Why Can't I Just be Ordinary

She didn't know how much time had passed.

When she regained a sense of her surroundings, the sky was already darkening. The sun was in the midst of setting, the perfect moment in which it's hovering right above the horizon.

Golden hour.

Jinghe laughed hollowly. Pulling herself up from off the ground, she grabbed onto the kitchen counter to steady her weak legs. Almost falling over, she made her way slowly over to the fridge. She could feel the hunger insistently gnawing at her stomach.

As she opened the refrigerator door, a sticky note came fluttering to the ground.

It read:

"I didn't want you to know right after I left, so I decided to put it in here so you'd only read it after at least 6-8 had elapsed.

Zhang Jinghe, I really had fun playing with you (although it did start to get boring by the end).

You hide your passwords a lot better than I thought you would; it took me so long to finally hack into it all.

You're probably asking why I did it right now, right?

Well, I guess it's just so satisfying.

It's so much fun.

Thanks for everything Jingjing <3

And by the way: don't try to follow me. You don't want to know what'll happen then."

Staring at the note, Jinghe was filled with a sudden rush of pure, unadulterated anger.

"How dare he? What, so he was just some sick psycho this entire time?" She fumed aloud.

It wasn't just her; it was him. And he had the audacity to even--

Jingle's self-pity party was brought to a sudden thought by this revelation; it wasn't anything specifically about her. He was the problem.

He didn't deserve her tears. He didn't deserve her feelings. He didn't even deserve her anger. He didn't deserve anything.

"What, so he chose me because he thought I was dumb and pretty?" Jinghe realized all of a sudden, half-disbelievingly.

She looked across the kitchen, to the window above the sink, facing the city skyline.

Her large, black, doe eyes. Her silky, long black hair, slightly curling at the ends. Her slightly untraditional, more tanned skin, still without any blemishes. The double eyelids. Natural faint pinkish blush. Long, slightly pointed noise. The perfect cupid's bow on the top of her upper lip.

For the first time, she resented her appearance.

Throughout her school years, she had always been at peace with it. Of course, she went through the periodic cycles of wanting to diet every so often, but she didn't hate or love her face. It was just her; she couldn't objectively describe it as pretty or cute or average or plain or ugly.

"Is this what men find 'attractive'?"

Staring at herself in the window, she gently touched each and every one of her features, one by one. Her fingers trailed over them, lightly caressing over her entire face.

"Should I get it cut, maybe?...."

Then, as Jinghe was going through memory lane (involuntarily, of course. She'd rather not think of him at all, in fact,) she was struck by how they'd met; online. He'd commented on one of her posts of the Tuwan city skyline, and they'd struck up a conversation. Later, he'd also commented on many of the old pictures she'd had posted of herself on her page.

"Oh, then maybe... also delete my SkyPage?"

"Ok; plan for tomorrow: get a haircut, delete my SkyPage, and meet with Xiayu."

Finally, with a solid plan in her head, she went back to making some noodles for dinner. After eating, she brushed her teeth and washed her face, almost robotically. Her mind was usually full of thoughts, but on this particular night, her mind was blank. For the first time ever, probably.

Taking one last look at her apartment around her, she decided to add another to-do item to the plan for tomorrow: MAJOR Winter cleaning.