Your Majesty, Please Don't Kill Me Again!

Chapter 32

- August 12, 2023

 I hurriedly opened my eyes and saw Lehan, in the flesh, still standing in front of me. A pointed nose and a face that looks a little older than it did at the entrance ceremony.

No matter his age, he’s still handsome.

I’m so happy that my mouth couldn’t help but smile. 

“Does that also include you?”

“Yes.”

“Then, I’ll run away as well.”

Lehan always answers immediately without hesitation. I never really thought about it, but he never gives me a vague answer. I gave Lehan a small smile when he said he was going to run away, even for my sake. 

“You’re smarter than Father.”

Father would never do that. He’ll insist on taking responsibility for House Bellua. I don’t know exactly what his duty was, and I still don’t. I did my best and tried to live as an ideal noble lady. I was kind, looked after others, and didn’t bully anyone. I didn’t have any special skills or talents that could bring honor to House Bellua, and I lacked any natural abilities…

But that’s not my fault. 

In the first place, I was born as a woman in an Empire where power is absolute, and that power is handed down from a father to a son. There aren’t many things that I could do. There’s only one way for a woman in Vellnelni to seize power, and that is through marriage to a powerful man.

However, my father didn’t want me to be the mistress of a powerful man who instigated conflict. At least, I was proud in front of my father. I lived life the way he told me to. 

I don’t regret my past. 

I didn’t know how House Bellua was connected to the Imperial Family, and I couldn’t do anything about it at the time. 

My ignorance was beyond my control back then. Trusting my father unconditionally was the only mistake, flaw, and source of regret I had, but who else can I trust, if not my father? Who else besides Father can I trust to protect me?

Were his convictions so strong that he sacrificed his entire family - his wife, children, and relatives, who trusted him so deeply? Why did he keep those beliefs until the very end?

I don’t know what Father wants, so I don’t know if he achieved what he wanted in the end. 

Since ancient times, House Bellua maintained its neutrality and protected the existence of the Imperial Family by doing so.

It doesn’t matter who sits on the throne, as long as the Vellnelni Imperial Family’s bloodline continues. 

I don’t think Rupert wanted me to confirm House Bellua’s neutrality.  If he did, he wouldn’t have hurt my father, and my father would have continued to defend House Bellua’s neutrality as if it was his own life. 

Rupert might want to use me to influence Father and House Bellua, but I don’t have that power.

The task I had to do was so difficult that I felt suffocated as if I was going to die. 

I pressed my forehead to Lehan’s hand near the pillow. The back of his hand, rough from training, twitched, but he didn’t move his hand. He bent down and looked at me from the side.

“Please tell me if you have any worries.”

“It won't get better just because I told you.”

“Am I too young to be of any use?”

“No… You're young, I’m also young…”

I looked up at Lehan and shook my head. His stiff face is so cute.I smiled when I suddenly thought about how cute my little brother was.

“Should we go and show our cuteness to Father?”

“Huh?”

“Maybe he’ll agree to my request… Come on, let’s try… Daddyyy~”

“...”

Lehan is a soldier, so it’s understandable that he couldn’t mimic me right away.

With a stiff expression, he took back his hand that I was rubbing against his face, and swung back. He stood up and went to his desk. I snorted louder.

“Do you want to try it with me? Daddy~ Leeeehan~”

“I don't like it.”

I stretched my little brother’s name a little longer but he seemed really upset about it now. He stubbornly refused, saying there was absolutely no way. Lehan's insistence made me frown, so I got out of his bed.

“I think Father will like it.”

“He’ll like it because it’s you who did it… you’re good at it.”

I don't think Father ever disciplined Lehan by hitting him. I rubbed my stomach and tried to remember what our father had taught Lehan.

Lehan is still in his uniform because he went straight to me after class. He’s clearly a young soldier now. 

I've heard that cadets can get discounts at restaurants near the military academy.

“Lehan, aren't you hungry?”

“Didn't you have dinner earlier?”

I did drag Lehan, who said he wasn't hungry because he had just eaten at the Military Academy’s cafeteria, and ate a thick steak for dinner, which is true. 

I puckered up my lips unabashedly.

“No… who’s hungry?”

“Do you want to go outside?”

“I’m not hungry… not hungry at all.”

“There’s a noodle shop in front of the school that’s open late.”

Noodles… It’s a great dish to eat when it's cold outside. When I thought about the salty seafood broth in this chilly winter weather, my mouth watered. Since I avoided sweets and desserts, I was much better at eating meat and savory foods. I hesitated a bit because those types of foods made one fat. What if I can’t lose weight even when I turned fifteen?

“Aren’t you hungry?”

I quickly wiped the drool from the corners of my mouth and asked Lehan… and he smiled at me. I felt like I was being set up to be offended, but I could see that Lehan's lips were quivering. Because it was unbearable, he just groaned and placed his hand on his head.

“Yes…” 

“Let's go eat then! Since I'm the older sister, I can't leave you to go hungry.”

Lehan is still a child, so he’ll always be hungry. I moved my legs for my brother’s sake. 

Winter in the Imperial Capital, Champagne, was filled with the scent of dry stone rocks. Vellneli was a country established by pioneers who reclaimed a barren land that didn’t even have a single blade of grass on it. As a result, the trees that were starved of water were usually thin, and the leaves that received light were yellowed.  Even the rocks that look solid at first are actually hollow inside. 

After walking a few blocks along the red stone road with numerous cracks, as if it was made of broken stone, the hole-in-the-wall restaurant that served the noodles Lehan had spoken about came into view. 

The dimly lit store on the dimly lit street was so old and run-down compared to the restaurants on Fifth Avenue that there was no comparison. It fit the description of a restaurant that cadets of the Military Academy often went to, which didn’t discriminate based on social status, but it didn't fit Lehan, who was born and raised in a conservative Bellua. I looked back at him and was confused.

Father is frugal, but he’s not cheap. Lehan, like him, was more polite and well-bred than I was. 

I caught him shyly scratching his nose.

“Is this alright?”

“Yes… I mean, I like restaurants. But I'm surprised that you like this restaurant.”

“I don’t go here very often… but it’s a great shop for winter.”

Lehan replied in a low voice and opened the door to the shop as if he had done it before. Even though it was late at night, there were a lot of people in the restaurant. This place must be really popular. 

As soon as he opened the door, the warm air surrounded me, and my frozen hands quickly thawed.

We didn't have a guide, so Lehan and I found an empty table and sat down.  As soon as Lehan and I were seated, a boy who was at the counter ran up to us and said hello.

“Cadet Dietrich! It’s been a while!”

But Lehan’s stiff response contrasted with the boy’s broad smile. He didn't even wait for him to say hello before he pointed to the menu and placed an order.

“Fish and meat. Warm.”

“Do you have something that could kill you if you greeted me? Cadet Dietrich… no, Lehan.”

“I never said you could use my first name.”

“Ye, ye… you must be shy.”

When Lehan said something harsh, the child who greeted him suddenly pouted and shrugged.  It would be scary to have someone humiliate you like that in front of you, but he wrote down the order like it was nothing. Soon, the boy came to where I was sitting and opened his mouth wide. 

He was watching Lehan and I.

“Uh, did you switch girls?”

“What …”

“Last time, you came with a thin, blue-haired girl with dull hair that looked like a mop that was just used.”

I knew immediately who the woman who was with Lehan at the store was. 

Water-colored hair is not very common, and Lehan could only find Richie in the capital city.

“Place our order.”

Lehan kicked the young boy in front of me, said he was a flirt, frowned, and made him leave. As the waiter's sharp-edged hair moved away, I carefully opened my mouth.

“Are you meeting Richie?”

I didn't mean for it to sound like an interrogation by a jealous sister, but it did anyway. I cleared my throat so my voice would sound as nice as possible. Just because Richie and I stopped talking, Lehan doesn't have to stop talking to Richie too. No, Lehan might think we’re still close. 

“Didn’t Richie tell you?”

“I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“I didn't realize how busy a maid's job was.”

He has no idea that Richie no longer sees me. I was a little bit confused, so I messed around with the chopsticks on the table.

“How often do you see each other?”

“I think His Excellency cares a lot about the military school… she often comes to ask about it.” (1)

“Riiight?”

Lehan looks at me like he doesn't understand what I said when I lengthen my answer on purpose. But I’m the one who doesn’t understand this the most.I never thought Richie would seek out Lehan like this while he was at the military academy. She’s my friend, never Lehan’s. 

At least, that's what I know. 

I only knew them as acquaintances, but I guess they knew each other in secret. I have no reason to dislike Richie and Lehan meeting each other, so why did she keep it a secret? I could still see her ice-cold expression and the smile she had put on to hide how cold she was. 

She had something to ask, and it had to do with Lehan. 

Richie said that the question had nothing to do with me, but I’m his only sister, so there’s no way it has nothing to do with me.

While I tried to figure out what she meant by her words, the waiter who knew Lehan brought us two bowls of hot wheat noodles.  It’s great to see the round dried noodles in the meat soup in a well-drained bowl. There’s a lot of meat on the noodles, and they smell delicious. (2)

The boy looked at me with one eye closed and a mischievous look. 

(1) = His Excellency = Marquis Gorten, Richie's father. 

(2) = E/n: We have a few options for these wheat noodles: Korean Janchi Guksu, or Japanese Ramen/Udon/Somen.