like a ghost hanging onto A-Sheng. I really wanna knock his lights out.” Shen Kanyu gave a basic recount of what happened earlier today. Then he said, “Based on my understanding of him, he likes to use his position to bully others. For him to run rampant on my doorstep, he definitely has a backer.”

“En, I’ll look into it,” Jiang Mo paused for a short moment before saying, “You aren’t well right?”

“Ah? No?”

“You’ve got no energy when speaking; your voice sounds so hoarse.”

Shen Kanyu chuckled. “I’m just hungry. I’m about to dig in, let’s end it here. We’ll be in touch.”

“En.”

After he hung up, Shen Kanyu picked up the seaweed egg drop soup that was given to him. His hands trembled non-stop so before the spoon even made it halfway across his lap a lot had already spilled out. He had no choice but to put the spoon down and hold the bowl at an angle to drink a mouthful of the hot soup that warmed up his languid stomach. Then he scooped a small portion of the dried radish into the instant congee, mixing it in impatiently before feeding it to himself with a lot of effort.

So fragrant, so warm.

***

After coming back to the ward and not seeing Shen Kanyu there, Gu Yansheng spoke to the young nurse with a dark expression.

He merely left for a while to go to his mother Song Li and ask her to cook a portion of congee for him to bring over.

Before he left, he had clearly instructed the nurse to watch Shen Kanyu so he wouldn’t roam around, yet he was still gone in the end.

To be treated coldly by such a handsome man, the young nurse couldn’t stop herself from being on the verge of tears. “It’s not my fault. The patient insisted that the person I spoke of wasn’t him, saying that I remembered it wrong. What else could I have done?”

Gu Yansheng’s brows were furrowed dead-tight. “Then where did he go? Do you know where he is?”

“He asked me where the convenience store is. He should’ve gone there.”

 ***

Gu Yansheng didn’t find him in the convenience store but instead saw him in the cafeteria beside it. 

He walked right to Shen Kanyu and placed the thermal insulated lunch box on the table with a thud.

Shen Kanyu was so scared he dropped his spoon. Raising his head, he looked at Gu Yansheng stunned, his lips parted but only made a sound after a long time had passed. “A…A-Sheng?”

Gu Yansheng controlled his temper, saying, “What are you eating?”

“I I I…” After a long time, Shen Kanyu didn’t end up answering Gu Yansheng’s question. He only swallowed and finally, strained and with much effort spoke. “I won’t eat this much from now on…don’t be angry.”

“…” Gu Yansheng saw the two “bowls” of congee and soup, each one not even the size of a fist and the packet of dried radish in front of him. His veins on his temples pulsated, yet he couldn’t find it in him to scold Shen Kanyu.


Shen Kanyu observed Gu Yansheng’s eyes for a moment, then cautiously bargained with him. “That…lo-look ah, there’s only a little bit left. Let me finish it first, I swear I won’t eat this much next time.”

“No.” Gu Yansheng replied coldly, picking up all of the things he was eating and directly throwing them into the bin.

“…” Lowering his eyelashes, Shen Kanyu dazedly thought ‘I really do feel cold’.

After Gu Yansheng dumped the junk food, he turned back and sat across from Shen Kanyu, twisting the thermal lunch box open and pushing it in front of him. “Eat this.”

Shen Kanyu opened his eyes dispiritedly to see a bowl of fragrant, thick pork liver, lean meat congee before him. There was also a soft boiled egg, as well as fresh scallions sprinkled over it. The light and sweet aroma of the congee rose with the steam. 

Shen Kanyu was dumbfounded. Blinking hard with those eyes that were reddened and moistened by the steam, he looked at Gu Yansheng with a blank expression, and for a moment, he didn’t even dare to breathe.

Gu Yansheng also silently looked back at him.

His whole face was pale; apart from red-rimmed eyes and his split open lips, there wasn’t a trace of color to him. The clothes that were far too loose on him and the drooping collar exposing his prominent clavicle made the man look even more thin and frail. 

Shen Kanyu was still sick, why was he getting angry? He would show a lot of patience towards other people who were sick and wilful. Shen Kanyu probably just woke up hungry and came downstairs to find food, not being wilful or stirring up trouble at all. Yet why was it that he didn’t have the slightest patience toward him at all?

Gu Yansheng pinched the bridge of his nose, breathed out a long sigh, and then toned down the anger in his expression and tone. “You’re sick, so don’t eat those things. I went back to my parents’ place and told my mom to cook congee for you, eat it while it’s hot.”  

The sheer amount of information and amount of impact in these words were so big Shen Kanyu’s brain came to a halt and couldn’t start up again till a long time had passed, and when it did, his first thought was that: Could this be the Last Supper?

This…won’t do ah.

Shen Kanyu pulled his lips into an ugly smile. He spoke in his hoarse voice, “A-Sheng, are you…going to divorce me?”

Gu Yansheng looked at him bewildered.

Shen Kanyu still smiled widely, and his eyes that were still focused steadily on Gu Yansheng were so shiny that it seemed like there were tears in them. “Can you wait for a bit more? I know I gave you a lot of trouble this time, I can change, okay? Give me one more chance, I still wan-, I want to do something for you.”

Once he felt anxious, a wave of senseless courage came over him. He grabbed Gu Yansheng’s arm that was resting on the table and brazenly said, “A-Sheng, give me a chance, okay? Since we’re going to divorce sooner or later, there’s no need to be so rushed at this moment, right?”

Not really understanding how his circuitry malfunctioned, Gu Yansheng simply ended up confused. After a long time of speechlessness, he replied stiffly, “En, not divorcing, eat first.”

Shen Kanyu, resembling a prisoner on death row who was granted pardon, breathed out a huge sigh of relief. His lips were itching to spread until they reached behind his ears, leading to his wounds to split open once again. He didn’t feel the pain as he smiled like an idiot. “You can be rest assured, I won’t cause trouble for you in this marriage, today was an accident. It won’t happen again, not again haha.”  

Gu Yansheng helplessly said, “Eat something first.”

“I’m done.” All smiles, Shen Kanyu shook his head, “I just almost stuffed myself right now. You eat, A-Sheng, you shouldn’t have anything to eat as well. I’ve already finished the discharge procedures, then I need to…oh, right, did you pay the medical fees for me? How much was it? I’ll pay you back…”

He waffled on for a while but once he realized Gu Yansheng’s dark expression, he shut his mouth, petrified, and merely looked at him, blinking regularly.

Gu Yansheng struck the table twice, his face grim. He had a deep gaze as he spoke, pausing after each word. “I told you to eat.”

“…Oh.” Shen Kanyu was stared at to the point his back was shivering. His trembling hand reached out for the spoon. 

His hand wouldn’t stop shaking because, well firstly, he didn’t have strength, and secondly, his waist has yet to recover. He’d feel pain each time he moved. Thus, he scooped up a spoon of congee with half its contents spilling and was only able to move the rest to his mouth after a long time.  

Once he tasted it, his moist puppy-like eyes brightened and he spluttered out praises. “A-Sheng, it’s delicious! This rice…what is this rice, it’s fragrant and sweet! I’ll also buy this rice for you and Tiantian next time!”

“…What rice?” Gu Yansheng was somewhat confused. “It shouldn’t be any different from what you usually buy. It also seems to be Thailand jasmine rice.”

“Oh really? I don’t make it nearly half as delicious as Auntie, she’s so amazing!” Shen Kanyu started lying through his teeth. He would run off after he finished cooking. At most, he would just taste the food quickly. 

He even forgot what the taste of freshly cooked rice and congee should be like. It turned out it was this fragrant and this sweet. It really was way more delicious than instant congee. 

Gu Yansheng watched as he put his spoon down after barely eating a few mouthfuls and pushed the lunch box to him. The color on his face was still nonexistent, yet he was vibrant and cheerful. “I’ve eaten my fill, now it’s your turn!”

Gu Yansheng frowned. “I’m not eating.”

“Ah? Oh…oh right, you won’t eat it…” Shen Kanyu jolted and quickly moved the lunch box back, he was so vexed at himself he wanted to chop off his own hand and seal his mouth.

How could A-Sheng possibly eat what he has already eaten some of? Really, he’s truly lost his mind trying to please him.

But would A-Sheng be hungry? If only he hadn’t acted so greedily just now and let A-Sheng eat before him.

Shen Kanyu covered the lunchbox, smiling cautiously at Gu Yansheng. “Then…let’s bring the leftovers back for Tiantian, okay? My little baby hasn’t tried such delicious congee before. If you haven’t eaten yet, I’ll go back and cook for you now, okay? Otherwise, if you want to eat out, I’ll go buy it for you.”

Gu Yansheng shook his head. “I’ve already eaten, are you full with just this?”

He didn’t understand how Shen Kanyu could possibly be full. Not a single piece of pork liver or lean meat was eaten, and even the egg drops were left untouched. He was able to eat a few spoons of thin congee soup and a sprinkle of scallions with shining eyes and a satisfied expression. It was as if what he ate were exotic delicacies.

Perhaps Shen Kanyu didn’t have the strength to eat given that his hands were shaking and his head was covered in sweat. Gu Yansheng couldn’t tell if he was tired or in pain. Looking at the time, a good while has passed since he started eating his junk food here, but there was still a lot left when Gu Yansheng had dumped it; Gu Yansheng was afraid he couldn’t have eaten more than a few mouthfuls. 

“Have some more, I’ll…”

Gu Yansheng was going to say “I’ll feed you” but he was cut off by Shen Kanyu who began straight-faced lying. “A-Sheng, I really am full, I even ate many crackers just before, and drank a box of milk. These foods really do make people feel bloated. Also, what’s leftover of this congee might not be enough for Tiantian to eat. Since you spoil her so much, shouldn’t you let her try such a delicious congee?”

Gu Yansheng was frustrated, “How much can she eat when she’s still that small?”

“Don’t bet on it,” Shen Kanyu spoke with certainty. “If you’re gonna be like this, I’ll tell her that Daddy doesn’t love her, that he won’t give her delicious things to eat. She won’t like you then.”

“…Fine.” Gu Yansheng really couldn’t outargue him. He had no idea where the energy came from for this person who didn’t even have the strength to eat to speak this much.