female sexual motivation

Chapter 16 The Pleasure of Conquest (3)
In polygamous cultures, superior men typically have multiple wives.Many women would rather be the second or third concubine of a rich man than the only wife of a poor man. The "polygamy threshold theory" may explain this.Simply put, even if a woman gets only half or a third of the property of a wealthy family, it is more than the entire property of a poor person.

In monogamous cultures, women face an entirely different problem: superior men may already be married, and they cannot approach "good" men for moral or religious reasons.So some women found a countermeasure: stealing a spouse, that is, poaching someone's love.Of course, men also cheat.

Since the emergence of duality in human beings, there have always been things that rob people of their love. The story of King David and Bathsheba told in the Bible is the earliest record of puppetry.Once King David was walking on the roof and saw Bathsheba taking a bath naked, and he fell in love with the beautiful Bathsheba.Unfortunately, Bathsheba had already been betrothed to a man named Uriah.David did not give up because of this, and being the king of a country, of course he would not give up.In the end he succeeded in seducing Bathsheba and impregnating her.Then King David orchestrated a murder.He first sent Uriah to the front to fight, then ordered his own army to retreat.Unfortunately, Uriah died in battle.The rival in love lay quietly in the tomb, and King David married Bathsheba in a legitimate way, and later gave birth to four children.

Although the phenomenon of puppetry has a long history, scientists did not start using the term "puppetry" until 1994, and scientific literature on puppetry was not published by the Bath Laboratory until 2001.The Bath Lab found that 60 percent of American men and 53 percent of American women have attempted to rob someone else's spouse, with a [-]-[-] chance of success.

Sometimes puppeteers just want to "steal".Most of the parties with this purpose are men - as many as 60% of men say they have tried to seduce another's wife, and 38% of women say that they have tried to seduce another's wife, but this number is already quite large.One woman interviewed told her story like this:
I was young at the time, and I had been secretly in love with my friend's boyfriend. Later, another friend provoked me, and she said, "I promise you don't dare to have sex with her boyfriend." I said to her, "Don't encourage me, because I dare." So, one night I went to their place and my friend wasn't there (I knew she wasn't).I had a few words with her boyfriend, and then he started touching me.He kissed me, touched me, and we had sex, in their living room.I feel great and think her boyfriend cheating on me means I'm better than her.

—Heterosexual female, 27 years old

"Poaching" is contrary to social ethics, so the number given above may be much less than the actual number, and many people said that they had been seduced, 93% of men and 82% of women said that someone had tried to separate themselves and In lovers, 87 percent of men and 94 percent of women said someone had tried to have sex with them.

Evolutionary psychologist David Schmidt came to similar results from a survey, the largest yet, involving 53 men and women in 16964 countries.Undoubtedly, rates of spouse stealing vary across cultures.In Middle Eastern countries, such as Israel, Turkey, and Lebanon, the rate of spouse theft is higher.In East Asian countries, such as Japan, South Korea, and China, the rate of spouse stealing is relatively low.But no matter what culture or country they come from, many people confess that they have tried to "poach someone".In most countries in the Middle East, due to the influence of Arab cultural traditions or Islam, women’s sexual behavior is greatly restricted, so you may think that women in these countries are unlikely to actively seduce men. In fact, about 64% of men and 54% of women admit to having an affair with someone else.Worldwide, a total of 12 percent of men and 8 percent of women said their current partner was "poached" from someone else.

The spouse-stealer often infiltrates other people's family life slowly as a trusted friend, keeps close contacts with them, and immediately enters the state of hunting when there is an opportunity to take advantage of it.Friend's wife, don't be bullied, in the end they all become friend's wives, you're welcome.This phenomenon can be explained by what scientists call "mate selection", which means that "like" attracts each other.Friends often have the same interests and similar values, and they also have the advantages of mutual appreciation.Because friends are "selective", people are more likely to fall in love with their friends' lovers.

The spouse-stealer is also good at sowing discord.Usually it is telling one party that the other is having an affair or misbehaving, or pointing out to one party the shortcomings of the other or problems in their relationship.For example, if a woman wants to seduce someone else's man, she may tell him that his woman is not good enough for him.Others try to inflate one partner with hype, such as, "She's not good enough for you" or "You could have found a better one."Pair-stealers try to mislead their prey into thinking they are too good or that they are not good enough.Some spouse-stealers are like goshawks circling in the sky and staring at their prey. When couples quarrel or have problems, they swoop down and catch their prey into the sky.

There is also an extremely deceitful method called "bait swapping".Pair-stealers who play bait and switch often start by offering "free sex" with no strings attached.This has two potential benefits for the spouse-stealer.The first is when the target male's spouse discovers his infidelity.The Bath Lab encountered such a case where a spouse-stealer intentionally left his earrings in the corner of a sofa after having sex with a target male.When the target man's wife finds the earrings, his infidelity is revealed, which can lead to the breakdown of the marriage, and the spouse-stealer can take advantage of it.The second is to turn a temporary love into a long-lasting love. Sometimes this result is secretly planned, and sometimes it is unconscious.The spouse-stealer cultivates a deep relationship with the target male intentionally or unintentionally, and over time, the target male will find that he has fallen deeply in love with the spouse-stealer.

Female stealing behavior is very secretive, because they don't want their rivals to know about their poaching behavior, otherwise they may incur revenge from others, such as causing various insults or losing the target prey forever.In this sense, mate-stealing differs from other forms of sexual competition, which are often blatant acts, such as wearing slogan clothing or sending out bold sexual signals.While women do their best to minimize the risks of spouse stealing, the strategy of poaching is inherently dangerous.

That's because Bath Labs conducted a special survey: how many people have fantasized about killing people.The findings were shocking, with the vast majority having fantasized about how to kill someone at least once — in fact, 5000 percent of the men and 91 percent of the women among the 84 participants admitted to having fantasized about killing at least once.The main cause of this murderous fantasy is sexual rivalry.

Here is a live example:
My boyfriend always talks about how stunning Kate Moss is, he adores her.Really, she's just a skinny bitch from drugs.How do you say I killed her?I was thinking of wrapping a piece of wire around her eyes, brain-dead her, and hanging her scrawny body in my closet for my boyfriend to open his eyes and see if she's that attractive.

—Heterosexual female, 20 years old

Kate Moss is unlikely to be the woman's rival, but the entertainment media's constant bombardment of celebrities with images of celebrities has had a bad effect.Studies have found that if men often watch pictures of beautiful women, they will be less emotionally invested in their lovers. If men often watch pornographic movies, they will be dissatisfied with their lover's figure and performance in bed.If a woman constantly looks at pictures of beautiful women, her self-esteem will take a hit. Chicago Tribune writer Mary Schmitch wrote in her column titled "Put on Sunscreen": "Don't look at beauty magazines, those pictures will only make you feel ugly." Although the beauties on the magazine covers will not They have really become the love rivals of most women, but they have damaged the self-esteem of most women, and made men fantasize and no longer devote themselves fully to their real partners.From this perspective, they are indeed the competitors of most women.The rivals in our inner world are both imagined and real.

revenge
Men who use sex to seduce others may of course be unsuccessful.A failed spouse-stealer is often seen as a "third party," and other women are also on high alert.Even if they can successfully "digging the wall", the spouse-stealer will often be worried, wondering whether the other party can be single-minded to him.Anyway, since you can seduce him, then of course he can be seduced by others.

One method of revenge is to seduce and have sex with the partner of the spouse-stealer.One woman interviewed spoke about having sex with her best friend's partner out of resentment because her friend had seduced her husband:
My husband had an affair with my best friend so I secretly dated her husband for [-] months and I didn't feel guilty at all.

—Heterosexual female, 44 years old

I had a relationship with my ex-boyfriend, I know he still has feelings for me, but I don't have any nostalgia for him anymore.Before, he was the one who cheated on my best friend first, so I wanted revenge on both of them.

—Heterosexual female, 22 years old

Women also take revenge on their partners by having sex with others, blaming their partners for all their mistakes instead of blaming a third party:
He had an affair once, so I figured if I went out and fucked once, then we'd be even.I was hanging out with my friends one night and I happened to bump into a guy friend from middle school and we had a relationship.He never found out about my infidelity, but I felt relieved.

—Heterosexual female, 34 years old

Some women are especially keen on this way of revenge:

My ex-boyfriend is a jerk.After the breakup, I slept with his friend.I was happy and enjoying it because I knew it would make him hop.

—Heterosexual female, 22 years old

A few years ago, my husband had an affair.I had just had my daughter and I was so bloated that I felt worthless.I lost weight in just six months and secretly dated his best friend, who told him to cheat on me.

—Heterosexual female, 27 years old

Driven by the psychology of revenge, many women choose to have sex with their ex-boyfriend's best friend. This high frequency shows that revenge can bring great pleasure to people-this also gives opportunities for spouse-stealing.There are many forms of sexual competition, such as competing with other women for good men, trying to keep the lover around, being hostile to beauties in film and television media, guarding against insidious intruders, and so on.The phenomenon of sexual rivalry has a long history, so over the course of evolution, women have developed powerful self-defense systems.One such method of self-defense manifests itself in a dreadful human state of mind—jealousy—the topic of the next chapter.

(End of this chapter)