Natural beauty, inspirational nature

Chapter 4 Rainy Season
Entering high school, after completing the first military training in life, the sunshine in late summer and early autumn is still a bit hot. We are a group of children who lived with their parents in junior high school and are used to being taken care of by their families like little princesses and princes. He officially left his parents and left the family, which opened the prelude to the three-year "independent study and life" in high school.

At that time, all the boys in the school lived in the "modern dormitory building" built with brick and cement floors, while we girls were arranged to live in the school's oldest and most traditional "mortise and tenon structure" courtyard wooden house. There are two rows of iron frame beds in each room, 6 in a row, a total of 12 beds—the kind of iron frame beds where when the upper bunk is turned over, the lower bunk shakes with it.

Unlucky, those who have never lived in school and never slept on the upper bunk were assigned the upper bunk.But I have no choice, so I can only bite the bullet. I am a little afraid of heights. I feel that every time I go up and down the bunk, the two legs that are stepping on the iron frame tremble unconsciously, as if doing stunts. I just started living in school. During that time, I was very unaccustomed to it, often dizzy and palpitations, and couldn't sleep well.

There are rows and rows of rectangular "cement pools" in front of the girls' dormitory. There is no special bathhouse in the school, and there is no bathroom in the room. In summer, we can only take a pot of hot water in the boiling water room, and then go to the pool in the corridor. Take a basin of cold water, then take the water to the dormitory, and stand in the aisle between the two rows of iron-framed beds to take a bath.

Everyone is like this. Every time before going to night self-study, it is time for everyone to take a bath after dinner, and the dormitory will be particularly crowded.Sometimes it’s a little late to line up for food or turn on the water, and you have to queue for a long time to get water. After you finish fetching water and then enter the dormitory, the narrow aisle between the two rows of beds is basically full. Man, you can't stretch your body normally, you can only wash your hands and feet timidly.So everyone seems to be fighting at this time, three times, five divisions, two, wet with a towel, and simply scrub twice on the body and it's done.

I went back late that day because I was studying a math problem, and everyone washed it in twos and threes.The remaining one or two with slow hands and feet and me, the last one, are still busy.Because it was necessary to pour water to wash clothes, people kept going out and coming in, coming in and going out again, so everyone didn't lock the door for fear of trouble, and just hid the door there.

In the end, everyone else had changed into their school uniforms and got dressed. I was the only one who had just finished scrubbing and was about to put on my clothes.Unexpectedly, the door outside the house suddenly opened at this time. I was startled and then subconsciously fumbled for the clothes on the bed. Before I could grab the clothes and put them on, I heard a middle-aged man calling the name of my deskmate.

Although the father at the same table didn't know about it, nor did it on purpose, he gave his daughter something and left soon.But because of my high mental tension, I always replay the scene of her father's sudden appearance in my mind afterward, and keep asking myself in my heart: He won't see anything, right?He shouldn't have seen it?At that time, there were other girls at the door, did their positions help me to block his gaze?What should I do in case he does see it?
During the evening self-study, my mind was full of strange silly questions, and the inexplicable sense of shyness made me restless. I really wanted to pull the corner of the clothes at the same table and tell her my inner anxiety and confusion.But not long after entering the school, we had only been together for a period of military training, and it had only been a few days since we were assigned to be at the same table. The relationship with each other was still very strange, and I swallowed the words I said a few times.

Just like this evening self-study, I didn't listen to any of the exercises taught by the math teacher.In the next few days, I felt like I lost my soul, and I became less and less fond of chatting with my classmates.

Many troubles and psychological barriers in adolescence came so suddenly without any warning signs. Those growth issues, because they had never been experienced before and had no experience to follow, became menacing like beasts and wolves, which made it difficult to deal with and made people feel great of fear.

This sudden bathing incident now seems like a trivial episode in the long river of life, but it became an insurmountable "tribulation" in my adolescence at that time.

After this "tribulation", I deeply understand that some psychological barriers formed during adolescence will intensify if they are not cleared in time, which will bring immeasurable impact to my studies and even my future life. adverse effects.

Fortunately, I trust my parents and family. The relationship with my mother since I was a child is more like a "friend" who can talk to each other. We talk about everything. After several struggles, I told my fear and confusion on the phone. Mom, my mother comforted me a few words, because she was worried about my state, she went to school to see me, and without my knowledge, she found my father at the same table, cut his nails, and put them in the water , asked me to drink this bowl of water, and said that this is a special "false method" that can help me regain the fire (soul) that was scared away by him.

I couldn't laugh or cry when I saw the water my mother handed over. I knew it was just a folk superstition, but I was moved by my mother's good intentions, so I drank the bowl of water.Now think about the dirtiest human nails, with a lot of bacteria. If you drink the water brewed with nails, you must have swallowed a lot of bacteria at that time. (wry smile)

In fact, heart disease still needs heart medicine medicine. Only when one's own cognition is mature and comprehensive, and positive changes have taken place can one fundamentally relieve the pain caused by psychological disorders.

If this kind of thing happened after I was 20 or 30 years old, I would definitely not take it seriously. At worst, I would say "I'm sick, I don't know if I can come in first, knock on the door first, small things are not worth hurting, I can't." Embarrassing yourself for other people's mistakes" is over.

But at the sensitive age of sixteen or seventeen, it actually turned into a big spiritual storm.Because the school I am in is a provincial key high school, which gathers top students from all over the world. The teaching pace of the teachers is very fast, and the knowledge points of mathematics, physics and chemistry are all linked together. After that, I couldn't keep up with the teacher's rhythm more and more, and couldn't understand what the teacher was talking about.

The world is impermanent, one wave is not smooth, and another wave will rise again.

Just after the mental storm calmed down in my heart, I suddenly heard the bad news that my father had been diagnosed with cancer.As far as I can remember, my father has never been seriously ill, even minor illnesses and pains, but he was suddenly found to have cancer after a physical examination in the countryside, and it was already in the advanced stage when it was found.

In order not to affect my studies, my family has been hiding the real illness from me. It was not until my father was so skinny and dying in bed because of the pain that my family called me home to see him for the last time.

From then on, my sky began to be covered with dark clouds day and night, just like a small flower that suddenly encountered thunder, lightning and wind. The princess turned into a down-and-out Cinderella overnight.I survived the blooming and rainy seasons of life in tears.

My father passed away suddenly, and my mother quickly remarried a year later. Everything made me completely swallowed by the waves of life in my adolescence, and I was immersed in uncontrollable sadness all day long.

My science grades plummeted, and my liberal arts also regressed a lot. I couldn't concentrate on my studies at all. In the end, my mental state was so bad that I had to take a year off from school.

When a storm comes, God will not broadcast the weather forecast for you, and he is not even willing to give you a chance to take a breather, rest and adapt. The only thing you can do is to be knocked down by the strong wind and waves, and try your best to stand up. If you don’t stand up , If you don’t try to run forward, the waves will roll you up again mercilessly, pushing you into a more dangerous deep-sea vortex.

At that time, I was full of confusion, fear and disappointment about love, marriage, birth, old age, sickness and death, and the dark side of human nature.At that time, everyone in my family thought that I was hopeless, and that there was no hope of going back to school to take the university entrance exam. My mother also let me be sad at home alone for a while and ignored me.Only I know that my heart is just sick, it needs to meditate and recuperate, and find a way out for the future by myself.

Girls aged 360 or [-] have not had time to appreciate the loyal love of "life and death, holding hands, and growing old together" in the poems and poems. Entering a family with no blood relationship, bearing the abjection and sadness of living under the fence.Such a huge [-]-degree change was the first time I recognized the cruelty of life and the reality of marriage and love.

At that time, Xiao Qi's TV series and his songs were popular. I often hummed his "Sad Pacific Ocean" and burst into tears.It is said that adversity tempers one's character and makes one grow vigorously and become tenacious, but we cannot ignore that the adversity bestowed by fate is actually a double-edged sword, and the trauma of one after another adversity is also huge. Wounds heal, but scars remain forever.

Since my father passed away, my personality has changed a lot. From a lively, cheerful, carefree girl who loves to sing and laugh, I have become sensitive and introverted, reticent, and cautious when getting along with others. I always feel that I have to think about it again, and only after confirming that there is no malice will I feel a little sense of security.

Gradually, the neighbors around me began to speak sarcasticly to me, especially those uncles and aunts who were jealous that my academic performance was better than their children when I was young, and my uncles and aunts who were jealous of my getting three-good student awards every year, even gossiped behind my back, and even grew up in the countryside. Rumors spread in the small village that the daughter of the eldest son of the married family has gone crazy and is staying at home, unable to go to school.

My mother came home, stared at me angrily, and said to me in a desperate tone: "Do you know that there are rumors outside that you are crazy. I have been a teacher for half my life, and I have brought out so much Students, all of them are so promising, why can't I teach my own daughter well?"

When I heard these words, I didn't say a word, but I felt very uncomfortable in my heart. I asked myself: Cheng Yifei, have you been beaten like this?Just let them see your jokes?
Life is cruel, and people are very realistic. When you are good, those who know you and those who do not know you will give you applause and flowers. Put cold arrows.

(End of this chapter)