After getting married, a popular seiyuu suddenly moved to my house

Chapter 222 217. Confused and cowardly people, always extremely fragile, but tenacious and unyielding.

February.

The cold wind was raging, and it was snowing mercilessly.

Snowflakes hide in the wind, wander around, and melt wherever they fall.

Occasionally, when passing by Kiyomizu Temple, looking at the snow-covered Kiyomizu Temple, I would also think of the romantic encounter in the girl manga.

In fact, romantic encounters have already happened to me.

There is nothing more romantic than meeting each other when they were ignorant, and they will be inseparable for the rest of their lives, as if they have already been a part of each other.

Should it be said that it was drawn by the red line of the previous life?Or some other mysterious force?
That kind of thing is fine, I have already ended this fateful "romantic" encounter with my own hands.

In other words, escape.

I have been an insecure person since I was a child. There are many things that I cannot trust, especially I am not good at dealing with adults.

So in front of him, I always get along with him with a strong attitude, put myself in the role of protecting him, and play boring pretend games.

Probably, this is the so-called self-satisfaction.

A young and ignorant girl fantasizes that protecting others can make herself stronger, thereby gaining that illusory sense of peace of mind.

Looking back at this moment, it is inevitable that I will laugh at my former self.

Everyone in the class is discussing this year's Valentine's Day.

Is it Valentine's Day?

It feels very far away from me. I have never given anyone chocolate, nor have I been called to the roof or behind the school building after school, and I have no experience of being confessed.

But, there was a time when I was getting confessions from him every day.

Once, once, once, and again.

I, who had no sense of security, told an irreparable lie when I collapsed.

Feelings of regret must exist. To this day, I also regret what happened at the beginning, regretting that I hurt him and trampled on his mind.

Whether it's happy or sad, all the memories between him and me will be smashed to pieces.

However, I really can't have the affection between lovers to him, I always regard him as my younger brother, as my family, I can't convince myself no matter what.

[The next time I see you, I have to apologize to him. 】

However, I am a coward after all, afraid of apologizing, afraid of him.

Until I moved out of Tokyo, I couldn't say that sentence, "I'm sorry" that has no meaning.

It's okay, that's fine, anyway, there will be no more intersections in the future.

Apart from the hurt he caused and the guilt that remained in my heart, there was nothing left of our fate.

I met new friends and classmates here, and I may be confessed by a boy I don't know one day.

Maybe you'll date him, maybe you won't.

Life is not a script that has already been written. No one can predict the future direction, and no one can.

If, I mean if, I can have the ability to see through the future, can I grow into a better person and stop being confused?

……

……

Friday, February 2th, snow.

I smiled and patted my friend on the back. She was standing timidly, holding handmade chocolates that she dared not give away.

"Take courage and go."

She took a deep look at me, and her shy eyes gradually became firm, as if she had gained courage from my palm.

Obviously, I have never had such a thing myself.

I said goodbye to her, smiled and said I was waiting for her good news, and walked home alone.

In Kyoto in December, the sky darkened quickly, and the street lights flickered slightly and gradually brightened.

I walked quietly on the streets of the residential area, and I would be home soon.

And under a certain street lamp, a tall and thin figure was vaguely seen.

I looked closer and saw that he was coming.

He has lost a lot of weight, but his smile is still as gentle as I remember. I have never seen him lose his temper, but the unknown thing under that smile makes me terrified.

He did nothing wrong, he just poured out his heart with all his strength. This is the courage I never had, but it is also the source of my trembling.

His originally gentle and bright smile turned into a devil's stern smile in my eyes, and I couldn't help but want to run away.

one more time.

I know very well that it was me who was wrong.

It's just that I am not strong enough to face him right now, so after he called out my name, he handed over the chocolate with joy.

I backed off.

It is because of this step, this moment, that the voice that seems to have been hidden in my body for a long time, like a nightmare-like ghostly voice, resounded from the bottom of my heart.

The bright street lamps, the pure white snowflakes, and even the shining stars above the head are all covered with fragmented fantasy colors.

Night is no longer night, white is no longer white, wonderful and disgusting colors, crazy cover my world.

It was as if time stopped at this moment and my body was no longer under my control.

Want to make a sound, want to restrain your fear, and say "sorry" to him at this time.

I want to tell him with a smile:
"Chocolate is what girls give boys, you idiot."

Be honest with me and tell him that I never saw him as the opposite sex.

Wanting to reconcile with him as before, fantasizing about continuing to be his family as before.

however.

These idiotic thoughts were finally unable to be uttered.

I see the future, but the future is out of my control.

It's as if the actor turned to the last page of the script the moment he received the script.

Powerless, helpless, helpless.

In this unbearable world, the only things that have real colors are the few lines of text floating in front of me, and the most conspicuous, constantly beating numbers.

From 59, to 58, to 57.

Is this the countdown of my life?

Am I going to die here when the number goes to zero?

In his face.

In that case, he will definitely cry for me.

I'm going to make him cry again.

I don't want to do that at all.

[Slaps down the chocolate in his hand] [Run away]

And under the first line of text, I saw his life script that ended hastily.

I was skeptical, but I didn't dare to bet on him.

Are you giving me a choice?
But this is not an option at all.

No matter how much I fear him, fear him, I don't want him to disappear from this world.

Why do gods always like to play tricks on a stupid mortal like me?
Is it the joy of the gods to see human beings wandering, distressed, and constantly struggling with themselves?

No one answered me.

The answer to me is only cold numbers.

47 ...

46...

45

A little bit of time passed, and I was still hesitating in place.

I still haven't been able to make a choice. I think I don't have the courage to face death. The reason why I stand there blankly is precisely because I don't have the courage to choose.

I don't want to hurt him anymore.

But when the hateful number became 0, the gravity like a thousand catties beat me hard, and the intense pain made me think that I would meet death at this moment.

It might be easier if he just died like this... maybe.

However, 0 becomes 59, which becomes 0 again.

The violent pain came again, as if it wanted to penetrate my fragile heart, and I couldn't even scream.

Tears could not stop flowing, dripping, and then solidified in mid-air.

Round after round.

Whenever a number that turns into 0 turns into 59 again, my mental state is on the verge of collapse.

It's like throwing a small stone in your hand from the top of the mountain, you will never hear the echo, and you will never see the bottom.

So, I stretched out my hand tremblingly.

The world returned to its former color in an instant, as if the past was just my imagination, but the severe pain left on my body was so real.

The tears that flowed down in that space turned into snowflakes that fell on my cheeks from this world.

The street lamps are still flickering, and the stars are still bright.

But my life is completely out of control at this moment.

After all, I am still that confused and cowardly little Nishi Saori.

Sorry oh, and people.

(End of this chapter)