life is sweet

Chapter 163 [163] The helplessness of intergenerational rearing
"That's not necessarily true," Huang Xiaopei said pessimistically, "People of our generation are highly educated and have their own ideas, but the old people of my parents and your parents' generation are different."

"They are all typical people in the 50s. They lived in dire straits when they were young, and they were also born and raised in the countryside. They have received little education, and their thinking is more traditional and stubborn, just like your father, typical stubborn Representatives of their own opinions, I don’t think they think so, do they?”

After Huang Xiaopei finished speaking, he added, "And I feel that not only will they not think so, but they will even think that your thinking is purely an excuse to shirk responsibility and not support them?"

"I never said that we don't support the elderly. We must pay the maintenance fee that should be paid. It's just that we don't need to live together to embarrass everyone." Su Qingchun retorted.

"But even if that's the case, even if my parents think it's okay, I think the neighbors in my hometown will point out when they see it. They will say that you see their children live outside to enjoy the blessings, but the old man Stay at home and suffer.”

"I think you care too much about other people's opinions. Only the elderly know best whether to enjoy happiness or suffer." Su Qingchun said, "Do you want superficial praise from everyone and your parents live in dire straits, or do you want your parents to live a carefree life? "

"I really don't need to pay too much attention to gossip, country people, the favorite thing to do when sitting together every day is to gossip. No matter how good you are, you can tell something. There is really no need to pay too much attention to such remarks. of."

After Su Qingchun finished speaking, he added, "I very much agree with the old-age care habits of the elderly abroad who live separately from their children, so that everyone will not interfere with each other and maintain their own living habits. In fact, it is very good, and the elderly can also maintain their own habits. You can do whatever you want, eat whatever you want, and eat whenever you want, and your children don’t have to care about the habits of the elderly. During holidays, everyone walks around together, just like relatives, seeing each other occasionally On the contrary, everyone looks pleasing to everyone, which is actually more conducive to family harmony.”

In fact, Huang Xiaopei didn't really agree with his point of view. Speaking of it, although Huang Xiaopei was born in the county, he had the deepest traditional thinking.

But now that Su Qingchun has talked about this, thinking about the daily life with his in-laws these days, thinking that if they grow old, they will still live with him like this, and they will live together for a long time, Then she really couldn't bear it, now whether it was Su Qingchun's point of view, whether Huang Xiaopei approved it or not, from her own interests, Su Qingchun's words were only beneficial and harmless, so she would naturally not refute them.

"It's true what you said. Living together must be sooner or later because you don't like me, and I don't like you. Let alone between generations, even husband and wife will inevitably have conflicts. Not to mention the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that has existed since ancient times.”

Huang Xiaopei agrees, "Maybe it's the problem of living in the elderly, otherwise why there has been a saying that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not harmonious in our country in the past dynasties. To put it bluntly, it is our concept of elderly care."

Following Su Qingchun's train of thought, Huang Xiaopei also analyzed, "The so-called raising children to guard against old age means to live with the children when they get old. At the beginning, we made a mistake or misunderstood it, thinking that raising children to guard against old age means that the old man If you have children, you must take care of them yourself. In fact, there are many ways to support them, but we think that support means that the elderly live with their children.”

"correct."

Having said that, Huang Xiaopei thought for a while and said: "However, that being said, it is easy not to live together. First of all, there are very few old people who have such a high level of consciousness. Besides, modern young people Sometimes people really cannot do without the elderly, this is a double proposition."

"I also understand the foreign pension methods you mentioned. Their existence has their rationality, and our traditional concept also has its rationality."

"How should I say it?" Su Qingchun asked back.

Huang Xiaopei explained: "Look, our national conditions in China are that most families are dual-income families. You can't deny that, right?"

"Ok!"

"However, in foreign countries, in many families, women raise and educate their children full-time at home, and have more time to spend at home, so when their children are young, they don't have to worry about their children's education at all. There’s no way to balance it out.”

Huang Xiaopei finally brought the topic to the issue of caring for grandchildren across generations.

"Look at the children now, the kindergarten is okay, the elementary school is so early, and there is no way to pick up and drop off the children without a full-time person, so there is the rationality of the late nursery school I mentioned before, but you I have to deny it, and insist that the teachers intend to make up lessons to make money. In fact, it is really helpless to let the children stay in late care, otherwise those parents who only have dual employment at home would not be able to pick up their children from class."

"And we didn't have any troubles before. It happened that my work was special. The time to and from get out of class was similar to theirs. In addition, the schools were close to each other, so I didn't have the trouble of picking up and dropping off children, but most people couldn't do it. Get off work so early like me."

"In a situation like this, if the elderly in the family don't help pick up the children, then one of them will have to stop working," Huang Xiaopei analyzed, "But, look, how stressful our social life is now. , who is not a house slave, a car slave, and children's education costs are very high. It would be too financially stressful for one person to take care of the children full-time, unless they are all big bosses like Tu Xixi's father, then It’s still possible.”

"This leads to another topic. If you really don't work, who doesn't work? Then I think women don't work in most families. After all, women's wages are still worse than men's, and they are better at handling family affairs, but Think about it, how much happiness is there for a full-time wife who sacrifices her job for the sake of her family?"

"I've heard too much, and I've seen too many people give up their careers for the sake of the family and give everything for the family. When the children grow up, when they want to go out to work, they find themselves eliminated by society, and they also face the risk of being rejected by their husbands or even cheating on them." The risk is even more worth the candle!"

"The cost of divorce in our country is too low, and the social temptation is too great. There are few men who can truly understand women's contributions. This era is too unfair to women and the requirements are too high. If you choose to be a working woman Some people will say that you are a bad mother. If you choose to be a full-time mother, some people will think that this is not a career, and there are even countless potential risks. Nowadays, women are also highly educated, and they will weigh the pros and cons. Many times women are still unwilling to give up their jobs and take care of their children at home."

"The two couples are both working, what about the children?" Huang Xiaopei said, "After all, shouldn't the old man help take care of the children at this time?"

"This is the helplessness of intergenerational rearing in our era. It is good for parents to live with their children to take care of their grandchildren. It is even more pitiful for left-behind children like your niece and son-in-law who live directly with their grandparents. The country is not a minority, and Zihan is not an exception, it is said that there are tens of millions of left-behind children now."

Huang Xiaopei shook his head and said, "How many children are there in our country? Compared to this figure, there are too many, but this is reality."

(End of this chapter)