WTF I Am In The Marvel Universe!

(Read this while listening to Bonnie Tyler's Holding Out For A Hero song)

Ted was a merchant and quite a rich merchant. Ted loved the Nova Empire which allowed him as a citizen of the Nova Empire to make lots of money. And although he was not young or strong, his money had allowed him to have a beautiful wife and a son and daughter and live comfortably in the Nova Empire. With the coming of Ronan the Accuser who was hunting down Nova Empire's citizens, Ted had decided to relocate his family to Nova Empire's primary planet, Xandar, the Nova home world. Ted believed it would be safer here than elsewhere.

Unfortunately for Ted, once he located his family here, a few months later he got news that Yon Rogg the crazy servant of Ronan the Accuser was going to attack Xandar, the Nova home world. Ted had gotten this information because he had many business dealings with the higher ups in Nova Corp. Ted thought of evacuating himself and his small family. But there was not enough time. Then he got word that help had arrived in the form of Earthlings, aliens from a low tech world. Ted thought then and there they were doomed if Nova Corp even accepted the help of low tech world against Yon Rogg. What Nova Corp needed now was a hero !

The attack from Yon Rogg came too fast. Ted was horrified when he and his family saw the Dark Aster, Yon Rogg's space ship. It was huge and was careening towards Nova Corp's headquarters. Nova Corp however was not reacting to this threat as Ted and the citizens of Xandar were panicking and screaming upon seeing the Dark Aster space ship. No Nova Corp space ships were launched to defend themselves against the Dark Aster. Only a single small Nova Corp transport vessel was flying towards the Dark Aster space ship. Ted was horrified. As a citizen of Nova Empire, Ted thought we really need a hero now to save us. We need a hero !

Then to his surprised expression and the citizens of Xandar, the small Nova vessel craft boarded the Dark Aster safely. This was followed by a loud explosion from the Dark Aster space ship. The Dark Aster was going to crash land onto Xandar. Ted knew that this was absolutely crazy. How the hell did Nova Corp defeat Yon Rogg ? Why did Yon Rogg not start shooting at the citizens of Xandar the moment he arrived at Xandar ? Why did the Nova Corp not launch their space ships to defend Xandar when Yon Rogg and the Dark Aster showed up ? Do we really need a hero against this idiot Yon Rogg ?

When the Dark Aster crashes onto Xandar, Ted saw the Guardians of the Galaxy walk out of the Dark Aster space ship (the Guardians of the Galaxy became famous because they arrived earlier to warn Xandar about the threat of Yon Rogg, everyone in Xandar knows about them now). Then he saw a male muscular alien rushed up to Drax and French kiss him. Drax reciprocated by kissing back the male muscular alien. Ted vomited at this point in time while his wife covered both his son and daughter's eyes. It seems the male muscular alien which Ted suspected to be an Earthling was mȧkɨnġ ŀȯvė to Drax the Destroyer in front of the whole Xandar population. It was disgusting and it made the citizens of Xandar either puke or run away screaming while covering their eyes.

Meanwhile the rest of the crew of the Dark Aster was coming up and collecting payment from a young girlish alien with blue eyes and blonde hair while Nebula a famous mercenary was standing behind him seemingly protecting him. While that was happening another alien which Ted ȧssumes to be an Earthling, a female Earthling was glaring at Nebula while sharpening her sword. Ted wondered why did Yon Rogg's crew not attack the citizens of Xandar and seems to be collecting money and then entering Xandar to have a vacation or leaving Xandar with their money ?

This world was getting too crazy for Ted. Ted wondered if he was going crazy ? Or was he becoming senile ? Ted thought, perhaps he could become a hero as well if it was so easy. Do we really need a hero ? Probably not thought Ted as he led his family back to his home on Xandar.