i'm not a bad man

Chapter 107 The True Feeling
I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Zuo Xiaowei's figure gradually submerged in the city lights. I couldn't help but feel tired and was about to give up. But when I saw Zuo Xiaowei staying in the passenger seat Down jacket, my desire to give up fell away. She came full of hope, how could I let her return empty-handed?

I pressed out the half-smoked cigarette in my hand, then opened the car door and chased Zuo Xiaowei. Fortunately, it was the rush hour after work, and there were passengers in the taxis waiting for me to catch up with Zuo Xiaowei. At that time, she was still there, standing under the overpass, with a sad and lost look on her face.

I walked up to her and pushed her, and then she turned to look at me. I forced a smile on her face and said, "Put the backup singer thing aside for now. I finally went back to Qingdao. Sister Ren Ran and Sao Zhu Everyone is here, I really don’t want to have a meal with us.”

"Do not want to."

"Don't be stubborn and come with me. It's rush hour now, and there aren't many taxis coming along this road. You won't be able to wait for one."

"I ordered a ride-hailing service and it arrived right away."

Zuo Xiaowei's arrogant look made me a little bit angry, so I said coldly: "You keep saying that you are no worse than anyone else, so what does your current behavior mean? It's just about singing along. It’s not a multiple-choice question in itself. I have to choose between you and Lu Xi. Now that you haven’t done anything yet, you have to quit. Isn’t this a sign of low self-esteem?”

"If you give me enough confidence, will I feel inferior?... The reason why I feel inferior is not because of her celebrity status, but because of your attitude towards me. In the eyes of others, maybe I am just a joke. I have already told you We had sex, but you never thought about being with me. Although you are hateful, the most hateful thing is me. I know you are a scumbag, but I still want to go back to Qingdao to find you...I also I don’t want to go all the way to the dark side, but I just can’t control myself, understand?” At this point, Zuo Xiaowei was already choked with sobs. She had a look of confusion on her face, and then she said to me in a deep voice: “Maybe, compared to Because of the despair you gave me, I was even more afraid that I would choose to fall, so I gave up my heart over and over again and came back to life... Every time I think about it, I ask myself, how many times do people have to die in this life before they can understand? …I don’t have the answer, so I can only keep testing it on you, and then I feel like I have turned into an immortal old monster…”

When Zuo Xiaowei said these words, I clearly felt her emotional changes. She choked up at first, and by the end, she was in tears.

I stood there, trying to appease her, but I didn't know where to start. At this time, the online hailing car called by Zuo Xiaowei also drove over from south to north and stopped beside us.

If I failed to keep Zuo Xiaowei this night, I would be in a terrible mood. So when Zuo Xiaowei opened the car door, I stood in front of Zuo Xiaowei and asked angrily: "You Play it for real!”

"Yes, let's be serious, get out of the way."

"You provoked me first this time. I didn't ask you to come to Qingdao, nor did I ask you to be my backup singer. These are all decisions you made yourself..."

I have never been so conflicted and capricious about a woman that I cannot fully understand her mood. I have never felt that loving someone is a pain, even if I get nothing in the end, so after Luan Yu explained to me After realizing the true thoughts in my heart, I simply let her go. I didn’t want to pester or force her to give me a result. She didn’t love me anymore. She must have had a better choice and she gave up on it. I, apart from her, may not have a better choice, then, love must be clean and tidy.

Zuo Xiaowei was still struggling, and the ride-hailing driver she called was also yelling at me. Just when I was about to have a seizure, Zuo Xiaowei suddenly jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly. It seems like I am looking for a little warmth in this cold winter.

I was caught off guard and fell completely into a trance, while Zuo Xiaowei seemed to have become the little girl who lit the match in the fairy tale, dreaming the most beautiful dream in the face of boundless despair.

……

The fallen leaves were blown up by the wind, chasing pedestrians and cars, and the city lights were still flickering. I was like a drugged person, my consciousness and moral integrity were shattered on the ground, but I was not ashamed of it, I was just dizzy. , some don’t know why.

The online ride-hailing car Zuo Xiaowei called has already left. Zuo Xiaowei and I sat against the wall. It was said to be a wall, but it was actually a forcibly transformed mountain and became part of the road. Plants planted on both sides of the road The trees do not lose their leaves even in winter. These trees have become our shelter, but they also make this late autumn night seem a bit heavy and cold.Zuo Xiaowei hugged her knees and didn't look at me, but smiled and said, "I knew you were still the same as before."

I was a little discouraged because after several confrontations, my reason still couldn't overcome the lustful thoughts in my heart. I probably figured it out. Facing a woman like Zuo Xiaowei, my bottom line is not to take the initiative or seduce her. She, but when she took the initiative to seduce me, I really had no way to resist.

After fumbling around for a while, I took out the cigarette case from my pocket, took out a cigarette, lit it, and took a strong puff. Zuo Xiaowei then looked at me, then took the cigarette from my hand, raised her head and leaned against it. On the wall, I also took a deep breath, and then I was lost for a long time.

Zuo Xiaowei laughed so happily. I laughed with her, but not as happy as she was. So, I lit another cigarette. At this time, Zuo Xiaowei also hugged my neck and shrank. In my arms, I seem to like this feeling, but at the same time I feel like an outcast in this world, because this is on the street, and here, it can only be us.

Finally, Zuo Xiaowei looked up at me and said, "I'm not leaving."

I took a deep breath, then looked at Zuo Xiaowei and asked, "You won't regret it anymore, will you?"

"No, let's go see where you live now and have a drink with you."

Only then did I feel relieved, and then I stood up before Zuo Xiaowei. At this time, Zuo Xiaowei also stretched out her hand to me, gesturing for me to pull her up.

……

In the night, Zuo Xiaowei and I walked side by side towards the parking place. I thought she would still maintain this close relationship with me, but she suddenly distanced herself. There was a distance between us. I don’t know. Is this a result Zuo Xiaowei gave me, and I don’t know if this is the last ambiguity between us, but I know that if I make the same mistake a second time, even if I have concerns in my heart, even if I have concerns about Zuo Xiaowei, Wei doesn't have that kind of love from the heart, and I have to drop everything to be with her, because I can't live without the love she gives me.

This idea is actually very simple. It is nothing more than choosing someone you love in the emotional world, or choosing someone who loves you.

Women often face this choice, but sometimes, men also encounter an opportunity to make such a choice. If the woman they love cannot be defeated for a long time, there happens to be a woman beside him who is devoted to him. The track will deviate.

This is a person’s true feelings!
In other words, the concept of love is different in every era. In the early years, men and women would emphasize perseverance, but now, love has quietly changed into a fast food model and gradually reduced to a consumer product.

At this moment, I thought of Luan Yu again, and suddenly I felt a little depressed and a little resistant to the magic of so-called love.

There are not so many white lotuses and love saints in this world, they are all just choices!

(End of this chapter)