Unspeakable

Shen Kanyu dragged his suitcase and stayed in the house he had found a long time in advance. Thinking that he might not stay here for a long time, he simply made the bed and set up the household items.

The rental price of this house was low, the lightning during the day was so-so while the room was damp and cold. He sits by the only window with sunshine. From time to time, he still shivers with cold and had to wear a few more clothes as he curls up in a quilt.

He opened the preserved egg and lean meat porridge he bought from the roadside on the windowsill and was ready to eat while it was hot. Suddenly, he thought that he should send a text message to Gu Yansheng and ask him to go home with Tian Tian more, otherwise the little girl would miss him and cry when she woke up in the middle of the night.

He originally edited a long paragraph, and then deleted it all, leaving only a simple two sentences: A’sheng, I have something so I had to go home. You go back early to accompany Tang Tang.

He put the phone down and realized his palms were sweaty and the porridge had gotten cold.

He tried to eat two mouthfuls and felt some nausea. He was afraid that his physical problems would affect the liver transplantation operation so he could only swallow the sour and astringent back to his throat and repeatedly hit his chest. When the feeling of nausea was not so strong, he took another mouthful slowly.

After eating a bowl of porridge for more than an hour, he could only finish less than half of the bowl. He wiped the sweat on his face and rested for a while to eat more. However, he suddenly choked and coughed and the nausea he suppressed also aroused, he couldn’t help spitting out all the porridge he had eaten so hard.

Later, he vomited everything out and couldn’t eat anything.

With his situation right now, he knew this won’t work. The surgery would be done in three days, Aunt Lin said he must get better, or it would affect the surgery schedule.

He stared blankly at the sunset outside the window for a while, rubbed his somewhat moist eyes, and rummaged through his suitcase for the bags of nutrient solution and syringes he had brought back on purpose.

In order to save money and time, he learned to drip himself with the sister nurse from the clinic a long time ago when he was still in school. Although he hasn’t done it for a long time and was a little unskilled, he hasn’t forgotten the important details. He smoothly began to hang up the nutrient solution for himself.

After all, the nutrient injection was not as good as the food supplement, he couldn’t eat anything so his whole body was drowsy and tired. As he stared outside, he was holding the water bottle in one hand while clutching the mangosteen shell sealed in the vacuum bag with one hand, rubbing it gently with his thumb, mumbling as he called ‘A’sheng’, and unconsciously fell asleep.

—

Three days later, “Canghaixiao” was officially launched. Due to its high reputation in the internal and public beta stages, and the capital injection of many old Internet companies, it won tens of millions of downloads in major software stores on the day it was launched while its popularity on Weibo remained high. Many game websites scrambled to release game strategies that didn’t live up to the name, all just wanted to get a wave of popular IP traffic.

With regards to this, the entertainment studio specially held a celebration at the reception. This was also a preparation for the second round of financing for “Canghaixiao”.

“Canghaixiao ” became an overnight success, the funds invested in the early years were rapidly returning at a double rate. Gu Yansheng’s years of hard work have finally achieved great results, but Su Tong couldn’t see a smile on his face. He even asked him if the reception could be postponed for a few days.

“Sheng, you know very well the importance of striking while the iron is hot, besides, the invitations have been sent,” Su Tong sighed, “What happened to you? Did you have a fight with Kanyu?”

“No,” Gu Yangsheng clutched his phone so tightly that his knuckles were faintly white as he waited for any text or call from Shen Kanyu.

“He said he went home, but I have not been able to contact him.”

“Did you break his heart?”

“…… I don’t know,” Gu Yansheng frowned, his voice was low.

“If I did something wrong to make him suffer and made him feel wronged, he could have told me, but he didn’t say a word, instead he was always smiling …… he was not like this before, you know he used to ……”

Seeing Su Tong’s complexion was getting ugly Gu Yansheng hurriedly stopped his next words.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to reveal your scars.”

“I know, it’s okay,” Su Tong’s face was a little pale, “so, Sheng, let’s get the reception done first, and after that, I’ll go with you to find Kanyu, is that okay?”

Gu Yansheng shook his head.

“I won’t bother you, your health is not good. And we have been busy for this period making this game, when the reception is finished just go back and rest early.”

After saying this, Gu Yansheng turned around and busy himself. Su Tong looked at his back, his eyes slightly dim.

—

On the day of the “Canghaixiao” celebration reception, Tang Xiu arrived at the venue half an hour early with Tang Zhen.

Tang Zhen was wearing a little red dress paired with red velvet high heels that compliments her long legs. Her long hair was slightly curled, but it was as smooth as waves. Her curved eyebrows and small red lips dazzled the men passing by with a smile.

“What are you looking at, rascal!” Tang Xiu slammed on the car door glumly.

Tang Zhen covered her mouth and said with a smile.

“Oh, brother, what’s with your temper? Blame me for taking away their admiring eyes?”

“You…”

Tang Xiu wanted to lose his temper. Seeing his sister’s big bright and hooked eyes, he annoyingly said.

“I really shouldn’t take you out today.”

“Cheapskate!” Tang Zhen made a face at him and stepped on her high heels to the reception hall gracefully and elegantly.

Tang Xiu’s mind went “boom” and he roared in anger.

“Stop right there! How many times have I told you not to keep walking like this! Don’t sway your hips! Hey!!!”

He cursed and chased Tang Zhen halfway but remembered that he didn’t lock the car, so he had to swerve and turned back to lock it.

Facts have proved that the more he panicked, the more hell he went. He locked his car and was ready to run after his sister but as soon as he turned around, he hit someone, and the car key flew out.

To be honest, Tang Xiu felt that he had grazed him at most not really a collision. Unexpectedly, the man let out a low muffled grunt, staggered for two steps, and fell directly to the ground.

Tang Xiu was stunned for a moment and hurriedly squatted down to help the person.

“Sorry, are you okay?”

He touched him and felt his body hot. The man was feverish.

He was probably afraid of being touched by others as he shrank back and struggled to grasp the key that Tang Xiu dropped on the ground. He moved very slowly and clutched his stomach the whole time as if he has a stomachache.

When he took out Tang Xiu’s car key and handed it to him, his thin fingers were trembling, as if he didn’t even have the strength to hold a small bunch of keys.

He was wearing a mask with bangs hanging on his eyelashes, revealing only wet eyes full of fear, like a frightened stray dog.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to…” his voice was so gruff that Tang Xiu couldn’t hear what he was saying.

He took the keys, “Are you not feeling well? I’m a doctor, let me help you?”

“No, no,” he shook his head and stepped back with extreme resistance.

“It’s not contagious, it’s not contagious …… can’t, can’t be passed on to you ……”

“…… my god, what the hell are you talking about?”

Tang Xiu really couldn’t hear what he was saying, but since he rejected other people getting close to him, he couldn’t insist as he was also just a stranger. All he could do was keep a few meters distance as he follows him.

His clothes don’t fit him at all, it was too loose on him. They were like plastic bags full of air as the autumn wind blows making him look as thin as wood and it seems that if the wind was stronger, he wouldn’t be able to bear it and would break his waist.

Tang Xiu didn’t expect that he was going to the reception, but when he went to the entrance of the venue he was stopped by the security guard because his clothes were inappropriate for the place, and he doesn’t have the invitation.

“Please let me in.”

“The person I like is inside.”

“I want to go in and see him. I just go in and see him.”

He begged in a hoarse voice, but no one could hear what he was saying. His voice was too hoarse and weak. He spoke so intermittently that others couldn’t understand what he was saying at all.

Tang Xiu couldn’t bear looking at him, so he came forward and showed his invitation to the security guard, with a gentle and provocative smile he said.

“Handsome boy, please, he’s my friend.”

The guard scratched on the guest list and said nervously.

“Well, then you register.”

Tang Xiu cooperated with the registration, after filling up the registration form, he only found out that the person who was beside him was nowhere to be found.

—

Shen Kanyu entered the venue, avoided the bustling crowd, and found a remote and dark corner to stand.

He just finished surgery, the incision was not healing well, and he has been feverish in and out, then he just fell again. He has been shivering with pain until now, if it wasn’t for the wall he was leaning he couldn’t stand up properly, reaching out he clutched the handrail next to him and tried to keep his blurry vision focused on the distant stage.

He could say he knew nothing about anything else on the Internet except playing games and had no idea about the big online hit of “Canghaixiao”. He was in the hospital when he was waiting in line to pick up his medication and heard the high school students next to him talking about how fun “Canghaixiao” was and how they were going to hold a celebration reception in a few days, at which top equipment and rare skins would be drawn.

Before the surgery, he thought he would never wake up again. He really didn’t think he would have the chance to hear and even see the success of “Canghaixiao”, and to hear Gu Yansheng’s voice and see him shining on the stage.

Although he could not see or hear now, he knew he was there. He listened to his voice from a distance, and it sounded like a hallucination. He tried to look at his form with blurred vision through a patch of light and smiled like a child who had accidentally found a precious treasure, delighted and terrified.

A’sheng, you are really great.

You finally waited for this day.

You’ve finally made it, and it won’t even be as hard as it used to be.

It will be better and better in the future, and it will always be better.

A staff member came down to hand out sticky notes and pens, saying that they could write a wish related to the game, stick it on the wishing wall, and they would choose ten to be fulfilled later.

Shen Kanyu took a pen with his shaking hands and draw almost the same picture on the post-it notes as before: A’sheng holding Tian Tian, both of them were smiling with curved eyebrows.

The difference was that there was no longer that star in the upper right corner.

He couldn’t be that star anymore.

Mom said he was a disaster star.

During the operation, his heart suddenly weakened and nearly stopped. In order to save him, the doctor almost delayed the prime time to transplant the liver. Therefore, although the liver transplantation was successful in the end, the prognosis of his father may not be as optimistic as before.

He explained to his mother that he really told the doctor before the operation that no matter what happens, the doctors mustn’t prioritize him and leave him alone as long as his father was safe. The doctor clearly promised him at that time so he really didn’t know why the doctor lied to him.

But his mom still hit him.

Because no matter what, he almost got his dad killed, by a hair.

He was a disaster star. So, he could no longer become a star that could bless A’sheng. He was just a disaster star who would bring misfortune to others.

He hunched over while holding the sticky note and closed his eyes as he gently kissed the two little people drawn on it, a salty warm liquid dripped down on the thin paper one after another, and soon the whole sticky note was soaked soft and moist, the pen and ink haloed away, and gradually it was impossible to identify what was drawn on it.

He tried hard to squeeze to the side of the wishing wall, but couldn’t go through, the knife wound was too painful, he tightly covered his upper abdomen, but was pushed and drifted by other people and in the process tore the wound in his body and feeling excruciating pain.

Between the push and shove, the sticky note was torn into two pieces.

He clutched the two scraps of paper in his palms, staring blankly at the wishing wall that he could not reach, his hollow eyes unable to stop the tears flowing.

But he did not cry out, quiet as air in the crowd, but also pale as foam.

He heard the girl next to him saying, “Eh eh eh eh I think I saw Gu Sheng looking at me! OMG he’s so good-looking!”

“You dream, the stage is so brightly lit, looking from there all he could see is black. If he sees you then you’re a ghost.”

“Oh, is that so!”

So that’s it.

Yes, so A’sheng can’t see him all this time?

It turns out that the person he loves was always in the light, so he couldn’t see him.

But would there be any chance that he would love him?

He was in the light, he must not be able to see or hear him. It’s best not to disturb him.

I love you, A’sheng.

I miss you too.

This will be the last time I see you.

But I can’t even see you clearly.

There’s no way I can bless you and Sweetie anymore, I’m sorry.

You must …… happy and safe ah.

***

—

TL: akdhalfhlkjhdfklaffilo!!!!! Arghhh really how can he easily notice that Su Tong’s health is not good while he couldn’t even see that his own husband was already dying!!! Ah!!!!!! I’m getting bald with this novel