Natural beauty, inspirational nature

Chapter 39 The First Impression of Love

After that time, I no longer believe in long-distance online love.

I changed the online mate selection region requirements column from the original Jiangsu, Zhejiang and Shanghai to "Changzhou".But even if it is a local mail, I rarely open it. The shadow of being cheated makes me always feel a chill on my back every time I open the website.

During that time, I only focused on work and didn't care about feelings. No matter how my mother urged me, I ignored it, and let the emails in my mailbox spread like snowflakes.

Some Internet mail madmen have persisted in sending me emails for three years in a row, but I have never opened them.

I think 99.99% of those emails with tall, rich and handsome personalities and super handsome avatars are scammers stealing other people’s photos to deceive innocent girls on the Internet, infatuated middle-aged divorced women, and strong women in the workplace who rarely have the opportunity to meet the opposite sex. Pretty Behind the photo, the person chatting with you is likely to be a liar or even a gang of liars who are as ugly as Big A, but who understand women's psychological and emotional needs.

I didn't dare to tell my mother about meeting Big A. If I did, she would criticize me for being so childish and ridiculous that I believe that true love can be found on the Internet.

Hey, forget it, I comfort myself, it is better to work hard to move bricks than to waste precious time talking about unreliable relationships, and it is better to root myself deeply in work and career than to fall in love and be trapped by love.

I think love is not something you can find with hard work. It’s useless to force it if you don’t get it. It’s not cost-effective to be sad and hurt yourself. But work and career are completely different. As long as you Hard work will surely pay off.

The work of a designer gives me a particularly sense of accomplishment. Every time I stay up late and struggle like a bloody chicken, I think of creative solutions, and then draw out the drafts, which are approved by my boss, until finally the works I designed by myself appear in the streets and alleys and in various places. When it is on the carrier of advertising media, the sense of satisfaction and happiness is incomparable.

But when you are happy, you will inevitably feel lonely in your heart.Because every time I go out, I struggle alone, and when I come home, I am alone again, and there is no one to share my success or failure. It must be a lie to say that my heart really does not desire love at all.

The moon is accompanied by stars, and the slanting willows are supported by the breeze. To take a good friend's words, how can a lovely person like you who has both talents and looks not expect to be accompanied by a beloved?
Colleagues around me, those who are the same age as me have already married wives and children, and those who are younger than me are born in the 90s and 00s. They are too different from me in age, and the introductions from family and relatives are always too different from my expectations, which makes it difficult for me to accept , no interest in love.

When I'm bored, I can only hold my mobile phone, scroll through the photos of boys on the major dating platforms, sigh, and wonder if Yue Lao has forgotten to match me with a good relationship for this "thousand-year iron tree can't bloom" career fighter, Have you drawn a reliable red line of marriage?
I also often wonder whether I owed a lot of emotional debts to many people in my previous life, which is why I have gone so hard on the road of marriage and love in this life?

That day I went to the gym and came back from a run, took a shower, and collapsed on the bed from exhaustion.

The phone vibrated, I picked it up and looked, it turned out that the dating website was sending me information about men again.

I saw a man's face, black and white, wearing a suit and tie, which looked like a headshot taken from a wedding photo.I thought this person might also be divorced.

Because the photo is black and white, the light is still a bit dark, it looks a bit old-fashioned, I smiled wryly, and murmured to myself: Why does the website not know how to send me some handsome guys from the same city, little fresh meat, etc. Send me "The Frog Prince".

I was a little annoyed and tapped my profile picture vigorously, wanting to see what is so special about this strange man from the same city that the website pushes?
It doesn't matter, I was stunned at one point, this man's profile picture is not very good-looking, but his life photos are simply amazing.

And he not only uploaded a profile picture, but on the details page of the profile, he uploaded five or six cool photos, each of which was more handsome than the last.

He has a square face, combed his hair back, and when he smiles, his curved and deep eyes seem to hide vast stars, and a pair of shallow dimples are exposed at the corners of his mouth, adding a touch of cuteness to his chiseled face.

It's hard to describe the mood at the moment when I saw his photo, and I can't tell how his facial features are better than the average handsome guy. I just think that in my eyes, they just combined to form the "ideal type" in my heart.It looks like a Korean actor I liked when I was young: Hyun Bin, no, to be precise, his eyes are prettier than Hyun Bin, and his face is more heroic than Hyun Bin.

In the photo, he exudes a tough temperament like a soldier. At that moment, I, who had not seen the real person, seemed to have flown into his real three-dimensional physical world in advance from the flat world of the photo by a time machine. Seeing the real him, smelling his unique smell.It's a magical feeling like never before.

"Where have I met this handsome guy? The more he looks at him, the more friendly he becomes?" I muttered to myself.

At the age when I first fell in love, I once read such a poem: You will meet two people in your life, one is the person you love very much, and the other is the person who loves you very much.

At that time, I scoffed at it. I thought "love" was a very sacred but mysterious thing, which was very far away from me.

Until the moment I saw his photo, I still felt that I had never met the person who loved me very much, and it was unlikely that I would love someone deeply without reservation. After all, unrequited love is too painful.

I just want a love that goes both ways.At that time, I never expected that the handsome guy in front of me would be the one who completely subverted my concept of love.

I read his profile very carefully, and when I saw the column of height, I was even more pleasantly surprised. He is 1.89m tall, and he is still a long-legged "Ouba".

Scrolling down, in the column of "tourist footprint", he filled in Tokyo, South Korea, Australia, Switzerland, and Greece.

"It turns out that he is still a man who has traveled abroad and seen the world", I was secretly happy. I am very envious of the kind of boy who has traveled around the world and has extraordinary experiences and insights.

I suppressed my little excitement and started typing my first webmail to him on the keyboard:

"Hello, handsome guy, I'm glad to see you in the vast Internet. I'm an advertising graphic designer, and I'm currently working in Changzhou MG Beauty Hospital. I'm four years older than you, and we're considered the same age. But I have Marriage history, no children. My ex-husband deliberately concealed his physical illness. I helped him see the illness for three years but failed, so we had no choice but to break up. Although I was deceived and hurt severely in marriage, I still believe in love, and I also feel that I still have The right to pursue true love.

Seeing your profile, I think you are very good, the type I like to appreciate.I just don't know if the handsome guy is willing to give each other a chance to get to know each other?This is my WeChat ID. I hope we can start as friends and get to know each other better.If you mind that I have a marriage history, the little girl is not reluctant, and can understand your feelings.Wish the handsome guy happy every day. "

The information shows that he is a rabbit, Aquarius, blood type B, and he is still unmarried.I'm a little surprised. Since I'm divorced and four years older than him, I think I should confess my real marital status. If he can accept it, he will naturally be willing to add my WeChat account. If he can't accept it, I don't want to force it .

After writing this email, I actually don’t have any confidence and don’t have much hope in my heart. After all, in the vast Internet, it is very rare to meet the opposite sex who is inexplicably attracted to me at the first glance. I still want to see each other and see each other Like, the probability of that is too slim.

But subconsciously, I still left a ray of "lifeline" for myself.So after this email was sent, I would often check the Internet to see if there was any reply from him after work.

But I found that he seldom goes to this platform, because the website has login records, but whenever we have logged into the dating platform, both members who are both members can check each other's login time and login records.

Time flies, and a month and a half has passed, but he has never logged in again.

I couldn't help but start to feel disappointed, thinking, there is no hope, such a one-in-a-thousand appearance, can be called a model of handsome men, and the salary is so high, with a monthly salary of [-] to [-], which shows that my ability is also good, and I am not a senior leader in the company. It should be a character that should not be underestimated. Isn't this the "tall, rich and handsome" deity that the public often talks about.

The other party is so good, I will inevitably feel inferior in my heart, I said to myself: Feifei, stop dreaming.Such a handsome, handsome and wealthy boy like a prince will definitely not lack the relationship with the opposite sex in reality, and there must be many Yingying Yanyan around him.With a bunch of fans chasing after him, how could he really be short of someone?Unless he is as lonely as me, eager to find a "soul mate" on the other side of the Internet when he is bored and lazy, he will go to the dating website and check his email.If he can see my email, it must be that my ancestors have been put on high incense, and the ancestors have manifested.In general, you just don't count on it.The more hope, the more disappointment.

My mother usually doesn’t talk less about me. Every time she drags the person introduced to me by my seven aunts and eight aunts, I know it’s not my thing when I look at the photos. There are a few times when I can’t hold them back. card, so I reluctantly met someone. After I saw it, as expected, it was almost the same as my feeling when I just saw the photo. It was not my taste at all.

It’s okay if you don’t see it, send a message or make a phone call to politely reject it, and it’s over, but once you meet each other under the witness of a group of relatives and friends, things will be complicated. If you refuse, the matchmaker will say that your vision is too high, relatives To lobby you not to be too picky.

After several operations, I was miserable, and I was not a human being inside and out.So later they introduced it to me. After I saw the photos, I pushed them as soon as I could, insisting that I just didn’t feel it, didn’t like it, and didn’t want to see each other. Seeing it was just a waste of time with the other party and myself.

My mother hated me a little bit, and she was so angry that she said harsh words to me: "In the future, if you get sick, don't call me crying, I won't care about you anymore. Let you fend for yourself?

You are in your thirties, old lady, how great do you think you are?It's not a girl in her 20s. Are you still dreaming, looking forward to meeting love and meeting your own Prince Charming?
What kind of feelings are you talking about, what kind of eyesight are you talking about, as long as the big difference is good, the job is good, and if you are willing to treat you well, you will be signed.

As people get older, the conditions for choosing a mate will automatically know to decline.You are fine, the older you are, the more picky you are when you find a partner?I really don't know who gave you the courage? "

To be honest, when your own mother said something like that to you, it was impossible for you to be completely calm.Just like the "Three of Swords" in the Tarot card with three knives in the heart, you will be so sad that you can't speak, but you can't help but want to shout:
You look down on your daughter like this?Why are you not qualified to pursue the love you want when you are old?If I have to compromise and find someone I don’t like, and make do with it, will I be sure to be happy for the rest of my life?

In fact, the advantages of you are not invisible to your family. Every family gathering, dinner party, baby face, tall figure, fair skin, and fashionable dress, I always attract the admiration of seven aunts and eight aunts.

They all praised me for having a model figure, and they were very impressed by my fair and beautiful appearance at the age of nearly forty.

However, in the secular concept of marriage and love, once a woman is over thirty, she should serve as an old man, and a divorced girl should lower her self-worth, marry a boy with less good conditions in all aspects, and then have a child and start a small family. In this life, if your husband lives up to you, does not have an affair, and takes good care of your family and children, that is already your greatest blessing.

What else are you talking about with us about matching appearance, education and position, eye relationship, and feeling?If you mention true love to them again, they will think that you are completely out of the air.

So in the face of two completely different worldviews, views on marriage and love, and the huge gap between the two generations, it is impossible for you to forcefully cross it. Any attempt to integrate, communicate, and communicate is futile. Every time my mother asks me to discuss this The topic, in the end, both of us broke up on bad terms.

But what my mother said: Why do you become more and more picky when you find a partner as you get older?I really don't know who gave you the courage?It hit my heart like a soul torture.

I also repeatedly asked myself in my heart: "Yeah, you were not like that before. Why did your conditions and thresholds be set so low before, so low that there was no threshold? Before the first two came out, you were so obedient to your parents' arrangements." , then listen to the advice of your parents and family members, and consider everyone’s feelings. The first two, one has a low education, the other has a poor family background. What about theirs?"

In the past, after your parents urged you to marry and all kinds of lobbying and ideological work, you automatically gave up those vague expectations and requirements for the other half of your marriage in your mind.But later you, after being hit hard on the iron wall of reality, you finally woke up completely.

You are talented and capable, and you are so good-looking. You obviously deserve better love. You are obviously a phoenix, and you should soar in the sky with dragons, but they insist that you are a "pheasant", what do you do with wings? Phoenix dream?

So it's useless for you to be angry now, you can only work hard silently, strive for success silently, and grow into a better self, a self that is enough to match an excellent partner in the future.In order to win a round.

Ten years ago, I was immature and innocent, and I didn’t know what kind of relationship and marriage I really wanted. Ten years later, I just want to go back to the original correct ideal track, looking for a true match for me, and a relationship with me. I am the one who joins forces, and the husband sings and the wife follows.

As for who gave me the courage, I really want to tell my mother—that is the courage I gave myself.

But I think she probably can't understand the deepest thoughts in my heart, and she will definitely deny my personal ability and ability.In her eyes, no matter how much talent and knowledge I have, I am just a weak woman who has no strength and needs to rely on a man to support my spine in order to complete this life.

(End of this chapter)