Embers of Embers

Chapter 264 Meaningless
The night in Old Dunling is always like that. Countless factories tower over this land. Thick smoke rises from the chimneys and turns into a gray-black silhouette in the hazy light. The steel whale remains as usual. In that way, wandering in this gray and black ocean, I would move my eyes to the ground from time to time, and then light would shine down.
Joey leaned against the window. It was already late at night. The world outside the window was quiet except for the faint noise of machines in the distance. The furnaces there never went out and the machinery never stopped running.
It seemed that he was too tired after a day's work. Joey looked extremely tired. There was a ticking sound in the room behind him. A large Geiger counter was erected in it. It was working day and night in this stronghold.
The rest of the people had already gotten off work and the room was empty. Joey also rubbed his eyes. Finally, he was not on duty tonight and it was time to go to bed early. Then someone opened the door and Kestrel walked in.
"Are you on duty today?"
Joey was a little surprised. Although he lived in the stronghold, he was just an ordinary person and couldn't stay vigilant 24 hours a day, so someone would come to keep vigil for him, but he didn't expect it to be Kestrel.
"if not?"
Kestrel said with an unhappy expression.
"I'm just a wage earner, and I don't want to, but the schedule is like that. I can't just pick up a knife and kill Arthur, right?"
Kestrel said as he also leaned against the window, as if wanting to see where Joey was looking, his eyes swept back and forth against the night scene.
Joey didn't speak, just stared outside blankly, and after a long time, he laughed inexplicably.
"what happened?"
Kestrel asked curiously, Joey was acting strange.
"You know? The doctors at Black Mountain Hospital often told me that people's mood becomes negative at night and they become...sad. So he suggested that I sleep well at night and stop thinking randomly."
"So are you just imagining things now?"
"probably."
"Then what are you thinking about?"
It should be said that we are indeed old colleagues. Every time you said something to me, we started chatting inexplicably.
The two of them stood in an empty room. As the night wind blew in, a piece of paper filled with writings floated up.Kestrel also forgot that he was on duty, and Joey also forgot that he wanted to go back to the house to sleep after the handover.
"Lorenzo once told me that he is a person who easily overthinks. He lets his thoughts spread and keeps thinking. Maybe he is influenced by him. Sometimes I do the same..."
"for example?"
"For example, I saw those at the end of the horizon..."
As Joey spoke, he stretched out his hand and pointed at the factories that were clustered like dense forests. They showed gray silhouettes and extended chimneys like twisted branches and leaves, which were strange and weird.
"When I see those factories, I am inexplicably reminded of the news about Duke Salicardo. You should still remember that in the case of 'Study in Scarlet', the oppression of the survivors led to the Duke Salicardo’s attack.”
Hearing what Joey said, Kestrel also remembered those events. That incident was the first time they came into contact with Dean Lawrence.
"Is that incident over? Actually not. The issues regarding the survivors have still not been resolved, and the status quo has not been changed. Salicado has begun to develop civilian airships. In order to speed up the pace, the factory is working day and night."
Joey rambled.
"As a result, there were several riots in the industrial area in the past few days, caused by the remnants and the Yin Erweg people."
"Are you starting to care about this?" Kestrel frowned slightly.
"No, it's just an association brought about by overthinking. I know it's useless to think about it, but people have empathy. This is a flaw. It allows us to understand the sadness of others, even if he is not an Invergian, or even says Not humans...even those of us who fight against monsters would have this kind of mentality.
When I see the poor puppy, I feel pity and feel that I am suffering the same pain as it..."
Joey paused and then said.
"Actually, I don't know what I'm talking about. I just say what I think of casually. But Kestrel sometimes I also feel that this world is a little too hopeless. I know that people like us should have been used to this for a long time, but we are used to it. It does not mean that you are not afraid. Even soldiers who are familiar with war will feel fear when they hold their weapons.
There are many such factories. The whole world is a huge factory. We seem to be free, but we are only in a bigger cage.
It's the same for everyone, being stuffed into the machine and becoming a small gear. Maybe the size is not suitable, but in the long run, I will be worn into a suitable shape... In fact, sometimes I almost forgot what I was living for. I didn't mean the basic necessities of life, but something more advanced... something worth pursuing. "
Kestrel looked at Joey blankly. He knew that Joey was a guy with a higher level of thinking than him, but he never thought that he could...associate so many things.
"I feel like you are a philosopher." Kestrel said.
In Kestrel's eyes, Joey does have the temperament of a philosopher and scholar. He comes from a famous family and knows strict etiquette. He is different from people like Kestrel who crawled out of the lower city. And Joey will always be So approachable, like a strange obsessive-compulsive disorder and mysophobia, he is always so tidy.
Sometimes Kestrel even sees him change into clean clothes as the first thing he does after a fight.
"Just a little sentimental," Joey replied.
"Don't be modest, I'm not complimenting you."
Kestrel continued, looking Joey from top to bottom.
"You make me feel like a depressed philosopher, and people like you usually can't help but jump off the building after getting stuck in the corner of your mind."
Kestrel also made gestures as he spoke, raising his palms up like a leaping bird, flying to a high place, and then fell to the ground to his death. In order to be realistic, he also made ridiculous onomatopoeia.
Joey was not amused. Instead, he thought seriously after hearing this.
"Suicide? That's unlikely."
Considering many factors, Joey pessimistically found that even if he wanted to die, he still had many constraints and worries.
"Why do you still have to give a serious answer?"
Kestrel felt that he couldn't keep up with this slightly sad guy.
"Wait, Joey, you won't..."
Kestrel thought of something and asked worriedly.
"No, I haven't touched hallucinogens for a long time, and if I had, I wouldn't be sober talking to you."
Joey answered decisively as if he knew what Kestrel was worried about.
"Then...did you take hallucinogens before because of this kind of trouble?"
Kestrel only knew that Joey had used hallucinogens and stayed in Black Mountain Hospital for a period of time, but he didn't know the more detailed inside story.
But this is normal. After all, the clients we work for are demons. These knights in the purification agency will inevitably have some weird illnesses. Sometimes you don't have any symptoms but it's a special kind of thing.
"Hmm... not really. At that time, I had just joined the purification agency. I dealt with these evil things all day long. After each action, I needed a period of psychological counseling, and then... then I encountered hallucinations. I wanted to escape from those nightmares, but I didn’t know that I fell into a bigger nightmare.”
Joey thought about his thoughts and then said them out bit by bit.
"People should not just live for basic necessities, food, clothing, housing and transportation, they should have more noble things. Of course, everyone has a different definition of noble. For Lorenzo, killing monsters is noble. For you, basic necessities, food, housing and transportation should be noble. ."
As he spoke, he looked at Kestrel. Kestrel seemed to never feel sad, at least not like Joey. He seemed to be an easily satisfied person.
"Absolutely. In fact, this also depends on personal experience. If our identities were swapped, maybe I would be as sad as you, but it's a pity that we are not."
Kestrel said, as if to enlighten his friend who was melancholy at night.
"You should know that before I joined the purge organization, I was just a gangster in the downtown area. I hung out with a friend of mine, robberies and fights. If I hadn't met Shrike, I might have died on a dark street corner. .
So I have always been lucky and feel that every minute I spend now is a gift from life. Although this job is a bit strange and the risk is greater than that in Xiacheng District, at least I can ensure food and clothing. Not only that, while ensuring food and clothing, I can also To make a small contribution to all mankind is simply perfect. "
Kestrel felt inexplicably proud as he spoke.
"The more I think about it, the more painful it becomes. I really envy a single-celled creature like you." Joey was envious and did not forget to laugh at his colleague.
"?"
Kestrel had a puzzled look on his face. This guy who had never gone to school and was struggling in the lower city obviously suffered the disadvantage of being uneducated at this time.
"I just feel a little confused, Kestrel. We keep fighting monsters, day after day. I know this is for more people, but sometimes I always wonder what I want.
People should have some higher pursuits.
But then I thought of those remnants, those who worked day and night in factories, who only needed a meager income to maintain their shaky basic necessities of life... In fact, they should be like me and have something they want, but But he was trapped tightly by the cage of reality. "
Kestrel said, "Have mercy on the world?"
In his eyes, Joey was like a sad stone statue of the Virgin. Maybe in the next second Joey would hug him and forgive Kestrel's sins.
"No, I'm just aware of the pain among you all, but I'm helpless. Everyone has worked hard to live, but the iron curtain is still falling..."
He shook his head and expressed his strange feelings.
"I couldn't help anyone. I couldn't even help myself. I could only watch it fall until everyone was crushed to pieces."
Joey paused and then spoke again.
"Not to mention those people who are jumping the gun. For example, the survivors were expected to get a formal status...at least a regular job position, but they were destroyed by those who were also the survivors, even us Yin Erweg people. Same thing, just make sure you live a good life."
"Of course, this is just my wild imagination. People are always depressed at night, right?"
Kestrel nodded.
"It's really all you can think of. If it were me, I might not think so much."
"what will you do?"
Kestrel thought carefully and then pulled out the weapon he was wearing.
"Scream 'Shit! You betrayed the working class!' and give his head some air, that's it."
Joey's face was still expressionless. It seemed that Kestrel's jokes could not save his colleague's sinking mood. He put down the weapon in his hand, and then said with some helplessness.
"Yes, in fact, sometimes I feel depressed. For example, when Arthur assigns me some fatal actions, I have to write a good will before each action. As I write it, I find that I don't have much property, and I don't have much money. How many relatives, wow, you made me feel depressed too!"
"But what can I do? The most I can do is blame Arthur."
Kestrel said as he remembered something and continued to educate Joey.
"Remember Nicholas? The one about the perpetual pump. Actually, I think his point of view is quite interesting."
"what?"
"Meaningless."
Kestrel said.
“Everything is meaningless, we still have them, Yin Erweg and this world, all this is meaningless.
We will die, buildings will collapse, kingdoms will perish, even knowledge will pass away in the torrent of time, and everything will be meaningless.
Our battles, our monuments, and those enemies, monsters, those shadows all over the world, monsters, even Duke Salicardo, what use is any amount of wealth?It cannot buy eternal life, it cannot buy eternity, it is meaningless, wealth is determined by people, and when we all die, it will be just a golden metal.
Everything we do is in vain, just like the shooting stars in the night sky, the brilliance is fleeting and nothing can even remember it forever.
Our pain, sadness, anger, and guilt are meaningless. "
Kestrel lowered his head as he spoke. He didn't know why there was so much bullshit today. It might be because he was infected by Lorenzo. That rotten guy was like that, he always said some inexplicable things.He pulled Joey away from the window.
"Yeah, meaningless."
he shouted loudly.
"Everyone dies, and the things that bother us dissipate when we die."
Everything that is confusing and greedy, no matter how much money and glory, will just return to nothingness after death. Even if someone remembers it, it will be worn away in the long river of time.
Kestrel reached out and put his hand on Joey's shoulder.
"So don't think about it, Joey, I brought midnight snacks, do you want to come with me?"
(End of this chapter)